Am I being to picky about my parish?

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Hi all- DH and I have been married 7 yrs now. We have attended 3 or 4 different churches during that time and we have about 10 Catholic churches in our town. I seem to find fault at each one. The one we go to now has great music, and for me, that’s really important. But I also want a parish that has really traditional things happening, which ours does not. DH wants to try out the Knights and I really would love to belong to an altar sodelity or a rosary sodelity. it seems as if these things are falling out of practice. yes, I need good music. but I also want to be fulfilled during the week. in other words- what can the church offer me besides sunday mass? DH thinks I’m just being too picky and searching for something I won’t find. I do like our priest, but he’s VERY busy and frankly, quite distracted most of the time. I don’t know if we should continue to “try on” other parishes or just settle in. Also, DD will start school next year at a Catholic school in the next town over. this has to do with tuition being just 1/4 of what it is in our town. that parish is also nice, but again, they don’t have a lot to offer. Am i being to picky? or is DH right and I’m just looking too hard? Your opinion?
 
I know how you feel.

Since moving to the Detroit area 2.5 years ago, I have switched parishes twice. The first time was because of the “Music Minister” picking “Mass Settings” that trashed parts of the Mass. The second time was to my current parish. It was nothing that the 2nd parish was doing (although the pastor’s “Mass Setiing” music sounded like it belonged more in a 1920’s speakeasy 🤷 ). It was that I am involved in a Confraternity at my current parish and I was spending more time there and the Mass is:

  1. *]Celebrated Ad Orientum
    *]Use of Chant
    *]Many parts in Latin
    *]Communion on the Tongue using the Altar Rail
    *]Organ Music (with an occasional Orchestral Mass using classical music and composers like Mozart, Beethoven)
    In fact, I went to a Mass last night that was almost all in Latin and was done by candelight. The was a OF not a EF Mass.
 
Hey, been there myself!
We almost left our hometown parish (just one in this little town) several years ago because of frustrations. Since then I have pretty much learned that each parish has its own set of quirks and such and that the grass will frequently appear greener elsewhere.

Having said that, I assume that the parish you attend now is faithful to the Church and orthodox in its teaching.

My take–why not start something like a book club or a gospel reflection group (there are great resources right here at CA!) to find other souls who might be looking for something more themselves? Ask the Holy Spirit to help you seek out people and resources and the results could be awesome!

Finally, I have found good, solid spiritual direction to be indispensible for me as I seek for things that will help me grow closer to Christ and his Bride, the Church. As a convert who kicked and screamed my way into the Church, I pooh-poohed spiritual direction for a long time, but it has been instrumental in guiding me toward the practices which have been most helpful in exposing attitudes and such that needed to be rooted out in order for me to grow.

Many blessings on you and your family!
 
Your parish experiance is going to be what you make it. We have had our current pastor for just over a year now. He is very young and this is his first assignment as a pastor. He has made changes that has brought our celebration back to a more traditional form. He also made changes in the administration of the parish. We had a few families leave the parish due to the changes. I also heard a lot of whining about things. The folks that whined the most were not involved in any way other than attending Sunday services. I have encouraged anyone that is not happy to volunteer their time. This allows them to be in a position to help direct the parish’s future. After all, this is my parish and I will be here long after the priest has moved on!
Get involved, make your experience the best it can be.
 
agapewolf said:
Why not offer your parish something? Start a rosary group.
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Agreed. You might want to join the parish where your daughter will be attending school. In our Archdiocese, tuition is less expensive for members, due to the fact members are supporting the school with donations. Typically the school expenses are shared between tuition and donations.
Priests are not robots, they can’t be programmed to behave the way you would like them to. As long as there are not liturgical abuses, I would consider myself blessed to belong to any parish.
 
agapewolf said:
Why not offer your parish something? Start a rosary group.
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A few years ago, we had a spur-of-the moment gathering of five young families at our house after Sunday mass. We had a carry-in, and rather awkwardly prayed a rosary afterward (many there had never prayed a rosary, so there was some stopping and starting as everyone tried to figure out what they were doing). Out of that one gathering came a weekly children’s ministry, a mom’s Scripture study, a homeschool support group, and many friendships!!
 
Yes, I think you are. And, even if you find the perfect parish, what will happen when the pastor is changed and it is different than what you had before.

Choose a parish, stick with it, and make it “perfect” for you and your family.

(If you want your child to attend the parish school, better make a quick decision and base it on the quality of the school and convenience to your home, or life will get very complicated 😉 )
 
practical advice, as long as the liturgy is done properly, teaching and preaching are solid etc, family with children should register, attend and support the parish where the children are going to school or CCD.
 
There is no “perfect” parish, and as soon as a person would find what appeared to be this, it would surely change, because that’s how life is. I went through a similar frustration after moving to a different city, but I finally settled down in my neighborhood parish church. It is prayerful, reverent, and fairly orthodox in its teachings and practices, even though at the time I came, the music was awful. As a degreed, semi-professional musician, this was a cross to bear, but rather than following my musician colleagues to “the best gig in town” over at the cathedral, I chose to stay where my gifts and talents were most needed. I became involved in the music ministry, as bad as it was, in order to serve and try to improve things in whatever way I could without stepping on the toes of those who were already established there. Sometimes it’s not about what your parish can do for you, it’s about what you can do for your parish.

Also, if there are several churches in your area, you can always attend various devotions at those churches. I do that – TLM once a month at one church, weekday Mass and Mother of Perpetual Help at another, etc. It doesn’t have to be “one-stop shopping.” Good luck and God bless.
 
twk001

Its very simple.

Ask not what your parish can do for you, but ask, what you can do for your parish. 🙂

Jim
 
I agree with the others that you should see what you can start at your parish to fulfill your needs. You may not be able to get a chapter of Knights going right away but I’m sure you could gather a few others to say the rosary with you each week.

How far away is the parish where your child will be at school? Consider what it will be like to make the drive for all special events, etc. Have you investigated tuition assistance at your current parish? Belonging to the same parish where your child goes to school is the best, but if it is in the next town, that could get old if its a long drive.
 
Remember, it all starts with the liturgy. If the liturgy is done well with good music, register and work hard to help the parish. If the liturgy is weak or done incorrectly, go elsewhere. St. Augustine calls the father of a family a bishop of his own “domestic church.” It is the father’s responsibility to make sure that his families spiritual needs are met…and that starts with the liturgy.
 
As you may have noticed from my profile, I have lived in a number of places over the course of my married life. Until I married I had lived and worshipped regularly in only one parish. The occasional Scout troop camping trip took me to many other parishes but as the schedule was set up at one camping trip a month during the school year it wasn’t really as though I was parish hopping. Since I married I have been at Blessed Sacrament, St. Leo’s, St. John the Evangelist, St. Mary of the Angels, St. Clare, St. Colman’s, St. Francis of Assisi, Mary Queen of Heaven, St. Matthew’s, Church of the Atonement, St. Lawrence, and another St. Francis of Assisi. That’s a round dozen and there are a couple that I forget. I think there was a St. Peter and St. Paul in there as well and I recall a St. Christopher’s and St. Mary’s. The point is that I went to the parish in which I resided. I didn’t “shop around” to see if I could find perfection. You won’t find that this side the grave anyway.
What matters most is not what others bring to divine worship but you bring. I am interested only in putting my entire effort into the prayer of the Mass each week. I hardly notice the presence of the rest of the congregation. Remember the line Bill Cosby ascribes to Noah in his now famous Noah and the Ark skit? “Just you and me, Lord. Riiiight!!!”
Let your husband join the local K of C. Join whatever women’s organization the parish offers and get to know your neighbors. This will do a lot toward taking your mind off non-essentials. We’re here to love one another, not to critique one another.

Matthew
 
Sure said:
Remember, it all starts with the liturgy. If the liturgy is done well with good music, register and work hard to help the parish. If the liturgy is weak or done incorrectly, go elsewhere. St. Augustine calls the father of a family a bishop of his own “domestic church.” It is the father’s responsibility to make sure that his families spiritual needs are met…and that starts with the liturgy.
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I agree. If the liturgy is done well, then the other ministries can be developed. If you are proactive, you can find like minded Catholics in most parishes. But, you don’t have any control over the liturgy–that’s the province of your pastor.
 
Dear dwk. You’re very blessed to live in an area where there are 10 parishes to choose from! How wonderful! I grew up in Los Angeles county… where there were many, many Catholic parishes in our area. I didn’t realize how blessed we were, until we moved away. We now live in the southeastern U.S. (with mostly Protestant churches; the so-called “Bible Belt”) and our choices are quite limited. There are only 2 Catholic parishes within driving distance of our home. There are 2 more, much further out and too far for us to drive.

I have been mostly happy with the parish we now belong to, but I do miss very much… the old parishes we were so blessed with… in California. I don’t know if this is true for others, but I have found that the “customs” in this part of the country… seem to differ from those I grew up with… even though, it is the same Catholic Church.

Of course… this is just my opinion… but If I were you, I would certainly try all of the parishes within your reach, until you find “the one” that you are most happy with. I’m sure that Our dear Lord will guide you and your family to the parish where you will get the most spiritual benefit. God bless!:blessyou:
 
If you ask the Lord to show you where He wants you, I really believe you will know. We moved after over 20 years in our former parish and had a choice of 2 new parishes. I definitely felt drawn spiritually to one of them and know that’s where we belong. The Lord will show me more when it’s His time to do so, such as what He wants me to do in a specific way to contribute. I understand what you mean; it doesn’t hurt to look for reverence in the Mass as one indicator of what a parish is like.
 
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