Affectionate father

[jenreg]

I was wondering if anyone can answer the appropriateness (sp) of a Dad lying on sofa watching television or sitting and having his 19 or 21 year old daughter lie down or snuggle next to him There is nothing strange going on between them (there are 2 different daughters in question )…just wondering if it is ok

 

[Rach620]

I’m 21 and I don’t lie down or snuggle with my father. I actually can’t imagine doing that. We’re affectionate and he will hug me or kiss me on my cheek or forehead, put his arm around the back of the sofa if I’m sitting next to him, etc.

I’m not sure if this situation is inappropriate…but it does seem to be a bit past the age when that sort of affection is typically expressed. I know that I personally would not be comfortable with it.

 

[Em_in_FL]

I loved having an affectionate dad… lazy weekends when I was home from college, sitting on the couch enjoying TV together… I enjoy being “daddy’s little girl” at any age. I miss that sometimes!

Heck, it’s not even just for daughters… DH was very affectionate with his dad even into his 20s… (FIL passed away when DH was in his mid 20s… I never met him )

Pure fatherly love is never worth questioning! It’s healthy to have a loving relationship… good for daughters and sons!

 

[Paul2274]

Stay-at-Home Catholic Dad of 3…is me! (and proud to be)

Pure fatherly love is never worth questioning! It’s healthy to have a loving relationship… good for daughters and sons!

I have 3 great Catholic kids, 2 sons (16 and 10) and my “Little Daddy’d girl” who is 4.

I have always been affectionate with them. Laying on the floor watching TV, holding hands while we walk, a group hug in the middle of the kitchen (we call it “squishies”) or a hug and a kiss out of the blue or at bedtime, and it’s nice to hear “I Love You” out of the blue sometimes. If you show affection to your children
(correct parential affection that is) I seriously think they will be less likely to want to seek out the other kind of affection with a boyfriend or girlfriend later in their teen years.
Now my odest and I are still affectionate to each other (not like he was younger) but he still kisses us goodnight and gives us those “squishies”. He has girls that are friends but not like a girlfriend.

Now when my daughter gets to 19 or 21 like the OP is talking about I would feel a little strange to be laying on the sofa together.
Sitting next to each other, her head on my shoulder, or even holding hands… but not laying next to each other on the sofa.

That must be a pretty big sofa… otherwise they are laying was too close to each other.

Love each other and hold your kids close.

Paul

 

[Evelyn14]

I was wondering if anyone can answer the appropriateness (sp) of a Dad lying on sofa watching television or sitting and having his 19 or 21 year old daughter lie down or snuggle next to him There is nothing strange going on between them (there are 2 different daughters in question )…just wondering if it is ok

I’m a 52 year old woman. I find it extremely odd when I see an adult girl sitting or lying down next to her dad. There probably isn’t anything going on between them, but again, looks awfully strange and embarassing for both of them.

 

[mariam1976]

thanks for posting this…

i used to feel that i was the only one who felt weird about this…

 

[sanctamaria17]

I’m almost nineteen and I would feel very odd about doing that with my dad. To me, it’s one thing when you’re a kid but once you hit teen years, it looks borderline inappropriate.

 

[Lillith]

Interesting topic…I wouldn’t be surprised if you get pages and pages of responses!

I felt weird around my father after developing and menstrating…almost instinctively. I had trouble even hugging…

BUT…my eighteen year old still enjoys sitting right next to her dad…while the fourteen yr. old is more like I was.

Maybe it’s personalities…the 14yr old is self conscience while the 18yr. old is open and feels really secure.

 

[CarrieH]

I’m all for affection between parent and child, even older children, but I must say, that would creep me out! Once a child approaches puberty, snuggling with the opposite-sex parent while lying down is inappropriate, IMO. It’s one thing to sit together in a close, affectionate manner, but the full-body-contact is questionable, to say the least. It’s a wonder that the girls stand for this – most kids I know reached the early teen years, and it was “eeeuwww, don’t touch me” for anything more than a quick hug.

 

[Lucania]

I was wondering if anyone can answer the appropriateness (sp) of a Dad lying on sofa watching television or sitting and having his 19 or 21 year old daughter lie down or snuggle next to him There is nothing strange going on between them (there are 2 different daughters in question )…just wondering if it is ok

I am 52 years old. Our 27 year old married DD came over last night after work. She was tired, & after talking to us (her Father & I) about the day’s events she promptly curled up on her Father’s lap in his recliner. We are a very close family & have never held back on showing affection. She is libel to lay on the couch with either her Father or I on any given occasion. It’s always been that way & I actually never gave it a second thought because it is natural for us. She will always be" our little girl’ &" Daddy’s little girl" no matter what age! My Dear Father died when I was almost 12. I was his “Princess.” What I wouldn’t do to be able to sit on his lap and snuggle, a place where I always felt safe, secure & loved. I find it very weird that some find it inappropriate. Affection does not always equal sexual .

 

[jenreg]

thanks for all your answers…I hope I didn’t make it sound like they are actually having “full body contact” if they lay on the couch…it is more like he is lying down and one of the girls may be half sitting, lying close to him…he may even be dead asleep…I think they just like to be close…the whole family is affectionate…with the exception at times of the 17 year old twin boys and their little sister…She bugs them and they get as far away from her as they can! All in all, from the variety of answers, I would have to say they are just a loving happy group…thanks to all of you again…

 

[smallcat]

Really? You guys think this behavior is odd?

I was very snuggly with my dad until my mid-20s, when he died. I wouldn’t sit in his lap and read a book or anything, but if I came home from work and he was sitting in his recliner, I’d often sit briefly on his lap, give him a kiss on the cheek and a hug, then get up. In the evenings, if we were in the living room watching a movie and we happened to be next to each other on the floor, I’d often put my head on a pillow in his lap or put my head on his shoulder. This was very natural in our family, nothing weird going on whatsoever.

Maybe this is a cultural thing. My father is Greek, very mediterranean and very affectionate. In his culture, adults (men and women) kiss on the cheek when greeting instead of shaking hands. It’s not unusual for two men or two women (friends) to walk hand-in-hand in public. Physical affection is very natural and expected.

 

[CarrieH]

Really? You guys think this behavior is odd?

I was very snuggly with my dad until my mid-20s, when he died. I wouldn’t sit in his lap and read a book or anything, but if I came home from work and he was sitting in his recliner, I’d often sit briefly on his lap, give him a kiss on the cheek and a hug, then get up. In the evenings, if we were in the living room watching a movie and we happened to be next to each other on the floor, I’d often put my head on a pillow in his lap or put my head on his shoulder. This was very natural in our family, nothing weird going on whatsoever.

Maybe this is a cultural thing. My father is Greek, very mediterranean and very affectionate. In his culture, adults (men and women) kiss on the cheek when greeting instead of shaking hands. It’s not unusual for two men or two women (friends) to walk hand-in-hand in public. Physical affection is very natural and expected.

I think the cultural aspect has a lot to do with it. I come from mostly British and German ancestry, and neither side of the family was at all “touchy-feely.” To people of other cultures, we would probably be perceived as being cold and stand-offish. We aren’t, at all; we are simply more reserved about showing physical affection.

The kind of things you described above aren’t creepy to me, but from what the OP described, it sounded more like they were snuggling together spoon-style on the sofa or something. That would be inappropriate to my sensibilities. I’m glad this was clarified in a later post!

 

[sanctamaria17]

My father’s Italian and I’m naturally very physical affectionate (within reason). My family always hugs, kisses, and such. I’m the same way with my girl friends and even one of my guy friends (but he’s Italian too, so it’s very cultural). I have no problem with physical affection. Of course, I confine it to people I care about.

However, I wouldn’t lie down next to my dad on the couch. That’s a little too close for my personal comfort. What the OP later clarified doesn’t sound wrong, but for me, now that I’m older, it’s just not as natural for me to snuggle with people.

 

[mom4truth]

IMHO, I don’t think it’s appropriate for a daughter to be lying down with her dad on the sofa. I think it’s inappropriate at that age. Maybe in other cultures…perhaps…but not our culture. I think there’s a fine line between parental affection for their children and vice versa and sexual attraction, especially at this age. The attraction would probably be subconscious - not even something they’re thinking about. But, why even cross that line?

 

[Lucania]

IMHO, I don’t think it’s appropriate for a daughter to be lying down with her dad on the sofa. I think it’s inappropriate at that age. Maybe in other cultures…perhaps…but not our culture. I think there’s a fine line between parental affection for their children and vice versa and sexual attraction, especially at this age. The attraction would probably be subconscious - not even something they’re thinking about. But, why even cross that line?

“I think there is a fine line between parental affection for their children and vice versa and sexual attraction, especially at this age.” That is the most ridiculous thing I think I’ve ever heard in my life. You have just put all Men/Fathers in the category of perverse sickos. Lovely . And what does “our culture” mean? Another generalization?

 

[hasikelee]

I would observe the entire family unit. Is this level of affection normal for all members of the family? If so, then it would be normal, consistent behavior. If not, then perhaps suspicion is warranted.

Besides personality and cultures, another thing to take into account is life situation. An elderly family member, a sick family member, stress, death…these things could cause someone to be more affectionate.

There have been times where I would see or hear about something terrible happening, such as driving home from work and seeing a terrible accident…I would go straight to my parents house and give everyone extra hugs.

 

[bcuster]

Go with what Paul2274 is saying. As daughters get older there need to be different boundaries. The same is true for mothers and sons. There is a difference between affection and what you described. I am speaking as a daughter, a mother, and a child and family therapist.

 

[ArdenB]

I don’t think it’s weird at all for a 21 MONTH old daughter to cuddle with her father on the couch, but I’m amost 21 years old now, and I’d feel weird cuddling with my father.

Since culture has been mentioned, I’m curious where the French are considered to be on the affectionate scale compared to the Brits, Germans, Greeks, and Italians. I’ve never really thought about how much ethnic background would play into something like this before.

 

[lostinthedark]

Sorry, just skimmed through the boards. But I think I read somewhere someone saying it’s a cultural thing.

I think it is. I don’t really do it anymore, because I don’t see my father that often due to work and whatnot, but I used to lay down in the couch or bed and watch TV, with his arm around me. Not just me, he has several daughters, and we’re all like that. Also, as is tradition, we also kiss our father on the lips too. I think it’s just cultural.

Personally, I think it should depend on the persons. If someone doesn’t feel right about it, even if the other’s fine with it, then no. But otherwise, I think it’s fine, and very sweet. =)