Almost ready to give up

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PrayingDuck

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I am almost at the point of giving up on Catholicism. I have concluded it is basically impossible to get into heaven. And I don’t think God wants me to live this way. Everything, it seems, is a mortal sin. I just learned about the sin of scandal, which to my understanding basically means that all of my sins are mortal because they set a bad example, which causes another to sin. My life is miserable. I can’t even talk without worrying if whatever I was going to say is inappropriate. If it even had a hint of a sexual undertone I can’t say it. I can’t kiss my boyfriend without worrying it might incite him to lust and therefore put both our souls in danger. Almost all music is sinful. I don’t want to live anymore and deal with this. If I was told tomorrow that I had six months to live I would be so happy because this torture would be over soon. You don’t have to worry about sin after you die. If I’m going to go to hell anyway even after trying so hard, what is the point? Heck, this post is probably scandal! I just don’t see a way to be happy, but I can’t believe God would put me on this earth just to be miserable.
 
Also, I’m not suicidal, so don’t worry about that. I realized it might sound that way.
 
I think many are not fully understanding mortal sin. Some of the mortal sins described by the Church are defined mortal because of their potential to seperate us from our relationship with God. Not all the sins commited are commited in the way mortal sin is meant to occur. You also have the Holy Spirit to guide your understanding of Church teaching. Remember, the Church does not know your heart. She does not claim to know your heart. She tells us the Lord Jesus, His Father and their Spirit ONLY, know your heart.

Please spend your time and your hope in doing good and knowing your relationship with the Lord. Your baptism is an appeal for a clear concience. Find your joy in your baptism. This is your unshakable faith which is the foundation of your life in Jesus! We do not believe in “assurance of salvation” as in, no matter what I do, or dont do, i am going to heaven because i said one prayer, or believed in faith alone, but never saw Gods work in ourselves. But we can and should have confidence that we are going to heaven because our faith is not superficial and has real change of heart!

Do you not Love Jesus? Then He will stir in your heart to depart from sin and more importantly fear the Lord as your only source of life. I pray for you to find joy in Him and freedom from oppression.

God Bless You,
Michael
 
Before coming to such conclusions please find a spiritual director you can trust. We all feel that way in some point or way in our lives. Be strong! Rest if you must but don’t ever quit! Remeber Jesus did not give up on you. God Bless!
 
Unfortunately, this is a very common way of thinking among us Catholics. I’ve been guilty of this as well.

If you think God “turns His back” on you if you sin, that is absolutely false. He loves you no matter what you do, and with a love stronger than death. As long as we’re in this body, we will sin. It’s inevitable. But it’s our response to the sin that really matters. We just need to trust Him, because we can’t do anything without His grace.

God is our Dad, not some monstrous tyrant. I know it’s a struggle, but you’re not alone. You have Jesus to lean on! And He won’t let you fall.

“Pray, hope, and don’t worry. Worry is useless. God is merciful and will hear your prayer.”
-Padre Pio

“Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”
Hebrews 12:1-2
 
1855 Mortal sin destroys charity in the heart of man by a grave violation of God’s law; it turns man away from God, who is his ultimate end and his beatitude, by preferring an inferior good to him.

Venial sin allows charity to subsist, even though it offends and wounds it.

1856 Mortal sin, by attacking the vital principle within us - that is, charity - necessitates a new initiative of God’s mercy and a conversion of heart which is normally accomplished within the setting of the sacrament of reconciliation:

When the will sets itself upon something that is of its nature incompatible with the charity that orients man toward his ultimate end, then the sin is mortal by its very object . . . whether it contradicts the love of God, such as blasphemy or perjury, or the love of neighbor, such as homicide or adultery. . . . But when the sinner’s will is set upon something that of its nature involves a disorder, but is not opposed to the love of God and neighbor,** such as thoughtless chatter or immoderate laughter and the like, such sins are venial**.130

1857 For a sin to be mortal, three conditions must together be met: "Mortal sin is sin whose object is grave matter and which is also committed with full knowledge and deliberate consent."131

-Catechism of the Catholic Church
 
We try as much as we can to live a life pleasing to God and to follow his commandments to love Him and our neighbour.

For the sins we recognize and fall into we have Confession available for us on a regular basis ,sometimes once a week or less or even daily if one lives a holy life in a monastery or so.

In the Bible it says to turn away from sin and do good,so we live our lives striving to do good following the commands of God to love him and love our neighbour,and to live out the Gospel message proclaiming Gods kingdom on earth and bringing the good news to all we meet and as many people as possible through the use of the gifts and talents God has bestowed on us.

God bless you
 
Life without Christ is more miserable than the struggle to follow Him and the rewards are literally the difference between Light and Dark, Life and Death.
The beauty of realizing what is drawing you away from God (sin) is that you can fully turn towards Christ, and grow in your relationship with the Trinity.
Call on Mary, Most Holy and Immaculate, Christ entrusted her to us and us to her, as she most perfectly is united with Him so as to carry us with her to Him.
There is also wonderful Christian music out there that is uplifting and also of pretty much any style (even some rap and hard rock styles).
The more you conform yourself to Christ the more truly free you are…

I am not a saint, and far from sinless, but sainthood is my goal. One baby step at a time. I am struggling every day to be His and thus one day join Him fully in Heaven. I am finding the more I give up of this ‘world of the flesh,’ including trying to steer clear of idle talk and speaking of others, the more room I have for Him to fill…and it feels INCREDIBLE! I know it may not always, but I pray daily to have the perseverance, the fortitude to carry through even if the feeling goes away.

The Catholic Church has been my support, my guide, my shelter. Without the Holy Sacrament, both in Mass and Adoration, I would not have even realized there was more to a relationship with God than rules and feelings… and there is. So very much more! The Church condemns no one, we condemn ourselves when we meet Christ face to face. The Church is our teacher, showing us what brings us closer, and what separates us…

Don’t give up! You will be giving up on the clearest straightest path to Jesus. You will be giving up on Yourself. If I have but one suggestion, it is to find a place of Adoration and go, daily if that is what it takes. Then simply: “Be still and know that I AM” (ha,ha easier said than done).

God Bless you will be in my prayers.
 
Please don’t give up so that you won’t go to hell – hell will be eternal and a trillion times worse on you than your present life. Please believe me! Take up your cross daily and follow Me, says Jesus. Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, with all thy mind, with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, says the Lord God in the First Commandment. Don’t love the world – love God. God bless you.
 
Thanks everyone. It helps to know other people feel the same way. I know I struggle with scrupulosity from time to time, so maybe this is just a bout of that, but part of me feels like this is what is necessary to become a saint. Even things that aren’t necessarily sinful but are maybe improper, I feel I must avoid because I must strive for perfection, and the saints wouldn’t have done such things. I wish I could think of an example. But the thing is, I don’t even really want to be perfect in that way. Sinless, sure, but perfect and proper is no fun. I love salt of the earth, small town type people, and I want to just live a quiet small town blue collar life in the mountains or the country, but most of those kind of people I’ve met aren’t Catholic and–I hope I don’t offend anyone–often blue collar jobs don’t lend themselves well to propriety so I feel like I can’t go live the life I want. I’m just very preoccupied with all of it and I don’t want to be a holier than thou type person where the only thing I talk about or think about is God. But I feel like that’s wrong to feel that way. I don’t even know anymore.
 
PrayingDuck said:
Thanks everyone. It helps to know other people feel the same way. I know I struggle with scrupulosity from time to time, so maybe this is just a bout of that, but part of me feels like this is what is necessary to become a saint. Even things that aren’t necessarily sinful but are maybe improper, I feel I must avoid because I must strive for perfection, and the saints wouldn’t have done such things. I wish I could think of an example. But the thing is, I don’t even really want to be perfect in that way. Sinless, sure, but perfect and proper is no fun. I love salt of the earth, small town type people, and I want to just live a quiet small town blue collar life in the mountains or the country, but most of those kind of people I’ve met aren’t Catholic and–I hope I don’t offend anyone–often blue collar jobs don’t lend themselves well to propriety so I feel like I can’t go live the life I want. I’m just very preoccupied with all of it and I don’t want to be a holier than thou type person where the only thing I talk about or think about is God. But I feel like that’s wrong to feel that way. I don’t even know anymore.
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Well if it don’t kill you it will make you stronger. Always remember this old saying and it’s very true…“The grace of God will never lead you where the Grace of God cannot keep you!” God Bless!
 
PrayingDuck said:
Thanks everyone. It helps to know other people feel the same way. I know I struggle with scrupulosity from time to time, so maybe this is just a bout of that, but part of me feels like this is what is necessary to become a saint. Even things that aren’t necessarily sinful but are maybe improper, I feel I must avoid because I must strive for perfection, and the saints wouldn’t have done such things. I wish I could think of an example. But the thing is, I don’t even really want to be perfect in that way. Sinless, sure, but perfect and proper is no fun. I love salt of the earth, small town type people, and I want to just live a quiet small town blue collar life in the mountains or the country, but most of those kind of people I’ve met aren’t Catholic and–I hope I don’t offend anyone–often blue collar jobs don’t lend themselves well to propriety so I feel like I can’t go live the life I want. I’m just very preoccupied with all of it and I don’t want to be a holier than thou type person where the only thing I talk about or think about is God. But I feel like that’s wrong to feel that way. I don’t even know anymore.
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Thanks for your honesty. This is definitely a frame of mind that many Catholics can relate to.

Try to remember a couple things Jesus taught…
One is In John 12:25
“Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.”
I think this applies to your view about the life you seek. But trust me, it applies to all of us. Thank Jesus for His grace and forgiveness. I need to remind myself all the time to remember not to plan my life as though i am in control. Read James 4:13-17! Very cool, that James!!!

Another is A parable from the Lord in Matthew 18:23
This parable touches on several things like loving others as Christ loves us, and Purgatory. But i thought of it with you because the important thing is at the very end. Jesus says,"…if you do not forgive your brother from your heart."
Now, if you consider what makes the saints pure and holy is not their works, but their heart! The Lord knows how to form and create our hearts to be pure. The parable addresses Gods purging after this life, but we should not wait til then. We should let God transform our hearts here and now.

This is what we Catholics need to put in the forefront of our desire to depart from evil. Its not just about avoiding an action but taking out the root of sinfulness. All else will be overcome from there.

Thanks for bringing up this important issue. I am comforted that you are sincere. I pray that you will be strengthened by your Saviour! Do not be discouraged. God bless your relationship, also…or wherever God leads you:)

Michael
 
“God never tires of forgiving us. It is we who get tired of asking for forgiveness.” ~unkown
 
  • JMJ +
Maybe that is what you should be doing: give up.

Jesus did say: “Be perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect.” But isn’t it the closest we can get to the Father’s perfection is following His will? Well let me ask you: is it His will that you would be as perfect in virtues as the Blessed Mother? Are you supposed to be as great as St. John the Baptist, who Jesus said is the greatest of the children of men? Are you called to be as heroic as the Apostles?

We sometimes get frustrated and burned out on our own spiritual growth because we try our hardest to run past God’s own will for us spiritually. Maybe what we should do is give up on our ideas on how holy we should be and be content with God’s will on how holy we should be. Once we do that, we may find ourselves more peaceful, because as St. Augustine said, “Our hearts are restless until we rest in thee, O Lord.” for by doing this we will find ourselves not trying to run past God’s will, but resting, even riding God’s will. You might even find yourself growing even faster in virtue, for if you follow God’s will, then God is with you, and “If God is for us, then who can go against us?”
 
PrayingDuck said:
I am almost at the point of giving up on Catholicism. I have concluded it is basically impossible to get into heaven. And I don’t think God wants me to live this way. Everything, it seems, is a mortal sin. I just learned about the sin of scandal, which to my understanding basically means that all of my sins are mortal because they set a bad example, which causes another to sin. My life is miserable. I can’t even talk without worrying if whatever I was going to say is inappropriate. If it even had a hint of a sexual undertone I can’t say it. I can’t kiss my boyfriend without worrying it might incite him to lust and therefore put both our souls in danger. Almost all music is sinful. I don’t want to live anymore and deal with this. If I was told tomorrow that I had six months to live I would be so happy because this torture would be over soon. You don’t have to worry about sin after you die. If I’m going to go to hell anyway even after trying so hard, what is the point? Heck, this post is probably scandal! I just don’t see a way to be happy, but I can’t believe God would put me on this earth just to be miserable.
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God is goodness and mercy itself. What matters is that you keep struggling to do God’s will and repent and go to Confession whenever you fail. If you do this, God will run to you to meet you halfway in the confessional. Think of repenting and going to Confession like how we need to get a bath regularly since we get dirty from just being in a world that is full of dirt. In Catholicism there’s Purgatory which is like the doorstep of Heaven for those who die in friendship with God but who weren’t perfected while in this world. The good news about that is everyone who goes to Purgatory eventually ends up in Heaven.
 
You seem to be struggling with scrupulosity and you are beating up on yourself.

Remember, Jesus said to love your neighbor as yourself. Generally, we treat others how we treat ourselves. So you really do need to be gentle with yourself and give yourself a break.

Over the years, you will learn to recognize some of the devil’s strategies to try and separate us from God. Thinking that you are not good enough, or unforgivable etc. are just the devil’s lies. I like to use a short prayer to St. Michael when I am tempted to go down this road. Remember, all of the devil’s strategies are lies designed to try and separate us from God. If we stay connected to God, and keep seeking Him and His forgiveness, then you are going to Heaven. God is not sitting back waiting for you to make a mistake so He can judge you. He is actively working for your good and growth.

In fact, I have also learned when the devil hits me the hardest, it usually means I am moving in the right direction. So, the answer is to keep moving forward, but stay closer to God on the journey.

So, never doubt God’s love for you. I have also been told more than once in confession that something is not even a sin. So you are not alone in dealing with this.

If it gets too bad, get some counseling. Otherwise, make a point to block out regular time for things you enjoy whether that is something fun, exercise, or whatever,

Although, I think most of what you are worried about is not even a sin, I did hear one sermon that suggested that denying ourselves recreation makes sin more likely since we falsely try and make our lives hard.

So I would say, have some fun. Forgive yourself and you will be easier on others. Exercise solves a host of problems. Consider reading 10 pages a day of some sort of motivational / inspirational book to learn the perspective of others. Never doubt God’s forgiveness even if you do sin, no matter how often you need to seek it.

You sound like a good person.

Good luck.
 
God calls us to holiness and perfection – not to love the world and be lukewarm. Perfection may be unattainable, but God still commands us be perfect as His heavenly Father is perfect – that means we must try our best to be perfect, even if we shall never attain to this perfection. If you love pleasing the world more than pleasing God you will end up in hell, my friend. You don’t have to be stuffy around people, you can be meek, humble, chaste, sincere, charitable, humorous and live a good Christian life – and people like people with these qualities. You are just a pilgrim on this earth and heaven is your home; do not live like this earth is your home and final destination – heaven is. If you deny Jesus in this life and do not follow after Him, taking up your cross daily, then He will deny you. He did tell us clearly and plainly that if we deny Him, then He will deny us. Try hard to persevere in faith and in a state of grace! God bless you.
 
rcwitness said:
**Now, if you consider what makes the saints pure and holy is not their works, but their heart! **The Lord knows how to form and create our hearts to be pure. The parable addresses Gods purging after this life, but we should not wait til then. We should let God transform our hearts here and now.

This is what we Catholics need to put in the forefront of our desire to depart from evil. Its not just about avoiding an action but taking out the root of sinfulness. All else will be overcome from there.
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Scrupulosity is a horrible thing to deal with, and hanging around CAF can sometimes cause a person to become more scrupulous as they learn more about the Church’s teachings. If they don’t already, they start looking for sin everywhere. They find very detailed examination of conscience lists that make almost everything out to be a mortal sin.

I have to take breaks from CAF from time to time to get my head back on straight and that God does love us and is not the “fire and brimstone” God that some make Him out to be. One priest I have recently gone to confession with told me that the easy way to tell if something is a sin (without consulting all those lists, etc.) is to ask yourself, "Am I being loving?" Am I loving God? (first three Commandments) Am I loving my neighbor? (the rest of the Commandments) Am I loving myself? (things like gluttony and sexual sin)
 
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