Along the lines of addicitions

[mamamayi]

same old story as so many other women on here…my husband has addictions to chatting and online women…porn etc. But I have a question about it.

should I be consistently checking on him?

2 weeks ago we had the big talk all over again where I find out and he promises blah blah blah…Of course I do not and never will trust him. So I check his stuff. ALL THE TIME. He knows I will be checking ( we talked about how I should have access to all the passwords etc) But I do not trust him! He promises me he hasn’t done any more–but I check and I have suspicisons such as I noticed in the history that he facebooked someone I don’t approve of but the facebook convo is deleted so I really have nothing to go on. I check his stuff all the time so much its making me sick and crazy.

the point is all this checking is driving me CRAZY!!! I feel like I am obsessing about it all the time.

Should I keep it up ? Should I just let it go and trust that he is not doing wrong–?
what would others do in my situation? Just believe he is not doing it? Check anyway?
I feel like I have to fight for his soul.

and btw he does go to confession, couselling, mass etc…_

 

[JM3]

should I be consistently checking on him?

No.

Of course I do not and never will trust him.

The “Our Father” says, “forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us”.

I read somewhere, don’t remember where (St Faustina, maybe?), a priest wanted proof that the vision of Jesus was real. He said that if it was really Jesus, that He would know the sins he had confessed at his last confession. When this was relayed to Jesus, He smiled and said that He didn’t remember.

Forgiveness is forgetting what has been done, as though it had never happened. It is something that we all struggle to achieve.

Should I keep it up ?

No.

Should I just let it go?

Yes.

I feel like I have to fight for his soul.

Prayer is your best weapon. St. Monica used this weapon and her son, eventually, became a saint.

You will have to decide whether you and your husband are committed to this marraige and to each other.

 

[Auntie_A]

Forgiveness and trust are different.
You can’t do all the work; he has to repair the broken trust, too.
Your checking does not necessarily help him; it does help your own curiosity to a degree, but ultimately it seems to be making you anxious.
Are both of you getting counselling, support group, spiritual counselling?

I’m sure other Catholic couples have gone through this, sad to say; is there a family group for this problem? The support group for him might be SLA (sex and love addicts) Is there something like an Al-anon? They might have the best answers to your questions.

I am so sorry you are going through this and will pray for you and your husband.

 

[ricofall]

should I be consistently checking on him?

Yes. But not behind his back. Be his partner, not his overlord.

the point is all this checking is driving me CRAZY!!! I feel like I am obsessing about it all the time.

You are but its ok. It is what the results of his addiction and sin are causing. Just do not let it control you.

Should I keep it up ? Should I just let it go and trust that he is not doing wrong–?
what would others do in my situation? Just believe he is not doing it? Check anyway?
I feel like I have to fight for his soul.

Again, yes you need to fight for his soul. Forgive him yes, but that does not mean not to help him overcome this addiction.
Many times, guys do not understand that they have some type of sexual addiction. By what your are saying, he is getting a high from the attention. He may feel as long as he is not physically there, than it is doing no real harm. Eventually, he will want to raise the stakes and push it to physical levels. You are married to him, you need to fight when he is weak, even if he will not fight for himself.I have known marrieds of friends that gone down this path.

I pray for you and him.

 

[Pat_Payne]

I’m sure other Catholic couples have gone through this, sad to say; is there a family group for this problem? The support group for him might be SLA (sex and love addicts) Is there something like an Al-anon? They might have the best answers to your questions.

I am so sorry you are going through this and will pray for you and your husband.

Personally, I would not suggest SLA – their methods and definition of sobriety allow for a bit of “wiggle room” by letting the addict and his or her sponsor set a sobriety definition. Instead I’d suggest Sexaholics Anonymous, as their sobriety definition is pretty much the Catholic standard (no sex with self or others, except with an opposite-sex spouse in a traditional marriage). For spouses or others helping the addict, they have S-Anon.

 

[Auntie_A]

Personally, I would not suggest SLA – their methods and definition of sobriety allow for a bit of “wiggle room” by letting the addict and his or her sponsor set a sobriety definition. Instead I’d suggest Sexaholics Anonymous, as their sobriety definition is pretty much the Catholic standard (no sex with self or others, except with an opposite-sex spouse in a traditional marriage). For spouses or others helping the addict, they have S-Anon.

Thank you for clarifying; I never knew the difference.