Alright...Scrupulosity or Barrier to Confession?

[Fuerza]

I should start by saying that I had an extreme tendency towards scrupulosity when I was younger which I have largely outgrown. However, occasionally I still find myself in a situation in which my former tendency makes a comeback:

I’m planning on going to confession this week for Divine Mercy Sunday, which got me doing an examination of conscience. Here’s the situation: My wife and I live in an apartment complex which allows 3 cats, which is what we had when we moved in a year ago. We now have 4. How we ended up with 4 is a long story, so let me just say that the ones we have are the one for whom we could not find suitable homes for adoption. We do not hide the fact that we have 4; they openly sit in the window, and several people, including our maintenance supervisor and the manager of a sister property (and, therefore, probably the manager of our own property) know about them. If asked directly, I would not lie about it, however I have zero intention of volunteering this information to the company which owns the property.

This may sound ridiculous to some of you, but given the above scenario, can I actually go to confession, or is this a situation that I somehow have to end first?

 

[sheila0405]

I should start by saying that I had an extreme tendency towards scrupulosity when I was younger which I have largely outgrown. However, occasionally I still find myself in a situation in which my former tendency makes a comeback:

I’m planning on going to confession this week for Divine Mercy Sunday, which got me doing an examination of conscience. Here’s the situation: My wife and I live in an apartment complex which allows 3 cats, which is what we had when we moved in a year ago. We now have 4. How we ended up with 4 is a long story, so let me just say that the ones we have are the one for whom we could not find suitable homes for adoption. We do not hide the fact that we have 4; they openly sit in the window, and several people, including our maintenance supervisor and the manager of a sister property (and, therefore, probably the manager of our own property) know about them. If asked directly, I would not lie about it, however I have zero intention of volunteering this information to the company which owns the property.

This may sound ridiculous to some of you, but given the above scenario, can I actually go to confession, or is this a situation that I somehow have to end first?

The purpose of Confession is more than just being absolved of your sin. There needs to also be some sort of reparation/penance, too. You obviously believe that what you are doing is wrong. You need to firmly resolve not to sin again when you confess. Do you intend to go back to three cats? For me, finding the resolve to remove what is sinful in my life, is a pre-requisite for Confession. I do not have true repentance and contrition if I do not intend to stop the sin I am confessing.

 

[Fuerza]

The purpose of Confession is more than just being absolved of your sin. There needs to also be some sort of reparation/penance, too. You obviously believe that what you are doing is wrong. You need to firmly resolve not to sin again when you confess. Do you intend to go back to three cats? For me, finding the resolve to remove what is sinful in my life, is a pre-requisite for Confession. I do not have true repentance and contrition if I do not intend to stop the sin I am confessing.

I don’t know if what I’m doing is wrong. That’s why I asked the question.

 

[Paul2274]

Is having an extra cat breaking one of God’s laws? Uh… Now I’m confused. If the landlord said that only unmarried couples could live there and you hid your marriage would that break a commandment and therefore be a sin?

Paul

 

[Fuerza]

Is having an extra cat breaking one of God’s laws? Uh… Now I’m confused. If the landlord said that only unmarried couples could live there and you hid your marriage would that break a commandment and therefore be a sin?

Paul

Now you can see why I’m confused. Having an extra cat is not intrinsically sinful, and I’m not lying about it or going out of my way to hide it. I’m simply not advertising the fact. That’s why I"m confused. I guess the real question is, “Is going against the owner’s policy in this situation sinful?”

Now I know that we’re not dealing with mortal sin here, but even staying in venial sin could be a barrier to confession.

 

[Magicsilence]

Now you can see why I’m confused. Having an extra cat is not intrinsically sinful, and I’m not lying about it or going out of my way to hide it. I’m simply not advertising the fact. That’s why I"m confused. I guess the real question is, “Is going against the owner’s policy in this situation sinful?”

Now I know that we’re not dealing with mortal sin here, but even staying in venial sin could be a barrier to confession.

I think you should just ask the landlord if it is alright.

Any rule, like ‘3 cats or less’ is designed to prevent abuse. If having 4 is no different to 3 in reality, I am sure the landlord won’t mind. But ask him, since you are agreeing to live there on his terms, and this is different to what you agreed to initially.

My :twocents:

 

[CuriousInIL]

As one that tends to scrupulosity myself, I can say I see no sin here at all. Let’s say for sake of argument that you are breaching your lease (I am not saying that you are in fact doing so because many times there needs to be a threshold level of materiality—one that I do not see at all in the 3 cat 4 cat area–for an act technically not allowed by a lease to constitute breach of that lease). So anyway, for argument’s sake, we say you are in breach of your lease. There may be a consequence to that—the landlord may terminate the lease—but if anyone thinks that is a sin, please tell me what the sin is.

There is an obligation to follow applicable civil laws, but no law is being broken here. And, I would submit, no one is being hurt no anyone being cheated in any way.

IMO no problem with God—maybe with the landlord.

 

[Fuerza]

I think you should just ask the landlord if it is alright.

Any rule, like ‘3 cats or less’ is designed to prevent abuse. If having 4 is no different to 3 in reality, I am sure the landlord won’t mind. But ask him, since you are agreeing to live there on his terms, and this is different to what you agreed to initially.

My :twocents:

The rule has nothing to do with preventing abuse. It is to prevent damage to the apartment (of whcih there is none in mine). I can’t simply ask the landlord either, because the landlord is a large real estate company which owns dozens of complexes. Keep in mind though that at one point we considered moving to a sister property, and the managers were informed that we had 4 cats at that time. We got permission to bring them over to the new property as long as we paid a higher pet fee. We ultimately decided to stay where we are for the time being, and no mention was made of increasing our fee despite the fact that we have them over here.

To further explain our situation, the complex actually only allows two. We got permission to have 3 because we used to foster sick kittens from the local animal shelter until they were healthy enough to be adopted. At one point, when we had 3, we found a home for one of them. After that we took in another sick kitten and therefore again had 3. As it turned out, the family that had adopted the other kitten was unable to care for it, and we were forced to take it back, leaving us with 4. At that point we stopped fostering, as there was no way that we could care for more than that number. Since that time we have been unable to adopt out any of the 4. We can’t give them back to the shelter, since they have a euthanasia policy for unadopted pets regardless of health, and we can’t find anyone else to take them either. As a result we formally adopted them ourselves.

This may all be irrelevant as we are looking to purchase a house, or at least get a nicer apartment, in the next few months. My question still stands though. As long as we don’t lie about it, can I still go to confession, or do I have to wait until I can resolve this? In other words, do you see this situation as sinful?

 

[Fuerza]

As one that tends to scrupulosity myself, I can say I see no sin here at all. Let’s say for sake of argument that you are breaching your lease (I am not saying that you are in fact doing so because many times there needs to be a threshold level of materiality—one that I do not see at all in the 3 cat 4 cat area–for an act technically not allowed by a lease to constitute breach of that lease). So anyway, for argument’s sake, we say you are in breach of your lease. There may be a consequence to that—the landlord may terminate the lease—but if anyone thinks that is a sin, please tell me what the sin is.

There is an obligation to follow applicable civil laws, but no law is being broken here. And, I would submit, no one is being hurt no anyone being cheated in any way.

IMO no problem with God—maybe with the landlord.

This is what I’m thinking, but you know how a scrupulous mind works.

 

[Magicsilence]

The rule has nothing to do with preventing abuse. It is to prevent damage to the apartment (of whcih there is none in mine). I can’t simply ask the landlord either, because the landlord is a large real estate company which owns dozens of complexes. Keep in mind though that at one point we considered moving to a sister property, and the managers were informed that we had 4 cats at that time. We got permission to bring them over to the new property as long as we paid a higher pet fee. We ultimately decided to stay where we are for the time being, and no mention was made of increasing our fee despite the fact that we have them over here.

To further explain our situation, the complex actually only allows two. We got permission to have 3 because we used to foster sick kittens from the local animal shelter until they were healthy enough to be adopted. At one point, when we had 3, we found a home for one of them. After that we took in another sick kitten and therefore again had 3. As it turned out, the family that had adopted the other kitten was unable to care for it, and we were forced to take it back, leaving us with 4. At that point we stopped fostering, as there was no way that we could care for more than that number. Since that time we have been unable to adopt out any of the 4. We can’t give them back to the shelter, since they have a euthanasia policy for unadopted pets regardless of health, and we can’t find anyone else to take them either. As a result we formally adopted them ourselves.

This may all be irrelevant as we are looking to purchase a house, or at least get a nicer apartment, in the next few months. My question still stands though. As long as we don’t lie about it, can I still go to confession, or do I have to wait until I can resolve this? In other words, do you see this situation as sinful?

I meant abuse in the sense of damage to the apartment by not observing common sense.

You can still ask the Real Estate company, no?

 

[baltobetsy]

Keep in mind though that at one point we considered moving to a sister property, and the managers were informed that we had 4 cats at that time. We got permission to bring them over to the new property as long as we paid a higher pet fee. We ultimately decided to stay where we are for the time being, and no mention was made of increasing our fee despite the fact that we have them over here.

Here’s the key to the whole thing. They know how many cats you have and have chosen to do nothing. The ball is in their court. I don’t think you are obligated to keep going back to them and saying, “Yes, but I have FOUR cats - shouldn’t you evict me or charge me more or write me a nasty letter or something???” They know, and for whatever reason, they have chosen not to act. This doesn’t seem sinful to me.

If it’s still bothering you, why not give the priest a very short summary of the above information from your post and see if he agrees?

Betsy

 

[rwoehmke]

Scrupulosity! This is no sin. It is not even a civil law big deal. From one ex-scrupulous person to another, “Get out of that bag. There are enough real sins to go around without inventing new ones.”

 

[Fuerza]

Here’s the key to the whole thing. They know how many cats you have and have chosen to do nothing. The ball is in their court. I don’t think you are obligated to keep going back to them and saying, “Yes, but I have FOUR cats - shouldn’t you evict me or charge me more or write me a nasty letter or something???” They know, and for whatever reason, they have chosen not to act. This doesn’t seem sinful to me.

If it’s still bothering you, why not give the priest a very short summary of the above information from your post and see if he agrees?

Betsy

That is what I think, but I also keep getting the pestering thought that I’m just making excuses, so I’m not sure what to do. I would mention it to the priest, but the thought of being told that it is wrong and having to go and repeat my whole confession after finding a way to fix my “situation” (no clue how I’d do that) would drive me insane (Did I mention that in addition to scrupulosity, I have a touch of OCD? )

Your post has been helpful though.

 

[Fuerza]

Scrupulosity! This is no sin. It is not even a civil law big deal. From one ex-scrupulous person to another, “Get out of that bag. There are enough real sins to go around without inventing new ones.”

Again, I think I agree with you, but I posted to Ask an Apologist just in case. It was a little embarrassing to ask, actually, but hopefully I’ll get something more definitive to close this case. I’m not really anxious about it anymore though after all the responses on this thread.

 

[Fuerza]

Again, I think I agree with you, but I posted to Ask an Apologist just in case. It was a little embarrassing to ask, actually, but hopefully I’ll get something more definitive to close this case. I’m not really anxious about it anymore though after all the responses on this thread.

Well that was fast. Fr. Serpa answered on the thread within a minute and responded via PM that there is no sin as long as I intend to rectify the situation. Since we are planning on either moving to another apartment or buying our own home soon anyway (hopefully the latter), I think that I’m OK. Thanks to all who have responded.

 

[CuriousInIL]

This is what I’m thinking, but you know how a scrupulous mind works.

Yes, I do know–intimately. But here, rest assured there is no problem.

And, because I know how the scrupulous mind works, let me say that you should not let your scrupulous mind twist the AAA answer from Father Serpa either. He is right that it would be besst for lots of reasons to get back to 3 or less but becuase it doesn’t involve me, even I can see he is saying all is ok at this point.

 

[Fuerza]

Yes, I do know–intimately. But here, rest assured there is no problem.

And, because I know how the scrupulous mind works, let me say that you should not let your scrupulous mind twist the AAA answer from Father Serpa either. He is right that it would be besst for lots of reasons to get back to 3 or less but becuase it doesn’t involve me, even I can see he is saying all is ok at this point.

Thanks for the response. I had already begun to twist his answer in my mind before I finished reading it, so I sent him a pm further explaining that there is absolutely no way that my wife would allow me to get rid of one of the cats, but that we plan to look for a new residence soon anyway. He said that as long as I have plans to rectify the situation, I’m not really guilty of any sin. Although it will likely take quite some time to find the perfect place, I feel satisfied (for now anyway ).

 

[baltobetsy]

Just a little chuckle for you, fuerza -

Many years ago, I had friends who lived in an apartment where no pets were allowed. They had a cat, Ralph, who lived with them. And what a cat he was - I could make him jump, twisting, 3 feet into the air. But I digress.

One of their neighbors was unhappy with them one day, and informed the management that they had Ralph. They received a letter which said, in part, “We have been informed that you are harboring a cat…” Harboring, as if Ralph were a dangerous criminal!!!

So Ralph spent a couple of weeks at someone else’s house, until the management was satisfied that he was gone. Then he came home. Eventually, one of the friends got married and the other bought a house with her sister, and Ralph went to live with them, until he died at a ripe old age.

Betsy