Am I destined for not having a partner/ spouse?

[Bonnie]

Does anyone have similar situation? …
Should I give up praying on this?

Yes & no. Keep praying, but offer yourself to God unconditionally. Right now, you’re telling God what to do. In my experience, that doesn’t work.

When I was in my late 20s & single, I “gave up” on getting married. I decided God knew best & I started really enjoying the single life. I had gone camping by myself for a long time, but now I started going to events by myself. And found out I could enjoy myself without a date to hold my hand. I met my husband when I was 30 & joined the Secular Franciscans. We got married several years later.

Make sure you do financial planning - useful for both single & married. Get involved with things that interest you - not just singles or young adult groups. After her husband died fairly young, a friend got interested in swing dancing. Bringing a partner wasn’t necessary, so she went for the fun of dancing and the socializing. She eventually met her present husband.

If you are desperate to find a husband, it shows. Men will avoid you. If you are happy in your life, they will come around.

 

[pianistclare]

Yes & no. Keep praying, but offer yourself to God unconditionally. Right now, you’re telling God what to do. In my experience, that doesn’t work.

When I was in my late 20s & single, I “gave up” on getting married. I decided God knew best & I started really enjoying the single life. I had gone camping by myself for a long time, but now I started going to events by myself. And found out I could enjoy myself without a date to hold my hand. I met my husband when I was 30 & joined the Secular Franciscans. We got married several years later.

Make sure you do financial planning - useful for both single & married. Get involved with things that interest you - not just singles or young adult groups. After her husband died fairly young, a friend got interested in swing dancing. Bringing a partner wasn’t necessary, so she went for the fun of dancing and the socializing. She eventually met her present husband.

If you are desperate to find a husband, it shows. Men will avoid you. If you are happy in your life, they will come around.

 

[SilverLight]

Hi all,
I think it would be a great idea if someone started a social group on Catholic forums for Catholic singles to introduce themselves to message each other.

Everyone could leave their introduction and private message those with similar interests.

All everyone would have to do is leave a post saying: ‘Hi my name is … I’m from …, I am … years of age, my hobbies include…, my day job is …’
(Or they could leave out whatever they would prefer to message confidentially)

That is a really good idea actually.

 

[Zzyzx_Road]

Get out of the house. It’s a bit difficult for the Lord to put somebody in someone’s path if they never get out. For many, parishes and diocese level groups and/or activities either don’t work well or are nonexistent. Online dating works for some, does not work for everyone. Hence may have to get a little creative: some safe secular means of meeting others include meetup.com, social partner dance classes, group hiking, cooking classes, etc. The point is to look for activities that interest you and also include the opposite sex in attendance. If something doesn’t work, try something else. Be willing to travel some distance from home. If it’s really bad in one’s area, consider moving if possible.

Regarding clothing, one good bit of advice I’ve picked up along the way: dress one level above the crowd wherever you go. This applies to both men and women. The point is to get noticed. The rest is up to you.

 

[shanishani7]

Pray differently!
Are you finished discerning religious life?
Desire for that life?

I am not sure if I am finished with the vocation discernment. There was a few months I strongly felt I was called to serve God, to help the sick, poor and those in need. (I was Legion of Mary when I was small, and I am now a member of St Vincent de Paul, doing services that God and Mary want me to.)

I have prayed that God will lead me, and let me have the desire in heart that God wants me to. Then for a long time, the desire of marriage still remains, so I expect this is my vocation.

 

[Jelrak_TB]

I am not sure if I am finished with the vocation discernment. There was a few months I strongly felt I was called to serve God, to help the sick, poor and those in need. (I was Legion of Mary when I was small, and I am now a member of St Vincent de Paul, doing services that God and Mary want me to.)

I have prayed that God will lead me, and let me have the desire in heart that God wants me to. Then for a long time, the desire of marriage still remains, so I expect this is my vocation.

I was also once with the Legion of Mary…I enjoyed it immensely…

 

[TeachCatechism]

Maybe you are who knows. I’m 44 and never married and it bothers me tremendously. I’ve tried everything including online sites, singles groups, church, school, work you name it I tried it. I ended up dating a lot of horrible people and miserable. I have a friend I’m attracted to but he’s dealing with some issues. However I’ve decided that if he’s not the one no one is and I’ll be alone. All that’s left now basically are those no one else wants or those with baggage like an exspouse or has kids. Not interested in a ready made family so I pass.

 

[iwillrisenow]

Considering how at least half of marriages end up in divorce, I’d say a good many people married for all the wrong reasons and to a person that was not a good mate for them. God has blessed you with proper discernment and you should thank Him for that. Pray for God’s will to be done in your life, period. Attend Mass as often as possible, go to Adoration and keep asking God to guide your daily actions. Trust in Him completely and you will have a happy life, continually leading you closer to Him. Examine your life so far and look at whether you are truly living your life for God’s purposes. perhaps you need to make some major changes in how you are spending your free time, etc. Give God control and be willing to go where he is leading you. Being single means you have lots of free time. Pray for what He wants from you, not for what you want. I recommend getting the Spiritual exercises from St. Ignatius and starting there. I believe you can order CD’s to help you study this way of life from EWTN religious catalog. Fr. Timothy Gallagher is the speaker and the class is very, very good. Give it a shot, won’t you? I will pray for you.

Yes to this!

The only thing that I would say is: don’t get caught up in believing that there is something wrong with you, that you’re somehow not “holy enough” or doing “enough” socially, putting yourself “out there”, etc…in the end, God decides if and when. God decides. That’s all. People who met their spouses at play group when they were three, in the neighborhood when they were eight, at school when they were seventeen, or on a mission trip when they were twenty were not “putting themselves out there” or “dressing attractively”…why are those of us who are single in our advanced years so often shamed into thinking that we’re somehow lacking (especially women)? Remember that marriage is a vocation and a perfecting institution…God calls us into it because we need work, not because we unlocked the secret of Completely Satisfied and Submitted Human Being. I repeat: God calls us into marriage because we need work. It’s an incredibly humbling call if you think about it-- “help Me lead this person Home”.

It also helps to really remember that a call to marriage is a call to marriage with a particular person. I recently read a quote from a married lady who said that she couldn’t imagine how horrible it would be if she had approached the prospect of marriage as something she had to be chosen for. She simply met a potential partner, they both decided that they could build a life together and they got to work to make it happen. As a single person, I read this and remind myself that marriage isn’t a status-- it’s a partnership. If there is no partner in the picture right now (other than You, Lord ), then that particular kind of partnership is not something you can create or build right now.

So keep praying, find someone you can talk to through it all (perhaps a spiritual director or trusted friend), and live the life God’s called you to for now. You may be called elsewhere in the future, but no moment is lost when you spend it with Him

God Bless you, OP!

 

[XenaFan]

Well there are 3 signs that you are called to the married life.

1. The desire for it.
2. The ability to pursue the married life.
3. The ability to live out the married life.

You seem to have the first one but we can’t know about the other two. You should probably start there with your discernment. Ask your self the following questions:

What have you been doing to get a spouse?

• Are you being active about it?
  Are you capable of pursing men?
  Are okay with being the initiator?
  Do you have the skills needed for married life?
  Do you have the skills for being a parent?

If you answer yes to all these then before you start seeking new men, instead look at all the men you have already met. Quite possibly you already know your future spouse (should you be called to the married life).

 

[Anglewannabe]

Pray differently!

Tell God what you are looking for in a spouse. Then each day thank Him in blind faith for sending you that spouse. You have to believe and not doubt for God to grant the miracle. I heard of a healing priest who travelled the world teaching people to pray in faith, and miracles flooded in!

I

This sounds like the prosperity theory to me and I strongly disagree. God does not send us what we want if we use a ‘magic prayer formula’. We are to pray for God’s will and learn to be happy with it

Angie

 

[Sarcelle]

Yes to this!

The only thing that I would say is: don’t get caught up in believing that there is something wrong with you, that you’re somehow not “holy enough” or doing “enough” socially, putting yourself “out there”, etc…in the end, God decides if and when. God decides. That’s all. People who met their spouses at play group when they were three, in the neighborhood when they were eight, at school when they were seventeen, or on a mission trip when they were twenty were not “putting themselves out there” or “dressing attractively”…why are those of us who are single in our advanced years so often shamed into thinking that we’re somehow lacking (especially women)? Remember that marriage is a vocation and a perfecting institution…God calls us into it because we need work, not because we unlocked the secret of Completely Satisfied and Submitted Human Being. I repeat: God calls us into marriage because we need work. It’s an incredibly humbling call if you think about it-- “help Me lead this person Home”.

It also helps to really remember that a call to marriage is a call to marriage with a particular person. I recently read a quote from a married lady who said that she couldn’t imagine how horrible it would be if she had approached the prospect of marriage as something she had to be chosen for. She simply met a potential partner, they both decided that they could build a life together and they got to work to make it happen. As a single person, I read this and remind myself that marriage isn’t a status-- it’s a partnership. If there is no partner in the picture right now (other than You, Lord ), then that particular kind of partnership is not something you can create or build right now.

So keep praying, find someone you can talk to through it all (perhaps a spiritual director or trusted friend), and live the life God’s called you to for now. You may be called elsewhere in the future, but no moment is lost when you spend it with Him

God Bless you, OP!

I hear you.

I don’t know if there is a smug marrieds club among Catholics, but there is definitely one among Evangelicals. The idea that one is more holy or a more superior Christian because one is married is frankly ridiculous.

There is also the luck factor involved in almost everything we do in life. This cannot be discounted.

 

[Kal2012]

I have a friend who’s 39 that’s struggling with the same thing.

She’s never really met anyone who’s struck her interest and she’s been too busy trying to just make it in this economy. (She’s really had a string of bad luck career-wise.)

(I’m really surprised because she’s one of the funniest, brightest people I know!)

I really didn’t realize how bad things were for her until we chatted last night.

She says that people look down on her because she hasn’t been married and doesn’t have kids or done “more adult” things (whatever that means…). Personally, I think she’s smart because she’s avoided drama.

I’m realizing that I need to be more supportive towards her, but I don’t know how to do that since we live in different cities. (She’s just really depressed and has health problems related to stress). Maybe OP (or someone else) could give me some advice?

Trust me - OP - you aren’t alone in your struggle.

 

[stanncie]

Yes to this!

The only thing that I would say is: don’t get caught up in believing that there is something wrong with you, that you’re somehow not “holy enough” or doing “enough” socially, putting yourself “out there”, etc…in the end, God decides if and when. God decides. That’s all. People who met their spouses at play group when they were three, in the neighborhood when they were eight, at school when they were seventeen, or on a mission trip when they were twenty were not “putting themselves out there” or “dressing attractively”…why are those of us who are single in our advanced years so often shamed into thinking that we’re somehow lacking (especially women)? Remember that marriage is a vocation and a perfecting institution…God calls us into it because we need work, not because we unlocked the secret of Completely Satisfied and Submitted Human Being. I repeat: God calls us into marriage because we need work. It’s an incredibly humbling call if you think about it-- “help Me lead this person Home”.

It also helps to really remember that a call to marriage is a call to marriage with a particular person. I recently read a quote from a married lady who said that she couldn’t imagine how horrible it would be if she had approached the prospect of marriage as something she had to be chosen for. She simply met a potential partner, they both decided that they could build a life together and they got to work to make it happen. As a single person, I read this and remind myself that marriage isn’t a status-- it’s a partnership. If there is no partner in the picture right now (other than You, Lord ), then that particular kind of partnership is not something you can create or build right now.

So keep praying, find someone you can talk to through it all (perhaps a spiritual director or trusted friend), and live the life God’s called you to for now. You may be called elsewhere in the future, but no moment is lost when you spend it with Him

God Bless you, OP!

Omgosh can I kiss you?
You’ve said everything I wanted to say to this poster. Like someone else posted, luck is also involved in this.
I don’t know if you are called to marriage OP but as long as you keep chugging along serving God and asking him to do His will in your life you will be ok

I’m perfectly content being single 99% of the time, I just wished society in general would back off and let me enjoy my life. Thank goodness my immediate family never put pressure on me about this. I think they realize i’m happy and they’re content with that.

And, yes there is a segment of people who look down on me because I’m not a mother or have a husband. Well sorry to disappoint you, I tried, I realty did and it didn’t happen

Now let me enjoy my ‘childlish’ hobbies in peace, as long as I’m not harming anyone or committing sin I think I’m good in God’s eyes