Am I alone in being afraid of driving a car?

[Maearl]

This is something that I have been struggling with for some time. I am an advocate of the Consistent Ethic of Life (opposing all forms of abortion, euthanasia, war, and capital punishment) and I am always afraid of harming another person, even if it were an accident. I am a college student with my own apartment, and I travel everywhere using my bicycle, the bus, or having friends and family drive me. My parents had to force me to get my driver’s license a year ago.

I am not opposed to technology or cars, and I think cars have made our society, overall, better. I have had several friends die in car accidents. I will not live with the death of another person on my conscience, and other people think I’m crazy for the extreme positions that I take.

My dilemma is: should I work this summer back at home and drive a car my parents want me to have, or should I stay in my apartment and find a job where I can bike/bus to? I feel in my heart that it would be immoral for me to place another person in harm’s way (having an incompetent driver like me on the road, for example) simply for my own happiness and convenience. I am completely serious with my stance on this issue, and I was hoping for some advice.

Thanks, and God Bless!

 

[onetimeposter]

Consider talking to your family doctor about your concerns. See what your Doctor has to say. Good luck.

 

[rpp]

From this post, all I can suggest is speaking to a professional counselor. Any advice beyond this from an internet forum would be questionable at best.

I think you need the opinion and counsel of someone who can explore what your real concerns and make specific recommendations. Only a medical professional can do that.

In addition to this, try to become a better driver by taking some driving courses.

 

[nobeerinheaven]

You have extreme scruples. This is a negative spiritual condition and puts you no closer to God. I strongly suggest getting a spiritual adviser and humbly submitting to everything he has to say. The Church absolutely does not teach what you seem to believe is true.

 

[Maearl]

Your responses do not surprise me. I appreciate all of your concerns, but I myself am somewhat concerned at how society reacts to people who take up positions similar to mine. Why is it that every time someone tries to make sacrifices for the sake of others, they are treated as mentally ill?

As Mother Teresa once said, “It is a poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish.”

Likewise, I feel that for me to live as I wish, thereby putting others in harm’s way, would be a great poverty. I really am a good driver (I have never gotten a ticket or into an accident), I am just terrified I might be in an automobile accident and kill someone, regardless if I was at fault or not.
Please try to understand that this is stance is not a unique phenomenon: some Christians refuse to drink alcohol, gamble, have low personal hygiene, criticize others, eat more than their fair share, pollute, read certain books, watch certain movies, or buy certain products. These things are not done because they feel they are superior to others or are closer to God, they simply wish to live a life that does not inflict harm upon others, even indirectly.

I am not trying to convert anyone to think the way I do, and I do not make my decisions so that I might draw attention to myself. I just thought that there might be others who feel the way that I do. In case anyone thinks that the Catholic Church has no stance on issues like these, then you need to read this article.

 

[Ghoti]

I don’t drive, for similar but not exactly the same reason.

I’m scared shiftless (hee hee pun) of getting behind the wheel. But I would most likely be a bad driver.

I have severe ADHD – very poor attention span. I zone quite easily. I sometimes walk out into traffic because I’m off in my own little world; more than once Donna has had to grab me by my belt/waistband and try to keep me from blithely waltzing into the path of a car.

I’ve tried focusing my attention – believe me, I’ve tried. But I cannot maintain focus for long enough to make me roadworthy. So I’m doing the driving/pedestrian world a big favour by not getting behind the wheel. With regard to having an accident, it would not be a matter of if, but when.

 

[Kevin42]

Not to be mean, but in my opinion, your idea is silly. Should we not use electricity because it puts ourselves and others in danger? Should we not have people come out to fix our roof because there is a chance they might fall off of it? Should no one serve tomatoes because they might give people salmonella? So long as your are practicing defensive driving techniques, saying you don’t want to drive is similar to saying such things as those I have listed above in my opinion. That being said, I know people similar to the person who posted above me who simply do not drive because they do not find themselves to be a safe driver, which is very reasonable.

 

[rpp]

Your responses do not surprise me. I appreciate all of your concerns, but I myself am somewhat concerned at how society reacts to people who take up positions similar to mine. Why is it that every time someone tries to make sacrifices for the sake of others, they are treated as mentally ill?

As Mother Teresa once said, “It is a poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish.”

Likewise, I feel that for me to live as I wish, thereby putting others in harm’s way, would be a great poverty. I really am a good driver (I have never gotten a ticket or into an accident), I am just terrified I might be in an automobile accident and kill someone, regardless if I was at fault or not.
Please try to understand that this is stance is not a unique phenomenon: some Christians refuse to drink alcohol, gamble, have low personal hygiene, criticize others, eat more than their fair share, pollute, read certain books, watch certain movies, or buy certain products. These things are not done because they feel they are superior to others or are closer to God, they simply wish to live a life that does not inflict harm upon others, even indirectly.

I am not trying to convert anyone to think the way I do, and I do not make my decisions so that I might draw attention to myself. I just thought that there might be others who feel the way that I do. In case anyone thinks that the Catholic Church has no stance on issues like these, then you need to read this article.

We said what we did because it is clear from your post, and this one above, that you do not appear to have a reasonable view of what “putting others in harms way” really is. In addition, you yourself describe what appears to be a phobia. This is why we are suggesting that you consult a professional counselor as well as a talk to a priest and seek spiritual direction.

No one said you are mentally ill. What we did say was you appear to be asking serious questions that cannot be answered on an internet forum and that you should seek professional advice. This latest post reinforces my opinion.

Taking the words of Mother Teresa out of context (she was referring to abortion) does not help your case.

The article you linked to distorted some recent publications from the a couple of the congregations at the Vatican. Especially the one about driving. NPR does not speak for the Church.

I drive a car. I also fly airplanes. You are saying driving a car and, by extension, flying an airplane, are sinful activities.

 

[Calliso]

Hmm I am afraid of driving too though I do drive. Private lessons really really helped me and would likely help you too. Though I still have a pretty bad fear and have trouble driving anywhere but work and a couple other places. But really get private lessons it will help build confidence and assure you that the chances of you hurting someone if you are a safe driver are very low.

 

[nobeerinheaven]

OP - the article you linked to has been widely discussed in Catholic circles for having drastically misrepresented what the Church was talking about. Again, you have extreme scruples. You have absolutely no obligation not to drive, nor does the Church think you have such an obligation. There is nothing morally wrong with driving, and there is nothing morally wrong with causing another person harm by accident. No sin would be committed. If you are thinking of your lack of driving as a sort of penance, that is fine, but you should realize that God does not think it is wrong for anyone to drive - you, me, or anyone else.
Catholic Encyclopedia entry on Scruples:

An unfounded apprehension and consequently unwarranted fear that something is a sin which, as a matter of fact, is not. It is not considered here so much as an isolated act, but rather as an habitual state of mind known to directors of souls as a “scrupulous conscience.” St. Alphonsus describes it as a condition in which one influenced by trifling reasons, and without any solid foundation, is often afraid that sin lies where it really does not. This anxiety may be entertained not only with regard to what is to be done presently, but also with regard to what has been done. The idea sometimes obtaining, that scrupulosity is in itself a spiritual benefit of some sort, is, of course, a great error. The providence of God permits it and can gather good from it as from other forms of evil. That apart, however, it is a bad habit doing harm, sometimes grievously, to body and soul. Indeed, persisted in with the obstinacy characteristic of persons who suffer from this malady, it may entail the most lamentable consequences. The judgment is seriously warped, the moral power tired out in futile combat, and then not unfrequently the scrupulous person makes shipwreck of salvation either on the Scylla of despair or the Charybdis of unheeding indulgence in vice.

This seems to describe you well.

 

[GraceDK]

This is something that I have been struggling with for some time. I am an advocate of the Consistent Ethic of Life (opposing all forms of abortion, euthanasia, war, and capital punishment) and I am always afraid of harming another person, even if it were an accident. I am a college student with my own apartment, and I travel everywhere using my bicycle, the bus, or having friends and family drive me. My parents had to force me to get my driver’s license a year ago.

I am not opposed to technology or cars, and I think cars have made our society, overall, better. I have had several friends die in car accidents. I will not live with the death of another person on my conscience, and other people think I’m crazy for the extreme positions that I take.

My dilemma is: should I work this summer back at home and drive a car my parents want me to have, or should I stay in my apartment and find a job where I can bike/bus to? I feel in my heart that it would be immoral for me to place another person in harm’s way (having an incompetent driver like me on the road, for example) simply for my own happiness and convenience. I am completely serious with my stance on this issue, and I was hoping for some advice.

Thanks, and God Bless!

Dear friend.

You have the right to choose how you want to live. I can only give my personal view. Some people suffer from what we, in my language call, “catastrophe-thoughts”… these people have a strong fear that something horrible is going to happen if they do this or that…
This is a psychological thing that can develop over time and which entails a fear that is not rational but belong in the category of anxiety (vs fear which has a clear object and is rational).

Did you ever consider that many people cause other people’s death in other ways… like, every year people are hurt in accidents where someone on a bike drives into a pedestrian. These accidents can be very serious too… like most cars accidents they usually dont inflict lasting damage though.
You may also cause disturbance in trafic by making a mistake while being on your bike or cause some one else to be distracted (I know because I am a very distracted biker as well as driver and I nearly caused a bad bike accident with another person one night a few years ago )…

These are just a few thoughts. People die and get wounded from all kinds of things… like… they dont want to be on a plane because of the horror of plane crashes… and then they end up never going where they dreamed of going and seeing beautiful places.
The same is true for you and for the future family you may have. You may make life complicated for your self and them.
So my immediate response is: make sure you are a really good driver and then drive.

that’s just my two cents… use them if you can.

 

[Maearl]

First of all, I wanted to apologize to everyone here if I have sounded harsh in my comments, and I had no intention of telling other people how to live their lives.

Should we not use electricity because it puts ourselves and others in danger? Should we not have people come out to fix our roof because there is a chance they might fall off of it? Should no one serve tomatoes because they might give people salmonella?

That’s actually a few things I hadn’t thought of–thanks for the good ideas! But in all honesty, may have given the wrong impression. What I am referring to are my own actions, which I can always criticize and look at how to improve. What you were referring to are the actions of others, which I am unable to judge. My point is that I must treat others better than I treat myself.

Taking the words of Mother Teresa out of context (she was referring to abortion) does not help your case.

I did not want to dishonor Mother Teresa, I simply saw that the logic could be applied to other situations.

I drive a car. I also fly airplanes. You are saying driving a car and, by extension, flying an airplane, are sinful activities.

I am not suggesting that such activity is sinful for other people, just that it is sinful for me.

In conclusion, I have thought a great deal about the fifth commandment, and have found that there are essentially four categories that killing can fall into.

• Direct Action – murder, war, abortion, capital punishment, and removing feeding tubes/life support from a sick person (active euthanasia)
• Direct Omission – not saving a drowning person, not calling 911 when someone is seriously hurt, not warning a stranger who passes you of some nearby danger, and not resuscitating a person in cardiac arrest or not giving someone oxygen/nutrition when they are unable themselves (passive euthanasia)
• Indirect Action – polluting; selling guns/drugs/alcohol/tobacco, or giving someone violent ideas
• Indirect Omission – Not giving to a charity, not donating blood, not writing to your government officials about evil public policies

Thanks to everyone for discussing this topic, God bless you all!

 

[rpp]

I am not suggesting that such activity is sinful for other people, just that it is sinful for me.

In conclusion, I have thought a great deal about the fifth commandment, and have found that there are essentially four categories that killing can fall into.

• Direct Action – murder, war, abortion, capital punishment, and removing feeding tubes/life support from a sick person (active euthanasia)
• Direct Omission – not saving a drowning person, not calling 911 when someone is seriously hurt, not warning a stranger who passes you of some nearby danger, and not resuscitating a person in cardiac arrest or not giving someone oxygen/nutrition when they are unable themselves (passive euthanasia)
• Indirect Action – polluting; selling guns/drugs/alcohol/tobacco, or giving someone violent ideas
• Indirect Omission – Not giving to a charity, not donating blood, not writing to your government officials about the evil public policies

Thanks to everyone for discussing this topic, God bless you all!

Unless you are under a special vow, such as what a priest or religious would enter into, an activity that is not sinful for me cannot be sinful for you. God’s law is not relative. It cannot be okay for me to do something and not okay for you, or vice-versa. This is pure relativism, only reversed to make it more restrictive on you. You may as well say that it is okay for me to be unchaste and not for you. That would also be incorrect.

When you say these things, you are not submitting yourself to the teaching of the Church.

Many of the things you named above are not inherently sinful acts, for example, selling guns. The Church states that Capital Punishment is permissible. We are not required to use artificial means to stay alive, (feeding tubes are not artificial, but life-support, e.g. a respirator, is).

Guns have many non-sinful and legitimate uses. Consuming alcohol or smoking cigarettes are note considered sinful. We are not obliged to donate blood nor are we obliged to be political activists.

If you want to follow these things that is up to you. When you clim they are sinful, that is not correct.

You are certainly overly scrupulous at best.

 

[1ke]

Why is it that every time someone tries to make sacrifices for the sake of others, they are treated as mentally ill?

That is not what you are doing. You are not making a sacrifice “for the sake of others.”

You are avoiding an every day task out of a severe phobia and/or scrupulosity issue. You have an **irrational **fear of harming someone.

In case anyone thinks that the Catholic Church has no stance on issues like these, then you need to read this article.

You are reading that article through your scruples-glasses.

 

[jmcrae]

If you take a good defensive driving course and practice your driving so as to gain experience and confidence, you not only won’t harm anyone, you will be able to be charitable to others, by being able to give them rides places that they need to go.

What will you do for your parents when they are too elderly to drive themselves? Will you try to put them on the back of your bicycle? Caring for our elderly parents, including driving them to the places that they need to go, such as doctor’s appointments, or even just every-day shopping, is part of the fourth commandment. This is why your parents want you to learn how to drive - so that, in their old age, you will be able to help them.

 

[Writer]

Your responses do not surprise me. I appreciate all of your concerns, but I myself am somewhat concerned at how society reacts to people who take up positions similar to mine. Why is it that every time someone tries to make sacrifices for the sake of others, they are treated as mentally ill?

As Mother Teresa once said, “It is a poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish.”

Likewise, I feel that for me to live as I wish, thereby putting others in harm’s way, would be a great poverty. I really am a good driver (I have never gotten a ticket or into an accident), I am just terrified I might be in an automobile accident and kill someone, regardless if I was at fault or not.
Please try to understand that this is stance is not a unique phenomenon: some Christians refuse to drink alcohol, gamble, have low personal hygiene, criticize others, eat more than their fair share, pollute, read certain books, watch certain movies, or buy certain products. These things are not done because they feel they are superior to others or are closer to God, they simply wish to live a life that does not inflict harm upon others, even indirectly.

I am not trying to convert anyone to think the way I do, and I do not make my decisions so that I might draw attention to myself. I just thought that there might be others who feel the way that I do. In case anyone thinks that the Catholic Church has no stance on issues like these, then you need to read this article.

Many innocent acts of our daily lives might, by some strange consequence, result in unforseen harm to another person. We are called upon to use care, prudence, and discretion, but there is no moral justification for refusing to drive out of fear that you might harm others. Your actions as pedestrian or a bicyclist might have the same end result as the careless driver of an automobile. How many drivers, for example, have had to take evasive action due to the inattentiveness of someone on a bike or even a pedestrian? Depending on the scenario, then, a person could swerve to avoid a bike and a hit a tree, instead.

It’s all about making careful decisions and being willing to take the small risks we must in our daily lives in order to step out of our front doors. Reminds me of a quote…

**"“Remember what Bilbo used to say: It’s a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don’t keep your feet, there’s no knowing where you might be swept off to…”; **

**- Frodo to Sam **
**" **
**— **J.R.R. Tolkien

When I was kid, I remember tearing down a steep hill on a friend’s bike. About half way down, my friend remembered that the bike’s brakes were bad. I was heading downhill and couldn’t stop, heading straight for a plate glass window ahead. A driver had the presence of mind to stop his car directly in my path–so I wouldn’t crash through the glass. It’s drivers like that who remind us that every day we face dangers–no matter how we travel–but a little common sense with a heavy serving of grace, will get us a long way. God bless.

 

[LilyM]

If you take a good defensive driving course and practice your driving so as to gain experience and confidence, you not only won’t harm anyone, you will be able to be charitable to others, by being able to give them rides places that they need to go.

What will you do for your parents when they are too elderly to drive themselves? Will you try to put them on the back of your bicycle? Caring for our elderly parents, including driving them to the places that they need to go, such as doctor’s appointments, or even just every-day shopping, is part of the fourth commandment. This is why your parents want you to learn how to drive - so that, in their old age, you will be able to help them.

This is kinda my thought too - there are lots of people you will be able to help by driving and having a car, not just yourself, and your parents may be thinking of something like the poster says.

Not to mention that by relying on family and friends to give you lifts you’re unnecessarily restricting what you can do and unnecessarily burdening them (perhaps they’re trying subtly to tell you this as well?)

And no, you won’t be a hugely experienced driver to start off with - but remember that the very purpose of the driving test is to determine whether you’re capable of handling a car. If you have passed the test and got your permit you have to work on the assumption that you are a sufficiently skilled driver.

 

[rpp]

This is kinda my thought too - there are lots of people you will be able to help by driving and having a car, not just yourself, and your parents may be thinking of something like the poster says.

Not to mention that by relying on family and friends to give you lifts you’re unnecessarily restricting what you can do and unnecessarily burdening them (perhaps they’re trying subtly to tell you this as well?)

And no, you won’t be a hugely experienced driver to start off with - but remember that the very purpose of the driving test is to determine whether you’re capable of handling a car. If you have passed the test and got your permit you have to work on the assumption that you are a sufficiently skilled driver.

But Lily, don’t you drive on the wrong side of the road down there? I’m not sure you would be good driving teacher.

 

[Caesar517]

Unless you are under a special vow, such as what a priest or religious would enter into, an activity that is not sinful for me cannot be sinful for you. God’s law is not relative. It cannot be okay for me to do something and not okay for you, or vice-versa.

That’s not true. Although some action are intrinsically evil, most are not. In deciding whether an action was sinful or not, one must consider a person’s intentions, state of mind, possible ignorance, etc. For example, drinking alcohol is not sinful for most people, but to a struggling alcoholic it would be deliberatly placing one’s self into occasion of sin. If someone knew they were a terrible driver, it may be a sin for them to drive in a public area (deliberately placing others in danger) until they improve their driving skills.

I don’t think this is the OP’s case, though. It sounds to me like Maearl is scrupulous combined with the natural fear of driving. Driving scared me more than it scares most people. I learned the basics in an industrial park on the weekends (never anyone there). I took baby steps, gradually working my way up. I’ve grown quite comfortable with driving now (I have a one-hour commute). I know a few people who have decided not to drive, but I think they’ll change their mind in a few years. It’s very hard (but still possible) to function in our society without driving.

 

[hasikelee]

Not to be mean or anything, but you presented a pretty lame justification. If you were really* that* concerned about hurting someone with a car, then you wouldn’t be asking your parents or friends to drive you around. Your admission of this shows that the issue is something else.