After the abortion has been prevented, then what?

[athansor]

I’ve got some personal experience with this, but I want to ask…if an unwed mother decides to not abort their pregnancy and instead place the baby for adoption or keep the baby, what, if any, is our responsibility toward that person?

For instance, if that person regularly attends church, should they be made to feel ashamed for getting pregnant in the first place? Should they feel welcome attending Mass, or would it be better if they stayed home until after the birth? If the mother in question is attending a Catholic School, should they be expelled for getting pregnant? Does the Church and the community in general have any repsonsibility to help provide prenatal care (especially in the case where they are planning to place the baby for adoption?) Should a teenage daughter be made to be so afraid to approach her parents about a pregnancy, that they consider a quiet abortion instead of facing their parents wrath?

Does the responsibility that goes along with being pro-life end when the person makes the decision to not abort? Or do we need to provide support, love and encouragement to people who decide to continue the pregnancy and either raise a child or place a baby for adoption?

 

[DanB]

We have a right to protect life and support the mother. That said, I would hope that the woman (girl) might have a good support center at home. This is especially true when raising a child. There are a lot of gals that have children in poverty and use them only to get welfare. Certainly, the state or someone really needs to evaluate the welfare of the child and adopt them out. Foster care is really an unstable ground for many kids, unless it’s very temporary and the family can get their act together. I’m all for the adoptation thing. I wish more single gals would consider it.

 

[zjl56]

As Catholics striving to be like Christ, we must try to the best of our ability to help the mother, and more so any people in need. We can never judge, and we must help them through, even if they were reckless and irresponsible.
The person should feel ashamed of their sins according to how we should feel for ours. The shame should be their own, and I believe it is wrong to treat them as an outcast. Parochial Schools and the greater Church should act like Mary would, be hard but forgiving. With this we might be able to foster a culture of honesty, which might help prevent future pregnancies.
People make mistakes, and we should all be willing to forgive and help. For we do promise to faithfully serve and help any child when we witness a baptism

 

[Tonks40]

Culture of Life Family Services

In my area, this is the Catholic response to those who decide not to abort their child. They not only provide health services for women, regardless of religion, either at low or no-cost, have referral services to some of the social agencies that can help them during pregnancy and after the birth (including the county’s Dept. of Health and Human Services), provide spiritual guidance and emotional support. COLFS is just one of the more public ways we as Catholics can create a change in society’s thinking that valuing the life of the unborn child is the better way to go.

 

[BlestOne]

As Catholics striving to be like Christ, we must try to the best of our ability to help the mother, and more so any people in need. We can never judge, and we must help them through, even if they were reckless and irresponsible.
The person should feel ashamed of their sins according to how we should feel for ours. The shame should be their own, and I believe it is wrong to treat them as an outcast. Parochial Schools and the greater Church should act like Mary would, be hard but forgiving. With this we might be able to foster a culture of honesty, which might help prevent future pregnancies.
People make mistakes, and we should all be willing to forgive and help. For we do promise to faithfully serve and help any child when we witness a baptism

I am afraid I disagree here… about the Catholic schools, that is. I have a 16 yo dd that attends Catholic school. it is in the rules that if a student gets pregnant or in the case of the boys, is party to a non-marital pregnancy, they are expelled. I feel this causes scandal within the school of the student was allowed to continue and a greater scandal for the school to allow students who are obviously not following the church’s teachings. By not taking action, they would be sanctioning the behavior.

I know most of the students in dd’s school because of the volunteer work I do there. Yes, I am sure there are sexually active students, but not even close to as many as in the local public schools. By expelling a student that does not adhere to the rules, you are not denying them an education… they can still go to public school. By enforcing the rules, you are providing a place where young men and women can grow and see that it is possible to practice abstinence.

My oldest went to the same school… they don’t just make rules and enforce them, they teach why, and they offer support for making good choices…the public school forces the kids to learn about birth control and invites PP into the schools… I personally like the support offered to the students that helps them grow spiritually not the support of peer pressure offered by the public schools.

If one kid chooses abstinence just out of fear of expulsion… then that is one more kid that has obeyed the 4th commandment and honored their parents…you know the people who shell out the $$ for private school? I am ok with the fear motivation…

 

[gmarie21]

I am afraid I disagree here… about the Catholic schools, that is. I have a 16 yo dd that attends Catholic school. it is in the rules that if a student gets pregnant or in the case of the boys, is party to a non-marital pregnancy, they are expelled. I feel this causes scandal within the school of the student was allowed to continue and a greater scandal for the school to allow students who are obviously not following the church’s teachings. By not taking action, they would be sanctioning the behavior.

I know most of the students in dd’s school because of the volunteer work I do there. Yes, I am sure there are sexually active students, but not even close to as many as in the local public schools. By expelling a student that does not adhere to the rules, you are not denying them an education… they can still go to public school. By enforcing the rules, you are providing a place where young men and women can grow and see that it is possible to practice abstinence.

My oldest went to the same school… they don’t just make rules and enforce them, they teach why, and they offer support for making good choices…the public school forces the kids to learn about birth control and invites PP into the schools… I personally like the support offered to the students that helps them grow spiritually not the support of peer pressure offered by the public schools.

If one kid chooses abstinence just out of fear of expulsion… then that is one more kid that has obeyed the 4th commandment and honored their parents…you know the people who shell out the $$ for private school? I am ok with the fear motivation…

So the pregnant girl is expelled, but the contracepting girl, the contracepting boy, and the boy who impregnated a girl (but can’t be proven until after the birth) are allowed to stay in school for committing the EXACT same sin?

When I taught in an inner city Catholic school, the students weren’t expelled but they also weren’t allowed to participate in major school functions (dances, graduation, etc.). If it was discovered that a student had an abortion then that student would be expelled. I knew of a few students who had abortions (I found out after the fact or I would have talked to them) because they wanted to participate in prom or graduation. I never reported them though, because their public school options were much worse than the education they received at the Catholic school. I would, however, see if they were seeking counseling and refered them to do so if they weren’t. The students who had children and kept them, well, they were the best and biggest advocates for the abstinance policy and their friends knew and saw how difficult having a child at a young age was.

I believe policies that expel students for being pregnant only increase abortion possibilities. Abstinance won’t happen until they are properly educated and some-what peer pressured to wait to have sex.

 

[sprout]

I believe policies that expel students for being pregnant only increase abortion possibilities. Abstinance won’t happen until they are properly educated and some-what peer pressured to wait to have sex.

excellent post!

I work with post abortive women and most of those who had an abortion in their teens were either physically forced by parents to have an abortion or were themselves too fearful of their parents reaction/disciplinary measures to tell them of their pregnancy and sought an abortion.

This study bears this out as well:

According to the Alan Guttmacher Institute, which tracks reproductive health data, non-Hispanic Catholic women of childbearing age are 29% more likely than their Protestant counterparts to have abortions (full study*). The rate is even higher–33%–if Hispanics are factored in. Another way of looking at it: while Protestant women make up about 54% of the population, they account for only 37% of the abortions. **Catholic women make up 31% of the population and account for 31% of the abortions. **

Given the Catholic Church’s longstanding position against abortion, one would think the abortion rate would be far lower than the population as a whole – and yet, if anything, it seems to be higher.

…The one explanation for which there is at least some anecdotal evidence is that Catholic women appear to experience more feelings of guilt around sex, and more shame about pregnancy outside of marriage. beliefnet.com/story/63/story_6301_1.html

I suggest you go to Feminists For Life and read their many, many suggestions for ways to help women in an unplanned pregnancy. Their website is feministsforlife.com/

Here are a few points I’d also like to share:

I know of 2 women, personally, who chose life when in a crisis pregnacy. Both women went on to:

• have their entire prenatal, postnatal, and pediatric care paid for entirely by the State & Fed through Medi-Cal Minor’s Consent (Minor’s Consent removes parents income as a factor in determining eligibility) and they received excellent care.
• received WIC groceries to insure adequate nutrition for mother and baby
• had weekly visits from a health nurse to monitor them and/or answer questions and prepare them for parenting

this is the really, really exciting news:

both of them went back to college, applied for an received financial aid, grants i.e. Pell Grants, EOPS, etc. that:

• paid their entire tuiton. All of it. Neither of them paid a dime for their college tuition solely for the fact that they were single mothers (below a certain income range and their parents income was not a factor) .
• received vouchers from the college to pay for books.
• received pell grants and other social services that paid for child care during the time they were in school.
• transportation costs i.e. bus passes were paid for and even school lunches.

 

[paradoxy]

I knew of a few students who had abortions (I found out after the fact or I would have talked to them) because they wanted to participate in prom or graduation.

This is just horrible!

It doesn’t seem fair that just b/c a pregnancy is a visible potential consequence of sex, pregnant girls get punished, but all those other boys and girls who are having premarital sex, using ABC or having abortions so no one finds out, suffer no consequences at all. This is what really causes scandal, b/c kids know who’s having sex, and the message they’re getting is ‘just don’t get pregnant,’ not ‘abstain.’

 

[zjl56]

I am afraid I disagree here… about the Catholic schools, that is. I have a 16 yo dd that attends Catholic school. it is in the rules that if a student gets pregnant or in the case of the boys, is party to a non-marital pregnancy, they are expelled. I feel this causes scandal within the school of the student was allowed to continue and a greater scandal for the school to allow students who are obviously not following the church’s teachings. By not taking action, they would be sanctioning the behavior.

I know most of the students in dd’s school because of the volunteer work I do there. Yes, I am sure there are sexually active students, but not even close to as many as in the local public schools. By expelling a student that does not adhere to the rules, you are not denying them an education… they can still go to public school. By enforcing the rules, you are providing a place where young men and women can grow and see that it is possible to practice abstinence.

My oldest went to the same school… they don’t just make rules and enforce them, they teach why, and they offer support for making good choices…the public school forces the kids to learn about birth control and invites PP into the schools… I personally like the support offered to the students that helps them grow spiritually not the support of peer pressure offered by the public schools.

If one kid chooses abstinence just out of fear of expulsion… then that is one more kid that has obeyed the 4th commandment and honored their parents…you know the people who shell out the $$ for private school? I am ok with the fear motivation…

I am glad that this school takes its role seriously, but shouldn’t we be willing to forgive if the student is willing to repent?

 

[BlestOne]

So the pregnant girl is expelled, but the contracepting girl, the contracepting boy, and the boy who impregnated a girl (but can’t be proven until after the birth) are allowed to stay in school for committing the EXACT same sin?

Who knows which child is contracepting or not? If they were caught, I am sure they would be expelled too. As for the boy… I already said if they know that a male student fathers a child out of wedlock they are expelled. You are assuming that these rules have to be fair as a whole… well here is fair, if you know the rules and knowingly break them, you MAY be caught and expelled… if that isn’t enough deterrent then maybe the student has no respect for themselves.

When I taught in an inner city Catholic school, the students weren’t expelled but they also weren’t allowed to participate in major school functions (dances, graduation, etc.). If it was discovered that a student had an abortion then that student would be expelled. I knew of a few students who had abortions (I found out after the fact or I would have talked to them) because they wanted to participate in prom or graduation. I never reported them though, because their public school options were much worse than the education they received at the Catholic school. I would, however, see if they were seeking counseling and referred them to do so if they weren’t.

I hope you are forgiven for the participation in their sin…
Isn’t staying in a private school worth it if the public schools are that bad? How about that being the deterrent?

The students who had children and kept them, well, they were the best and biggest advocates for the abstinence policy and their friends knew and saw how difficult having a child at a young age was.

I believe policies that expel students for being pregnant only increase abortion possibilities. Abstinence won’t happen until they are properly educated and some-what peer pressured to wait to have sex.

I happen to believe that the kids in this school are properly educated. I know when my oldest transfered to public school he started an abstinence group at his school and you wouldn’t believe how many kids joined the group! I got calls from the principal asking if I knew he was doing this and how proud I should be of him. He was well prepared not only to stay pure but to guide others too…

Just for reference… they have a drug policy and drug testing twice during the school year, if they are caught on drugs, they are out too.

 

[BlestOne]

I am glad that this school takes its role seriously, but shouldn’t we be willing to forgive if the student is willing to repent?

The only girl I have seen that was readmitted after her baby was born, was the victim of a rape.

 

[gmarie21]

I hope you are forgiven for the participation in their sin…
Isn’t staying in a private school worth it if the public schools are that bad? How about that being the deterrent?

How did I participate in their sin if I couseled them after finding out that they had an abortion (had I known they were pregnant I would have counseled them to seek help through Catholic Charities). And, knowing about what little help women recieve from the outside world post abortion, I wasn’t just going to report them to be expelled so that they could be sent out into the world without help and healing from their abortion. Maybe I was wrong in not reporting them to the principal but I did not feel it was necessary to add additional pain and consequences to the pain that they were already suffering due to their decisions.

 

[KarenNC]

I know most of the students in dd’s school because of the volunteer work I do there. Yes, I am sure there are sexually active students, but not even close to as many as in the local public schools. By expelling a student that does not adhere to the rules, you are not denying them an education… they can still go to public school. By enforcing the rules, you are providing a place where young men and women can grow and see that it is possible to practice abstinence.

My oldest went to the same school… they don’t just make rules and enforce them, they teach why, and they offer support for making good choices…the public school forces the kids to learn about birth control and invites PP into the schools… I personally like the support offered to the students that helps them grow spiritually not the support of peer pressure offered by the public schools.

If one kid chooses abstinence just out of fear of expulsion… then that is one more kid that has obeyed the 4th commandment and honored their parents…you know the people who shell out the $$ for private school? I am ok with the fear motivation…

What “if one kid chooses abortion just out of fear of expulsion” rather than tell her parents–the people who shell out the $$ for private school and have a very vested interest in her remaining there?

Are all students expelled immediately upon the first infraction of any rule?

Instead of dealing with the situation in a loving manner or providing some means of social support for the girl to continue her pregnancy–a living testimony to the Church’s position on forgiveness and the sanctity of life, it is preferable for her to be thrown out of her school home, into the very public school that you say is going to teach her that using contraception is better than getting pregnant and abortion is a viable option if the contraception fails? The message to me is "we’ll look the other way as long as you don’t get caught. " Another message is “all life is sacred, you should carry your baby to term, it’s not the baby’s fault, now get out.”

Which community is going to have a greater influence on her and her future behavior—the one who accepts and forgives her and supports her at a very critical time in her life and a very difficult situation or the one who rejects her entirely for having made a mistake (albeit a major one)?

To quote a very popular recent slogan, “What would Jesus do?”

 

[KarenNC]

I wonder if there are any Catholic schools set up to support pregnant teens in completing their pregnancies until they give birth, whether they keep their babies or give them up for adoption, completing their educations and teaching them about abstinence going forward in order to fight the idea that abortion is the only answer for a pregnant teen?

Would a Catholic school admit an unmarried teen with a child if the girl was willing to sign a pledge to abstain from sex? Seems that she would benefit from a supportive abstinence-based environment as she sought to turn her life around.

Would a Catholic school admit a teen who was married with a child and be willing to include access to instruction in NFP?

 

[Evan]

So…
what if the pregnant person is a teacher, staff at the school.

In our parish we had an unwed woman who was leading the choir. She was asked to remove herself from a leadership role and leave the choir as this is a scandal.

I think that expulsion of students is one thing, but leaders should be held to a higher standard. They are examples for all of us.

 

[mesquite_magic]

So…
what if the pregnant person is a teacher, staff at the school.

In our parish we had an unwed woman who was leading the choir. She was asked to remove herself from a leadership role and leave the choir as this is a scandal.

I think that expulsion of students is one thing, but leaders should be held to a higher standard. They are examples for all of us.

I think that as long as she went to Confession and did her absolution, she shouldn’t have been asked to step down. We are all sinners. who is to say that one sin is any worse than another? Just because the woman’s sin is noticable doesn’t make her any more of a sinner than the man who had an affair but kept it a secret.

I feel the same way about pregnant girls being at school. It would be better if the school showed it’s students what is truely God’s forgiveness.

As to the original question… I think we should do what we can to show her support. I’m not a big fan of people living off of Welfare, but in interest of the child’s well being, the mother should be directed to medical care and WIC. That way there’s a greater chance of a healthy child. Helping the young woman stay in school will result in an educated mother. She will, hopefully, be more likely to go on to a higher education and be able to support herself and her child, rather than living off of Welfare for the rest of her life.

Kim

 

[sprout]

So…
what if the pregnant person is a teacher, staff at the school.

In our parish we had an unwed woman who was leading the choir. She was asked to remove herself from a leadership role and leave the choir as this is a scandal.

I think that expulsion of students is one thing, but leaders should be held to a higher standard. They are examples for all of us.

I think it’s more of a scandal to have her “removed” from ministry because of her pregnancy as this sends the message that the Church does not support or accept women who “choose Life”, they only accept women who “choose Life when they’re married”.

I debated this whole issue over the tv show “Gilmore Girls”. I would rather have a single mother WHO DID CHOOSE LIFE rather than death honored and held up for the hero she is in doing so.

 

[athansor]

The only girl I have seen that was readmitted after her baby was born, was the victim of a rape.

So a girl was raped, then expelled!!!, then after the baby was born, she was re-admitted…wow. Did the school feel that she was to blame for the rape? I can’t imagine how that girl must have felt, first being raped, and then being punished (or perhaps the motive was to hide her away).

To come clean, in my situation, I got pregnant a few years after I graduated from a Catholic HS, but while I was still technically a teen and attending a university. I did have a baby, and she was placed for adoption…all this was quite a while ago. Prior to that, while still in school, a good friend of mine was expelled for getting pregnant (as soon as the pregnancy became visible).

Sprout, some of the things you mention sound wonderful! I was lucky to have a family of some means when I was pregnant, so I was able to get good prenatal care and return to college, but I don’t know what other young pregnant folks do when they want to have the baby but don’t have the means. So, it’s great that there are resources out there.

I can’t help but think that having policies like expelling a pregnant teen, or just people having a general attitude that a pregnancy in an unwed mom is like a scarlet letter contributes to abortion rate increases. If a person is culpable in the sin of abortion for knowing about it before the fact and not stopping it, then if a person has an abortion because they couldn’t face the expulstion from school or the wrath or humiliaton of their families and church communities, are the schools, family and communities somewhat culpable?

 

[athansor]

I think that as long as she went to Confession and did her absolution, she shouldn’t have been asked to step down. We are all sinners. who is to say that one sin is any worse than another? Just because the woman’s sin is noticable doesn’t make her any more of a sinner than the man who had an affair but kept it a secret.

I feel the same way about pregnant girls being at school. It would be better if the school showed it’s students what is truely God’s forgiveness.

As to the original question… I think we should do what we can to show her support. I’m not a big fan of people living off of Welfare, but in interest of the child’s well being, the mother should be directed to medical care and WIC. That way there’s a greater chance of a healthy child. Helping the young woman stay in school will result in an educated mother. She will, hopefully, be more likely to go on to a higher education and be able to support herself and her child, rather than living off of Welfare for the rest of her life.

Kim

I agree! I don’t think that just because a person is a single mom or has limited means they should be pushed in any way into placing a child for adoption. While that is an option, and can be the right one (it was, I believe, the correct choice for me at the time), I don’t think there is anything wrong with a loving mother raising her child. While it may be optimal for a child to have two loving parents, there are good single parent homes as well. (and as a wise friend once told me after a young dad died tragically…‘all of us are just penciled in’).

 

[athansor]

I think it’s more of a scandal to have her “removed” from ministry because of her pregnancy as this sends the message that the Church does not support or accept women who “choose Life”, they only accept women who “choose Life when they’re married”.

I debated this whole issue over the tv show “Gilmore Girls”. I would rather have a single mother WHO DID CHOOSE LIFE rather than death honored and held up for the hero she is in doing so.

I think that is a great way to sum it up…do we accept all women who choose Life, or just married women who choose Life.