Am I being a jerk about chastity?

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TheRealJuliane said:
Right about when 57thDementian came onto the thread.

😃
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Yeah exactly. Nothing against you EasterJoy… but 57thD had all of 30 posts over the course of a year and all were on this subject. And all the posts were weird. That’s why I brought it up.

I’m not going to take the bait. Dude has no idea what he’s talking about and it’s a waste of energy to continue in the back and forth.
 
EasterJoy said:
He said “I don’t want to be a jerk or have too high of expectations.” He was also given very strict criteria with the clear implication that he would be judged by those when someone was looking at whether he would be a decent marriage prospect as part of the explanation for why he should stay chaste himself. Give him the benefit of the doubt, and expect that he means that he doesn’t want to be a jerk but also isn’t sure what to do with the expectations that his catechists put into him.
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I think you are confused. I didn’t say he was intentionally being a jerk or had made being a jerk some sort of life goal. Someone may have said that, but it wasn’t me. It is obvious that he doesn’t want to be a jerk as he is asking whether or not his actions constituted being a jerk. I didn’t think he was going to say, “I was a jerk? Great! That’s totally what I was going for!”

I said he was being a jerk in that instance because of the way he treated his girlfriend. (Which was a direct answer to the title of the thread.) It was 58th degree that suggested that people weren’t giving him the “benefit of the doubt”. (Whatever that’s supposed to mean.)
 
EasterJoy said:
She’s been chaste for seven years, for crying out loud, nobody (including her!) is saying that it doesn’t matter at all whether or not someone is a virgin on his or her wedding night
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I never said that she or anyone else was saying that. How are you getting these interpretations?
EasterJoy said:
so what is your point in beating the age thing or the “single occurrence” vs. “multiple occurrence” thing to death like you’re Perry Mason?!?
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Because saying “mistake” is incorrect and obscures the truth.

+Sebastian
 
57thDimension said:
I never said that she or anyone else was saying that. How are you getting these interpretations?

Because saying “mistake” is incorrect and obscures the truth.

+Sebastian
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a teenager had sex and repented. its not a federal case anymore.

off topic question: what’s with the cross before your name? are you ordained?
 
The_Bucket said:
Yeah exactly. Nothing against you EasterJoy… but 57thD had all of 30 posts over the course of a year and all were on this subject. And all the posts were weird. That’s why I brought it up.
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Must you be so disrespectful?
Dude has no idea what he’s talking about
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How is that? Why do you feel that you can so readily (and uncharitably) dispense with my posts?

+Sebastian
 
Allegra said:
I think you are confused. I didn’t say he was intentionally being a jerk or had made being a jerk some sort of life goal. Someone may have said that, but it wasn’t me. It is obvious that he doesn’t want to be a jerk as he is asking whether or not his actions constituted being a jerk. I didn’t think he was going to say, “I was a jerk? Great! That’s totally what I was going for!”

I said he was being a jerk in that instance because of the way he treated his girlfriend. (Which was a direct answer to the title of the thread.) It was 58th degree that suggested that people weren’t giving him the “benefit of the doubt”. (Whatever that’s supposed to mean.)
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PS- I just want to point out that I was totally in the camp for not assuming the OP was someone with an attachment disorder and a Madonna/whore complex. ***

That’s sort of like “benefit of the doubt” isn’t is?

*** as well as all Catholic single men over 25 and half of the Italian nation.
 
Fairwinds said:
what’s with the cross before your name? are you ordained?
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Not in major orders (although that is a pointless thing for me to say). My pastor said that any Catholic/Christian can do that. He said that it is comparable to putting “JMJ” on a document.

+Sebastian
 
57thDimension said:
Not in major orders (although that is a pointless thing for me to say). My pastor said that any Catholic/Christian can do that. He said that it is comparable to putting “JMJ” on a document.

+Sebastian
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thanks.
 
57thDimension said:
I never said that she or anyone else was saying that. How are you getting these interpretations?

Because saying “mistake” is incorrect and obscures the truth.

+Sebastian
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Way to make this thread all about you.

:rolleyes:
 
57thDimension said:
I have noticed though that people who have had premarital sex are much more likely to criticize people like the OP than people who saved themselves for marriage.

+Sebastian
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If it helps, my husband and I were both virgins when we married and I still say he was being a jerk. Even the OP has said he was being a jerk. He apologized and it might all work out after all. What’s your problem exactly? It seems the guy wanted an honest answer. He got, in fact, an honest answer. He took said answer to heart. He made ammends and they may ride off into the sunset. It seems to me that he’s doing great and the day was saved once again by the devoted contributors of the CA forum. What’s the point of you coming on here and telling us all what meanies we are?
 
Flamepoint said:
New here and looking for some honest advice. I am 29 years old and very interested in getting married within the next couple of years. So far I have worked hard to obtain a Masters degree and an excellent job so that I am fully prepared to start a family financially, educationally and spiritually. I am one of five kids, and all my siblings are married including my little sister. So I am really only looking to seriously date for a potential marriage.

About four months ago I started dating a girl who is a Masters student at the college where I work. She is 25 years old. She’s pretty, funny, smart, comes from a good family and is very religious. I really like her. ** I think she would make a good mom and wife from what I know so far.**

**In the marriage the female human being is a wife (a conjugal lover and a conjugal mistress, as she is conjugal love of her husband) and then a potential mother.

Do you have another order in your mind? Could you explain your sentence? What is your position???**

We are totally on the same page as far as faith goes - we are both practicing and active Catholics.

Here’s the problem. After four months of pretty serious dating, I told her that I liked her very much and could see a future with her. I told her how glad I was that I’d saved myself for marriage, too. Unfortunately she took that time to tell me that she had had sex with a boyfriend when she was a senior in high school, 7 years ago. She told me that they were both Catholics, cared for one another very deeply, caved to temptation on about 5 occasions and then both went to confession and agreed to continue ahead chastely. When they left for college the relationship ended and she said she has fully repented of her sins and has been chaste for 7 years and intends to not have any more sex until marriage.

Okay, I was shocked. I never thought I would marry an experienced woman who gave her body to anothwr guy. I get that people mess up, but the thought of my wife having been with another man grosses me out big time. I told her I was really hurt that ahe had given away her virginity so easily and I have not called her since Sunday.

I know she’s embarrassed and hurt and probably thought I would say it was not a big deal, but it is. She won’t ever be able to give me the gift of her virginity and yet I have held out. She’s a great girl in every other way except she lost her virtue. I don’t want to be a jerk or have too high of expectations. I just don’t know if this should be a dead breaker or if I am passing up a great woman who simply made a mistake when she was a kid.

Can I get over this? Should I? Is she fit to be a mother if she can’t honestly say she waited for her husband? I know the Lord says to forgive but He also says to use good judgment.
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Allegra said:
If it helps, my husband and I were both virgins when we married and I still say he was being a jerk.
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I don’t think “much more likely” means “everyone who is such a person will.” There is a difference in my mind.
What’s the point of you coming on here and telling us all what meanies we are?
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If people are saying rude, harsh, untrue, or otherwise uncharitable things, it is my duty to point that out in as best a way as I can. I’m not saying everyone is a “meanie.” I intend only to improve the quality of discourse.

+Sebastian
 
Allegra said:
And how’s that working for you?
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It’s working just fine for him, but it is not fun for the rest of us, and the OP. His thread is getting clogged with all this “quality discourse.”

:rolleyes:
 
Show me in the bible or catechism where it says a virgin must marry a virgin.

What God has joined together in Heaven, no man must separate. Instead of even posting a thread, pray.

Look at the life of St. Augustine. Some of us aren’t blessed with a very cohesively Catholic family to provide great Christian morality. Sometimes the world tempts us…but Jesus came to call the sinners not the just.

Your problem in the OP is that you have decided to build your self first and foremost before trusting in God to find you your soulmate. Marriage is meant to bind you to someone who will help build the future you are meant to have, not build it yourself and then by your own understanding and ideal qualities list, search for who gets to ride on the self-made man train.

Chastity is the necessary virtue to ensure Gods blessing in your marriage and for the bringing about of children. NOT virginity.
 
Flamepoint said:
New here and looking for some honest advice. I am 29 years old and very interested in getting married within the next couple of years. So far I have worked hard to obtain a Masters degree and an excellent job so that I am fully prepared to start a family financially, educationally and spiritually. I am one of five kids, and all my siblings are married including my little sister. So I am really only looking to seriously date for a potential marriage.

About four months ago I started dating a girl who is a Masters student at the college where I work. She is 25 years old. She’s pretty, funny, smart, comes from a good family and is very religious. I really like her. I think she would make a good mom and wife from what I know so far. We are totally on the same page as far as faith goes - we are both practicing and active Catholics.

Here’s the problem. After four months of pretty serious dating, I told her that I liked her very much and could see a future with her. I told her how glad I was that I’d saved myself for marriage, too. Unfortunately she took that time to tell me that she had had sex with a boyfriend when she was a senior in high school, 7 years ago. She told me that they were both Catholics, cared for one another very deeply, caved to temptation on about 5 occasions and then both went to confession and agreed to continue ahead chastely. When they left for college the relationship ended and she said she has fully repented of her sins and has been chaste for 7 years and intends to not have any more sex until marriage.

Okay, I was shocked. I never thought I would marry an experienced woman who gave her body to anothwr guy. I get that people mess up, but the thought of my wife having been with another man grosses me out big time. I told her I was really hurt that ahe had given away her virginity so easily and I have not called her since Sunday.

I know she’s embarrassed and hurt and probably thought I would say it was not a big deal, but it is. She won’t ever be able to give me the gift of her virginity and yet I have held out. She’s a great girl in every other way except she lost her virtue. I don’t want to be a jerk or have too high of expectations. I just don’t know if this should be a dead breaker or if I am passing up a great woman who simply made a mistake when she was a kid.

Can I get over this? Should I? Is she fit to be a mother if she can’t honestly say she waited for her husband? I know the Lord says to forgive but He also says to use good judgment.
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During the wedding night, the virginity of husband cannot be verified, in absolute. How!!! But the virginity of wife can be,* normally (the verifying is not absolute because each sexual intimity of females is different, see the medical studies). Do you have the intellectual position from the past for asking the elements of proof concerning the virginity of your bride??? Where are you living? In which moment of the humanity, do you live? Are you into the XXI century?*

The lack of female virginity could not be hidden, but the lack of virginity of male could be, in function of the anatomy!!! I*t is too simple, the nature is more complex than that!!!
Machism, moralim, victorianism, puritanism, Romanism, sexism from males…etc be careful.
 
TheRealJuliane said:
It’s working just fine for him, but it is not fun for the rest of us, and the OP. His thread is getting clogged with all this “quality discourse.”

:rolleyes:
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Well, by virtue of “benefit of the doubt”, I’m hoping the OP is out to dinner with a pretty, chaste, Catholic lady, discovering true love and all that jazz.
 
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