After all this time I still wish my family was different? Can things change?

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anon98328916

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I guess I am really wondering is anyone else’s family like this. I have four sister’s, we have a good enough relationship now that we are older but not really close. 3 of my sister’s are married and my other sister and myself is not. My eldest sister has always been the one who would make the least effort when it came to visiting our parents & most recently mum phoned her to see how she was on her mobile and landline and she didn’t answer nor call back. Mum is quite used to this as my sister’s personality can change depend on what kind of mood she is in. My other two sister’s are close with the eldest and they visit each other and do things together. My eldest sister is basically the boss and knowone would say anything even if she was in the wrong. I just wish my family were a family who would make that bit more of an effort with each other. I used to constantly try and make the effort to get us all to do things together, visit, call or try and bond more but things didnt really change. We all only have one mum and dad and we should cherish them but I think at times my eldest sister doesn’t care unless they are doing something for her. She only calls them if she is needing something or other. I have started praying that she will change and if she is holding anger or whatever issue it is she has she will change. Family can really be a funny old thing and it’s like the saying goes “you can change your friends but you can’t change your family”. I worry about it all and let these things effect my life and I wish things would change and that she would be a daughter who would call and visit mum & dad and care about us all as a family. Does anyone else relate to this? Is this a common issue in families?
 
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The amazing thing is how different siblings can be.
To some extent we need to accept each other for who we are.
We can have a quiet word, non-judgemental, but a reminder to a sibling if they seem thoughtless towards parents or other siblings, but it doesn’t work well to confront them as that could cause resentment or hostility and no progress will result.

Parents generally know their children, and what to expect from each one, and may be less hurt than you expect, because they know their children.

I’d give your sister a gentle reminder in a kind friendly way, because any hint of judgement could cause resentment and then would have no power to positively influence your sister, but possibly cause difficulty between you two.
God bless all your family
 
Sometimes you wind up with odd sibilings. My older brother and I get along very well because we are independent and don’t allow “junk” and excuses in return for favors.

My middle brother, however, chooses to participate in what I feel is a very dangerous situation of alcohol issues to win favor. Why he chooses to do so when it’s obviously brought harm to our family is beyond me. His acceptance of drinking and participating in it is infuriating. It also gives our parents an idea that this is acceptable behavior, which it is not.

My older brother and I cannot understand how this is OK to him. Just does not compute.
 
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I always view myself like Joseph in his dream about the wheat. What does this mean 🤔
 
The only thing you can change is your response to it all.
Prayer, kindness, forgiveness.
They have to change themselves.
 
Instead of just wishing others would change, you have to ‘be the change’

Example, maybe you need to be the one that gets the older sister to reflect on how she treats mom. Call her out that it’s rude not to return phone calls from immediate family.
 
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I can relate-- I wonder how my life would have been different if my family had been different.
But it’s all a blank slate, and I can project my fantasies onto how things could have been…
Did my struggles make me a stronger person?
Would the absence of challenge have really helped me, or would I have become complacent and spoiled?
Yes, I still mourn for my “fantasy family”–but God knew what He was doing when He gave us our families.
You may need to find other sources for emotional support, but your family was given you for a reason.

That said, you have every right to boundaries.
You don’t have to just sit and take anything they dish out.
 
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