Am I Being Scrupulous?

[PeteZaHut]

I find myself worrying that I have a responsibility to inform others about things like Friday penances outside of Lent, in other words, things that most of my friends (in high school) probably don’t know about or do not do. Or, I will think about people that might be apt to receive communion without being in the state of grace. Am I being scrupulous? Is this taking the Cain and Abel passage about being your brothers keeper too far?

 

[CreatioNova]

Yes.

 

[Mirdath]

I find that generally, if you have to ask, the answer’s probably yes.

 

[baltobetsy]

Yes. That seems to be a recurring theme among the scrupulous people who post questions here. They worry a great deal about their responsibility for the actions of others.

In general, if your relationship with a person is not such that you have direct responsibility for their formation (parent/child or teacher/student, for example), your duty lies mainly in giving good example, answering their questions correctly and praying for them.

In my workplace, for example, I eat fish for lunch on Fridays, even (especially) when we order out. A couple of people have asked me about it, and I say that I do not eat meat on Fridays. They just nod and go on their way, but now they know that if they need a “Catholic” question answered, they can come to me. They have also been known to moderate their language around me and not tell me the dirtiest of jokes. I am not their mother or their teacher, so a lecture or even a verbal reminder would not be well received, but the power of example is strong. Don’t discount it.

Betsy

 

[Maynoothman]

In my workplace, for example, I eat fish for lunch on Fridays, even (especially) when we order out. A couple of people have asked me about it, and I say that I do not eat meat on Fridays. They just nod and go on their way, but now they know that if they need a “Catholic” question answered, they can come to me. They have also been known to moderate their language around me and not tell me the dirtiest of jokes. I am not their mother or their teacher, so a lecture or even a verbal reminder would not be well received, but the power of example is strong. Don’t discount it.

Thats a pretty perfect answer I think! The best way to help others is to live your life in as Christian manner as possible, that is difficult enough to do properly without worrying about how others behave!

Be good and kind, friendly and accomodating and hope that you can inspire people by your behaviour!

 

[PeteZaHut]

One more question, my real life brother (not a brother in God) is 24, so he’s kind of at that age where he’s probably not as serious about his faith as he hopefully will be in the future. He misses Mass sometimes and I don’t think he knows about Friday penances outside of Lent. I have said some things to him about Church teachings before, and he doesn’t get angry, but he isn’t very responsive. Should I try to talk to him or just let it be?

 

[teachccd]

One more question, my real life brother (not a brother in God) is 24, so he’s kind of at that age where he’s probably not as serious about his faith as he hopefully will be in the future. He misses Mass sometimes and I don’t think he knows about Friday penances outside of Lent. I have said some things to him about Church teachings before, and he doesn’t get angry, but he isn’t very responsive. Should I try to talk to him or just let it be?

First of all, he is your real life brother from your parents and from God. So he too is your brother in God.

I’m not sure how old you are but I have two sons. My oldest is now 24 and my second oldest is almost 20. ( I have a daughter as well who is 13.) My oldest also strayed despite our teachings as parents and regular Mass attendance. But my younger son never left the course. He didn’t preach to his brother but he led by example. After four years, my oldest son just went back to confession on Good Friday and went back to the Eucharist on Easter Vigil.

Ghandi said for us to be the change that we want to see in others. You are that change and it does not go unnoticed. Do remember, however, that Christ bore all of our sins. While we are to set an example and as St. Francis said, “Sometimes use words”, we musn’t feel obligated to feel the guilt of others who do not follow our faith to the “T”. Everyone has their time.

I had a long period whereby I never went to Mass, confession or even thought much of our faith. I now teach seventh and eighth grade religious education. I am the junior high coordinator for our program and I just received my Master Catechist certification.

Keep praying and who knows if your brother doesn’t become a priest or deacon someday. And NEVER say NEVER. Because I did ten years ago and look where God put me today…God Bless…teachccd

 

[Exalt]

One more question, my real life brother (not a brother in God) is 24, so he’s kind of at that age where he’s probably not as serious about his faith as he hopefully will be in the future. He misses Mass sometimes and I don’t think he knows about Friday penances outside of Lent. I have said some things to him about Church teachings before, and he doesn’t get angry, but he isn’t very responsive. Should I try to talk to him or just let it be?

He probably isn’t very responsive because he’s your brother and he cares about you. He is most likely in full awareness of the Church’s teachings on mass. To be honest, it probably doesn’t do any good to “talk to him about it,” if you catch my meaning. You’re at least 7 years younger than him and I don’t think it would go over well.

Regarding Friday penances outside of Lent/Ash Wednesday/Good Friday, the US Conference of Catholic Bishops have said that it isn’t necessary:

catholic.com/thisrock/2005/0501bt.asp

 

[CreatioNova]

Set a good example for him - and keep him in your prayers. The Holy Spirit will do the rest, so long as his heart is in the right place.