Alone, Confused

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Norm640

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I am 37 years old. I live in a small college town. Therefore, the only women my age are either married with children or single with children. I’ve only been in one major relationship, and that was very long distance. I am a virgin. I am an ugly man.

I am struggling to understand why I feel the way I do about things. There is a girl I know, she lives about 20 miles from me. We never met in person, but on Facebook. She is married and has children. She is beautiful, could easily be a model. And I guess I kind of fell for her. Well she wanted nothing to do with that, she says. Yet today I was browsing on there and I see her profile again and she is showing off her body. She is always showing off her looks.

And instantly I felt sad, or something. I don’t know what. Like maybe I feel bad because maybe she is looking for someone but doesn’t want me? Or maybe she is just a big huge flirt which I also cannot understand because she is married and has children.

I guess I don’t understand why women act the way they do. If I found a pretty woman like that would she act that way? But then I realize that maybe I’m too jealous, and that is why I am so alone.

I know that underlying all of this is the fact that me wanting her is a sin. But what is she doing? And does God care that I feel so alone and worthless?

I have nothing in my life. No job (for almost 2 years now), no home, and no car (my truck died in October). I am ugly. There is no one to wish me good morning and no one to wish me good night. I recognize that this may be a cross of mine to bear, but I already have OCD (which might be why I’m alone). Do I need the misery compounded?

This girl I mentioned told me once that confidence is key to meeting women. Really? I find it hard to believe. I don’t understand women, I don’t understand this world. I want someone to love me for me, but I also want someone to think I’m good looking.

I want to be known for something. I want someone to think of me. I don’t know why these little things set me off on a tangent.

When will I be happy? How can I be happy?

My life feels like it’s almost over. I am just tired. I am sad. I don’t know what to do or how to do it. I take massive amounts of sleeping pills just to be able to sleep at night. I go to the gym, the highlight of my day, but then feel bad because there are all these beautiful women who don’t look at me.

I don’t know what to do…does anyone have any constructive advice? Besides what I already know: that wanting married women is sinful.

It seems to me like this world is just all about looks now…or money…and I have neither…
 
For what it is worth, I did not find my wife until I stopped looking. Then one thing led to another and it is now 21 years later. Don’t give up hope, give this up to prayer. It does work.
 
friarpark said:
For what it is worth, I did not find my wife until I stopped looking. Then one thing led to another and it is now 21 years later. Don’t give up hope, give this up to prayer. It does work.
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I was 40 when we had our first kid, 44 for the 2nd. Late romances happen.
 
I feel just like you. Worse even. I pray you feel better. I shouldn’t feel like this. I know I’ve been blessed in many ways. Still I am very depressed.
 
I don’t know if it is possible to feel as low as I do…I am just tired. I come to think everything is about looks and money, and I have neither. Men define their worth by their relationships and their careers…anyway, I appreciate your words. Somehow I’m still here…I am just on the verge of madness with being so alone…and I see a pretty woman and I can’t talk to her …and I feel worthless around her…I wish I could go back in time to before I got OCD and do things differently.

I appreciate your kind words.
 
Norm, I think the former poster hit the nail on the head: when he quit looking, he met his wife. It’s only natural that we desire a companion to share our life with…God instilled us with that desire. However, no companion, except our Lord, can give us the unconditional love and meaning that you are looking for. Seek Him first. Let Him build your confidence and give your life purpose and meaning. The world may say happiness comes from looks and wealth, but, at the end of the day, I’d rather have a loving relationship with Christ and His Church. God bless! I’ll be praying for you to have the opportunity to serve in building His kingdom and also for a way to earn a living too, and when the time is right, to meet the right girl!
 
friarpark said:
For what it is worth, I did not find my wife until I stopped looking. Then one thing led to another and it is now 21 years later. Don’t give up hope, give this up to prayer. It does work.
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I’ve seen this happen a number of times. To the OP: Just pray and keep going.

BTW, I’m a woman, and I married a man who thought he wasn’t much to look at. Men have different standards for themselves than women have for them. You’re probably exactly what some woman is looking for. My hubby is cute in his own way, and he has a great personality and that’s what I really loved, and still do.

PS: Don’t lose hope and keep caring about yourself. Go to a few events every month so you get to know people, and that someone will probably cross your path soon.

PS: Stay away from married people flirting on the internet like this girl you describe. Who knows what the motivation for that is? Yikes!
 
Norm640 said:
I am 37 years old. I live in a small college town. Therefore, the only women my age are either married with children or single with children. I’ve only been in one major relationship, and that was very long distance. I am a virgin. I am an ugly man.

I am struggling to understand why I feel the way I do about things. There is a girl I know, she lives about 20 miles from me. We never met in person, but on Facebook. She is married and has children. She is beautiful, could easily be a model. And I guess I kind of fell for her. Well she wanted nothing to do with that, she says. Yet today I was browsing on there and I see her profile again and she is showing off her body. She is always showing off her looks.

And instantly I felt sad, or something. I don’t know what. Like maybe I feel bad because maybe she is looking for someone but doesn’t want me? Or maybe she is just a big huge flirt which I also cannot understand because she is married and has children.

I guess I don’t understand why women act the way they do. If I found a pretty woman like that would she act that way? But then I realize that maybe I’m too jealous, and that is why I am so alone.

I know that underlying all of this is the fact that me wanting her is a sin. But what is she doing? And does God care that I feel so alone and worthless?

I have nothing in my life. No job (for almost 2 years now), no home, and no car (my truck died in October). I am ugly. There is no one to wish me good morning and no one to wish me good night. I recognize that this may be a cross of mine to bear, but I already have OCD (which might be why I’m alone). Do I need the misery compounded?

This girl I mentioned told me once that confidence is key to meeting women. Really? I find it hard to believe. I don’t understand women, I don’t understand this world. I want someone to love me for me, but I also want someone to think I’m good looking.

I want to be known for something. I want someone to think of me. I don’t know why these little things set me off on a tangent.

When will I be happy? How can I be happy?

My life feels like it’s almost over. I am just tired. I am sad. I don’t know what to do or how to do it. I take massive amounts of sleeping pills just to be able to sleep at night. I go to the gym, the highlight of my day, but then feel bad because there are all these beautiful women who don’t look at me.

I don’t know what to do…does anyone have any constructive advice? Besides what I already know: that wanting married women is sinful.

It seems to me like this world is just all about looks now…or money…and I have neither…
Click to expand...
You say you’re in a college town and unemployed. Have you ever considered visiting the financial aid office and seeing if you can get a Pell grant or something to take a class? Some of those things are awarded on the basis of financial need. There are lots of new people to meet walking around a campus and attending a class.
 
Life is full of joys and sorrows, and this is why Christ wants people to focus on him. I know it is very tough at times, and may take a while to get the hang of it, or not. I’ve hit the ground more times than I can remember. Every time I got back up, picked up my cross again, then consulted with Christ on the matter.

I’ve said a prayer for you and I hope your life will start changing for the better. Here are a couple video clips I keep in my YouTube favorites when I feel down. I hope something here will help give you courage.

Jesus Christ And The Sermon On The Mount
youtube.com/watch?v=GfNn7JWm3H8

The Lilies Of The Field
youtube.com/watch?v=2FSRxWvVjdE

That’s My King Dr. S.M. Lockridge
youtube.com/watch?v=yzqTFNfeDnE
 
@iloveangels … well I don’t have anything in common with 22 year old women. I graduated from this college in 1999, but this is also my hometown. I tried to date a 24 year old in May…she stood me up. It hurt incredibly so.

I don’t know why things are so hard for me. And you know, I’d like to believe women aren’t all about looks, and I’ve seen ugly men with beautiful women before (the girl I mentioned in my original post is such a case). That just makes me even more depressed. Because I don’t know how that works…seems like luck.

THere are people that are nominally Christian and have success in money and relationships. I’m not a great Catholic, but I pray a lot and have for decades.

I guess I would sort of just like to be desired by a woman. Has never happened for me. And I know I should count my blessings…but when you feel so alone and misunderstood…and you watch the years go by and everyone you know being married and having children and doing good things…it builds.

Thanks for your prayers, everyone. Maybe I’m just too crazy to be helped by God. Maybe me not being with someone is Him telling me that I’m better alone…or that I have to be alone.

But thanks, for now I’m still here. I hope I can get through the winter.
 
Norm640 said:
Maybe I’m just too crazy to be helped by God. Maybe me not being with someone is Him telling me that I’m better alone…or that I have to be alone
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That my friend is the root of your problem. Do not let evil influence you like that. When and where did Christ ever say he won’t help you? Don’t put your words in to his mouth. Please watch the 3rd video link I posted.
 
Everything your saying seems perfectly normal to me. Your not crazy! I’ve felt so bad at times that I’ve wanted to kill myself. I get up everyday and keep trying and God willing I always will. Just keep trying.
 
@ThunderCrack …if I let evil win, I wouldn’t be here. But waiting gets old fast. Especially when every day something else happens to you that brings you down further. I recognize the evil, but it is so hard to find an answer from God. Hoping gets tiresome after a while. It just does. I know what you’re saying. I’m still here.
 
Norm I am sorry you are feeling so low.
You are feeling this way because at the moment in your life your self esteem has been knocked.
My suggestion to you is to join a new club or hobby where you will have the opportunity to meet new friends and perhaps one friendship may develop into something more!
Internet is a strange thing.On FB we come across complete strangers who we think we come to know.The problem is without meeting someone face to face we cannot see someone’s personality or measure what they truly mean by their ‘posts’.
It is far better to try to make new friends and try to forget about meeting a wife and that is when it is likely to happen.
Many women feel as you do and are in a similar situation to you.It is not just a man thing.If you search through the threads here you will see in this prayer forum even where women have prayed for the very same thing!
I really think you joining a club/starting a new hobby will open new opportunities to make new friends and broaden your horizons.Through making new friends your self esteem will grow again too.
God bless you my friend.You have a lot to offer new friends and have a wonderful soul 🙂

Memorare (Prayer to Our Lady)
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me. Amen
 
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