Afraid to talk to priest...don't know how to go about doing it

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salvereginadude

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For the past couple years I’ve been struggling with homosexuality, pornography, and masturbation. All three have really been RUINING my life completely. I know I need to stop this or I will be putting my plans for life in jeopardy. I’ve been meaning to talk to my priest but don’t know exactly what or how to say what I feel. I want to tell him that I’ve done everything to try stopping this (including installing a porn blocker, which I just uninstall when I want to sin) but i CAN’T. I feel posessed in a way.

Also, it’s making me feel very dirty and hypocritical because lots of people know me as a “nice person who’s going places” but they would never know this about me. And I always seem to put on a face, even for my priest. I don’t fake my love for the Church at all! Hopefully, I want to commit my life to studying Catholic theology. But, I do have another side to me…

I haven’t been brought into the Church yet and won’t until April’s Easter Vigil so I can’t go to Confession right now. Originally, I had intended to tell my priest about these problems then but they can’t really wait because they’ve been interfering with my academic progress for quite a while and now it’s really starting to get SCARY.

I haven’t told him because I’ve though it would be a burden and also I don’t want his perception of me to change. I’ve asked several friends about this, even non-Catholics, and they told me that’s what he’s there for, to take my burdens. I know they’re right but…ugh…it’s just so hard when people see you in such a good light and then this happens. How and what should I tell him exactly?
 
What and how you should tell him depends on what kind of support you want.

You can always go to the confessional in the veiled area and say, “I don’t want to confess right now, but I would like someone to talk to.”

If you want some continued advice you may want to set an appointment to talk to him about it.

I heard a bishop say in the first six months after he was ordained he heard just about every sin. Nothing you say will be new to them. Everyone has their own struggles, even them.

If I were you this is how I would do it. When I confess I prefer face to face, but it is scarier for me so I jump into the chair before I have a chance to stop myself. If you want to remain anonymous you can go by the vieled area. I would say I can’t receive confession because I’m not baptized but I would like to talk to you (or say I don’t want confession I just want to talk if you want to protect your anonymoty even more.) I would say I am dealing with sins A, B, and C, and they are affecting my life, particularly academics in this way. These sins frighten me because… Finish what you were telling us in your post. It might help to write it in a letter to yourself to collect your thoughts, then burn it afterwards.

That is what I would do though, I’m not you.

The first thing you should do though is pray, pray without ceasing. Pray to discern how God wants you to approach it.
 
salvereginadude said:
For the past couple years I’ve been struggling with homosexuality, pornography, and masturbation. All three have really been RUINING my life completely. I know I need to stop this or I will be putting my plans for life in jeopardy. I’ve been meaning to talk to my priest but don’t know exactly what or how to say what I feel. I want to tell him that I’ve done everything to try stopping this (including installing a porn blocker, which I just uninstall when I want to sin) but i CAN’T. I feel posessed in a way.

Also, it’s making me feel very dirty and hypocritical because lots of people know me as a “nice person who’s going places” but they would never know this about me. And I always seem to put on a face, even for my priest. I don’t fake my love for the Church at all! Hopefully, I want to commit my life to studying Catholic theology. But, I do have another side to me…

I haven’t been brought into the Church yet and won’t until April’s Easter Vigil so I can’t go to Confession right now. Originally, I had intended to tell my priest about these problems then but they can’t really wait because they’ve been interfering with my academic progress for quite a while and now it’s really starting to get SCARY.

I haven’t told him because I’ve though it would be a burden and also I don’t want his perception of me to change. I’ve asked several friends about this, even non-Catholics, and they told me that’s what he’s there for, to take my burdens. I know they’re right but…ugh…it’s just so hard when people see you in such a good light and then this happens. How and what should I tell him exactly?
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Hey whats up, i wish i can give you an easy answer for this…but ill do my best. How is your relationship with your priest…would you consider him a friend? If so just talk to him like a friend. I know that could be a difficult topic to talk about, but just do it, you will feel so much better afterward…like a huge weight lifted off your shoulders.
its making me feel very dirty and hypocritical because lots of people know me as a “nice person who’s going places” but they would never know this about me."
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Just remember that everyone sins, he wont think you are hypocritical, he will admire you for wanting to fix the problem. There are a lot of nice people in the world, and all struggle with different types of sin every day.

A priests main duty is saving souls, and i bet your situation wont be the first time he has heard it…priests have heard it all.

feel free to contact me if you need advise on anything.
 
Hello salvereginadude,

Besides others’ responses, I’d like to add this which I’ve got from a prayer book “Consecration Preparation for the Triumphant Victory of the Immaculate Heart of Mary”:

“Do not lose courage when you find that you have not yet arrived at the perfection to which you would wish. To become discouraged by the imperfections which you desire to correct would be to give in to a great illusion of Satan.”

God bless!
 
Put your faith in Christ and his mercy and seek pastoral counceling with courage, no matter how hard it is now. You’ll be surprised at how different you feel when you can tell your priest about your problems…

Church is the hospital, Christ the doctor, and sacraments are the medicine…

Courage my friend.

(hope this helped)
 
Hello,

My heart goes out to you. What has really helped me in regards to sexual sins is FASTING. I’m not sure what the connection is but it sure helps. Good spiritual reading during times of great temptation should include writtings about hell and and those who suffer there. Do violence to yourself so our Lord wont have to. Stay busy.

God must love you greatly to have you suffer such temptation. Don’t lose hope. Victory is yours but you must go out and get it. The Christian life is a constant battle. A good priest rejoices in sinners working through grace to overcome and so does heaven. Lose your fear of human respect. Our Lord will bless you greatly.

May God bless you
 
If this upsets you so that you just can’t bring yourself to talk to your own priest, see if there is a good, faithful retreat center within a reasonable distance. They are often the place folks go in situations such as you describe.
 
The best thing for you to do is to go to confession at another parish where the priest has no idea who you are. It can be very difficult to confess embarassing sins to someone who knows you personally.

My pastor and the other priests in my parish know me on a first name basis and if I had some embarassing sins to confess, I think I too would have a difficult time confessing to any of them. The solution is to confess to a priest who has no idea who you are.

But also remember that priests have heard it all, no sin is so unique that they will be surprised or shocked. They know we are all human and have our weaknesses.
 
Yes, there is the fact that he has not actually been formally accepted in the Church.

I would again go to another parish and talk to the priest in the confessional but simply state that he has not yet entered the Church as yet.
 
As far as overcoming sexually related sins. The first step is to physically remove any and all sexually suggestive materials. Books, tv, magazines etc all must be thrown out or avoided. Any channels or shows that are sexually suggestive should be avoided.

I know which channels or shows have questionable content and purposely skip over them as a matter of habit. I know I can’t watch these things without letting my thoughts run wild.

Get in the habit of regular prayers each and every evening. Develop other habits and interests. Develop a routine to dispell random sexual thoughts. You can discipline yourself to avoid sexual thoughts. Random thoughts are not sinful but dwelling on them can easily lead us to fail. Most importantly never dispair or give up. Everytime you fail you must get up ask forgiveness and try even harder.

If you are determined to conquer your weaknesses, God will help you overcome them. God never gives up on us, we should never give up on Him. Jesus is much more powerful than sin. With His help we can and will overcome our sins as well.
 
wcknight said:
Yes, there is the fact that he has not actually been formally accepted in the Church.

I would again go to another parish and talk to the priest in the confessional but simply state that he has not yet entered the Church as yet.
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How did I miss the point that he has not yet been received? Duh. Great advice for him wc!
 
I_A said:
You can always go to the confessional in the veiled area and say, “I don’t want to confess right now, but I would like someone to talk to.”

If I were you this is how I would do it. When I confess I prefer face to face, but it is scarier for me so I jump into the chair before I have a chance to stop myself. If you want to remain anonymous you can go by the vieled area. I would say I can’t receive confession because I’m not baptized but I would like to talk to you (or say I don’t want confession I just want to talk if you want to protect your anonymoty even more.) I would say I am dealing with sins A, B, and C, and they are affecting my life, particularly academics in this way. These sins frighten me because… Finish what you were telling us in your post. It might help to write it in a letter to yourself to collect your thoughts, then burn it afterwards.
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By the way, just wanted to let you know I am validly baptized:) .
 
Well, I think most of the good advices have been given by others. Are there any counselling service provided by the catholic church that you could call and talk to?

If you want anonymous confession, go to other parish.
If you don’t want to do confession, talk to the priest on the phone.

Not very useful, but that’s all I could think now.
 
salvereginadude said:
I haven’t told HIM because I’ve though it would be a burden and also I don’t want HIS perception of me to change. I’ve asked several friends about this, even non-Catholics, and they told me that’s what HE’S there for, to take my burdens. I know they’re right but…ugh…it’s just so hard when people see you in such a good light and then this happens. How and what should I tell him exactly?
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I want you to read your paragraph above again. I didn’t change any words, I just capitalized a few things. Read it, think about what it says now and I think you will find it a little easier to go to the priest you are working with and discuss your problems. Most of these guys have heard just about everything you can possibly think of. Good Luck and God Bless!
 
I remember some advice from my youth group. “It is actually a form of pride to think that your sins are so amazing that they will blow the priest out of the water.” He’s heard it before, and he’s struggled with it personally, it’s almost a given in this culture. It doesn’t make a priest think less of you, if anything, he’ll think more of you, because you plucked up the courage to try to talk and deal with it.
 
Sorry I haven’t given an update about this. I talked with my priest about this two weeks ago and he was very supportive!
 
salvereginadude said:
By the way, just wanted to let you know I am validly baptized:) .
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As long as you are validly baptized, even if you have not been fully received into the Church, you do not necessarily need to wait until Easter Vigil to go to confession and receive absolution. I suggest that you ask your priest for the Sacrament of Reconciliation as soon as possible. The graces of the Sacrament could help you immensely with your struggle. Find a good faithful priest, and make a good general confession of all the serious sins you can remember (make an appointment if you think it will take more than a few minutes). After your first confession, go to confession regularly (even weekly, or as often as you need). It is okay to go to confession whenever you feel the need, even if you go several times between now and Easter. When you confess a sin, the Sacrament gives you special grace to overcome that specific sin. Confession is good “preventive medicine.” With habitual sin, it is a good idea to have a regular confessor who can guide your progress.
 
You know you are a sinner and that is half the battle. How many sins do people carry there whole lives and not realize it. Praise Jesus brother, you recognize sin and you need to pray for Jesus to heal you of this affliction.
 
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