Almost a legal adult, how do I tell my parents I want to attend mass?

[RiCami]

Hey everyone! My name is Ri, and I am 17, will be 18 in less than 2 weeks.
I have been interested in Catholicism for more than a year now, and have not been able to regulary attend Mass due to my parent being against it. Now that I am almost 18, I am hoping they will allow me to go, since I will be a legal adult. What I could really use are some suggestions on how to bring this subject up with them and explain my desire to attend without seeming like I am rebelling or am doing this “just because I can”. Any advice would be helpful

Thank you!

 

[Irishmom2]

Do you know how to drive? Perhaps you could ask if you could borrow the car to drive yourself to mass. You could tell them it is just something you are interested in looking further into. And that is the truth.

 

[hadulzo]

Maybe you should have a discussion on why they object. Do some research based on their reasons and defend your position with great respect for your parents. Hopefully a few inteligent discussion and they will come around.

 

[Xantippe]

Maybe you should have a discussion on why they object. Do some research based on their reasons and defend your position with great respect for your parents. Hopefully a few inteligent discussion and they will come around.

I do not recommend this approach.

“I’m going to church tomorrow morning–see you for lunch!” will get you a lot further.

 

[robertmidwest]

Hey everyone! My name is Ri, and I am 17, will be 18 in less than 2 weeks.
I have been interested in Catholicism for more than a year now, and have not been able to regulary attend Mass due to my parent being against it. Now that I am almost 18, I am hoping they will allow me to go, since I will be a legal adult. What I could really use are some suggestions on how to bring this subject up with them and explain my desire to attend without seeming like I am rebelling or am doing this “just because I can”. Any advice would be helpful

Thank you!

I think we need some more information. Are you from an evangelical background? Non-Christian background? What are your parents objections to the Catholic Church? Do you live in a country where it is not safe to be a Christian? What are your plans vocation wise… school, work, military?

 

[Xantippe]

I think we need some more information. Are you from an evangelical background? Non-Christian background? What are your parents objections to the Catholic Church? Do you live in a country where it is not safe to be a Christian? What are your plans vocation wise… school, work, military?

Those are very good questions.

 

[dshix]

OP,
I would definitely advise **against **the “I’m 18 now so I can go to church if I want to” approach. That will only alienate your parents.

Make sure that you are charitable with them at all times, and try to find a way you could go to mass in a way that inconveniences them as little as possible.

If your request to go to mass gets refused, persist. And persist. And persist. Persist gently, calmly, and lovingly, making sure to constantly communicate how happy it would make you to be permitted to go to mass, and how little the negative effect on them should be.

At all times, try to show your parents the best side of yourself, so they can see that this interest of yours is not harming you or harming your relationship with them.

 

[Mary_Estelle]

You might slowly increase your attendance to Mass and slowly your parents will figure it out if they haven’t already. I also like to watch the Mass on TV so you may be able to “introduce” them to the Mass occasionally. Don’t push it or become confortational. You have plenty of time. Peace.

 

[crystal_waters]

Hey everyone! My name is Ri, and I am 17, will be 18 in less than 2 weeks.
I have been interested in Catholicism for more than a year now, and have not been able to regulary attend Mass due to my parent being against it. Now that I am almost 18, I am hoping they will allow me to go, since I will be a legal adult. What I could really use are some suggestions on how to bring this subject up with them and explain my desire to attend without seeming like I am rebelling or am doing this “just because I can”. Any advice would be helpful

Thank you!

Can you get to mass on foot, by bus, taxi, do you drive, can you get a ride?..i dont see why you need to tell them if it could create any problems between you and your parents…tell them you attend mass or want to be catholic after you have moved out of their home, so they cant hold any sway over your life to try and make you stop going to mass

 

[mommy_k]

Just tell them you are attending mass. It’s a good thing, and see how it goes.

However, if your familly is anti-Catholic, they may not see it that way.

And if this is the case:
Be prepared for the speech-when you move out. and support yourself then you can do what you want. Right now, your age is just a number.
This is a classic speech, used by parents throughout time.

So you may have a few more years to wait.

You should obey your parents while living in their home, and keep harmony. God knows where your heart is-and you can read, pray and learn about Catholicism in the meantime.

 

[Anglewannabe]

Maybe you should have a discussion on why they object. Do some research based on their reasons and defend your position with great respect for your parents. Hopefully a few inteligent discussion and they will come around.

I as well strongly disagree with this approach. People who do not want their kids attending church are not open to discussion. And most parents do NOT want to learn the ways of the world from their child.

I would just go without telling them. After you move out, if they see you go to church every week and there is nothing they can do to change it, they will quit bringing up the subject.

The biggest part of being a practicing Catholic is learning to realize lots of people will think you are crazy for going to church and there is nothing you can do about it

 

[Memaw]

Hey everyone! My name is Ri, and I am 17, will be 18 in less than 2 weeks.
I have been interested in Catholicism for more than a year now, and have not been able to regulary attend Mass due to my parent being against it. Now that I am almost 18, I am hoping they will allow me to go, since I will be a legal adult. What I could really use are some suggestions on how to bring this subject up with them and explain my desire to attend without seeming like I am rebelling or am doing this “just because I can”. Any advice would be helpful

Thank you!

You should talk to the priest at the Catholic Church you would go to and let him help you. Perhaps he could even arrange a ride for you if necessary. Do you have any books or pamphlets you could leave laying around so they could get the idea you may be interested. But you want to be careful they don’t have SO MUCH objection that it discourages you from learning more about the Catholic Faith. If I were you, I would gradually learn more about the faith before you say anything to them, so you can defend it if necessary. Father would help you with that. Prayers and God Bless,

PS. Both my husbands were converts and even tho some in their families were not happy about it. Both of their Mothers thanked me. My first mother-in-law said his funeral, (he died in an accident), was the most beautiful she had ever attended. She had never been to a Catholic Mass before. My second mother-in-law told me later. “I know my son is in Heaven, because you and the boys prayed for him sooo much.” He suffered from heart trouble for years. She used to come visit us and would go to Mass with us too. I believe if she had lived closer, she would have converted also.

 

[Mary_Estelle]

I disagree with some of the advice of “just go.” or do what you please attitude. As long as a person lives in the home of a parent that person will always be that parents “child.” And as their “child” they should always honor the parents and not stir up any undue dust. Peace

 

[RiCami]

I think we need some more information. Are you from an evangelical background? Non-Christian background? What are your parents objections to the Catholic Church? Do you live in a country where it is not safe to be a Christian? What are your plans vocation wise… school, work, military?

I’m sorry, I should’ve elaborated.
My family is Evangelical and I have always been raised going to church.
My parents disagree with most all that the Catholic Church teaches. I have tried to get them to see both sides (gently; through asking questions, suggestions books that I myself was reading, etc.) , and though they have let me attend 2-3 Catholic events, they finally drew the line and said no more.

At this point, I am still unable to drive, but will most likely be able to by the coming fall. I can wait that long, if necessary.
I do know the youth leader at the church I’d like to attend well, and I’m sure he could get me in contact with the priest.

 

[Anglewannabe]

I disagree with some of the advice of “just go.” or do what you please attitude. As long as a person lives in the home of a parent that person will always be that parents “child.” And as their “child” they should always honor the parents and not stir up any undue dust. Peace

I somewhat agree with you. Some parents are very nosy as to the whereabouts of their kids as long as they make curfew. I was simply suggesting if her parents don’t ask where she is going, why bother telling

 

[Xantippe]

I disagree with some of the advice of “just go.” or do what you please attitude. As long as a person lives in the home of a parent that person will always be that parents “child.” And as their “child” they should always honor the parents and not stir up any undue dust. Peace

Eh, so if I, as a 40-year-old woman, was visiting parents who didn’t want me to go to Sunday Mass, I shouldn’t go to Sunday Mass?

At some point, it stops being “undue” dust.

 

[Mary_Estelle]

Eh, so if I, as a 40-year-old woman, was visiting parents who didn’t want me to go to Sunday Mass, I shouldn’t go to Sunday Mass?

At some point, it stops being “undue” dust.

Now, that is a silly post. Visiting by a 40 year old is not the same as living under the parents roof at 17-18 and probably dependent yet. really…

 

[Xantippe]

Now, that is a silly post. Visiting by a 40 year old is not the same as living under the parents roof at 17-18 and probably dependent yet. really…

But don’t you see that there is a continuum?

If the OP were to still be living at home at 28 or 30 (which many young people today are), would he or she still be bound not to go to Mass?

 

[heart4home]

But don’t you see that there is a continuum?

If the OP were to still be living at home at 28 or 30 (which many young people today are), would he or she still be bound not to go to Mass?

18, may legally make you an adult, but there are many things to consider, as to what really makes one an adult in a family.

Are there younger siblings in the home to be considered? How will it influence them?

Of course there comes a time where adult children become independent for the most part, even if still living at home, perhaps contributing some amount financially for things like cars, insurance, food etc., but it’s usually a gradual process.

I’d caution against using a "I’m 18 and so can do what I want” especially, if the OP is totally financially dependent still on their parents.

I’d suggest a heart to heart, if you haven’t had one already, to get a real understanding of what it is they oppose. Then maybe you will be better able to address their concerns.

 

[DarkLight]

I disagree with some of the advice of “just go.” or do what you please attitude. As long as a person lives in the home of a parent that person will always be that parents “child.” And as their “child” they should always honor the parents and not stir up any undue dust. Peace

I suspect that in many families, “just go” may actually be the option that stirs up the least dust. In my own experience, long discussions with parents who are firmly opposed to something tend not to go well - the parent often feels upset that their child is “talking back” to them and resists hearing points from their child. If the child does not give in even after a prolonged discussion, the parent may feel that the child is defying them and become more upset. Simply going to mass, with a minimum of fuss, and quietly enduring any slights and insults, may very well be the best option.