Akward Money Situation with Lady at Church?

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lucien123

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Hi Everyone,

This one is a bit confusing. As I mentioned in previous posts, I live abroad and therefore everything church related is in a language which I do not understand. So, I went to this parish (which is a monastery close to where I live) to do a confession, as there are a couple priests there who understand english, and also one who does the whole process in english, naturally I confess to him.

Unfortunately when I went in yesteday, he wasnt in his confessional, even though I waited for a while, he didnt show up. So, I decided to just stay in the church and pray for a while.

Now the weird part: I’m sitting with my hands clasped, mining my own business when an old lady walks accross from the other side of the church, and puts her hand near me, I was a bit startled and didnt know what to think, At first I thought it was some sort of peace greeting and she wanted to shake my hand or something like that, but this wasnt the case, I was about to shake her hand when I realised that she was actually giving something to me. Second I thought It was a notice or a flier or something like that, so I almost took it, UNTIL I REALISED that it was actually money, (a 5 euro note).

I was even more startled than before, and told her “No”, (I didnt really know what else to do because I was that confused).

I did not understand why she did this, but I have a few ideas.
  1. There are quite a few beggars, who are sometimes around this church, and their complexion is rather dark, having a slightly dark complexion myself it is possible that she mistook me for one of those beggars.
  2. Maybe she was just overly generous and decided to give some money to a random person. BUT even if that was the case, (which was highly unlikely) I was simply sitting and praying and I took the whole thing as a shock.
Still I personally believe that it’s probably the first solution. I’m quite sure that she was a nice old lady, but at the time I didnt know how to handle it better, also I couldnt talk to her because of language barriers. She spent the rest of time, partially blocking her face with her hand, which I feel kind of bad for, but there’s nothing I can do.

From now on, I’m considering keeping a rosary in my hand while in church at all times, wherever in the world I may go. Hopefully that should give people a better message.

The whole thing kind of ruined my mood yesterday, and im sure the old lady felt pretty bad as well. Any ideas about this situation?
 
Another possible contributing factor would be if the old woman had some kind of dementia.
 
lucien123 said:
Hi Everyone,

This one is a bit confusing. As I mentioned in previous posts, I live abroad and therefore everything church related is in a language which I do not understand. So, I went to this parish (which is a monastery close to where I live) to do a confession, as there are a couple priests there who understand english, and also one who does the whole process in english, naturally I confess to him.

Unfortunately when I went in yesteday, he wasnt in his confessional, even though I waited for a while, he didnt show up. So, I decided to just stay in the church and pray for a while.

Now the weird part: I’m sitting with my hands clasped, mining my own business when an old lady walks accross from the other side of the church, and puts her hand near me, I was a bit startled and didnt know what to think, At first I thought it was some sort of peace greeting and she wanted to shake my hand or something like that, but this wasnt the case, I was about to shake her hand when I realised that she was actually giving something to me. Second I thought It was a notice or a flier or something like that, so I almost took it, UNTIL I REALISED that it was actually money, (a 5 euro note).

I was even more startled than before, and told her “No”, (I didnt really know what else to do because I was that confused).

I did not understand why she did this, but I have a few ideas.
  1. There are quite a few beggars, who are sometimes around this church, and their complexion is rather dark, having a slightly dark complexion myself it is possible that she mistook me for one of those beggars.
  2. Maybe she was just overly generous and decided to give some money to a random person. BUT even if that was the case, (which was highly unlikely) I was simply sitting and praying and I took the whole thing as a shock.
Still I personally believe that it’s probably the first solution. I’m quite sure that she was a nice old lady, but at the time I didnt know how to handle it better, also I couldnt talk to her because of language barriers. She spent the rest of time, partially blocking her face with her hand, which I feel kind of bad for, but there’s nothing I can do.

From now on, I’m considering keeping a rosary in my hand while in church at all times, wherever in the world I may go. Hopefully that should give people a better message.

The whole thing kind of ruined my mood yesterday, and im sure the old lady felt pretty bad as well. Any ideas about this situation?
Click to expand...
Maybe it was her Sunday collection money she missed.

Maybe she mistook you for a priest.

Maybe some money for the poor.

Mayby money for a Mass.

By the way, what was the money worth in dollars?
 
Fred conty,

Well, if she missed money for mass why give it to me? For the poor, she could have given it somewhere else.

It was approximately 7 dollars.
 
You will probably never know why this happened. I would lean towards the idea that she thought you might be in need, but who really knows.

I’m curious why it has made you so upset though. I don’t think she meant any harm. It seems to have just been some sort of misunderstanding. I would just chalk it up to an oddity, pray for her, and let it go.
 
Boulder257,

I know she meant well, but I was just surprised. I really didnt expect something like that to happen.
 
I really don’t see any need to beat your self up over it.Certainly, in a perfect world, we would all hope we would have said something like ‘Thank you so much for the thought, It’s so kind of you, but I really don’t need it. I just popped in here to pray. Why not give the money to a charity?’. But these are all things you would think of later - at the time you were too taken aback to react like that.

I can imagine you were flummoxed, lost for words, not wanting to hurt her, perhaps wondering why she thought you needed help, was she mentally ill and you’d better get someone. Many many thoughts would have passed through your mind.

I would also say not to worry about her having her face in her hands. Who knows what she was thinking.
 
paperwight66 said:
I really don’t see any need to beat your self up over it.Certainly, in a perfect world, we would all hope we would have said something like ‘Thank you so much for the thought, It’s so kind of you, but I really don’t need it. I just popped in here to pray. Why not give the money to a charity?’. But these are all things you would think of later - at the time you were too taken aback to react like that.

I can imagine you were flummoxed, lost for words, not wanting to hurt her, perhaps wondering why she thought you needed help, was she mentally ill and you’d better get someone. Many many thoughts would have passed through your mind.

I would also say not to worry about her having her face in her hands. Who knows what she was thinking.
Click to expand...
Another possibility is the language barrier. If this woman didn’t speak English, it would be very hard to explain this to her.
 
Hello there,

Some years ago a similar thing happened to me, and I have a fair complexion. I had attended Mass and was leaving when I noticed my father was in the same Church, he was a fair age even then, so I decided to wait for him outside. Just then a guy I’d never seen before walked by and actually handed me a pound coin, we didn’t have the euro at that time. Anyway, I was somewhat shocked and embarrassed too. I ran after him and said “No, you’re making a mistake” as I handed him back the coin. When I told my father what had happened he merely laughed and said jokingly “I might stand there myself tomorrow” 🙂

I must add, ever since that experience I am even more inclined to help those who do have to beg on the street. It must take a lot of courage and humility too, and whether or not we give them money, we should always threat them with the utmost courtesy and respect. Perhaps even say a little prayer for them as we pass by.

2 Cor 13:13
Eddy Barry
 
Next time you see your English speaking confessor - ask him about it. He might know…

Peace
James
 
I am an expat living in Mexico.

Some years ago, when my Spanish was terrible, I used to go to confession and look for a particular bilingual priest. This priest was one of the busiest of the parish I attended at the time, so I usually made an appointment and take confession at the parish offices.
I was outside waiting for the priest, when a young man, a blind one, handed me a piece of paper with some Spanish written on it. It was clear that he was unable to talk, and see. And I was unable to read.
I tried to explain my situation, but I was doing a poor job at it.
He was not extending his hand as if asking for money, so I was clueless.
He eventually extended his hand, said something, and I put some coins in his hand, he grabs MY hand and gave them back, took his paper and went.

He was mumbling something as he walked away, and I think I heard some curse word, obviously at me.

A couple of months went by and I happen to be waiting for my bilingual priest on the same spot when this guy appears, but now I am not alone: there are a few more people I am having small talk conversation with. My Spanish has improved. I am there watching him approach the group I am in, and I make a comment that he heard, suddenly stops, recognizing my voice, turning on his heels and walk away, mumbling what, I am positive now, is a curse word at me. I ask around and no one has the slightest idea about him.
 
I think if I had been in that situation, I would have simply taken the money and on the way out donated it to the church if I didn’t need it. I’d also attempt to learn a few simple phrases so that you can handle that in the future, if you travel a lot. Learn “No thank you but God bless you” in English, French, German etc.
 
My sense of reason and my ability to articulate coherent thoughts often goes out the window when I am put on the spot. I probably would have confusedly took the money, said “Thank you”, and only later thought about why some random lady decided to give me money. :o
 
I once gave money to someone who probably wasn’t in need the way I thought. I was in the street, and I saw a lady going through the recycling stuff on the curb. Where I live (Korea) old people commonly collect cardboard for a small amount of money, and in those days (when I was more flush) I would try to contrive to give them some money. So I went up to this lady and handed her a chunk of money, and then made a dash to catch the walk signal to cross a busy road. Her face was really, really surprised, and she started to protest, but I was already crossing the street at that point. Oops. Oh well, I hope she bought herself a few beers or something with it…
 
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