Am I a Home-wrecker?

  • Thread starter Thread starter EucaristiaDiv
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
E

EucaristiaDiv

Guest
Despite the fact that I feel like it, my heart tells me to be patient and that I’m not a homewrecker. I’m currently dating a woman 10 years older than me (I’m 26) who has a 5-year-old daughter with whom she says is her ex-husband (they did not get married through the Church). Because he made a living hell out of her life while they were separated she finally decided to move back into the house with him just for the sake of the daughter. Not to mention it’s a huge house, she drives an expensive benz, etc etc. So she lives quite comfortably with him. I only see her during school hours since we both go to the same college. She even told me once that they sleep in the same bed with the baby in between but they never even touch each other. She doesn’t dare to call me during the evenings and weekends. When we do talk they’re short conversations because she’s always feeling sick. Her plan is to finish studying (2 years left) and then move out to be on her own with her daughter and then we can have a steady relationship. I love her and I want to believe her, one side of me says I’m naive and stupid but another that I should be patient because she’s worth the wait. My priority really is the little girl, I don’t want to be in an affair. She says that he can’t never find out because he said her daughter will never have another daddy because he won’t permit it and she’d get kick out of the house and give away all those financial commodities. I just wish there could be a way to find out the truth without hurting any of them.

Any suggestions, comments, and insults would be very much welcome,

Some dude from Miami who has the bad luck to come across trophy wives (3rd time)
 
First of all, back off. Even if she were telling the truth, why wait 2 years to find out? I think she might have her priorities wrong. Does she love you, or does she love her expensive life style? Would you be able to support her in that sort of life? Aleeping in the same bed with him? If the house is so large, why is she sleeping with him? If the child is with them, that makes it worse. At least to me it does.

Start looking elsewhere. It will be hard to let go, but that’s what you need to do. She has made it plain that she “isn’t available.” You don’t want to be sneaking around for the rest of your life just so she can have her “toys.”
 
EucaristiaDiv said:
Despite the fact that I feel like it, my heart tells me to be patient and that I’m not a homewrecker. I’m currently dating a woman 10 years older than me (I’m 26) who has a 5-year-old daughter with whom she says is her ex-husband (they did not get married through the Church). Because he made a living hell out of her life while they were separated she finally decided to move back into the house with him just for the sake of the daughter. Not to mention it’s a huge house, she drives an expensive benz, etc etc. So she lives quite comfortably with him. I only see her during school hours since we both go to the same college. She even told me once that they sleep in the same bed with the baby in between but they never even touch each other. She doesn’t dare to call me during the evenings and weekends. When we do talk they’re short conversations because she’s always feeling sick. Her plan is to finish studying (2 years left) and then move out to be on her own with her daughter and then we can have a steady relationship. I love her and I want to believe her, one side of me says I’m naive and stupid but another that I should be patient because she’s worth the wait. My priority really is the little girl, I don’t want to be in an affair. She says that he can’t never find out because he said her daughter will never have another daddy because he won’t permit it and she’d get kick out of the house and give away all those financial commodities. I just wish there could be a way to find out the truth without hurting any of them.

Any suggestions, comments, and insults would be very much welcome,

Some dude from Miami who has the bad luck to come across trophy wives (3rd time)
Click to expand...
Hey guy-- pray to Mary and St. Joseph for peace in your life and to find the person God wants for you… Do you feel God, who is all good, would want so much turmoil in your life for you? No judgement calls here, but clear your mind of what YOU want in a wife, and listen to what God tells you… It worked for me…really. I used to be a trophy hunter too! peace. p.s. Dude- they wrecked their own “home” long before you got there. Nobody likes to play with broken toys…
 
Let’s see…this woman loves her goodies enough to put herself back into a household where her marriage didn’t work in the first place? Or is that she genuinely wants a reconciliation?

Either way, methinks it’s not wise to associate with this woman at this time.

Two years is not a long time to wait and see which way this whole thing turns out.

For what it’s worth, I’d suggest you give her an email address where she can contact you when she figures out what she really wants (2 years) and stay away from her in the meantime.

Besides, if she’ll “use” her current ex for his toys, what will she expect from you?
 
Yes, you are committing a sin by dating a married woman. Yes, you are being naive.

She is likely lieing to you about all of this and is **cheating on her husband **with you. This is NOT a woman you want to marry. This has “bad news” written ALL over it.

She has some serious issues and you should NOT be involved in them.

The little girl is NOT your child and NOT your concern nor should you base a relationship on wanting to “help” them.

Move on. Find a woman free to date and marry. Find a woman who does not value material possessions the way she does. Find a woman who is not a cheater and liar.
 
EucaristiaDiv said:
Despite the fact that I feel like it, my heart tells me to be patient and that I’m not a homewrecker. I’m currently dating a woman 10 years older than me (I’m 26) who has a 5-year-old daughter with whom she says is her ex-husband (they did not get married through the Church). Because he made a living hell out of her life while they were separated she finally decided to move back into the house with him just for the sake of the daughter. Not to mention it’s a huge house, she drives an expensive benz, etc etc. So she lives quite comfortably with him. I only see her during school hours since we both go to the same college. She even told me once that they sleep in the same bed with the baby in between but they never even touch each other. She doesn’t dare to call me during the evenings and weekends. When we do talk they’re short conversations because she’s always feeling sick. Her plan is to finish studying (2 years left) and then move out to be on her own with her daughter and then we can have a steady relationship. I love her and I want to believe her, one side of me says I’m naive and stupid but another that I should be patient because she’s worth the wait. My priority really is the little girl, I don’t want to be in an affair. She says that he can’t never find out because he said her daughter will never have another daddy because he won’t permit it and she’d get kick out of the house and give away all those financial commodities. I just wish there could be a way to find out the truth without hurting any of them.

Any suggestions, comments, and insults would be very much welcome,

Some dude from Miami who has the bad luck to come across trophy wives (3rd time)
Click to expand...
I concur with the others, run away!

This woman sounds like bad news, and it would be sinful to persue a romantic relationship with her.

You’re young. Find a girl who is free to marry and does not have all this drama. Realtionships are hard enough without all the baggage this one has.

God Bless
 
you are dating a married woman, which is morally wrong and dangerous on many levels for you yourself. you know the answer, no need to come here, get to confession and end the relationship, and confine your dating life to women who are free to date and marry.
 
Married woman? I’m not sure if that’s the case, if they are divorced and were not married in the church. I agree, if that’s not the case. OP, can you clarify?
 
RED FLAGS:
  1. Can’t call her on weekends and evenings
  2. Sleeps with her “ex” husband (I don’t care what the reason is)
  3. Moved back in with him
  4. Tells you that he can’t know she is dating
I have a feeling she is still very much married, and is lying so she can have an affair. If she is not lying, it still looks like she is. lol

End this relationship immediately. She is either very much married…or married and going through a separation…or married and not happy. Either way, I would bet my last paycheck she is still married.

This is not a holy relationship, and God would never lead you to a woman who has a home life like this. Remember, God only leads us to holy situations. This is NOT a holy situation for you to be in.

I would end it…and if she cries and carries on…tell her to go back to her husband. I’m sorry, but she is not telling you the full truth of her home life.

I’ll be praying that you get out of this, and heal from the pain of ending this. The consequences of ending this will be painful, but you will be out of an unholy situation.
 
EucaristiaDiv said:
Despite the fact that I feel like it, my heart tells me to be patient and that I’m not a homewrecker. I’m currently dating a woman 10 years older than me (I’m 26) who has a 5-year-old daughter with whom she says is her ex-husband (they did not get married through the Church). Because he made a living hell out of her life while they were separated she finally decided to move back into the house with him just for the sake of the daughter. Not to mention it’s a huge house, she drives an expensive benz, etc etc. So she lives quite comfortably with him. I only see her during school hours since we both go to the same college. She even told me once that they sleep in the same bed with the baby in between but they never even touch each other. She doesn’t dare to call me during the evenings and weekends. When we do talk they’re short conversations because she’s always feeling sick. Her plan is to finish studying (2 years left) and then move out to be on her own with her daughter and then we can have a steady relationship. I love her and I want to believe her, one side of me says I’m naive and stupid but another that I should be patient because she’s worth the wait. My priority really is the little girl, I don’t want to be in an affair. She says that he can’t never find out because he said her daughter will never have another daddy because he won’t permit it and she’d get kick out of the house and give away all those financial commodities. I just wish there could be a way to find out the truth without hurting any of them.

Any suggestions, comments, and insults would be very much welcome,

Some dude from Miami who has the bad luck to come across trophy wives (3rd time)
Click to expand...
If you have the money, and wish to really know the truth…you can hire a private investigator, again only if it makes sense for you to do so. OR…no money required at all to go to the courts, and find out if she has a divorce on file in the state she supposedly filed. It’s public knowledge. I usually give people the benefit of the doubt, but even if she is divorced…why would you want to date someone who is staying with her ex for money and material things?

I think she is married, still. 😦
 
quasimodo said:
Run!
Click to expand...
Scottgun said:
Run awaaaaay!
Click to expand...
Run very far awaaaaay! As soon as possible!
Newbie2 said:
Married woman? I’m not sure if that’s the case, if they are divorced and were not married in the church. I agree, if that’s not the case. OP, can you clarify?
Click to expand...
Even if they were not married in the Church (and even if they are not Catholic), she still has to go through the annulment process before she would be free to date and marry in the Catholic Church.

Edit: I should add, though, that you are not a homewrecker. That home was wrecked long before you came on the scene. But you still need to remove yourself from that situation immediately. It cannot possibly end well for you.
 
EucaristiaDiv said:
Despite the fact that I feel like it, my heart tells me to be patient and that I’m not a homewrecker. I’m currently dating a woman 10 years older than me (I’m 26) who has a 5-year-old daughter with whom she says is her ex-husband (they did not get married through the Church). Because he made a living hell out of her life while they were separated she finally decided to move back into the house with him just for the sake of the daughter. Not to mention it’s a huge house, she drives an expensive benz, etc etc. So she lives quite comfortably with him. I only see her during school hours since we both go to the same college. She even told me once that they sleep in the same bed with the baby in between but they never even touch each other. She doesn’t dare to call me during the evenings and weekends. When we do talk they’re short conversations because she’s always feeling sick. Her plan is to finish studying (2 years left) and then move out to be on her own with her daughter and then we can have a steady relationship. I love her and I want to believe her, one side of me says I’m naive and stupid but another that I should be patient because she’s worth the wait. My priority really is the little girl, I don’t want to be in an affair. She says that he can’t never find out because he said her daughter will never have another daddy because he won’t permit it and she’d get kick out of the house and give away all those financial commodities. I just wish there could be a way to find out the truth without hurting any of them.

Any suggestions, comments, and insults would be very much welcome,

Some dude from Miami who has the bad luck to come across trophy wives (3rd time)
Click to expand...
Your heart will sometimes distort your mind, friend.

You don’t really have the truth. You have what she told you, which could or could not be the truth. I don’t give advice to people about such things. I only offer some comments.
  1. If you really do want to have a relationship with her, you have to find out if she is really telling the truth about whether or not she is legally divorced. If she is only separated then that is morally unacceptable.
  2. Even if she is not married, she is still “living” with him. She is in effect still married in that way. The fact that you can only speak to her at certain times should be a red flag.
  3. Hire a private investigator if you are serious about pursuing this.
  4. Consider that if she would not be faithful to the person she is living with, she probably would not be faithful to you
  5. Her waiting 2 years to finish school before moving out is another red flag. If things were really as bad as she says, she would move out now. I understand there’s a child involved. All the more reason for her to want to either fix this relationship or end it for the child’s sake.
  6. The question is not whether she is not worth the wait. The question is, are you worth the wait? If she really cared about you the way you cared about her she would be asking the same questions. As it is, she doesn’t seem to be doing that. Your life is worth something. Think about what is best for you right now. You’re worth it.
  7. If she is more concerned with losing her possessions and amenities than doing what is morally right, this is not a person you want to devote the time and attention to.
Just some thoughts. You probably have enough criticisms and have some real challenges to work through. Only you can do that. We can’t do that for you.

When all else fails, do the “right” thing - that is, the morally right thing, no matter what your heart says. That’s the only advice I can give.

Peace…

MW
 
I will tell you straight my friend, home wrecking isn’t what you should be concerned with. My father would have said that you are such a pigeon that you have feathers coming out of your ears. Pigeon translates to naive or stupid. Some woman who are older by ten years or more get a lot of ego satisfaction out of a much younger admirer. They have all kinds of excuses why they have to stick with the marriage for now, because they have no intent of burning you off and immediately losing that ego boost. They also have no intention of losing the goodies their husband provides. Like most of the posters here have said,“Fly away little bird.” Be less interested in trophy women and find a young woman nearer your age with a little depth instead of this Jezebel.
 
Newbie2 said:
Married woman? I’m not sure if that’s the case, if they are divorced and were not married in the church. I agree, if that’s not the case. OP, can you clarify?
Click to expand...
the couple in question is validly married until proven otherwise, civil divorce has no effect on a valid marriage.
 
Mystic_Warrior said:
Your heart will sometimes distort your mind, friend.

You don’t really have the truth. You have what she told you, which could or could not be the truth. I don’t give advice to people about such things. I only offer some comments.
  1. If you really do want to have a relationship with her, you have to find out if she is really telling the truth about whether or not she is legally divorced. If she is only separated then that is morally unacceptable.
  2. Even if she is not married, she is still “living” with him. She is in effect still married in that way. The fact that you can only speak to her at certain times should be a red flag.
  3. Hire a private investigator if you are serious about pursuing this.
  4. Consider that if she would not be faithful to the person she is living with, she probably would not be faithful to you
  5. Her waiting 2 years to finish school before moving out is another red flag. If things were really as bad as she says, she would move out now. I understand there’s a child involved. All the more reason for her to want to either fix this relationship or end it for the child’s sake.
  6. The question is not whether she is not worth the wait. The question is, are you worth the wait? If she really cared about you the way you cared about her she would be asking the same questions. As it is, she doesn’t seem to be doing that. Your life is worth something. Think about what is best for you right now. You’re worth it.
  7. If she is more concerned with losing her possessions and amenities than doing what is morally right, this is not a person you want to devote the time and attention to.
Just some thoughts. You probably have enough criticisms and have some real challenges to work through. Only you can do that. We can’t do that for you.

When all else fails, do the “right” thing - that is, the morally right thing, no matter what your heart says. That’s the only advice I can give.

Peace…

MW
Click to expand...
Thank you very much for the warm reply. You seem to be right by simply applying common sense to catch those red flags, I must submit myself into departing from this. Before her, I was involved with a lady who was dating someone 22 years older than her. She was also living pretty comfortably and left it all to be with me, but she ended up seeing him or asking for certain things back (such as the car and cash) as much as it hurted I let her go and now she really is single and tells me she can be trusted. I should have probably waited. I don’t want this to happen again and I’ve never caught her doing anything but as you know her behavior and limitations are more than suspicious. I don’t want to hire a private investigator, I wish I could know the truth. She has offered to show me the divorce papers but I don’t think it’ll solve anything. I spoke with her today and told her straight foward that I’m not playing any games and will submit to a relationship once I see she’s fully available. I just don’t want to get hurt but at the same time I don’t want to lose someone who might or might not be that special person.
 
EucaristiaDiv said:
Thank you very much for the warm reply. You seem to be right by simply applying common sense to catch those red flags, I must submit myself into departing from this. Before her, I was involved with a lady who was dating someone 22 years older than her. She was also living pretty comfortably and left it all to be with me, but she ended up seeing him or asking for certain things back (such as the car and cash) as much as it hurted I let her go and now she really is single and tells me she can be trusted. I should have probably waited. I don’t want this to happen again and I’ve never caught her doing anything but as you know her behavior and limitations are more than suspicious. I don’t want to hire a private investigator, I wish I could know the truth. She has offered to show me the divorce papers but I don’t think it’ll solve anything. I spoke with her today and told her straight foward that I’m not playing any games and will submit to a relationship once I see she’s fully available. I just don’t want to get hurt but at the same time I don’t want to lose someone who might or might not be that special person.
Click to expand...
I think this is wise…If you submit to God…your intentions, and ask Him to guide you in this, you will probably see that this woman is not who He wants for you. God wouldn’t put us in situations that go against His holy word. He only places us in holy situations. I pray that you will find someone who is free to be with you, in the way God would intend it to be. Good luck to you!
 
EucaristiaDiv said:
Thank you very much for the warm reply. You seem to be right by simply applying common sense to catch those red flags, I must submit myself into departing from this. Before her, I was involved with a lady who was dating someone 22 years older than her. She was also living pretty comfortably and left it all to be with me, but she ended up seeing him or asking for certain things back (such as the car and cash) as much as it hurted I let her go and now she really is single and tells me she can be trusted. I should have probably waited. I don’t want this to happen again and I’ve never caught her doing anything but as you know her behavior and limitations are more than suspicious. I don’t want to hire a private investigator, I wish I could know the truth. She has offered to show me the divorce papers but I don’t think it’ll solve anything. I spoke with her today and told her straight foward that I’m not playing any games and will submit to a relationship once I see she’s fully available. I just don’t want to get hurt but at the same time I don’t want to lose someone who might or might not be that special person.
Click to expand...
You are worth far more than all this hastle. If she is that special person God has in mind for you, then feel confident that God will bring her back into your life once again at a time when she is “available” to you (i.e. after she is divorced AND has been granted an annulment by the Catholic Church, and after she has moved out on her own). You cannot put your life on hold for two years on the off-chance that she might be “the one”.

I know it can seem like it at times (believe me, I know), but God really is not out to play games with our romantic lives or make it a big guessing game. If that little voice inside is telling you something is not right, the chances are good that something, in fact, is not right. If this was the person God wanted for you, you should be at peace. You would not have this turmoil.
 
Joe_5859 said:
You are worth far more than all this hastle. If she is that special person God has in mind for you, then feel confident that God will bring her back into your life once again at a time when she is “available” to you (i.e. after she is divorced AND has been granted an annulment by the Catholic Church, and after she has moved out on her own). You cannot put your life on hold for two years on the off-chance that she might be “the one”.

I know it can seem like it at times (believe me, I know), but God really is not out to play games with our romantic lives or make it a big guessing game. If that little voice inside is telling you something is not right, the chances are good that something, in fact, is not right. If this was the person God wanted for you, you should be at peace. You would not have this turmoil.
Click to expand...
agreed
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top