M
Myshkin
Guest
Thank you for helping me.
I am a convert and really want to do the right thing, because I love our God, Jesus, Mary and all the Saints and want to be with them in eternity. I want to act “in the image of God” but I am having a very difficult time doing this and so my life is tearing me apart right now and I fear I will regret my actions.
Question: Should I continually return to a dad to help him in his last days who continually abuses me verbally, who left my mother, our family, and refused our invitations of the last 23 years?
My earthy father has lymphoma and is very ill. Several years ago he started having an affair with another woman. During the last 23 years he broke his marriage vows, failed his obligations to his family and the successful business that he had. He grew deeper and deeper in debt and did many, many unlawful things to make money. When he first left home, he left my mother in debt and dealing with debtors harrassing her and us because he had also used our credit to cover his unlawful investments and spending. He has been living with the woman he had an affair with for the last 23 years. During this time, I, as well as my brothers and sisters, invited him into our homes and lives, so we and he could share time with his grandchildren. He declined about 99% of our invites, stating that his significant other had made plans with their families. We eventually stopped inviting him.
Last spring 2005, I received a message/thought/discernment that my father was very ill. It wouldn’t go away. So, I told my brothers and sisters, who are christians though not practicing their faith right now. One month later my brother was surprised to hear that our dad was in the advanced stages of Lymphoma.
What is it I am struggling with? My dad’s significant other, no longer wants to have my dad in her home. Her daughter, a family counselor, was coming to visit with her children and my dad’s significant other gave us a one-week notice that she would like our dad out of her home. Even, though he has more than enough medical coverage for full-time nursing care at home, she wants us to “take him into our homes.” I am a 55-single catholic school teacher. My brother, sister and I met with my dad’s significant other and we told her we needed and wanted to place him care facility. She didn’t want this. However, in order to have him out of her home by the time her guests arrived, she placed him, without our consent, in a facilitiy owned and run by the Masons. This is only transitional care. She has stated emphatically that she does not want him back.
Just recently, before he went into the Mason Care Facility, I went to visit my dad. He got very angry (the worst kind of language) with me for not coming to help his significant other more so she could spend more time with her grandchilren. He also accused me of caring more about my mother, who is currently in a home for Alzheimer’s, then him. Mom does require a lot of care because she is confined to a wheel chair, needs to go to the doctor a lot due to multiple infections. My father can be very mean to me and my sister over the littlest things and we just don’t understand why. He says we remind him of our mother. When he gets angry he swears at us something terrible and uses our Lord’s name in vain.
After his outbursts, he will call on the phone and apologize, but upon our return it is not unusual for him to lose his temper again. When we were younger he use to physically abuse my sister and I. My brother, an evangical says he is “covered with grace” and that is why Dad doesn’t lose his temper with him. I have stopped seeing my father. My brother says I will regret this and I will have to answer to “my Maker” on judgement day.
Oh, please help me. What should I do? Time after time Dad gets angry. And, I do not want to be in the company of his significant other and her family. I feel like they stole my father away from us 23 years ago, and now that the going is rough, she doesn’t want him any more. I feel sorry for my dad. I do pray for him and his significant other, but I feel I can’t take him into my home due to my need to work full-time and because of his lengthy history and continued abusive behavior and unvirtuous life style (he still continues with deep financial problems and is continually contacted by the state and federal governments).
If I forgive 70 times 7 as scripture says, does this mean I should go back again and again and expose myself to his and and his significant other’s behavior? Prior to this, after my visits with them, I would end-up leaving so upset because of his poor behavior.
Thank you for guidance. God Bless.
Myshkin
I am a convert and really want to do the right thing, because I love our God, Jesus, Mary and all the Saints and want to be with them in eternity. I want to act “in the image of God” but I am having a very difficult time doing this and so my life is tearing me apart right now and I fear I will regret my actions.
Question: Should I continually return to a dad to help him in his last days who continually abuses me verbally, who left my mother, our family, and refused our invitations of the last 23 years?
My earthy father has lymphoma and is very ill. Several years ago he started having an affair with another woman. During the last 23 years he broke his marriage vows, failed his obligations to his family and the successful business that he had. He grew deeper and deeper in debt and did many, many unlawful things to make money. When he first left home, he left my mother in debt and dealing with debtors harrassing her and us because he had also used our credit to cover his unlawful investments and spending. He has been living with the woman he had an affair with for the last 23 years. During this time, I, as well as my brothers and sisters, invited him into our homes and lives, so we and he could share time with his grandchildren. He declined about 99% of our invites, stating that his significant other had made plans with their families. We eventually stopped inviting him.
Last spring 2005, I received a message/thought/discernment that my father was very ill. It wouldn’t go away. So, I told my brothers and sisters, who are christians though not practicing their faith right now. One month later my brother was surprised to hear that our dad was in the advanced stages of Lymphoma.
What is it I am struggling with? My dad’s significant other, no longer wants to have my dad in her home. Her daughter, a family counselor, was coming to visit with her children and my dad’s significant other gave us a one-week notice that she would like our dad out of her home. Even, though he has more than enough medical coverage for full-time nursing care at home, she wants us to “take him into our homes.” I am a 55-single catholic school teacher. My brother, sister and I met with my dad’s significant other and we told her we needed and wanted to place him care facility. She didn’t want this. However, in order to have him out of her home by the time her guests arrived, she placed him, without our consent, in a facilitiy owned and run by the Masons. This is only transitional care. She has stated emphatically that she does not want him back.
Just recently, before he went into the Mason Care Facility, I went to visit my dad. He got very angry (the worst kind of language) with me for not coming to help his significant other more so she could spend more time with her grandchilren. He also accused me of caring more about my mother, who is currently in a home for Alzheimer’s, then him. Mom does require a lot of care because she is confined to a wheel chair, needs to go to the doctor a lot due to multiple infections. My father can be very mean to me and my sister over the littlest things and we just don’t understand why. He says we remind him of our mother. When he gets angry he swears at us something terrible and uses our Lord’s name in vain.
After his outbursts, he will call on the phone and apologize, but upon our return it is not unusual for him to lose his temper again. When we were younger he use to physically abuse my sister and I. My brother, an evangical says he is “covered with grace” and that is why Dad doesn’t lose his temper with him. I have stopped seeing my father. My brother says I will regret this and I will have to answer to “my Maker” on judgement day.
Oh, please help me. What should I do? Time after time Dad gets angry. And, I do not want to be in the company of his significant other and her family. I feel like they stole my father away from us 23 years ago, and now that the going is rough, she doesn’t want him any more. I feel sorry for my dad. I do pray for him and his significant other, but I feel I can’t take him into my home due to my need to work full-time and because of his lengthy history and continued abusive behavior and unvirtuous life style (he still continues with deep financial problems and is continually contacted by the state and federal governments).
If I forgive 70 times 7 as scripture says, does this mean I should go back again and again and expose myself to his and and his significant other’s behavior? Prior to this, after my visits with them, I would end-up leaving so upset because of his poor behavior.
Thank you for guidance. God Bless.
Myshkin