I am a convert. I was married in the church. At the time of our wedding, many problems existed, and those problems only got worse throughout the marriage. We had already had a baby, and another on the way at the time of my initiation ceremony and our wedding. Because of abuse and infidelity on his part, I divorced my husband and the divorce has been final almost a year now.
I met someone (who is Catholic) recently, and we have gone out to dinner a couple of times, which my priest said was ok. I am currently undergoing the process to get my marriage annulled through the church. My question is: am I allowed to date? Me and the man I met ended up kissing the other night, and now I wonder what is acceptable and what is not. Am I allowed to kiss another male? Am I even allowed to date during the annullment process? Someone please help me…I’ve put off seeing this guy again until I find out for sure.
Yours is truly a fascinating question, and one that strikes home with me as I went through the same thing.
My ex walked out of a 24 year marriage that produced 2 children (both now adults). This was about 8 years ago.
I waited 1 full year to see if there was any chance she would wish to try to reconcile by going through counselling. When I got her final email telling me to stay the (blank) out of her life, I filed for the annulment.
In order to avoid giving her the chance to say that it was approved only because of my influence in the Knights of Columbus, I named all three witnesses from her side of the family, and their testimony was allowed to be kept secret from me…at my request.
It took the NH Tribunal 2 YEARS to finally grant it!
So now on the issue of dating: Under the civil laws of the land, you were no longer married once the divorce was Final. You then had the legal right to date as much as you wanted. No Church rule or law can ever stop that from happening. We know that and recognize it as being a fact of life.
Most annulments do not take 2 years from the time of filing before they are approved. Once all of the relevant testimony is in, the Tribunal reviews it thoroughly.
In my own case, I was Jewish at the time of the marriage, and knew nothing about Church laws(and, honestly, cared even less). However, once I became Roman Catholic, I had to accept those laws, and did so willingly. What I did not know was that the agreements she asked me to make before the marriage…were all in violation of Church law. The Tribunal apparantly agreed with that assertion. In fact, the Priest who did the wedding testified that he would not have done so if he had known about those agreements. Case Closed!
Meanwhile, she opted to stop attending Mass, while I continued not only to attend weekly, but continued to serve as a Lector. Everyone knew about the Divorce, and some knew about the filing for the Annulment (Declaration of Invalidity, technically). During that time I refrained from dating (a tough thing to do, but I was also busy otherwise, so it really did not bother me).
During the time of my Divorce, I was also serving as Grand Knight for my K of C Council. Everyone in the Council knew what was happening, and they were all very supportive. If I had done any dating during that time, I doubt any of them would have snubbed their noses at me, as they are not the sort of men who are judgemental towards others.
You have to decide for yourself what is best for you. I can only suggest that you take stock of your own life, and see where God has been good to you. It is probably not asking a lot for a person to wait a relatively short time, especially right after a divorce.
Pray on it, and ask God for His guidance. I’m sure He will tell you what you should do.
Peace.
