Am I a Catholic? I was never baptized Catholic nor confirmed

[1ke]

The one caveat with this is that the OP would have to agree to raise any children as Catholic, which it seems would not happen.

Huh?

The OP does not intend to be married in the Catholic Church. The OP does not believe she is Catholic. The OP will make no promises regarding raising children in the Church.

I was speaking about her non-Catholic father, not her. Her stepmother told her father he had to become a Catholic to marry her. That isn’t true.

 

[JulianN]

Not really relevant here. And if you’re talking about the OP’s father and stepmother, that promise only applies to children from that union—not the father’s daughter from his first marriage.

 

[1ke]

Right, the parent makes the profession of faith on behalf of the child and states that they want the child received into the church. It needs to be more than “raising them Catholic” which could mean anything. It definitely needs to be a statement that they are bringing a child into the church.

However the OP has now updated with information that she was 11 years old when this took place. Therefore she was not under the age of reason and the parent could not make a profession of faith on her behalf.

 

[QwertyGirl]

Religiously speaking, you are whatever you say you are. You are not what your stepmother tells you you are. Posters here will say otherwise, as that is what the Catholic Church says, but since you aren’t Catholic it doesn’t hold any weight.

Go ahead with your wedding plans. Let your dad know you expect him to be there to walk you down the aisle. He picked his wife. You didn’t. Let him deal with her.

I know this must be very hard for you and I am so sorry you are going through it. Best you set your boundaries in place now. If not, when you have kids, they will be relentlessly hounding you about baptizing the kids in the Catholic church and raising them Catholic and allowing them to make the Catholic sacraments. Terrible all the way around, but unfortunately you can’t control their behavior.

Stand by your fiance. Enjoy your wedding.

 

[Mike_from_NJ]

Thanks, 1ke and JulianN.

 

[Vico]

I think I went straight from 1st communion to the confirmation classes

So do you remember a profession at the time of first confession and first communion?

So you can check your sacramental records by requesting them from your parish of First Communion.

The policy, which possibly was not observed, but is normal:

The candidate must receive the Sacrament of Penance and Reconciliation before
receiving Holy Communion for the first time. (see CCC 1457; NDC 36,B2; Canon 914)
The candidate must meet the following requirements:

• Must have attained the age of discretion, usually around seven years of age or
  above. (The parents and the catechetical director, together with the pastor or
  pastoral administrator, must determine the child’s readiness to receive the
  sacrament.)
• Be baptized
• Be Catholic (children and adults baptized in another denomination must make a
  Profession of Faith)
• Be able to recognize the difference between right and wrong
• Have the capacity for sincere sorrow
• Be properly instructed

 

[poche]

I think that there are other issues at hand. If you were baptized in a Protestant church then in order for you to receive communion you would have had to make a profession of Faith, When I teach catechism I always tell the children to not make this profession if they really do not believe in the Catholic Faith.
Sometimes having arguments and debates are not the best way to go in these situations. What is needed here is respect. You have to respect them and they have to respect you. I will pray for you.

 

[JulianN]

That is how it should have happened. But I’ve worked in enough parishes to know that isn’t always the case. That’s why 1Ke’s advice to contact the parish about the sacramental register is the best course.

 

[CaptainPrudeman]

Religiously speaking, you are whatever you say you are. You are not what your stepmother tells you you are. Posters here will say otherwise, as that is what the Catholic Church says, but since you aren’t Catholic it doesn’t hold any weight.

It matters to her stepmother and, presumably, her father. If she really is Catholic, then she’ll always be, and that would determine how her stepmother and maybe her father see the wedding. That’s something important to keep in mind.

 

[Joe_5859]

Religiously speaking, you are whatever you say you are. You are not what your stepmother tells you you are. Posters here will say otherwise, as that is what the Catholic Church says, but since you aren’t Catholic it doesn’t hold any weight.

Certainly, the OP can approach it that way. But she came here looking for what the Catholic Church says about the matter. And from the Catholic perspective, this isn’t a subjective question, but an objective question that can be verified because we keep sacramental records.

What the OP chooses to do with that information is certainly up to her. If it turns out she made a profession of faith and is considered “Catholic” and she decides to ignore that and continue to consider herself Presbyterian, that is certainly her prerogative. I would think, though, that she would be interested in finding out the answer in her case because, if it turns out she is not officially Catholic—and that is possible, provided she did not make a profession of faith—then she can tell her father and step-mom that there is literally no reason they cannot attend her wedding from a Catholic perspective. If it were me, I would want to pursue that avenue.

 

[Allegra]

I imagine it’s pretty rare, but is there a canon law provision for those like the OP who claim they were coerced into making the profession of faith? Most people wouldn’t care, because they don’t believe in the Church anyway, but it does matter in this instance, since the OP wants her family at her wedding. Sort of like an statement of annulment?

 

[acanonlawyer]

I imagine it’s pretty rare, but is there a canon law provision for those … who claim they were coerced into making the profession of faith?

Their concern could be addressed through a canonical process, yes. I’ve never seen it happen, though.

Dan

 

[Allegra]

In most situations, the person wouldn’t care. Sort of like when Mormon folks posthumously “Baptize” you. “Well, whatever.” But in this case, it’s actually affecting their family. It might be worth it to pursue, but only if the family is being genuine. If they really believe that they can’t attend their daughter’s wedding because of this without violating their faith, then it might be worth looking into so that they can go. If they’re just being butt-heads because their sudden change of religion didn’t take and they’re obnoxious about all sorts of things, then it’s probably not worth the trouble because if it isn’t this, it’s just going to be something else.

 

[AmieJac12]

Thank you for everyone’s advice.

I would do this. I would avoid encouraging your stepmother. You are an adult and you are a Presbyterian so plan your wedding accordingly.

I think this may be the best direction to take. I spoke to my dad and as far as he’s concerned, we agreed to convert to Catholicism before his wedding and at some point, I would have made a Profession of Faith. From his prospective, I wouldn’t have been allowed to continue in CCD classes if I wasn’t Catholic. I don’t remember making a Profession of Faith. I did meet with the Priest before their wedding and for a ‘welcome the church’ tour. Maybe that’s when I agreed to be Catholic? I know I never felt I had a choice. My stepmother insisted we become Catholics and the first chance I had to object was in confirmation class. When I did that, her family completely freaked and insisted that at some point I would need to be confirmed. They told me I didn’t get a say. My stepmother made me repeat confirmation class the next year but I got kicked out for non-compliance and that was the end of it for me, but I think they thought when I got older I would become a good little Catholic.

I fear calling their parish priest or getting into a discussion of Catholic laws will just suck me into a debate over faith where they will get to put more pressure on me to conform. And I’m realizing that this is just the beginning. They don’t live close but now that I’m getting married and planning to have kids, there’s going to be a lot of opportunities for my stepmother to disagree with religious decisions my life.

My stepmother is a good person but she’s a very conservative, traditional woman. She doesn’t work outside the home, she comes from a family where they don’t believe in working outside the home. She does what the men in her family tell her, especially an uncle that’s a priest. If Father Joe says to do something, she does it. That’s it. When they got our wedding “Save a Date” announcement, she said that my dad needed to have a talk with my fiancé and they would sort it out, the way her father had a talk with my dad before her wedding. It’s totally old fashioned but that’s how she is.

 

[1ke]

My stepmother is a good person but she’s a very conservative, traditional woman. She doesn’t work outside the home, she comes from a family where they don’t believe in working outside the home. She does what the men in her family tell her, especially an uncle that’s a priest. If Father Joe says to do something, she does it. That’s it. When they got our wedding “Save a Date” announcement, she said that my dad needed to have a talk with my fiancé and they would sort it out, the way her father had a talk with my dad before her wedding. It’s totally old fashioned but that’s how she is.

Old fashioned, culturally, but not authentic Catholic teaching.

 

[EnglishTeacher]

I fear calling their parish priest or getting into a discussion of Catholic laws will just suck me into a debate over faith where they will get to put more pressure on me to conform.

Perhaps you could call the parish office and ask them to search their sacramental records to see if they have a record of your making a profession of faith? (They get calls all the time asking for sacramental records; it shouldn’t be a difficult thing for them to do.) Since you don’t remember making a profession, it would be interesting to find out once and for all. Then you could decide on your own what to do with the information and whether to bother telling or involving your family.

It is understandable if you don’t want to go that route, but just throwing it out there as a thought. If in fact the parish has no record of any profession of faith, that might be useful information to have in future discussions with your family.

 

[AmieJac12]

My stepmother sent me a letter in the mail with the records of me making a profession of faith at the same time I did my first communion. I have absolutely not recollection of it, it was never explained what it was or that I had an option of not doing it. But I wasn’t really given a choice not to be confirmed. The only reason I wasn’t confirmed was that I refused to do the work. There was never an option of ‘if you don’t want to be confirmed you can say no’. I didn’t turn in the report or participate in any of the other requirements for confirmation. The teacher and the parish priest put a ton of pressure on me to be confirmed, there was never any discussion of my beliefs. I was treated like a misbehaving child for not doing what I was told. For my step-mother’s family, I think they were just embarrassed because Father Joe’s ‘niece’ wasn’t a good Catholic.

My stepmother will not accept me being anything other than her religion. I’m not sure if this has anything to do with Catholicism or if it’s just about erasing my mother. I think she’d have taken it better if I was getting married on the beach or a buddhist temple than the church my parents got married in. She and my dad will not be attending my wedding. I tried to set boundaries that I wasn’t going to discuss religion with them. And now we’re pretty much estranged.

 

[1ke]

She and my dad will not be attending my wedding. I tried to set boundaries that I wasn’t going to discuss religion with them. And now we’re pretty much estranged.

I am so, so sorry this is happening to you. I hope some day your dad will come to his senses and apologize to you. If and when he does extend an olive branch, be gracious and kind for both of your sakes.

I’ve gotten to the age where my husband and I have started losing parents and it is hard. You have regrets, things said or not said. Try to avoid that If you can.

 

[CaptainPrudeman]

My stepmother sent me a letter in the mail with the records of me making a profession of faith at the same time I did my first communion.

Sorry to say this, but you’re Catholic. Your stepmother is justified in her reasoning.

 

[heidi_storage]

A profession of faith that the OP has no recollection of making was probably obtained under duress. The Catholic Church doesn’t recognize vows and professions so made as valid, correct? The OP might be able to pursue this further with a canonical lawyer…but it sounds like there’s no point. If I were her, I’d grieve the estrangement, go ahead with my wedding, and try to forgive her dad and stepmom from a distance.