Am I being unreasonable to my wife?

[Patrick7]

Since I’m not timid… You are being unreasonable. You’re arrogant and you’re trying to control your wife. I sincerely hope she doesn’t quit her job, otherwise you’ll try to control her life. Don’t put on any more sweet faces. We all know what you’re really like…

Thanks kronos but tell me why you have this opinion

 

[Gardening_Mommy]

Since I’m not timid… You are being unreasonable. You’re arrogant and you’re trying to control your wife. I sincerely hope she doesn’t quit her job, otherwise you’ll try to control her life. Don’t put on any more sweet faces. We all know what you’re really like…

Kronos, get a grip; there’s hardly enough here to convict the OP for domestic abuse and, no, you don’t know what he’s really like. We’re all here talking to our computers, not face-to-face, and a lot will get garbled. Try to be a little more considerate.

I’ll admit I did not read all 18 pages of comments, but here’s my two cents. The OP’s wife sounds like she’s afraid of being “just a stay-at-home wife.” Given the way we’re treated, that’s understandable. I get snotty attitudes from store clerks making minimum wage because I “don’t have a job.” Never mind that I graduated from the Naval Academy and used to drive an aircraft carrier: the clerk is “superior” because she gets a paycheck.

Very few people respect stay-at-home wives or moms; most of society looks at them as some sort of class of pathetic parasites who couldn’t hack “real life” and are stuck in the abuses of home life. (Gee, thanks a bunch, Betty Freidan, Gloria Steinem, et al.) Even with support from my DH, it can be very depressing at times to be so devalued in spite of all my hard work.

The wife’s value is NOT tied to her ability to earn a paycheck (“her money”… if you’re married, there is no such thing as “his” and “her” money; that is a recipe for disaster!) or her status in her career. The OP isn’t even asking her to stay home all the time; he suggested volunteer work or other interests.

It may be that OP’s wife is scared of losing status and respect by becoming a stay-at-home wife (and volunteering doesn’t seem to help much- the perception is still that, if you were good enough, you’d be making money). That fear could be driving her overreaction to the semi-reasonable request to know where she is. Maybe OP could defuse the situation by backing off a bit. OP, would you be ok with more of, “How was your day? What did you do?” I’m interested in my husband’s day, too, but I don’t ask to know where he’ll be all day, unless it will affect my ability to reach him if I need to talk to him (like being in meetings where he can’t take his cell phone)).

OP, don’t just throw in the towel and give up. There seem to be other communication issues here and caving in now might “solve” this argument, but there will be others.

 

[Brenda_V]

Patrick7 - you seem to be doing better, your posts don’t “sound” quite as stressed out - have those who have offered suggestions helped you? Have you and your wife had that meeting with your Priest and the Nun you mentioned earlier?

Just wanted to know, or point me to the post that lets us know that, this thread has gotten so long that I might just have missed it .

Brenda V.

 

[Patrick7]

Kronos, get a grip; there’s hardly enough here to convict the OP for domestic abuse and, no, you don’t know what he’s really like. We’re all here talking to our computers, not face-to-face, and a lot will get garbled. Try to be a little more considerate.

I’ll admit I did not read all 18 pages of comments, but here’s my two cents. The OP’s wife sounds like she’s afraid of being “just a stay-at-home wife.” Given the way we’re treated, that’s understandable. I get snotty attitudes from store clerks making minimum wage because I “don’t have a job.” Never mind that I graduated from the Naval Academy and used to drive an aircraft carrier: the clerk is “superior” because she gets a paycheck.

Very few people respect stay-at-home wives or moms; most of society looks at them as some sort of class of pathetic parasites who couldn’t hack “real life” and are stuck in the abuses of home life. (Gee, thanks a bunch, Betty Freidan, Gloria Steinem, et al.) Even with support from my DH, it can be very depressing at times to be so devalued in spite of all my hard work.

The wife’s value is NOT tied to her ability to earn a paycheck (“her money”… if you’re married, there is no such thing as “his” and “her” money; that is a recipe for disaster!) or her status in her career. The OP isn’t even asking her to stay home all the time; he suggested volunteer work or other interests.

It may be that OP’s wife is scared of losing status and respect by becoming a stay-at-home wife (and volunteering doesn’t seem to help much- the perception is still that, if you were good enough, you’d be making money). That fear could be driving her overreaction to the semi-reasonable request to know where she is. Maybe OP could defuse the situation by backing off a bit. OP, would you be ok with more of, “How was your day? What did you do?” I’m interested in my husband’s day, too, but I don’t ask to know where he’ll be all day, unless it will affect my ability to reach him if I need to talk to him (like being in meetings where he can’t take his cell phone)).

OP, don’t just throw in the towel and give up. There seem to be other communication issues here and caving in now might “solve” this argument, but there will be others.

Interesting Point of view. Thanks Gardening Mommy:thumbsup: . I would post more but it’s getting really late so I will reply more to your post in the morning.

 

[Sailor_Kenshin]

Since I’m not timid… You are being unreasonable. You’re arrogant and you’re trying to control your wife. I sincerely hope she doesn’t quit her job, otherwise you’ll try to control her life. Don’t put on any more sweet faces. We all know what you’re really like…

Where on earth does this come from?

 

[Patrick7]

Patrick7 - you seem to be doing better, your posts don’t “sound” quite as stressed out - have those who have offered suggestions helped you? Have you and your wife had that meeting with your Priest and the Nun you mentioned earlier?

Just wanted to know, or point me to the post that lets us know that, this thread has gotten so long that I might just have missed it .

Brenda V.

Hi Brenda,

I have invited the parish to my house to talk to us. I am really surprised they would take time out of their day to come round .