Afraid to ask for help

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Babinicz

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In short words: I am afraid to go to therapist/spiritual director to ask for help for my mental problems(?) because I think my parent wouldnt understand me. Its very hard for me to put up with these things. I have obsessive mind so basically intrusive thoughts are normal. I think that it has been happening for so long that my mind is used to them and tricks himself by deliberately repeating thoughts.
I could manage to go to school therapist. Education system is different in Poland so I start classes for example 9:30 am on Mondays. I could have some talk before lessons or stay a bit after them so my parents wouldnt suspect anything. But coming home late would force me to explain why I am late. Ehhh… But going to meet spiritual director involves going outside so I would be asked why I am going outside so frequently last time(I usually stay at home all day). My parents wouldnt understand me as I wish they should. Overall I am rather dependent on my mother, she has been taking care of me since Ive had diabetes; my dad is working and he generally doesnt involve as much as my mum. Their first reaction would be that I am bullied in school(my overall condition and previous situations caused that). If I mentioned mental problems, they would probably say that I am too shy and play too much games so they cause my problems. If I mentioned self abuse and porn, I dont know, but they would probably be shocked and maybe shout at me or disbelieve my words? They are with me since I was born and yet I dont know how they react on such things. Thats why I am afraid to ask for help. I personally dont know if I need a therapist. The puberty is too much for me. I have a female friend and she tells me her problems too and then I am afraid that it may involve into something more. You know I would be generally afraid if I meet any girl and then it would come to responsibility for the future. I think in a childish way yet. Any advice?
 
Why not join some after-school clubs and start to get out? Then not being home will not be so odd.

It sounds like you have isolated yourself quite a bit so your parents would likely be happy if you participate with people a bit more.
 
The problem is that arent suitable for me. I dont like drawing, singing, acting. Sports classes arent for me. Im not good at them, rather not good physique and overall better, athelete ones attend then, so I dont want to be the weak spot.
Yes, I isolated myself. Rarely have I gone out, there were holidays that I didnt meet any mates from school and so on.
 
You have to start somewhere.
You don’t have to like acting, but you could help with production.
You don’t have to sing, but you could be the choir librarian.
You don’t have to be on the debate team, but you could man the timer.

Lots to do. Ask a teach who knows you well to recommend something suitable.

Isolating yourself will lead to many problems later in life, and likely now as well.
Confide in your parents. Tell them you want to get involved in something. You can grow a small garden of vegetables for the hungry Lots to do in the Vineyard of the Lord.
 
Babinicz said:
The problem is that arent suitable for me. I dont like drawing, singing, acting. Sports classes arent for me. Im not good at them, rather not good physique and overall better, athelete ones attend then, so I dont want to be the weak spot.
Yes, I isolated myself. Rarely have I gone out, there were holidays that I didnt meet any mates from school and so on.
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The other post is right. You need to start somewhere. Most middle schools and high schools don’t have an “everyone plays” rule, and many non-ranked schools do not have team size limits. Not sure how it is in Poland.

School plays need many behind the scenes people. You like video games…why not learn about the lights and electronics?

You are under the impression you need to be good to do something. With the exception of “ranked” activities like upper level sports, chess, quiz…thats not really true.
 
I you have access to a counselor at school, definitely schedule a few appointments to explore whether therapy would be helpful. They may even help you communicate you mental health needs to your parents.
 
Games are just entertainment, nothing more. Or filling the time.
Recently I am intersted in electricity. Even thought that I would work in this branch. But its still much learning and practising.

Yes I am under expression of that. But its usually true. If you do badly or you fail to do something, others would rather take you off or if not, you will feel badly because you dont do well.
 
Babinicz said:
Games are just entertainment, nothing more. Or filling the time.
Recently I am intersted in electricity. Even thought that I would work in this branch. But its still much learning and practising.

Yes I am under expression of that. But its usually true. If you do badly or you fail to do something, others would rather take you off or if not, you will feel badly because you dont do well.
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You are throwing out excuse after excuse.

Stop.

You are in high school—not PhD center. Not knowing things is to be expected. If your fellow students get frustrated you need to have a thick enough skin to trust the adults in charge.
 
Highschool is a time for learning.

You are saying that you do not want to participate because you do not know.

That is silly.

You are simply making excuses for not doing something.

For instance, you mentioned drawing. Is a club around drawing really going to some crazy competitions? Most likely you can simply enjoy. Perhaps you will learn something.

With something like theater. Yes, maybe you will mess up when learning how to run the lights and sound. Maybe your peers will be upset when you mess up. But that is not the end of the world. Clubs have adults who help out. You can trust them to tell you if you are really doing a bad job or if your peers are being teenagers with not much patience.

You are convinced that you have nothing to offer. This is very arrogant and what we in America would call “special snowflake” Even if you have no amazing talents you can make up for that by working hard. Mistakes happen. Pick something and try it for a few months. Stop feeling bad for yourself.
 
Actually I am only good at studying. I have no problem with remembering new things in school. This is easy for me.

Okay, but the main point is that I am afraid to go to therapist because my parents wouldnt understand my problems.
 
Babinicz said:
Actually I am only good at studying. I have no problem with remembering new things in school. This is easy for me.

Okay, but the main point is that I am afraid to go to therapist because my parents wouldnt understand my problems.
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Chances are they would, but I will give you the benefit of the doubt because many older people were raised to not get outside help.

You stated your problem was that you wanted help but cannot get it because your parents have grown accustomed to you not doing anything. It sounds like they don’t like it, either.

You might not see it but you are putting yourself in this situation.

If you took the time to join just one club you would have a reason to be out of the house.

You would be doing something that pleased your parents.

You might get to know your peers and feel less isolated.

You could easily find someone to talk to.

However, you keep putting yourself into the same useless circle.

“I can’t get help”
why?
“I’m too isolated”
why?
“I don’t do anything besides school and video games”
join a club
“I won’t be smart enough”
get help on studies
“I’m a good student”
ok then, get help
“but I can’t, I don’t think my parents would undersand and they would notice if I’m not home”
join a club then

etc, etc

You can solve this problem. It just depends how much you want to.

Right now, it seems like it’s not at all.
 
Maybe its true…Im afraid to try something new, do on my own. I wasnt perfect son but my parents often did chores and things for me so I was treated not to tire myself
 
Babinicz said:
Maybe its true…Im afraid to try something new, do on my own. I wasnt perfect son but my parents often did chores and things for me so I was treated not to tire myself
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GREAT!

You are recognizing that perhaps your parents have done too much in the past. That perhaps you are a bit less independent that you really should be at your age.

That is a good first step.

Can you wash your own laundry? Can you cook your family food? Does your family have pets? Can you take over caring for them? Take an elderly neighbor’s dog for a walk for free? How can you start being more responsible?
 
We dont have pets so I think it would be hard to take a dog for a walk. I simply dont how to treat with animals.
The same with children- I wouldnt take care of child because I have zero knowledge and this may be even irresponsible.
 
Babinicz said:
We dont have pets so I think it would be hard to take a dog for a walk. I simply dont how to treat with animals.
The same with children- I wouldnt take care of child because I have zero knowledge and this may be even irresponsible.
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I didn’t extend to saying you should watch children for a reason. 😜 They are hard work!

It’s ok if animals aren’t your thing.

Perhaps try cooking. Ask your mom to show you how to cook. Watch some cooking shows. Little children become good chefs on Master Chef Jr. If a 7yo can cook a fancy dinner, you can learn to make a simple one.
 
Yes I watch some cooking shows, but for entertainement only. They prepare advanced meals and we dont eat that sophisticated ones.
I could prepare scrambled eggs but yet it is too dry. Too much time on a pan. But then I worry if I dont fry them too well and eat a bit raw eggs. So I keep it too long and it becomes dry.
 
You are missing the point. You need to find something to do other than wallow. Find something you want to do. Or heck, something you don’t absolutely hate . Just do SOMETHING.
 
Babinicz said:
So then it may help to open myself?
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Not sure it’s translating well, but yes.

In order to help yourself, you need to find something to do.

It is not required that you like doing it.

It is not required that you are good at doing it.

It is not required that you will do it forever.

You just need to pick something to take up 3-10 hours in your week and do it.
 
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