Am I being called to be a Religious or to be a Priest?

[John92]

Hi all

I’ve had a vocation for about two years now.

I’d left the Church along with the rest of my family since I was about 9 or 10 years old - and, gratias Deo, our family is returning. About 10 months ago I returned on my own, convinced of the truth of the Faith by apologetics, and brought my little brother with me. Then I remembered a sin, a horrible sin, which I was scared to confess, and fell back into smoking marijuana, fought with myself, searched in vain for any sort of rationalization for my behavior, but ultimately returned. I’m going to Confession this Saturday.

The vocation has been there the whole time. I’m very ashamed that I found God and then left him again (though I never really stopped believing) but, then again, I guess that’s what the Sacrament of Confession is there for. God’s mercy is beyond words.

Anyway, I haven’t yet figured out whether I’m being called to the priesthood or to be some sort of monk or friar. I don’t think I have the proper temperament for a cloistered isolated environment - I feel called to teach and to evangelize to people, to educate them in the faith and to convert people (or rather to act as a conduit for God’s grace which alone can convert people), just as I was converted. But I’m worried that I won’t be able to “cut it” as a priest: because I was away from the Church for so long I feel like I won’t be accepted into any seminaries. I’m also very attracted to the idea of living in a brotherly community - I’m worried that if I became a Priest I would fall into loneliness. Would being a Friar, perhaps, be right for me? Is my understanding correct that they, while living in a monastery, tend to participate in preaching as well? Or do you have to be a Priest to evangelize and teach etc? Though of course I could be a Priest and a Friar. Will I be accepted, given my background? I mean I wasn’t a rapist or whatever but I did go through a rebellious phase and fell in love with smoking weed, something which I’ve quit for, so far, a month and a half. I also have had problems with Depression but these are getting much much better - I’m taking an herbal antidepressant and praying and both these things have helped a lot, but would these depressive tendencies bar me from religious life due to the psychological health requirement? I mean I’m “healthy”, I’m not crazy, I can just become very angry and upset with myself at times and get stuck in spirals of despair, but like I said these are becoming much less frequent and, when they do happen, even though I’m very sad, there’s still a small but strong voice in the back of my head reminding me that my depression is a trial from God and that I must pray and offer my sufferings up to the Father, as Christ did.

Sorry that this isn’t very organized, please ask if you need any clarification, I’m sort of in a rush right now

 

[Cluny]

As your spiritual director.

If you don’t have one, get one to help you discern this matter.

That will bring much better results than speaking to miscellaneous anonymous strangers on a computer board.

 

[John92]

As your spiritual director.

If you don’t have one, get one to help you discern this matter.

That will bring much better results than speaking to miscellaneous anonymous strangers on a computer board.

Good advice, thank you.

 

[John92]

I would still like some advice though, even though I’m going to talk to a priest.

Also, two more questions:
1.) Am I obligated to tell the priest how I ‘fell away’ for some time? I know that, if I become a Priest, and probably if I become a monk as well, I’ll have to write an autobiography and admit to it then - but I’m saying specifically to the first priest I talk to.

2.) Has anyone here gone through this? Being a convert or revert and being called to the collar or the monastery? How did it go? I mean in Christian history there are plenty of examples of this - St. Paul, St. Augustine, etc. - but it almost seems like these days to be a priest you pretty much have to have been a regular churchgoer your whole life, been an altarboy, know lots of priests, etc. etc.

 

[JReducation]

I’m a convert from Judaism to Catholicism. I had the unique benefit of being educated by Capuchin Franciscans, even though I was Jewish. I attended Catholic schools all my life. Therefore, Catholicism was no mystery to me.

What brought me to Catholicism was St. Francis of Assisi. While I was in high school I watched the friars and how they lived. I also observed how much they loved us (the students). When I was in trouble in math class, there was a friar named Br. Christopher who taught math and science. He took me aside and tutored me in math. It was my senior year of high school. If I didn’t pass my math finals, I could not graduate. I remember Br. Christopher telling me that he was going to kick my butt right through the window, if I failed the final examination. Yet, he stayed with me every afternon and tutored me.

When the day of the final exmaination came, I was the last one finished. I was sweating blood. Finally, I turned in my paper and Brother asked me to stay in my seat while he corrected it. I would have preferred a crucifixion. I remember looking at the crucifix in the classroom and wonder, if Jesus had felt as badly and frightened as I did. Suddenly, Brother called me to his desk. I couldn’t move. I pulled myself together and went up to this desk. He handed me my paper. I had scored a 91% on the final exam. He wiped his brow and said, “You scared me kid.” He too was sweating. I felt very loved and very close to Br. Christopher. He understood my situation.

When I went to college, guess what I majored in? I got my BS in mathematics. Guess who was transfered to the university? You got it, Br. Christopher. The Capuchin Franciscans taught at the university. I again had a chance to watch them pray, play, study, teach and interact with the students. I asked one of the brothers what made them tick. His answer was so matter-of-fact, St. Francis of Assisi. “We’re in love with our founder,” the brother told me. I couldn’t understnad. He explained, “Francis teaches us how to be like Jesus. Every student loves a teacher who changes his life for the better.”

I went out and picked up a biography of St. Francis. When I finished reading it, I understood the Gospel for the first time in my life. I had read the Gospels; but the idea that a man could be God was too difficult to swallow. It sounded like sheer heresy to me. Francis made the Gospels easy to understand. He presented Christ in a manner that was easy and believable. So, I became a Catholic.

I married and we had three children, two boys and a girl. Then there was an accident. My wife, son and my father were killed. My son was 7. My two surviving children were a 9-year old daughter and a 4-year old son with autism. I remember looking up at a cross and asking God, “Now what?” The answer came very simply. “Now you will raise these children and I will tell you what to do.” So I did.

When my autistic son graduated from high school and was accepted at college, I visited the Blessed Sacrament one day. I thanked God for helping me bring him all this way. I had never hoped that he would go to college. I simply hoped that he would learn enough to hold down a job; but I prayed. I remember praying to St. Francis. He got me through math, he surely could get me through parenting an autistic boy and a daughter. It was not easy. I lost my home, because the bills to care for my son and provide theraphy, special teachers, special medical treatments, taking him to specialists in Europe and South America took their toll on my economic situation. I finally found a school in Ecuador, South America that taught children like my son and guarranteed success. It’s a school like none that we have in the USA. My son graduated, took the SATs and was accepted by a university in the USA. He went on to study art.

On the day that I was before the Blessed Sacrament I asked Jesus, “Now what? You told me to raise the kids and you would show me what to do. Now the job is done.” I went back for three days. On the third day I left the chapel and went to my doctor’s office. While I was there a young woman was sitting next to me crying. I asked her if I could help. She told me that she believed she was pregnant, but did not want to have this baby. She wanted an abortion. We spoke, as we waited to be called on. I told her of God’s love and about the other options, rather than abortion. Suddenly she ran out the door. I ran after her until I caught up with her. She told me that she was afraid. I promised to help. But I had no money. My kids were grown, but I had spend all my money and lost my home to pay for my son’s bills. But I could not allow this baby to be killed.

I went to Respect Life with the girl and they helped. As I left the Respect Life clinic I remembered the promise that Jesus had made. He had promised me to show me what to do, once my kids were raised. I suddenly realized what it was. I was to be care for the unborn. I wrote a letter to a very good friend of mine, a Capuchin Frnaciscan. I told him about everything. He wrote back and referred me to the local bishop.

I went to see the local bishop. I thought that he was going to help me get into the Capuchin Franciscans. Instead he said to me that he wanted me to begin discerning my vocation to be a Franciscan Brother of Penance. I did and I entered. After six years of theology in Rome, I came back and made my final vows. One day the bishop called me back. He wanted to see me. He said, “Now that you’re a solemnly professed Franciscan Brother, there is something else that you must discern. I want you to see this priest.” He gave me a name and an address. I went to the priest. We spoke for about 3 hours. He finally said, “You know why you’re hear, don’t you?” I told him I did not. He said, "We need a new religious community. They are to be the Franciscan Brothers of Life and they are to be brothers to the unborn. But they must be totally poor, because only through extreme poverty, prayer, penance, silence and sacraments, can we overcome the evil of abortion, euthanasia, embryonic stem cell research and other evils that threaten life.

It’s now been several months and I go to this priest every month. We’re still discerning how to get this new congregation of Brothers up and running. But God has been good. I have gotten a few good letters from men who want to leave everything for a lfie of penance, prayer, obedience, silence, poverty and chastity in reparation for the sins against life and to save lives. They want to be brothers to the unborn, to the vulnerable members of society. So we’re looking for a few good men. But I’m poor. I have no money. I have a few things that I need to do this minsitry with Respect Life and that’s it. But I’m already tasting heaven on earth.

I hope this helps you.

Fraternally,

Br. JR, OSF

 

[John92]

Thank you for the kind words

Your story was very inspiring and has showed me that people can indeed come to the religious life through unorthodox paths.

I think the best thing for me to do would be to talk to my priest (which I will, maybe even this Sunday) and explain my situation to him. If it’s in God’s will that I be a priest, I will become a priest. If it is not, and my vocation is a delusion, I will not become a priest. It’s very comforting for me to remind myself that it’s that simple.

 

[Cluny]

<<2.) Has anyone here gone through this? Being a convert or revert and being called to the collar or the monastery?>>

The collar is not the sign of the Priesthood. Deacons may wear the clerical collar. So may some male religious or seminarians (if such be their custom).

The stole worn as a Priest would do–pendant–is the sign.