Am I being scrupulous? What do I do?

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Not sure if this is the right section. Apologies if it’s not.

I told a non-Christian friend that I was a Christian the other day. She had no issues with it. We told each other we would be respectful to each other. But then the next day I had a misunderstanding with someone else where I overreacted. And the non-Christian friend was sort of an intermediary in clearing up the misunderstanding. I hesitate to go into too many details because it’s a bit of complicated situation and I don’t want to get off point too much. And the situation itself IS resolved. This thread is more about my mindset before and after. To put it as simply as possible, I was led to believe that this other person was a certain person, but the misunderstanding led the person to think I was mistaken, even though I knew I wasn’t. So I jumped to the conclusion, based on other circumstances, that she was outright lying to me. And I texted my non-Christian friend (who’s a mutual friend of ours) and told her about the awkward conversation we had. She straightened it out and the other person realized I was right about her so she apologized and I said no problem, and said we’d talk soon. Water under the bridge.

However, my complaint to my friend about the conversation I had was very un-Christian-like in hindsight. Like I said I jumped to the conclusion that the person was lying. I told my friend I was “95% sure” of it, and I told my friend “be honest with me,” and “I just want the truth.” The friend was one of the people who led me to believe this person was who I thought it was, so I was kinda skeptical about her too. I never outright said I was accusing her (the friend) of lying too. I think she knew my vitriol was mainly directed at the other person, BUT the fact that I said “be honest with me” may have made her think I was accusing her. And even if she didn’t think anything of those words, it was still a very unpleasant text to send to a non-Christian the day after I told her I was a Christian and we’d agreed to respect each other.

I suffer from anxiety and OCD, so I’m really tempted to apologize to the friend, but I made a thread a while back about how I tend to over-apologize. And I feel like if I apologize to her, when she wasn’t who I was truly mad at, she may take that as a sign of low self-esteem and I’d further misrepresent Christ. I’d like to keep an apology simple and effective without making her think I’m shoving my Christianity in her face after I said I wouldn’t. Perhaps I’m overthinking this. Please help.
 
Also another hang-up on apologizing to the friend is that I worry that if I do, I’m setting a precedent where I have to go out of my way to apologize for every instance of imperfection that she happens to see just because I told her I’m a Christian. In that case, then I know I’d be scrupulous.
 
It is a little difficult to tell what happened from that description. It is not your responsibility to represent Christians to all of the non-Christians that you may know. Forget about that. If you think that you were in any way rude to this person, you can send her a short apology. Then forget it.

If you have a scrupulosity problem, find an experienced older priest to talk to. They have dealt with this problem before.
 
Do a search here on Catholic Answers Forums … using the word " scrupulosity ".

Many posters have asked questions about it.

There has been a lot of discussion.

In addition, the Liguori Fathers have a Web site and newsletter:

Scrupulout Anonymous with excellent advice.

scrupulousanonymous.org
 
I’d like to keep an apology simple and effective without making her think I’m shoving my Christianity in her face after I said I wouldn’t.
Then just be frank with her without mentioning Christianity.

“Look, I was a jerk. I’m sorry if I dragged you into something, and I’m sorry I overreacted. I need to work on that.”

Nothing more is needed.

I think most people can understand that others have faults, and that they try to work on those faults. What many people will not stand for, however, are self-righteous folks who think they never do anything wrong, and constantly judge others for their own short-comings. And they have a right to not stand for that.
 
Then just be frank with her without mentioning Christianity.

“Look, I was a jerk. I’m sorry if I dragged you into something, and I’m sorry I overreacted. I need to work on that.”

Nothing more is needed.

I think most people can understand that others have faults, and that they try to work on those faults. What many people will not stand for, however, are self-righteous folks who think they never do anything wrong, and constantly judge others for their own short-comings. And they have a right to not stand for that.
Thanks. I did that. I apologized specifically if I made her uncomfortable by dragging her into the situation (I didn’t say I was a jerk to her, even though I might’ve been, because I worry that I’ve been too hard on myself lately when talking to other people, which seems to annoy others more than anything). I did admit that I overreacted though and took accountability for that.

Thanks also to Paul and Monte. I do have a tendency to feel like I need to take on more than I should. I’d never gone out of my way to outright tell a non-Christian that I was a Christian (I try to let my actions speak for me, or only tell them when asked), so because I did, perhaps I felt vulnerable and like I had to be even more attentive than usual.
 
Then just be frank with her without mentioning Christianity.

“Look, I was a jerk. I’m sorry if I dragged you into something, and I’m sorry I overreacted. I need to work on that.”

Nothing more is needed.

I think most people can understand that others have faults, and that they try to work on those faults. What many people will not stand for, however, are self-righteous folks who think they never do anything wrong, and constantly judge others for their own short-comings. And they have a right to not stand for that.
Exactly what I would do also.
 
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