Am I being a bully?

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mrajax

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Before I talk about my problem, I want to let people know that being a victim of emotional bullying and sexual harassment and suffering a severe depression because of it I am absolutely against bullying.

The thing is my school friends seemed to get upset at certain things that I said and did. To be specific, these are the things which I said or did that seemed to upset them:

-they were listening to some sound clip on their mobiles before class started and I started talking to them out loud just to tease them. At that they started to swear and shout at me and later on I heard one of the guys murmuring against me how I was annoying him at that time. Note I never ever did this before; I never interrupted or picked on anyone by distracting them from their movies or podcasts.

-we watched a horror movie in class in a lesson before the holidays. One of the guys who is 18 was disinterested and was acting all aloof so I decided to tease him by saying that he is like Mr. Bean in the movie theatre, pretending to not be afraid whilst being terrified of the movie. He countered by saying that unlike me he actually has a girlfriend. Huh. Honestly, he is always commenting and coming up with ‘witty’ comments over everything I say and do and it does get annoying. The guy who murmured against me told me the same thing, albeit adding in all seriousness that he also wants to kick his head).

-another time this same ‘witty’ guy and I were talking with a girl and some other school friends when he asked me I would take this girl as my girlfriend. I said a simple no thanks (as in no sarcasm was involved) only to have him come up with another comment in front of her how he agrees with me. I thought about it and concluded that yes, that was a form of bullying and I told this girl later on to not listen to what he has to say. She just took it all in stride and didn’t get upset not even with my comment.

-Another time I was helping a few students with their assignments when I complained and ranted to one of them how they are not doing any good by refusing to work and to take their assignments seriously. They nodded a little and immediately went back to their old ways. Was I wrong to rant and be mad at them?

-I would also show at random times horror images to a girl who hates all things horror. Now I am good friends to this girl and even have listened closely to her own problems. I occassionally help her with school work and she likes me as a friend and eventually I stopped bugging her with this horror stuff.

What I want to know is that whether I am a bully or not. I’m sorry if I sound biased against other people but things really did just happen like that.
 
Often the line is crossed and the excuse is , “just to tease”. These do not sound very significant but can be a reminder to you always to try to do no harm even in jest.

Challenging someone to do better is not bullying nor teasing but how you do it makes all the difference in how effective you will be.
 
What may seem like fun or teasing to you may be downright annoying to whoever the recipient is…plus its not fun to show horror clips to the girl who doesnt like that kinda thing…and you shouldnt rant at those students not doing well in assignments…you are not their parents or teacher and their grade is none of your business…long story short…if you keep teasing and insulting people you will eventually drive people away as that kinda thing gets old very quickly…
 
mrajax said:
What I want to know is that whether I am a bully or not. I’m sorry if I sound biased against other people but things really did just happen like that.
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Whether you are bullying or not would depend on why you were doing this teasing. Are you expecting that they will play along in the spirit of the teasing and you are surprised when they are annoyed?

Or are you doing it to cause them to be annoyed and irritated because you enjoy that reaction for some reason?
 
mrajax said:
Before I talk about my problem, I want to let people know that being a victim of emotional bullying and sexual harassment and suffering a severe depression because of it I am absolutely against bullying.

The thing is my school friends seemed to get upset at certain things that I said and did. To be specific, these are the things which I said or did that seemed to upset them:

-they were listening to some sound clip on their mobiles before class started and I started talking to them out loud just to tease them. At that they started to swear and shout at me and later on I heard one of the guys murmuring against me how I was annoying him at that time. Note I never ever did this before; I never interrupted or picked on anyone by distracting them from their movies or podcasts.

-we watched a horror movie in class in a lesson before the holidays. One of the guys who is 18 was disinterested and was acting all aloof so I decided to tease him by saying that he is like Mr. Bean in the movie theatre, pretending to not be afraid whilst being terrified of the movie. He countered by saying that unlike me he actually has a girlfriend. Huh. Honestly, he is always commenting and coming up with ‘witty’ comments over everything I say and do and it does get annoying. The guy who murmured against me told me the same thing, albeit adding in all seriousness that he also wants to kick his head).

-another time this same ‘witty’ guy and I were talking with a girl and some other school friends when he asked me I would take this girl as my girlfriend. I said a simple no thanks (as in no sarcasm was involved) only to have him come up with another comment in front of her how he agrees with me. I thought about it and concluded that yes, that was a form of bullying and I told this girl later on to not listen to what he has to say. She just took it all in stride and didn’t get upset not even with my comment.

-Another time I was helping a few students with their assignments when I complained and ranted to one of them how they are not doing any good by refusing to work and to take their assignments seriously. They nodded a little and immediately went back to their old ways. Was I wrong to rant and be mad at them?

-I would also show at random times horror images to a girl who hates all things horror. Now I am good friends to this girl and even have listened closely to her own problems. I occassionally help her with school work and she likes me as a friend and eventually I stopped bugging her with this horror stuff.

What I want to know is that whether I am a bully or not. I’m sorry if I sound biased against other people but things really did just happen like that.
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A bully, no. Inconsiderate, yes. No one will ever think you are as great as you do.
 
“Bullying” seems to be a buzzword these days. Whether what you are doing is bullying or not, much of this is inappropriate.

Showing horror images to someone who wants to avoid them crosses the line. Don’t do that.

Teasing requires a certain familiarity before it is acceptable, and even then it can leave people with hurt feelings. Drop all the teasing as the people you have teased have made it clear that your teasing unwelcome.

It may be that your past has left you uncertain of when you have crossed the line. When people respond like what you describe, you have crossed the line. Apologize to them.

And don’t beat yourself up over having done this–that can a form of “self bullying”. Apologize, go to confession, hear the words of absolution–and then move on with your life with less teasing in the future.
🙂
 
I’d drop the teasing totally, as friendly teasing requires a knowledge of social nuance that you don’t possess. Also, you don’t seem to like it when the shoe is on the other foot (as with your teasing your classmate about being like Mr. Bean and him responding with a crack about you not having a girlfriend).

Also, get better at hearing “no”.
 
I would say you’re being a general pain, not a bully. None of the things you describe are funny, just irritating, and if you keep up this behaviour, I can see you losing friends. I would guess you’re quite young and seeking attention, hopefully you will learn there are better ways of doing this.
 
Just reading your recent threads annoys me… I can see why the people referred to are getting “upset” with you. :doh2:
 
The best thing to do is to always treat people respectfully in any situation. Christians call that the golden rule.
 
Origen52 said:
I would say you’re being a general pain, not a bully. None of the things you describe are funny, just irritating, and if you keep up this behaviour, I can see you losing friends. I would guess you’re quite young and seeking attention, hopefully you will learn there are better ways of doing this.
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There you have it.👍
 
Xantippe said:
I’d drop the teasing totally, as friendly teasing requires a knowledge of social nuance that you don’t possess. Also, you don’t seem to like it when the shoe is on the other foot (as with your teasing your classmate about being like Mr. Bean and him responding with a crack about you not having a girlfriend).

Also, get better at hearing “no”.
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Yes. The social nuance is simply that you cut it out when you’re being a pain and that you are willing to be a good sport when you get it back in kind. Friendly teasing is that which the target doesn’t mind too much, and maybe enjoys a little because they’re as willing to be the target as to have anyone else the target. If you and your “target” aren’t both enjoying your bids at cleverness, you aren’t being friendly. You’re being a non-specific irritant.

If you have to tease, OP, you might trying the kind of teasing that is a back-handed compliment instead of a simple insult. It is easier to get that kind right, because there is a greater margin for error.
 
People are so sensitive these days. It seems whole generations are so used to being constantly “affirmed” that they can’t take a little good natured teasing. In my day (and I’m only 33, so “my day” wasn’t all that long ago) bullying was stealing someone’s lunch money or beating them up or locking them in their locker or something. Now just goofing around is labeled “bullying”. Heck, I guess all me and my friends in HS and College did was bully each other. Sad state of affairs.

That all being said, if someone obviously can’t take a joke, stop joking with them. Yes, they ought to have a thicker skin (IMHO), but you don’t want to upset people.
 
I don’t think you’re a bully, but your behavior sounds rather annoying. Your “teasing” is out of place and isn’t working for you. Just be friendly to people, and try to be respectful and apologize when you’ve crossed a line.
 
A bully? No.

A jerk, that I wouldn’t want to be around? Yes.

Why would you do those things?
 
Not a bully, but you seem to not empathize with how others are feeling sometimes. Empathy is a great quality to have.

Just b/c something doesn’t bother you, doesn’t mean it is not hurtful to others. You just need to be more aware of taking in other people’s body language before you try to joke around. Ask yourself:
  1. Is there risk in my behaviour?
  2. Can my actions be taken the wrong way?
  3. Is there going to be consequences for this action?
If you answer yes, then STOP. Think and re-evaluate how you handle yourself in social situations.
 
I admit that maybe I was being irritating although I have to say that I did stop doing these things and I literally only ever did them once as I mentioned. To be honest only ever intended them as a light prank to sort of get back at the others for their teasing.

What I need help on is on myself getting constantly teased even if I didn’t call for it. If I mention an interest that I have, someone is always bound to make fun of it. Then there’s this guy who is always poking me just to annoy me and today another guy did the same. I asked him what he was doing and said that he just wanted to touch me. This guy actually knows how much I hate being touched and I actually told him that I was sexually harassed in school etc… I may admit on these forums but in real life I rarely tell anyone.

I’m saying all this because even though I admit that I can be annoying I just feel bad that people get off scott free always teasing me and never, ever taking me seriously without even considering that maybe I myself am bothered.

I disagree Serap.I try to empathize with people; if I see that something nis bothering them I stop. But I’m a bit upset that based on doing these things just once people call me irritable when others keep on constantly doing worse to me and get off scott free. I’m not saying this to continue I’m just giving my own opinion.
 
mrajax said:
I admit that maybe I was being irritating although I have to say that I did stop doing these things and I literally only ever did them once as I mentioned. To be honest only ever intended them as a light prank to sort of get back at the others for their teasing.

What I need help on is on myself getting constantly teased even if I didn’t call for it. If I mention an interest that I have, someone is always bound to make fun of it. Then there’s this guy who is always poking me just to annoy me and today another guy did the same. I asked him what he was doing and said that he just wanted to touch me. This guy actually knows how much I hate being touched and I actually told him that I was sexually harassed in school etc… I may admit on these forums but in real life I rarely tell anyone.

I’m saying all this because even though I admit that I can be annoying I just feel bad that people get off scott free always teasing me and never, ever taking me seriously without even considering that maybe I myself am bothered.
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Best thing you can do when someone teases you and you don’t like it…look at them with no expression, breath as if to take it in and then just change the subject or say, “I’m just going to…I’ll see you guys later.” and leave.

DON’T RETALIATE…you are inviting more teasing if you retaliate. The best way to change other people’s behaviour is to ignore the behaviour you don’t like. I have learned this with my own children 🙂

Less is more with you. You are learning social norms…the fact that you are here, tells me that you want to improve your social skills. Good for you! You just need to learn to “shut up”, so to speak…just “shut up” and think before you speak. You’ll be fine and you’ll see that people will like you more and will begin to tease you less. 👍.
 
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