Aggravated Athlete

[switalabe]

Hi,

I’m aggravated with my fellow athletes and I think I have an opportunity to grow spiritually in some way here. Could anyone help?

In more detail: the sport under consideration is fencing (like Olympic fencing). I’ve been fencing on and off since 2001 (mostly foil but a bit of epee and even saber too).

One issue is I think many of my fellow fencers are jerks (I could use worse words). I find my blood start to boil sometimes when I’m dealing with them.

Should I spend my time suffering on a hobby like this?

On a positive note: I kind of see fencing as an opportunity to remember man’s call to “keep the garden” i.e. defend the garden against Satan…

Thanks,
Ben

 

[Lost_Wanderer]

I’m no good with the ‘spiritual’ advice but usually the adage “Hate the player, not the game” comes to mind here.

Then again, is there no way for you to find some other place or group where you can practice your hobby/sport that has a lot less jerks?

 

[switalabe]

I thought it was “hate the game, not the player”?

Yes, I could go somewhere else. But I would pay a price in terms of gas/driving.

Or I could quit altogether.

I’m moving soon so my new home might have groups that have fewer “jerks”. But still…how can I reconcile with “jerks”?

 

[Lost_Wanderer]

I thought it was “hate the game, not the player”?

That’s for dating, not hobbies like fencing (or in my case, gaming ).

Yes, I could go somewhere else. But I would pay a price in terms of gas/driving.

Or I could quit altogether.

I’m moving soon so my new home might have groups that have fewer “jerks”. But still…how can I reconcile with “jerks”?

Well here are some of your options:

1. What exactly makes them ‘jerks’? Is it irreverence? Language? They way they treat you or treat others? From there, think about the opposite. What would you like instead of that?
2. Evaluate how you see yourself. I can attest from personal experience that like really attracts like. If you look at a mirror and see someone you’re hostile with then your mind’s gonna be in tune more with the people who share the same contempt. So yeah, you can try that route.
3. Grin and bear till you move out. I think it’s important to keep 1 & 2 still in mind though. In my TCG circles, everyone has this or that person they don’t particularly like. That doesn’t stop any one of us from playing the game itself. We just stick to who we want to play with more (although, it could help if you look for larger communities of enthusiasts).

Pardon me for saying this but I’m not even sure your hobby or your spirituality would clash here. This sounds to me more like just a problem on how to socially interact with others.

 

[robwar]

Hi,

I’m aggravated with my fellow athletes and I think I have an opportunity to grow spiritually in some way here. Could anyone help?

In more detail: the sport under consideration is fencing (like Olympic fencing). I’ve been fencing on and off since 2001 (mostly foil but a bit of epee and even saber too).

One issue is I think many of my fellow fencers are jerks (I could use worse words). I find my blood start to boil sometimes when I’m dealing with them.

Should I spend my time suffering on a hobby like this?

On a positive note: I kind of see fencing as an opportunity to remember man’s call to “keep the garden” i.e. defend the garden against Satan…

Thanks,
Ben

You should always do an activity because you love it. It should never depend on what others are like who do it as well. Likewise, there is no way any of us on the internet that don’t know you personally or even know the others that you are calling jerks judge who is right or wrong here. I find the term jerks and calling everyone you are dealing with in this sport a little judgemental to begin with. I would focus on doing your best with the sport and then just be nice to those you are dealing with in practices as kindly as possible and then don’t worry about the rest, let it go or as Taylor Swift would say “Shake it off”.

 

[switalabe]

Well, I got some ideas through Lost Wanderer’s points 1, 2, and 3. Some results of looking at #1 are to “give more compliments” and “don’t take others for granted”.

I think #2 will take some more introspection but I noticed that I seem to think, “I look good” and “I’m cool.” So I guess that means … everyone in my “like attracts like group” has a shallow sense of self-esteem?

robwar, I agree that not all of my fellow athletes are “jerks” and even those who are, they’re probably not “jerks” all of the time in every way.

robwar, thank you for saying that I should do an activity because I love doing it & simply be kind to my fellow athletes. that seems to help.

Finally…as for what Lost Wanderer said that this might just be a basic social problem I have rather than something about my sport…I think that’s a good point. It’s kind of something I’ve thought about. So…yeah.

Thank you, and please keep the replies coming!

 

[switalabe]

Another thing – I’ve kind of wondered whether the combative nature of fencing makes it more prone to attract bad folks. I do know that in centuries past fencing clubs & fencing masters had a bad rep for that kind of thing. Unlike other sports, like football or soccer, where the goal is to get a ball into an end zone or goal, the point of fencing is kind of to simulate your opponent’s death (injuries are in fact minor; fencing is a really safe sport BTW). If I imagine TCG…I don’t know much about TCG but I think fencing has a more visceral aspect as we are hitting each other with metal sticks.

 

[Regina7]

If your goal is to stay away from jerks, you’ll probably have to stay inside your house. Jerks are everywhere! Even in church groups. I belong to a book club (I love to read). One woman drives me nuts. I actually thought about leaving the club because of her. But I love everything else about my book club…So now, I start out being extra nice…then ignore her if she gets to be really obnoxious.

If you can find another fencing group, go for it. But I’d bet that new fencing group will have jerks too.

Good luck!

 

[Hodegetria]

Hi Switalabe,

I wouldn’t quit the sport just because you’re sometimes forced to compete against people who don’t act like you think they should act. Fencing is a great deal mental and strategic, not just physical. Can you use your dislike of your opponent(s) to up your game, since you can’t always choose who your competition is–as another poster said, there are jerks everywhere. Do you really only want to compete with people you like?

Also, these people might be acting like jerks primarily because it’s a technique to “psyche” you out. And it appears to be working. My brother was a pro at this, LOL, and he always whipped me in chess. I think you should toughen up and don’t take it so personally. Use the opportunity to hone your skills.

Good luck to you and God bless.

 

[mariemargaret]

Hey! I fence too, and have for a few more years than you!

You will encounter difficult people wherever you go, it is how you handle them that matters. I think that athletes can be more into their performance and their physical attributes than people you might meet in other settings, so maybe those characteristics put you off? I do think that there is a certain arrogance that comes with sporting, and especially individual sports like fencing.

FWIW, I don’t think of fencing as attacking and stabbing people. I think of it as working to achieve a personal goal. I work on certain aspects of my game during each bout based on my skill set and physical state and what I know of my opponent’s skill set and physical state. When I succeed that’s good for me, and when I fail because they were able to figure out what I was doing and overcome it, then good for them. I think of it more as a thinking and strategy activity with a strong physical component. So, when someone get’s a good hit on me I’m actually happy for them, and I try to remember to congratulate them on it. That tends to diffuse the jerks that I run across! And I can excited when I get a good hit too, but it’s much more about achieving what I set out to do as opposed to defeating the other person, if that makes sense?

It also helps that my current club’s fencing master is a devout christian, and poor behavior is not tolerated. And it helps to remember that everyone is at their own place in their personal journey, and you can try to set a good example with your own behavior.

Good luck with your club mates, and en garde!

 

[Lost_Wanderer]

I think #2 will take some more introspection but I noticed that I seem to think, “I look good” and “I’m cool.” So I guess that means … everyone in my “like attracts like group” has a shallow sense of self-esteem?

Why not change that? You think it’s shallow and maybe that’s why you’re attracting all these seemingly shallow guys (or at least, your mind pays more attention to them than you really ought to).

In a way, I used to think like that too and hence, I’m just speaking from personal experience. Change your mindset first before worrying about how to change other people if you ask me.

If I imagine TCG…I don’t know much about TCG but I think fencing has a more visceral aspect as we are hitting each other with metal sticks.

Let me reassure you, just because I’m not hitting my opponent with a card doesn’t mean my imagination doesn’t kick in and play out something more intense (like a blinding outpour of bluish flames). That’s the thing with games like TCGs (as well as other varieties of multiplayer games like MMOs and handheld). What it lacks in blows to the body it makes up in an intense symphony upon the mind.

And ultimately, the differences don’t matter really. You’re still competing. Someone’s gotta win and someone’s gotta lose. If that creates jerks then you’ll find just as many arrogant posers in hobbies as harmless as chess.

 

[robwar]

Another thing – I’ve kind of wondered whether the combative nature of fencing makes it more prone to attract bad folks. I do know that in centuries past fencing clubs & fencing masters had a bad rep for that kind of thing. Unlike other sports, like football or soccer, where the goal is to get a ball into an end zone or goal, the point of fencing is kind of to simulate your opponent’s death (injuries are in fact minor; fencing is a really safe sport BTW). If I imagine TCG…I don’t know much about TCG but I think fencing has a more visceral aspect as we are hitting each other with metal sticks.

The combative nature of fencing applies to many many other sports. Unless you are really an unstable person, I would highly doubt that you are going whip out the sword if you get mad in a grocery line. Archery, shooting, karate, judo, martial arts etc also have the final goal of hurting or killing the enemy. Again if this is the sport you enjoy and do, then you shouldn’t worry about this. You are over thinking this.