Am I being sinful?

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krbto39

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Hi everyone,

I’m in a bit of a dilemma as I am in the middle of some very deep rooted conflict between my parents and my sister. I love them all very much. My sister has cut her relationship with my parents entirely and doesn’t plan on reigniting it at any point. I don’t want to overly judge anyone in this story, but there is very deep rooted wrong on both sides, so “taking a side” wouldn’t make any sense here.

I want to be a good daughter and honor my parents. They’re broken over it and I am all they have left. The hurt of sister leaving will probably last forever.

However, I also love and adore my sister and she is my best friend. We’re both in our late 20s. I want to keep a relationship with her, and she wants to keep one with me- just not them.

I feel bad because I am still in contact with sister and they don’t know. I want sister at my wedding. I, and my fiancée, want our future children to have cousins and aunts and uncles. I want family when my parents eventually pass.

Am I sinful, or a bad daughter, if I kept that relationship with sister? 😦 I know they’d be very hurt and upset with me if they knew.
 
As you are in your late 20s, you are old enough to choose who you will have relationships with. Your sister may change her mind someday, despite what she thinks now. You should not lie to your parents about the fact that you see your sister. What happened is between your parents and your sister. You need to let them and your sister know that you refuse to take sides, and that your sister is welcome in your life, and that it is up to all of them to make things work smoothly. In time, they may reconcile.

No, not sinful in my opinion. Speak to your priest if it makes you feel better.
 
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I agree with irishmom. You should be able to keep your sister in your life and your parents. If they can’t have a relationship at the moment then fair enough, saying forever is likely just what is said, it may not be the case. You should however, tell your parents you intend to stay friends with your sister and vice versa. They may be upset in the beginning but they are being unreasonable to expect otherwise, especially your parents who as well established adults should want their children to get along.
As for your wedding, if you wish to have both parties there then there may need to be a truce or an agreement to keep to separate areas assuming it is coming up soon. But if you just mean… in the future…then let things lie as it may reconcile.

I do not think this is sinful either, you are called to love your neighbour. But you should not hide it from them, though do tell them you are sorry if they are upset but she is your sister. You can always be discreet about your relationship with your sister ie. see her away from the parents etc. Good luck. Not a bad idea to speak to your priest on how best to approach the subject if you think it would help
 
krbto39 said:
Am I sinful, or a bad daughter, if I kept that relationship with sister? 😦 I know they’d be very hurt and upset with me if they knew.
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You are a grown-up now.

Your parents don’t get to decide who you can and can’t be friends with anymore.

So, yes, it is okay for you to be friends with your sister even if it hurts their feelings.
 
These are the parents who took your phone from you and called your sister with it, yes? Who made an enormous fuss about you being in contact with her?

They do not get to dictate your relationships.

Do not talk to your sister about your parents. Do not talk to your parents about your sister. This conflict is not yours. In your own personal relations, be respectful, but enforce boundaries as needed.
 
Right. And don’t fall into the trap of being in the middle thinking you can fix this.
THEY are the ones who can fix it Regardless of who is right and who is wrong, one side has to be big enough to forgive, or at least let go of the problems that keep them apart.
The fact that you can have a good relationship with both, is a living sign to them that life is too short for this kind of stuff. I recommend a book entitled" EVERYBODY NEEDS TO FORGIVE SOMEBODY

 
krbto39 - no you are not being sinful. I am sorry for the predicament you find yourself in. I can imagine that it must be very painful for you to be in this situation caught in the cross-fire between those you love. I agree with the advice given above. It may not be your fight but you need not stand idle and be a spectator either.

Yes, life is way too short for disputes like these or any other to be consuming our thoughts and time sapping us of our emotional energy which could be used for building each other up.

May I suggest you start praying for the grace of forgiveness and mercy in your family. It sounds like right now, neither party is interested in even wanting to forgive. In these cases all one can do is to pray for God’s grace that their hearts will be moved to be open to forgiveness and mercy. Once that happens then one can move on to praying for the actual grace of forgiveness and mercy.

There are many novenas one could turn to as well. What I highly recommend is that you spend as much time in front of the Blessed Sacrament as you can. There lay all your hearts desires and troubles before the Lord. We have a very merciful and loving God and he waits to welcome you there all the time.

Spending time in Adoration will be a huge blessing to you as well. You have a fiance - it would be wonderful if he accompanies you. Imagine the huge blessing on your relationship if you adore together now already.

Do not give up. Never, ever. Nothing is impossible for God.

I will pray for you.
 
“Whoever meddles in the quarrel of another is one who grabs a passing dog by the ears.” - Proverbs 26:17

If it’s not your fight, just stay out of it. Neither side has a right to demand you cut off contact with the other.
 
If you’re old enough to get married, you’re old enough to decide who you want in your life-and, at your wedding. Honoring your parents does not include allowing them to say who who you can or can’t see.

In fact, in the original Bible languages, ‘honor’ is largely a financial term. It means that, to the best of your ability, you care for your parents, when they become too old or ill to work.

Please, don’t get involved in a disagreement that doesn’t(or should’nt)concern you. But, you shouldn’t be lying to either party. You’re old enough to be married, and, presumably, start your own family. Please, don’t allow either your parents or your sister draw you into any bitterness. And congratulations on your upcoming wedding!
 
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