Alcoholic Father Problem

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pwlj_christ87

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I have had an alcoholic father for ever since I can remember, which caused me alot of hurt when I was younger and feeling sad, dissappointed etc. I eventually rebelled because I couldnt stand being at home but I have changed my ways and choose not to drink at all. I still live at home unfortunately and my father continues to drink. He hides it and drinks large quantities of hard liquor. I am always optimistic everyday that he will come home sober and we can talk about things but when I see in his face that he is drunk I get dissappointed and upset and we can go for long periods without speaking. I get really angry and i am angry and upset now. What is even worse is my father does not go to church and has not been to confession since I can remember. He refuses because he feels he is not good enough for confession. What agravates me more and morei s the fact he is so ignorant and refuses to do anything about his problem, I dont understand the exact sciences of being an alcholic but for gods sake if one wanted to stop you could.

I am sorry i am upset right now but this has been bothering me for al ong time and it really ruins my mood. And then of course I am blamed for having a bad mood and the spiral of his alcohol continues.
 
Sorry to hear, alcohol can really tear families apart. I am sure we all know of some family out there that is hurting, because of someone who just won t stop drinking and their is so much help out there, but they have to do it themselves, (thats the hard part).
 
Look into an Al-Anon group. They can help you understand how to deal with his problems. You will be in our prayers.
 
I’m sorry. This must be tough. But don’t give up hope. I have several alcoholic friends who recovered. Anything is possible with God. I’ll be praying.
 
Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.

Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

†

Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.

Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

Amen.

†
 
Yes, your Dad can stop drinking but it is not as easy as it sounds. Believe me when I say that it has absolutely nothing to do with you (his drinking). His drinking affects you, but he does not drink because of you.

Al Anon is a good place for you to start. Will pray for you and will pray that your dad gets the help he needs to fight this demon.
 
pwlj_christ87 said:
I have had an alcoholic father for ever since I can remember, which caused me alot of hurt when I was younger and feeling sad, dissappointed etc. I eventually rebelled because I couldnt stand being at home but I have changed my ways and choose not to drink at all. I still live at home unfortunately and my father continues to drink. He hides it and drinks large quantities of hard liquor. I am always optimistic everyday that he will come home sober and we can talk about things but when I see in his face that he is drunk I get dissappointed and upset and we can go for long periods without speaking. I get really angry and i am angry and upset now. What is even worse is my father does not go to church and has not been to confession since I can remember. He refuses because he feels he is not good enough for confession. What agravates me more and morei s the fact he is so ignorant and refuses to do anything about his problem, I dont understand the exact sciences of being an alcholic but for gods sake if one wanted to stop you could.

I am sorry i am upset right now but this has been bothering me for al ong time and it really ruins my mood. And then of course I am blamed for having a bad mood and the spiral of his alcohol continues.
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Me and my dad’s relationship was JUST LIKE yours (exept my dad drank beer and didn’t hide it). He’s sober now and a different person I am proud of, despite our differences. He even apologized for all the wrongs he did that effected my life, saying everything was 100% his fault, not even 99% his fault and 1% my fault. He said he was the father and he drank when he should have been caring for me and playing with me and looking out for me, etc.

So there is alway hope.

I suggest you check out AlAnon, it might help. My dad quit when I was 15 and I went on a tear ruining my life for the next 10 years before I smarted up. We once went 2 years living in the same house without speaking or even making eye contact.

Good Luck and God Bless,
Bill
 
thank you guys, I have researched alot about alcoholism and I know a little with my own expierence, I just want for once and for all for things to be right, if you know what I mean. How can such a substance control so many people for so long it is really mind boggling.

What hurts me the most is that I feel he has saved me in the past numerous times from my own self destruction and that I feel I have to save him here now. A simple fix for me would be for him to return to the church, go to confession and work with God.

I dont know what I personally can do, I can either a) continue to ignore./semi ignore him when he is drunk (to show that I dont approve and that he has a choice between me or the alcohol) b) pretend everything is ok

but I simply cannot accept the fact he is an alcoholic. I dont think its right, I know he isnt hurting anyone but the degree to which he drinks seems like he wants it so bad to escape or just not feel anything at all, and then of course when sunday comes around he is asleep while I am church, as if it doesnt bother him at all.

We all have catholic roots, we come from poland a catholic country proud on its catholic traditions, I know his father (my grandfather) was a good catholic man and I know that he must be aware of the church. So I dont understand why he continues. vI prayed for him today at church during silent personal intentions and felt at peace that god will help me here. so ilook forward to the day when all is right
 
Like so many others have suggested: Al-Anon.

Check their website for meetings close to you. It is free and won’t cost you a thing, but what you get in return is priceless.
 
pwlj_christ87 said:
thank you guys, I have researched alot about alcoholism and I know a little with my own expierence, I just want for once and for all for things to be right, if you know what I mean. How can such a substance control so many people for so long it is really mind boggling.

What hurts me the most is that I feel he has saved me in the past numerous times from my own self destruction and that I feel I have to save him here now. A simple fix for me would be for him to return to the church, go to confession and work with God.

I dont know what I personally can do, I can either a) continue to ignore./semi ignore him when he is drunk (to show that I dont approve and that he has a choice between me or the alcohol) b) pretend everything is ok

but I simply cannot accept the fact he is an alcoholic. I dont think its right, I know he isnt hurting anyone but the degree to which he drinks seems like he wants it so bad to escape or just not feel anything at all, and then of course when sunday comes around he is asleep while I am church, as if it doesnt bother him at all.

We all have catholic roots, we come from poland a catholic country proud on its catholic traditions, I know his father (my grandfather) was a good catholic man and I know that he must be aware of the church. So I dont understand why he continues. vI prayed for him today at church during silent personal intentions and felt at peace that god will help me here. so ilook forward to the day when all is right
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Al-Anon in Poland

You can’t understand alcoholism because you’re not an alcoholic. Go to several Al-Anon meetings. It will help you to hear other people’s stories and learn new ways to detach with love from your father’s problem. Believe it or not, the quicker you detach from his alcoholism, the higher the chance that he actually will recover.

Hang in there. The friends and families of alcoholics who have been there and done that can help you more than anyone else.
 
Exactly - Al Anon is the place to start. For teenagers, Al-Ateen. You can learn there that you didn’t cause his alcoholism and you can’t stop it. But you can learn to live a healthy life yourself and detach from his drinking, let him deal with the consequences if any.
I used to rescue my husband from tough situations all the time, I never knew when I’d get a 3 AM phone call asking me to come pick him up, from a hospital or the police.
Al-Anon helped me leave him to deal with the consequences he created. Since the last time I declined to rescue him, he has drunk much less and less frequently.
Some of the concepts are difficult to wrap your head around at first, so it takes a few meetings to see what people are trying to say.
I hope you will give it a try.
 
pwlj_christ87 said:
thank you guys, I have researched alot about alcoholism and I know a little with my own expierence, I just want for once and for all for things to be right, if you know what I mean. How can such a substance control so many people for so long it is really mind boggling.

What hurts me the most is that I feel he has saved me in the past numerous times from my own self destruction and that I feel I have to save him here now. A simple fix for me would be for him to return to the church, go to confession and work with God.

I dont know what I personally can do, I can either a) continue to ignore./semi ignore him when he is drunk (to show that I dont approve and that he has a choice between me or the alcohol) b) pretend everything is ok

but I simply cannot accept the fact he is an alcoholic. I dont think its right, I know he isnt hurting anyone but the degree to which he drinks seems like he wants it so bad to escape or just not feel anything at all, and then of course when sunday comes around he is asleep while I am church, as if it doesnt bother him at all.

We all have catholic roots, we come from poland a catholic country proud on its catholic traditions, I know his father (my grandfather) was a good catholic man and I know that he must be aware of the church. So I dont understand why he continues. vI prayed for him today at church during silent personal intentions and felt at peace that god will help me here. so ilook forward to the day when all is right
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Maybe speak to a Priest about how to help your dad/get him to go to Church with you? My dad is also a eucharist minister now and goes to church 7 days/week. He didn’t go at all when I was growing up. I wish I could be his young son now so we could do it over again, bu we cant…
 
I agree. Al-Anon could be a big help.

You can also attend a couple of Open AA meetings to get a sense for what goes on there and listen. You’ll come away with a much clearer understanding of where your Dad sits with alcoholism and be better armed to help him when/if he hits bottom and is ready for help.

If you do attend an Open meeting, show up 20 minutes early, find a smiling comfortable-looking person of your own gender, and ask very direct questions. I promise you they will bend over backwards to speak with you and even quietly guide the discussion in the meeting in a way to give you more insight.

Send me a PM if you want to find out how to find an Open meeting near you.
 
pwlj_christ87 said:
I dont understand the exact sciences of being an alcholic but for gods sake if one wanted to stop you could.
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Don’t beat yourself up, and don’t imagine this is simple. It’s not. There is no exact science.

IMO (I’m an alcoholic - sober 4 years through AA), wanting to quit is not enough for hard core alcoholics. They need help from other alcoholics. Doesn’t have to be AA. But definitely needs to be from another alcoholic (or a group of them) who have credibility and can provide LONG TERM support. There is a huge emotional and phsychological piece (in addition to the physical addiction or obsession for more booze) related to recovery. A hard core alcoholic will not successfully quit on their own.
 
i will go to al anon, but isnt this ap rogram for alocholics? what is the point of me hearing stories of other alcoholics? no offence but it isnt exactly something i want to do, because i am already so dissappointed and dont want to get any madder… and i already have to deal with my father why would i want to put more alcoholics on my plate?? i do however want to go if it means i can learn things about how to detatch but who would that come from? i dont drive so getting to these places is difficult and i will only go if it is worth y time sorry to sound rude

is there a al anon strictly for just family members affected, because although i love alcoholics and wish them a recovery i dont exactly have the time to hear stories
 
Al Anon is for families/loved ones of alcoholics. Don’t get it confused with AA (Alcoholics Anonymous).

God Bless you. Let us know how it works out.
 
pwlj_christ87 said:
i will go to al anon, but isnt this ap rogram for alocholics? what is the point of me hearing stories of other alcoholics? no offence but it isnt exactly something i want to do, because i am already so dissappointed and dont want to get any madder… and i already have to deal with my father why would i want to put more alcoholics on my plate?? i do however want to go if it means i can learn things about how to detatch but who would that come from? i dont drive so getting to these places is difficult and i will only go if it is worth y time sorry to sound rude

is there a al anon strictly for just family members affected, because although i love alcoholics and wish them a recovery i dont exactly have the time to hear stories
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Al anon is for just the family members. You will hear the stories of the family memebers and how each deals with their friends/family’s problems with alcohol. You will learn stragedies to deal with it, when to disengage, when to say no, and even (in the case of driving) when to call the police to protect others. It will also give you a sence of boundaries and normalities and what you can expect in a recovery process.
 
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