Afraid to move forward, but can't stay here

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terri_fortner

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Yesterday was the last straw for me. As long as my Baptist preacher wasn’t teaching anything that was completely contradictory to the Church’s teachings then I could still go there and not take any steps to changing that, and be perfectly okay with it.

Let me back up… I am not Catholic, but the more I research the more I think I am, and just didn’t want to admit it. It all started when I picked up Surprised by Truth 3. My sister told me she was considering conversion and I wanted to be supportive so I read it. BAD IDEA! Its like we were discussing the other day. You can’t unlearn something. I have not been following my faith for very long although I was baptisted when I was 14, and I hadn’t found a home church yet at that point. I am reading the bible as much as I can and reading books about Catholicism, and I am remembering when I would go to Mass every Sunday with my neighbor who’s mom made her go back when I was a teenager. I have only attended Mass once since I started feeling like this is the True path and I cried durring communion because I felt like I was really missing something, Okay my sister didn’t know that but she will later when she reads this.:o

Back to my story… The preacher was going on and on about building more and more churches and having it be a big community and I was sitting there freaking out thinking, "HELLO! this is what the Catholic Church has been doing since they were told to do it in Acts (which was his supporting evidence for this theory). :rolleyes: Then I was looking around to see if I was the only one thinking this. Then right at the close of the sermon he used Matthew 16:18 for his close, and proceeded to tell us that Jesus was pointing to Himself saying He was the Rock that the church was supposed to be built on.:eek: By then I was really going nuts… inside my head. I was runing a million things through it at once, and then there was a song, and then offering and then ice cream to celebrate the Church’s Anniversary. I left immediately after the offering I was really wanting to get home to look into this idea further. But the more I thought about it the more absurd the idea became. How did he know what body language Jesus used? This encounter wasn’t written down as it was happenning and Jesus spoke Aramaic, not Greek; so what if the writer used two different forms of the word to record the event(actually writting it down).

So this brings me to my problem. I live in the south, Heart of the Bible Belt, Stones throw from good ole Billy G. Catholics are pretty much hated here. I am afraid of what my family back home will say, they are all Old Regular Baptists. And I am really afraid to die to myself completely. I have already done this a great deal just because of life’s circumstances, but there are things I am not "ready to give up. I am afraid to go to Church, I am afraid that I will get “caught” going to Mass and not being Catholic. I am also afraid that God is going to be disappointed, or worse, angry with me because I haven’t followed where He is leading me.

There are alot of other problems… Like I am in my second marriage, and so is my husband. He is sort of “on the fence” about this religion issue (he is barely convinced there is a God and the Jesus was His son sent to save us all), and I have children form my first marriage, and a pregnancy at this time from this marriage.

So that should get you all started on my spirituality… What do you think… :confused:
 
terri_fortner said:
So this brings me to my problem. I live in the south, Heart of the Bible Belt, Stones throw from good ole Billy G. Catholics are pretty much hated here. I am afraid of what my family back home will say, they are all Old Regular Baptists. And I am really afraid to die to myself completely. I have already done this a great deal just because of life’s circumstances, but there are things I am not "ready to give up. I am afraid to go to Church, I am afraid that I will get “caught” going to Mass and not being Catholic. I am also afraid that God is going to be disappointed, or worse, angry with me because I haven’t followed where He is leading me.
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Hi Terri, not sure what you mean by “die to myself”, but I’ll answer the question that follows it. Anyone and everyone is welcome to go to Mass, Catholic or not. The only thing you should not do is actually go to communion, that’s reserved for those fully in communion with the Catholic Church i.e. "Catholics 🙂
Except for communion, just try to follow what everyone else is doing, and you’ll blend right in.

Don’t worry about “getting caught” - at least by the Catholics. We Catholics are notorious for more or less ignoring other “new” people in the congregation, perhaps because there are usually a lot of out-of-towners at mass fulfilling their weekly obligation.

Also…look how long it took Jesus to lead his apostles to where he wanted them to go. And they had the benefit of hearing Jesus directly 24/7. Take it in small steps if you need to.

And remember what Jesus said about being hated - “Blessed are you when men hate you, and when they exclude you and revile you and cast out your name as evil on account of the Son of man. Rejoice…and leap for joy, for behold, your reward is great in heaven…”
 
terri_fortner said:
Yesterday was the last straw for me. As long as my Baptist preacher wasn’t teaching anything that was completely contradictory to the Church’s teachings then I could still go there and not take any steps to changing that, and be perfectly okay with it.

Let me back up… I am not Catholic, but the more I research the more I think I am, and just didn’t want to admit it. It all started when I picked up Surprised by Truth 3. My sister told me she was considering conversion and I wanted to be supportive so I read it. BAD IDEA! Its like we were discussing the other day. You can’t unlearn something. I have not been following my faith for very long although I was baptisted when I was 14, and I hadn’t found a home church yet at that point. I am reading the bible as much as I can and reading books about Catholicism, and I am remembering when I would go to Mass every Sunday with my neighbor who’s mom made her go back when I was a teenager. I have only attended Mass once since I started feeling like this is the True path and I cried durring communion because I felt like I was really missing something, Okay my sister didn’t know that but she will later when she reads this.:o

Back to my story… The preacher was going on and on about building more and more churches and having it be a big community and I was sitting there freaking out thinking, "HELLO! this is what the Catholic Church has been doing since they were told to do it in Acts (which was his supporting evidence for this theory). :rolleyes: Then I was looking around to see if I was the only one thinking this. Then right at the close of the sermon he used Matthew 16:18 for his close, and proceeded to tell us that Jesus was pointing to Himself saying He was the Rock that the church was supposed to be built on.:eek: By then I was really going nuts… inside my head. I was runing a million things through it at once, and then there was a song, and then offering and then ice cream to celebrate the Church’s Anniversary. I left immediately after the offering I was really wanting to get home to look into this idea further. But the more I thought about it the more absurd the idea became. How did he know what body language Jesus used? This encounter wasn’t written down as it was happenning and Jesus spoke Aramaic, not Greek; so what if the writer used two different forms of the word to record the event(actually writting it down).

So this brings me to my problem. I live in the south, Heart of the Bible Belt, Stones throw from good ole Billy G. Catholics are pretty much hated here. I am afraid of what my family back home will say, they are all Old Regular Baptists. And I am really afraid to die to myself completely. I have already done this a great deal just because of life’s circumstances, but there are things I am not "ready to give up. I am afraid to go to Church, I am afraid that I will get “caught” going to Mass and not being Catholic. I am also afraid that God is going to be disappointed, or worse, angry with me because I haven’t followed where He is leading me.

There are alot of other problems… Like I am in my second marriage, and so is my husband. He is sort of “on the fence” about this religion issue (he is barely convinced there is a God and the Jesus was His son sent to save us all), and I have children form my first marriage, and a pregnancy at this time from this marriage.

So that should get you all started on my spirituality… What do you think… :confused:
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…well believing you are sincere in what you say…go for it!.Peer pressure is a tough hill to face…but ones conscience is a harser challenge. When I was a kid…smoking was in because of hollyweird…as was drinking and swearing…I did neither…but I have also outlived most of those who did! The last line in my teen creed reads Don’t let the crowd pressure you, stand for something or you’ll fall for anything! Respect is better then being ‘liked’ . Years ago I was one of those terrible right wing kooks who warned of enless no win wars, inflation,a world gov.crowd, etc etc…I was hated, mocked and lampooned in the local media…now its all coming true…if you believe that the RCC may well be Gods one true church…then quietly investigate it and do what your conscience dictates…I will pray that you decide correctly…all the best…NIno
 
I was baptized as an infant into the Catholic Church. It protected me when I needed it most. The Church and the body of Christ are one and hell won’t overcome it. Tim
 
Have you looked into the Coming Home network?

I think it’s chnetwork.org (ch stands for coming home)

It is dedicated to helping people who are considering conversion.

The founder, Marcus Grodi, an ex-Presbyterian minister, also has a weekly show on EWTN called The Journey Home. Where I live, in the southeast, it comes on Mondays at 7pm central time.

check out the site. I’m sure you will find many just like you who have questions and are trying to work through it.

🙂
 
You have a couple of issues here that I will try to address. First being afraid to completely die to self. I personally think this is something we grow with. Each day, each week, each year, we more and more die to our selves as we follow Jesus. There will always be a part that we hold back. At least that is my experience and I quite understand where you are, because this is something that bothers me a lot too. Everytime I think I have given my all, I find some other area of my life that I have not turned over to Him, some bit of my self that I have not been willing to give up. We are at heart selfish creatures so this is particularly difficult for us. The seemingly paradoxical statement of “Lose your self in Me and you will find your self” says it all. The problem is many of us fear to lose our ‘selves’ in the first place, which makes it difficult to find our true selves in Jesus. Don’t lose heart. This is an ongoing transformation that will culminate when we die physically and meet Jesus in the life to come. God knows your heart and will give you all the graces you need to transform your self according to His Will. Trust Him.

Next, do not be afraid to go to Mass. You will not be ‘caught out’. No one stands at the door asking for ID cards proving that you are a) a Catholic or b) a member of the parish. During the school holidays, when families take vacations, we have a lot of out-of-towners come to Mass. We don’t know them, but we accept them as part of our family. This is one of the things I really love about the Catholic Church. Although I usually attend my parish church, it doesn’t matter which parish I attend, so long as I do attend. It is the same Mass, the same readings, the same Eucharist in every Catholic church all over the world. Please feel welcome to the Mass. I look forward to the day when you can join us fully and participate in the Sacraments. In the meantime, Jesus is there, physically real, in the Eucharist. He resides in the Tabernacle when Mass is not being celebrated. Please feel free to come anytime to pray in the Presence of the Lord. He absolutely loves it when people come to visit Him. Sometimes, those times of quiet prayer in the presence of the Blessed Sacrament can be the most fruitful, spiritually.

Perhaps your fear of being ‘caught’ going to a Catholic Church is fear of your Baptist family catching you out. I can see this as a very real fear. As a convert whose mother was Baptist (I won’t use ‘backslid’ because she retained her faith, she just didn’t go to church anymore) and father a lapsed Catholic - you know - one of those who hates the Church, I encountered some of what you fear here. I knew my mom would not be happy about it. All my life I had heard about those ‘damned Catholics’ and here I was, about to become one. I was most surprised to find the greater opposition from my father, who had left the Church as a teenager. Approval from family is one of our most important desires. We fear that if they don’t approve they may cast us out because they don’t accept the path we have chosen. We love them and don’t want separation. I pray that they accept your quest for the Truth.

Due to your marital status, there may be difficulties in finally receiving the Sacraments. This is something that can be worked out and is not a permanent impediment. I recommend going to see the priest of your closest parish to discuss the whole thing - conversion, marriage, sacraments, fear.

Which brings me to the last point, being afraid God will be angry with you. Go back and read the story of the Prodigal Son. See how the father receives his son back with joy. All the time his son was away, living a life of drunkeness and debauchery, definiately not doing his father’s will, the father was waiting at home, hoping and praying for his son’s return. Even though this son had turned his back on his father and wasted his inheritance, the father welcomed him home, and indeed was so overjoyed to have him back that he slaughtered the fatted calf and had a feast. God loves us, even when we are disobeying Him. He feels sorrow at our distance from Him, at our inability to follow Him as He asks. When we turn back to Him, He is overjoyed and welcomes us with open arms.

Just keep praying for the perseverence to see this through. It took me 2 years from when I asked for baptism to finally be accepted into the Church. At the time, I thought this was forever. Now, I would endure any length of time, so long as at the end of it, I could receive the Sacraments.
 
Terri, first of all, praise God that He is calling you to His true Church!!

I was raised as a Southern Baptist, and my whole family is either Baptist or agnostic, so I certainly understand your fears regarding how your family will react. To tell you the truth, they probably won’t take it well, and it won’t be easy. I don’t really have any advice for you other than to just trust God to bring you through it. Just keep reading about the Catholic faith, and go to Mass as often as possible. I attended Mass for 2 years before I officially converted, and not one Catholic ever looked down on me for it. My family is still not happy about my conversion, but they have become much more accepting of it. All you can do is just let go of your fears and let God work in you. If you have any specific questions in regards to converting from the Baptist faith (or anything else :)) feel free to PM me and I will be glad to help any way that I can! 😃
 
I want to encourage you to go to mass. You will be fine. I’ve been going for about a month and will enroll in RCIA in the fall (the process of being received into the church for adults)

I still feel like I stick out at times, I having to read the creeds from the missal, not taking communion etc…, but I don’t. Each Sunday the mass has been a blessing.

I live in the south, and I have other family that have converted to the Catholic faith that live in the deep South (Alabama). By joining RCIA you will find people who are taking the same path as you and who will provide support for you and encourage you.
 
It’s worth it all. To find the pearl of great price buried in that field.

Don’t put down the shovel. Keep digging.
 
terri_fortner said:
Yesterday was the last straw for me. As long as my Baptist preacher wasn’t teaching anything that was completely contradictory to the Church’s teachings then I could still go there and not take any steps to changing that, and be perfectly okay with it.

Let me back up… I am not Catholic, but the more I research the more I think I am, and just didn’t want to admit it. It all started when I picked up Surprised by Truth 3. My sister told me she was considering conversion and I wanted to be supportive so I read it. BAD IDEA! Its like we were discussing the other day. You can’t unlearn something. I have not been following my faith for very long although I was baptisted when I was 14, and I hadn’t found a home church yet at that point. I am reading the bible as much as I can and reading books about Catholicism, and I am remembering when I would go to Mass every Sunday with my neighbor who’s mom made her go back when I was a teenager. I have only attended Mass once since I started feeling like this is the True path and I cried durring communion because I felt like I was really missing something, Okay my sister didn’t know that but she will later when she reads this.:o

Back to my story… The preacher was going on and on about building more and more churches and having it be a big community and I was sitting there freaking out thinking, "HELLO! this is what the Catholic Church has been doing since they were told to do it in Acts (which was his supporting evidence for this theory). :rolleyes: Then I was looking around to see if I was the only one thinking this. Then right at the close of the sermon he used Matthew 16:18 for his close, and proceeded to tell us that Jesus was pointing to Himself saying He was the Rock that the church was supposed to be built on.:eek: By then I was really going nuts… inside my head. I was runing a million things through it at once, and then there was a song, and then offering and then ice cream to celebrate the Church’s Anniversary. I left immediately after the offering I was really wanting to get home to look into this idea further. But the more I thought about it the more absurd the idea became. How did he know what body language Jesus used? This encounter wasn’t written down as it was happenning and Jesus spoke Aramaic, not Greek; so what if the writer used two different forms of the word to record the event(actually writting it down).

So this brings me to my problem. I live in the south, Heart of the Bible Belt, Stones throw from good ole Billy G. Catholics are pretty much hated here. I am afraid of what my family back home will say, they are all Old Regular Baptists. And I am really afraid to die to myself completely. I have already done this a great deal just because of life’s circumstances, but there are things I am not "ready to give up. I am afraid to go to Church, I am afraid that I will get “caught” going to Mass and not being Catholic. I am also afraid that God is going to be disappointed, or worse, angry with me because I haven’t followed where He is leading me.

There are alot of other problems… Like I am in my second marriage, and so is my husband. He is sort of “on the fence” about this religion issue (he is barely convinced there is a God and the Jesus was His son sent to save us all), and I have children form my first marriage, and a pregnancy at this time from this marriage.

So that should get you all started on my spirituality… What do you think… :confused:
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Sounds like the fun is just beginning! God love ya! :hug3:
 
Dear Terri,

God bless you and Mary keep you!
I include people like you in my rosary devotion frequently, so finding this thread is like confirmation you are one of the Ones the prayers are helping.

The Coming Home Network web site is:
chnetwork.org/

On The Journey Home show there was recently (in June) a roundtable discussion of 3 former Baptists, but I’m afraid I don’t know the air date of that show.

ewtn.com/vondemand/audio/SeriesSearchprog.asp?SeriesID=-6892289&NewLis%20t=&T1=journey

Check out # 12 with guests Fr. Gray Bean, David Currie and Steve Ray. . Steve Ray is a former Baptist, as I recall (perhaps incorrectly). I’ve heard him several times on Relevant Radio, and he is very good.

Also, you might check out EWTN radio web site
ewtn.com/
There are 2 shows which you might consider calling in to for help. One is Open Line at 2:00 CT. The other is Catholic Answers. See the schedule at the web site. You can listen via the internet.

I just love conversion stories; I’m sure yours will be one of the best! Remember, there is no loving Jesus without some sacrifice. I hope you will be “swimming the Tiber” soon! God Bless!

Mimi
Cradle Catholic of DH who converted in '05
 
I don’t have anything to add, you have already gotten some excellent advice. I’ll pray for you, though!
 
ricmat said:
Hi Terri, not sure what you mean by “die to myself”, but I’ll answer the question that follows it./QUOTE]

I think someone already answered this for me, but I wanted to get back to you all… Thank you so much for your encouraging words, especially the woman from KY who’s family is So. Baptist… That is where I was born,KY mtns. and that is where most of my family still lives, (the two uncles who are preachers, and the one cousin who is a preacher, and the rest of the family who are Elders in the church).

To die to myslef I mean to give in to what He wants rather than what I want. For instance, this afternoon on my way to class I was discussing my fear of my husband not wanting to be Catholic, and not being able to share my faith with my children because of possable objections from either my first husband, or my new husband, or both… And the big one, what if I follow Him and He says, “No, wait, your marriage isn’t valid.” What am I going to do then? Letting go of these things and just going with what he is pulling me towards is what I meant by this statement.

Funny thing is though it is even smaller things, like not wanting to give up birth control, and not being totally honest with people because lying to them would be simpler, and less abrasive.

They have Mass everyday at the local Parish, I went with my sister once when she was in town visiting, and it is really early in the morning… But I will go on Thursady Morning. There now If anyone will hold me too it that would be great:D 👋
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I am counting on you to go, and holding you to it.

Lord, there is nothing you and I can’t handle together.
 
Learn all about both types of Christianity, learn Catholic history, doctrines, and customs, as well as any Baptist ones you dont know,and do not be biased,and forget about what others think, and forget about your famillys religion, and then just ask yourself…

Do you believe in the teachings of Born Again Christians, or do you believe in the teachings of Roman Catholichism?

Which do you agree with and which makes more sense to you?

Do you agree that you would have stayed in the church in the Middle Ages, and chosen that way of making it better, or do you agree that you would have left and become Protestant?Even if you would have left, do you think that now that the Pope is better and abuses are gone, you would love to folllow him?(this is the most difficult one)

If you believe most in Roman Catholichism, and think you would have stayed in the Church and gotton a better Pope, and really want to be Catholic, then convert, and if you don’t, don’t.Do not be influenced by your familly.Just trust God.
 
Little_Mary said:
Have you looked into the Coming Home network?

I think it’s chnetwork.org (ch stands for coming home)

It is dedicated to helping people who are considering conversion.

The founder, Marcus Grodi, an ex-Presbyterian minister, also has a weekly show on EWTN called The Journey Home. Where I live, in the southeast, it comes on Mondays at 7pm central time.

check out the site. I’m sure you will find many just like you who have questions and are trying to work through it.

🙂
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Marcus Grodi also has a novel about this very thing. A Congregationalist preacher moves up from seminary 19 years of preaching sola scriptura and sola fide, then finds out what the truth really is. I don’t remember the name, but I will post it later.
 
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