I went back to confession several times for the same sin of abortion. Even though I was forgiven for the act of participating in the abortion, there was something else that filled me full of dread. Paradoxically, I didn’t beging to heal until I realized and accepted the depraved condition I was in.
My initial confessions were done with the motivation of feeling better, relieving the guilt. I think I thought that would be the end of it. It was not. It took me years (10?) to accept the immorality of what I had done. I was confessing to a wonderful priest about 12 years ago. I confessed the aobrtion again. I told him I had confessed it previously. He stopped me in the middle of the confession. He told me to think for a minute of this child. He told me “Choose a name”. John Thomas. And he did a baptism in the confessional. It hit home to me that I had harmed someone else, not just done some abstract sin. I had killed a human being that has a soul and a name. That was the bottom for me. I began to recover from there and lose the dread. Jesus Christ fogives us unconditionally. But we need to accept the truth to experience that forgiveness. Over the years, other associated sins have come to my attention. I treated the mother cruelly, I lied to people. The layers of the onion keep peeling back, according to
God’s mercy. If I had been shown the true condition of my soul 20 years ago, I probably would have burst into flames on the spot. God has shown me those things I am capable of handling.
Don’t be afraid.
