Age differences in marriage

[youngren]

I need some thoughts into marrying someone who is older and seeking an annulment for a previous marriage of convience.

Both he and his former spouse agree that at the time of their marriage ceremony they both knew that they did not plan to be with eachother for more than the time required to gain citzenship. And parted ways and divorced afterwards.

I am 29 and he is 45 and my parents are very set againsts the match. I made it very clear that I would not marry unless it was sanctioned by the church and he is willing to go through the annulment process. I respect my parents and are seriously thinking about their concerns.

I welcome any thoughts.

 

[Trishie]

Youngren,

Welcome to CAF. And thank you for asking our (name removed by moderator)ut. I’m glad that you have concern for your parents. God bless you for that.

I can understand your parents’ concern, as 16 years is quite an age gap. This man is almost old enough to be your father.

I also would have concerns that this man would do something such as a marriage of convenience, which doesn’t really suggest great moral fibre, but that he considers that the means justifies the ends. It doesn’t show respect for marriage.

On both those counts I would be unhappy as a parent.

I wonder, have you dated many young men of your own age? If you haven’t you may be being precipitous in choosing an older man?

I pray for your parents, who no doubt are going through a very difficult time, and I did when my eldest son dated a woman thirteen years older, a relationship which after a lot of angst for them both also in time, ended badly.

In the end it’s your decision, and I ask the Father, in Jesus’ name to assure for you a life of happiness and peace, whoever your husband may be. I also ask the Lord’s blessings on this man.
I hope that all will go well for you.

Warm regards, Trishie

 

[rick43235]

I am 9 years older than my wife and it has not been an issue for us. In fact, we rarely think about it. With a 16 year gap, however, you should be prepared to be a “youngish” widow. I’d be more concerned about the fact that he was willing use the institution of marriage to commit immigration fraud. So…I guess I can understand your parents concerns.

 

[OSUbride0708]

I have to tell you that the age thing doesn’t stick out to me as the big deal with what you have described. The fact that he had no respect and honor for marriage would worry me much more.

I can’t really comment on your age, as I don’t know you both personally. 29 and 45 is a large gap but it depends where you are and what you want out of life. If you were a lot younger, the age gap would seem much worse to me.

 

[Nepenthe]

As I have said before, Mirdath’s and my marriage has a pretty huge age difference. I have both X-chromosomes, and Mirdath has an X and a Y. We’re 40(me) and 22(Mirdath), for what that is worth, and exhaustively discussed and explored the physical and psychological implications and ramifications of that difference, and still felt complete and total committment to each other for life, and as the very best of friends as well as the most enthusiastic of lovers.

You’d be hard-pressed to find any couple more devoted, honest, and prepared for whatever may come. My best advice is to never rush into anything, but to truly love and understand each other on every level, and just maybe, you’ll have a pretty good chance at everything working out. I know Mirdath’s young (although with the mindset of someone who was born aged 35!) and knows I’m middle-aged (and may not be able to get pregnant, although it’s still possible, especially with a little medical goosing, and that I may well will widow Mirdath far too early to both of our sorrow. and am often kidded for my approach to the world with childlike wonder and mischief!), but, we love and live in bliss 90% of the time, and what more could a permanent couple hope for?

 

[youngren]

Thank you everyone for your thoughts and advice.

Because of the annulment process taking a year and a half we hope that through much prayer, reflection, and (name removed by moderator)ut from people in our lives that we will come to a good decision on the matter during this time.

I know that my fiance truly acknowleges that marriage is a life commitment and that requires work, mutal respect, and williningness to support eachother through the difficulties of life.

I also take this step with caution and think seriously of the concerns that my parents have for me. It is so good to know that I have so many people in my life who love me and only want to prevent me from harm.