I take it back, saw a yeti today, ( Bigfoot to you hillbilly types). It smelled something awful. After initial contact we communicated in rudimentary sign language. She indicated a belief in a false diety. I took a stick, drew the story of the Bible in the dirt of the Forrest. As we discussed the state of man/yeti she began to come on to me. And I fell in love with her as well, though already married, God said nothing of interspecieal immortal polygamy, so I explained to her as I clumsily fended off her advances, that in order of us to bring forth “holy” yumans ( yeti/ humans) we first needed a few things. After explaining marriage, the idea of shaving, and the concept of soap and toilet paper, I took the gleam in her eye and the guttural Wookiee like sound that emerged from deep in her throat as not animalistic lust, but rather a longing to be baptized. I quick grabbed a Bowie knife, rake, and some water from the nearby stream, built a rudimentary teeter totter with a fulcrum, I lifted a big rock ( I got the plans from my friend Wile E. Coyote). Threw the rock and with the Bowie knife in my teeth I rocketed upward to the head of my beloved. Once I wrestled my way to the top of her head I started hacking away at her hair, like coolio’s barber. Blazing a trail through the wilderness of hair until I reached scalp. At this point I was exhausted. The setting sun fell behind her hair in the canyon I had deforested. I sat to rest. Without thinking I noticed I was sipping the very material I needed! I stood up, used the rest of the water to speak the trinitarian formula over her. As I finished, a chipmunk parted through and took a sip from the stream.
Now, on to pre Cana classes and I can’t wait to see her in heaven…
My wife is gonna be so surprised!!!
Hey, God never said it couldn’t happen!!!
