Alone and unhappy

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The Bible says that God looked at Adam and said, “It is not good for man to be alone.”

I wish he felt the same way when he looked at me.

In less than a month, I will be thirty. In a cruel bit of irony, I was born on the Feast of St. Joseph, patron saint of husbands and fathers. I am not married. I have no girlfriend. I have no ex-girlfriend. I have been immediately rejected by every woman I have been attracted to. I have been immediately rejected by every woman I have found unattractive. All this leads me to one inescapable conclusion: God has a plan for me, and in this plan I am not supposed to be the recipient of romantic love.

I pray for the strength to accept God’s plan for me, and doing so brings me to tears.

I know that my affections are unwelcome, and that people are happier without them. I know that I would be unhappy if someone I cared about was unhappy. Therefore, I can deduce that being in a romantic relationship with another person would make both of us unhappy, and that it is therefore good that I should be alone.

Still, this desire to be desired builds up in me like a silent scream. I feel it as a pressure that drills its way from the base of my skull until it presses on the back of my eyes. Inevitably, I must retreat to a place where no one can see me and release the pressure by weeping. I feel comforted by the familiarity of the hot tears streaming down my cheeks, and I know that this is how things must be.

I just wish I didn’t want it so badly.
 
That’s terrible to hear that you have been feeling so sad and upset about this topic. I can completely understand you. It makes me mad that girls did not give you a chance to get to know you, how can they know if they would like you or not if they don’t even try to get to know you better and spend some time with you. If this makes you feel better in some cultures people date later so you’re not alone. My cousin is almost 30 and has never had a boyfriend and this is not at all uncommon in Asia.
 
JorduSpeaks said:
The Bible says that God looked at Adam and said, “It is not good for man to be alone.”

I wish he felt the same way when he looked at me.

In less than a month, I will be thirty. In a cruel bit of irony, I was born on the Feast of St. Joseph, patron saint of husbands and fathers. I am not married. I have no girlfriend. I have no ex-girlfriend. I have been immediately rejected by every woman I have been attracted to. I have been immediately rejected by every woman I have found unattractive. All this leads me to one inescapable conclusion: God has a plan for me, and in this plan I am not supposed to be the recipient of romantic love.

I pray for the strength to accept God’s plan for me, and doing so brings me to tears.

I know that my affections are unwelcome, and that people are happier without them. I know that I would be unhappy if someone I cared about was unhappy. Therefore, I can deduce that being in a romantic relationship with another person would make both of us unhappy, and that it is therefore good that I should be alone.

Still, this desire to be desired builds up in me like a silent scream. I feel it as a pressure that drills its way from the base of my skull until it presses on the back of my eyes. Inevitably, I must retreat to a place where no one can see me and release the pressure by weeping. I feel comforted by the familiarity of the hot tears streaming down my cheeks, and I know that this is how things must be.

I just wish I didn’t want it so badly.
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Sorry to hear this, and praying for you. 🙂

Also, take heart from the fact that I was single until the age of 33, and I was no “love machine” before that. 🙂
 
RPRPsych said:
Sorry to hear this, and praying for you. 🙂

Also, take heart from the fact that I was single until the age of 33, and I was no “love machine” before that. 🙂
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My husband and I married when he was 28. I was the first person he dated.
 
Maybe you are trying too hard. Is there a singles group at your church? Local coffee shop? Praying for you to find fulfillment in whatever God has planned for you.
 
Not being marrie before the age of 30 isn’t the end of the world. God has plans for you, they just may not be apparent yet. The women you have approached before may not have been “available.” I mean, they are either in another relationship or just not ready for one yet. I’m 51 and have had one disaster of a marriage behind me, so that isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Of course, I haven’t given up on finding love yet. It may still be out there, but I’m trying to be open to God’s calling on my life. That’s the important part, being open to God’s calling.
 
I suggest not focusing on dating and simply find activities to do. Go to a gym, go jogging, learn martial arts, learn how to play a musical instrument, join a club at the local library, volunteer for a Church activity, join a volunteer organization (fire department, ambulance, company), go volunteer at a hospital, etc. Let life happen, and you will find someone.

What happens with some people is they are desperate for a date, and they exude that desperation. It is sensed by others and is an immediate turn-off. Get out in public, do whatever duty you choose to do with confidence, and the rest will happen.
 
My dad didn’t get married til he was 35…and he and mom had 7 children!!! If God wants you to be married He will make sure you meet the person He has in mind for you. Focus on doing His will, being content and busy, and take each day as a gift. That attitude alone is attractive to others.

Will say a prayer for you.
 
God gives us all great gifts but often we never discover them when we are too focused on those gifts we were not given.
 
By bro in law was 40 when he met his future wife and had never had a girlfriend. They now have four children - he’s in his mid 50s.

Count your blessings as they are - Deus Tecum has great advice there - and praise God for the life you have NOW!
 
Life does have it’s frustrations. For perspective, being in a relationship isn’t all roses.

You are a great inspiration to folks trying to live correctly as single in this world.

Glad you had a place to vent.

What’s great is you can go to a Church and sit and chat with Jesus.

He’ll figure it out for you. Just be open to what comes along, and keep hitting the sacraments. Gather those graces.

Take care,
 
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