Am I a bad mom?

[TheRealJuliane]

As I have stated, I do let her have plenty of things, she is not locked down and she even participates in some texting. But life is about more than just digital communication. Sadly, most kids are being brought up to think that texting all day is well and good. I highly doubt my daughter is missing out on anything; in fact, I’ll bet she has more family time and hobbies than most kids her age because of the limits I set. Why have kids if you’re going to plop them in front of a screen from the time they leave the womb? Where is the creativity? The physical activity? ** I am not a lazy parent who is just going to allow a norm in society to dictate how my kids are raised.
**
As far as my daughter setting up a fb account at a friend’s house, it’s won’t happen. She is rarely at a friend’s house (they all text!) and what would be the use of her having a fb account when she can’t use it at home? Her internet usage at home is monitored (as it is with all my kids) on a computer that is in our kitchen, and I would know if she was on fb. With that way of thinking, I might as well not let her go anywhere, with the fear she might do something behind my back. I don’t think unlimited texting is going to fix that-in fact, it may actually make her more secretive at planning something without me knowing if she doesn’t have to say it out loud. And all (or at least most) teens try to get away with stuff and lie to their parents, no matter how good of a parent you are. I am just hoping she takes some of the values we are teaching her, and uses them to make good choices in her life.

She is only 12 years old and I have a responsibility to protect her and know what she is up to, just as I have a responsibility to respect her privacy when she needs it. I am trying to give her a balance.

Yeah, neither are any of the parents here, whatever our decisions about technology may be.

It’s your husband’s and your decision, ultimately. As I said before, I was fully in control of my kids’ electronic interfaces when they were very young. As they grew up, and cell phones became the norm, in middle school, we had to let go a little bit and recognize that a cell phone is really now just a tool, and not some evil invading our household. It all depends on your attitude, and also in teaching your kids the pitfalls BEFORE they leave the house. As well as allowing them to blow it a few times and have time to fix it and recover before they are adults and have to pay much more severe consequences for mistakes.

Why not work WITH the technology? You know you can always use those things as bigger carrots…Keep your grades up and you can have a cell phone, etc. When you are 13, we will allow the FB page with our supervision, etc.

 

[Catholic90]

Yeah, neither are any of the parents here, whatever our decisions about technology may be.

It’s your husband’s and your decision, ultimately. As I said before, I was fully in control of my kids’ electronic interfaces when they were very young. As they grew up, and cell phones became the norm, in middle school, we had to let go a little bit and recognize that a cell phone is really now just a tool, and not some evil invading our household. It all depends on your attitude, and also in teaching your kids the pitfalls BEFORE they leave the house. As well as allowing them to blow it a few times and have time to fix it and recover before they are adults and have to pay much more severe consequences for mistakes.

Why not work WITH the technology? You know you can always use those things as bigger carrots…Keep your grades up and you can have a cell phone, etc. When you are 13, we will allow the FB page with our supervision, etc.

+1

 

[Jordan719]

Our young family is often labeled extreme, but we are happy. I am 28, my wife is 26 and we have a 7, 2 and almost newborn with plenty more expected. We have no cable TV, very limited internet access (kids don’t know how to use it), only Catholic books in the home, only Catholic DVD’s, no music other than chant, and we homeschool. No sports either, takes away from prayer time.

We pray as a family three times a day, do a daily Rosary, Divine Mercy Chaplet and the Angelus. We do daily Bible study and choose two Saints a day to study with the children. I know it sounds extrememe, but we feel that the faith is top priority.

Read the Catholic Family Handbook. Its free at EWTN
ewtn.com/library/family/famhndbk.txt

or can be bought on Amazon.com for four or five bucks.

Fight the culture and listen to Holy Mother Church.

 

[Jordan719]

Momfromwi,

I can only imagine what a conflicting situation this may be. As parents, we have to acknowledge that this whole worldis against us and we have to keep the garbage out and, at the same time, find good, interesting, cool and wholesome alternatives.

My children are still 5 and under and I absolutely dread the issues you are describing but, at the same time, we got to taking things on early. We banned Santa clause, Disney princesses, spiderman, batman, monster, transformers, Hanna Montana etc… And this is just for 5 and under.

Our children know about all of these things, we just constantly explain to them that it makes mommy and daddy, and God, happier when we do x instead of z or when we play with x instead of z and then give explanations adequate to their level of understanding.it hasn’t been easy even this far getting our little girl (5) to understand that while Disney princesses may be beautiful, we have to be more concerned about the beauty of our hearts, about modesty, kindness etc. But after many open and loving discussions she agreed it is mor important to be a princess of God and she has developed a pretty good concept of modesty and immodesty. We have no TVbut they have hand-picked cartoon and music list on YouTube that they get to watch several times a week and they’re allowed to play fun and educational games on our mobile devices. Again, it’s a constant struggle between the lures of the world and what is of the Kingdom and, in Our situation, if anything helps, I hope, it will be the fact that we started early. We first eliminated Disney princesses, Santa, mini skirts and belly tops for little girls…and will be working our way up. It will be consistent with this line to then limit facebook, MTV etc.

Just constanly offer alternatives that are also enticing, help them see the value of wholesome hobbies and friends and, if you could surround yourself with lik-minded people it would be best.

Ultimately however, we have to accept that the lures of this world can be beyond their ability to resist and you are not a bad mom if they end up following things against your will and their own conscience. Be loving, open, joyful and understanding (and very prayerful) and hopefully that will win them over. I truly believe that if children have love, affirmation, joy and attention and affection at home, they will much less likely rebel over whims of what “others” have. We must engage our children, let them socialize I groups and sports teams that are wholesome and give them a good spiritual foundation to fill their lives with what is good,

It’s quite a battle out there, may God give you the strength to figh the good fight!

 

[momfromwi]

Hey. I’m not a mom, but I do have a thing or two to say. I definitely don’t think they should have facebook if they have to lie about their age to get on there. I would make them wait at least long enough that they are being honest.

As far as having a cell phone, I didn’t get a cell phone until I was a junior in high school and started driving. At that point, I had the phone so that I could call my mom if I was going to be out late or if something happened and I needed help. Also, it allowed her to communicate with me. I didn’t get texting until I was a senior, and even then I hardly used it. Now, I am 21 and I have my phone and I have texting on my phone. There are some advantages to texting and to having my own phone, especially since most of my friends don’t live nearby, but I still prefer to see people face to face if at all possible. I also have a facebook, and I love it because I get to see pictures of people who I don’t normally get to see, and I can keep up with what they’re doing. Also, I find it a great place to drop a line about the things I feel strongly about, and I view it as a great way to do some spreading of the word of God.

I definitely think that 12 is a bit young for facebook and texting. I agree with you there. I would explain to your daughter why she doesn’t have her own cell phone and why she doesn’t have texting and why she can’t have a facebook. That may do a great world of good. I definitely agree, however, that even though technology is taking over the world, it shouldn’t be taking over our families, and nothing can really take the place of seeing someone face to face.

Great advice from a young person - this is exactly what I want for my daughter. It seems you have your priorities in order and use digital communication in an effective way. I will share this info with my tween. Thanks!

 

[Catholic90]

Our young family is often labeled extreme, but we are happy. I am 28, my wife is 26 and we have a 7, 2 and almost newborn with plenty more expected. We have no cable TV, very limited internet access (kids don’t know how to use it), only Catholic books in the home, only Catholic DVD’s, no music other than chant, and we homeschool. No sports either, takes away from prayer time.

We pray as a family three times a day, do a daily Rosary, Divine Mercy Chaplet and the Angelus. We do daily Bible study and choose two Saints a day to study with the children. I know it sounds extrememe, but we feel that the faith is top priority.

Read the Catholic Family Handbook. Its free at EWTN
ewtn.com/library/family/famhndbk.txt

or can be bought on Amazon.com for four or five bucks.

Fight the culture and listen to Holy Mother Church.

So what happens when your child needs to use the Internet for school research, or needs or wants to read a book that is not a “Catholic” book, or develops an interest in other things? Will you flat out say no?

 

[momfromwi]

Our young family is often labeled extreme, but we are happy. I am 28, my wife is 26 and we have a 7, 2 and almost newborn with plenty more expected. We have no cable TV, very limited internet access (kids don’t know how to use it), only Catholic books in the home, only Catholic DVD’s, no music other than chant, and we homeschool. No sports either, takes away from prayer time.

We pray as a family three times a day, do a daily Rosary, Divine Mercy Chaplet and the Angelus. We do daily Bible study and choose two Saints a day to study with the children. I know it sounds extrememe, but we feel that the faith is top priority.

Read the Catholic Family Handbook. Its free at EWTN
ewtn.com/library/family/famhndbk.txt

or can be bought on Amazon.com for four or five bucks.

Fight the culture and listen to Holy Mother Church.

Love it - you are off to a great start. I wish by husband was more “on board” with the values I am trying to instill. I commend you for your strength and dedication to your faith and family. Thanks for the link

 

[Jordan719]

I hate to be a negative nellie, but just because “it is the way its done” as I’ve read over and over again, doesn’t make it right.
Many, many people have said we are extreme in the lengths we go to protect our children, yet they ALWAYS comment on how well behaved and intelligent our children are. In fact, just today, a woman who sat behind us stated that she wished more adults were as reverent as our oldest son (seven) who was kneeling and giving thanks after Mass. He doesn’t know how to use a computer or a cell phone, but he knows Veggie Tales, the Bible and Catholic teaching. He doesn’t have any friends his own age as he is homeschooled, but several priests have claimed to have seen visions that he will be a priest. I am happy with the way we do things.

Your not a bad mom. Keep fighting the culture. A daily Rosary is a must, no exceptions.

 

[Jordan719]

So what happens when your child needs to use the Internet for school research, or needs or wants to read a book that is not a “Catholic” book, or develops an interest in other things? Will you flat out say no?

Yep. I am the parent and they are children. I am not their friend or their buddy. God gave them to me to instruct in His faith. Everything else is a side show.

As a side, he views things on the internet for school with my wife. We have one TV that is connected to the internet.
He does show interest in things such as being a Franciscan Friar. We surround our children, literally with the Church. It is all he knows and I would have it no other way. If he wants to pursue…stamp collecting, I am fine with that as long as he continues to give to the poor.

 

[Catholic90]

Yep. I am the parent and they are children. I am not their friend or their buddy. God gave them to me to instruct in His faith. Everything else is a side show.

As a side, he views things on the internet for school with my wife. We have one TV that is connected to the internet.
He does show interest in things such as being a Franciscan Friar. We surround our children, literally with the Church. It is all he knows and I would have it no other way. If he wants to pursue…stamp collecting, I am fine with that as long as he continues to give to the poor.

Well, be prepared for a lot of rebellion as they become teens then.

I hope you allow him to pursue his OWN interests, and make it quite clear that he is to become a religious IF God is calling him, not because YOU are pushing him.

 

[Jordan719]

Well, be prepared for a lot of rebellion as they become teens then.

I hope you allow him to pursue his OWN interests, and make it quite clear that he is to become a religious IF God is calling him, not because YOU are pushing him.

To think that ALL teens are going to rebel against their parents is ridiculous. If your children understand the fourth commandment, they shouldn’t rebel. Not sure what the big deal is.

He can pursue interests that are in line with Catholic teaching and don’t take away from his brothers and or sisters. We are a family unit and decisions are made based on the good of the whole.

I apologize for misspelling, I can barely read my screen.

 

[Catholic90]

To think that ALL teens are going to rebel against their parents is ridiculous. If your children understand the fourth commandment, they shouldn’t rebel. Not sure what the big deal is.

He can pursue interests that are in line with Catholic teaching and don’t take away from his brothers and or sisters. We are a family unit and decisions are made based on the good of the whole.

I apologize for misspelling, I can barely read my screen.

Like I said…good luck with that!

Your oldest is only 7 - easy as pie at this point.

 

[Jordan719]

Like I said…good luck with that!

Your oldest is only 7 - easy as pie at this point.

I trust in God. Not my will, but His will be done.

 

[momfromwi]

Your oldest is only 7 - easy as pie at this point.

So true!

 

[TheRealJuliane]

So what happens when your child needs to use the Internet for school research, or needs or wants to read a book that is not a “Catholic” book, or develops an interest in other things? Will you flat out say no?

Yes, he will. Remember, this is the dad who will not allow any of his children to participate in sports. Long thread with lots of interesting responses.

 

[jmcrae]

To think that ALL teens are going to rebel against their parents is ridiculous. If your children understand the fourth commandment, they shouldn’t rebel. Not sure what the big deal is.

He can pursue interests that are in line with Catholic teaching and don’t take away from his brothers and or sisters. We are a family unit and decisions are made based on the good of the whole.

I apologize for misspelling, I can barely read my screen.

Just curious - what do you expect your other children to do for work, to support the one who is going into the priesthood? If they have no social skills and no computer skills, there will be very few occupations open to them. (Even the priesthood requires the ability to deal with people as they are; not as they ought to be - if your son has no social skills when he applies to the Seminary, he may be denied, simply because he has never met anyone before who disagrees with him on something.)

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I trust in God. Not my will, but His will be done.

I sincerely pray that you have no problems with any of your children.

 

[Mayita30]

Dear MomfromWi

I am a computer teacher and all I can say is that I can easily tell those kids who are exposed to the Internet and those who are not. Children who are exposed to the internet misbehave a lot and are addicted to surfing the internet whether it be games, reading entertainment news, browsing social media sites( they try to do this even if the sites are blocked in the lab) My main point is, Children who are exposed to the internet have less interest in learning Computer lessons such as spreadsheets, databases etc…They are so addicted to the internet that even if they know the lab rules they always go against those rules and access the internet.

You are right to be worried! Just last week I caught one of my students making a powerpoint presentation of shirtless guys! and that was a 12 year old girl! She todl me she didnt see anything wrong with what she was doing and that her mom gave her all the liberty to access the internet at home and buy things online.

It must be hard to be on your shoes. I am not yet a mother but I am speaking as a Computer teacher who have taught children from ages 5 to 15 !!! The more access they have to the internet, the more rebellious they are…

May God bless you and guide you in your problem.

 

[SummerSmiles]

I hate to be a negative nellie, but just because “it is the way its done” as I’ve read over and over again, doesn’t make it right.
Many, many people have said we are extreme in the lengths we go to protect our children, yet they ALWAYS comment on how well behaved and intelligent our children are. In fact, just today, a woman who sat behind us stated that she wished more adults were as reverent as our oldest son (seven) who was kneeling and giving thanks after Mass. He doesn’t know how to use a computer or a cell phone, but he knows Veggie Tales, the Bible and Catholic teaching. He doesn’t have any friends his own age as he is homeschooled, but several priests have claimed to have seen visions that he will be a priest. I am happy with the way we do things.

Your not a bad mom. Keep fighting the culture. A daily Rosary is a must, no exceptions.

This is something that I encourage you to reconsider. Kids need to learn to interact with their peers so that they learn the social skills they will need as an adult. I’m not saying that you should just let him interact with whoever–but perhaps you can find another homeschooling family with similar values? Interactions with people outside the family unit are very different from interactions within it, as are interactions with people close to their age versus large age gaps. If he chooses to be a priest someday, he will have to master these types of interactions that are just learned through osmosis as children.

 

[Catholic90]

Yes, he will. Remember, this is the dad who will not allow any of his children to participate in sports. Long thread with lots of interesting responses.

Oh yeah! I remember now…

Just curious - what do you expect your other children to do for work, to support the one who is going into the priesthood? If they have no social skills and no computer skills, there will be very few occupations open to them. (Even the priesthood requires the ability to deal with people as they are; not as they ought to be - if your son has no social skills when he applies to the Seminary, he may be denied, simply because he has never met anyone before who disagrees with him on something.)

Very true.

This is something that I encourage you to reconsider. Kids need to learn to interact with their peers so that they learn the social skills they will need as an adult. I’m not saying that you should just let him interact with whoever–but perhaps you can find another homeschooling family with similar values? Interactions with people outside the family unit are very different from interactions within it, as are interactions with people close to their age versus large age gaps. If he chooses to be a priest someday, he will have to master these types of interactions that are just learned through osmosis as children.

Very true.