Am I Failing In My Duty? My Anti-Theist/Atheist Friend

[TheKingdomOfGod]

My best friend has described himself as both an atheist and an anti-theist. He hates practically all religion with a passion and has been insulting to my faith on a number of occasions, although I’ve put up with it. I have tried to help him find God but to no avail. I feel he is shut off to the whole concept of religion itself and any attempts have been met with practical pure anger from him.

So recently I gave up. Not on everyone, just on him. I still pray for him of course but so far nothing has happened. I pray that he will find God, but I am not hopeful.

My friend has good morals. He is a good person, he has not problems as far as I’m aware. But he hates religion and I think he fails to even consider the possibility of God existing. When I tell him that there is no proof against God he dismisses this as a pathetic argument.

At this stage I am not hoping for a full transformation where he will meet me on Monday and will be singing praise to God. At this stage I am simply hoping that he will accept the possibility of God-that would be a start.

I have a few questions.

Do you think I am failing in my duty to try and convert him?

What other techniques/ideas could I make use of to help him find God?

Have you ever had an experience of trying to convert someone similar to my friend, who was so vehemently opposed to Christianity/all other religions? What happened in the end, did you succeed in changing them?

Thank you for your answers in advance, God Bless you all.

P.S-I’m not trying to convert him to any particular denomination, Church of England or Catholic, so saying show him Catholic literature etc. wouldn’t be very helpful. I’m just trying to help him find God. If he does find God he can worry about his own church/denomination.

God Bless.

 

[Delaine75]

I commend you for sharing the faith with your friend, but let me just suggest a few things:

First, don’t try to convert him. He needs to find God on his own and in his own way in order to make it mean something. Keep praying for him as you say you are, so that he can come to the full realization of the Truth and to accept it in his heart that God IS real and that Jesus Christ is our Savior. Pray, pray, pray. Sometimes that is ALL you can do.

As for different techniques – let your life be an example of God’s love and of loving God. That is how I began drifting from the Wiccan beliefs to the Catholic beliefs (through watching how my Catholic friend lived her life). If you’re giving him Catholic or any other types of Christian literature, he may feel as though your shoving it down his throat and, in turn, he’ll REALLY reject it.

Sometimes all we can do is pray and give it to God. He can do so much more with people than we can.

 

[Allegra]

It sounds like you are doing what you can do. You are being a good example and you are praying for your friend. The only thing you might do is to frequently mention ways in which God has been there for you and blessed your life. You should not take his disbelief personally, however, if he is intentionally ridiculing you for your faith, you should not accept that treatment. He is not being a good friend, in that case.

 

[TheKingdomOfGod]

I commend you for sharing the faith with your friend, but let me just suggest a few things:

**First, don’t try to convert him. He needs to find God on his own and in his own way in order to make it mean something. Keep praying for him as you say you are, so that he can come to the full realization of the Truth and to accept it in his heart that God IS real and that Jesus Christ is our Savior. Pray, pray, pray. Sometimes that is ALL you can do. **

As I said, I’m not trying to convert him, and I never did in the normal sense of the word. I just tried to make him see the possibility of God.

**As for different techniques – let your life be an example of God’s love and of loving God. That is how I began drifting from the Wiccan beliefs to the Catholic beliefs (through watching how my Catholic friend lived her life). If you’re giving him Catholic or any other types of Christian literature, he may feel as though your shoving it down his throat and, in turn, he’ll REALLY reject it. **

As I said, I’ve never given him any type of Christian literature.

Sometimes all we can do is pray and give it to God. He can do so much more with people than we can.

Indeed.

 

[lakotak]

I commend you for sharing the faith with your friend, but let me just suggest a few things:

First, don’t try to convert him. He needs to find God on his own and in his own way in order to make it mean something. Keep praying for him as you say you are, so that he can come to the full realization of the Truth and to accept it in his heart that God IS real and that Jesus Christ is our Savior. Pray, pray, pray. Sometimes that is ALL you can do.

As for different techniques – let your life be an example of God’s love and of loving God. That is how I began drifting from the Wiccan beliefs to the Catholic beliefs (through watching how my Catholic friend lived her life). If you’re giving him Catholic or any other types of Christian literature, he may feel as though your shoving it down his throat and, in turn, he’ll REALLY reject it.

Sometimes all we can do is pray and give it to God. He can do so much more with people than we can.

Your duty is to plant the seed, which you have. It is the job of the Holy Spirit now to grow the seed.

This comment was meant for the OP, hit the wrong button don’t know how to fix.

 

[TheKingdomOfGod]

It sounds like you are doing what you can do. You are being a good example and you are praying for your friend. The only thing you might do is to frequently mention ways in which God has been there for you and blessed your life. You should not take his disbelief personally, however, if he is intentionally ridiculing you for your faith, you should not accept that treatment. He is not being a good friend, in that case.

I do talk about feeling God’s prescence, and of course he laughs ,but perhaps talking about when God is there for me would help too. Thank you.

 

[Delaine75]

Do you think I am failing in my duty to try and convert him?

I apologize if I misunderstood what you wrote, but the above quote is what led me to think you were trying to convert him.

 

[SonCatcher]

Perhaps the most helpful thing you can do for your friend is inform him that his anti-religious tirades are growing wearisome to you. You could even compare it to the way he views the evangelistic techniques he dislikes in others.

If it were me, I might further inform him that if he doesn’t tone down his rhetoric, I might have to find other ways to occupy my time than in his company.

 

[TheKingdomOfGod]

Your duty is to plant the seed, which you have. It is the job of the Holy Spirit now to grow the seed.

This comment was meant for the OP, hit the wrong button don’t know how to fix.

OK. Thank you.

 

[TheKingdomOfGod]

Perhaps the most helpful thing you can do for your friend is inform him that his anti-religious tirades are growing wearisome to you. You could even compare it to the way he views the evangelistic techniques he dislikes in others.

If it were me, I might further inform him that if he doesn’t tone down his rhetoric, I might have to find other ways to occupy my time than in his company.

Well I won’t be destroying my friendship because of his less likeable qualities, but thank you.

 

[mountee]

My husband of over 40 years is like your friend. He thinks that there might be a God but he hates all organized religion and don’t get him started on the Bible. For the 44 years I have known him I have not seen much change but I am not discouraged as I know God will take care of this in His own way and His on time. My job is to keep praying and be patient. There are many stories of people who had to deal with these types of problems and eventually God won the others over. Pray!

 

[sw85]

I think people get too bound up in the idea of being the proximal cause of other people’s salvation. God saves souls on His own time, in His own way. I sometimes wonder if our stubborn insistence on saving X person actually offends God.

Bear in mind, when Christ commanded the apostles to go forth and evangelize, he specifically instructed them not to waste their time. If they came to a city that would not hear their message, they were to shake the dust from the feet as a testimony against them and then move on. If your friend refuses to hear the good news, there’s really nothing else you can do for him except pray. And keep witnessing indirectly through your life. And move on.

 

[SonCatcher]

Well I won’t be destroying my friendship because of his less likeable qualities, but thank you.

I never even suggested destroying a friendship. It is sometimes necessary to change the scope of one, however. For example, if he’s fine at sporting matches but launches into these diatribes frequently at dinner parties, then it might be necessary to limit meals with him while continuing to enjoy the games together.

There are many reasons someone would change the nature of a friendship: marriage, children, moving to a new neighborhood, etc. The fact your friend is discourteous at times is no less legitimate than the others.

 

[Allegra]

Well I won’t be destroying my friendship because of his less likeable qualities, but thank you.

It is reasonable and important for people in a friendship to draw boundaries. If you draw boundaries and your friend continues to violate them then it is he who is destroying the friendship and not you. He is also violating your trust and disrespecting you which call to question whether or not it is a true friendship in the first place. However, it is highly likely that if you tell your friend that his disrespect toward your faith offends you, then he will respect that boundary and you can continue your friendship based on your mutual beliefs, passions, and experiences. There’s no reason that I can see that such a friendship might be possible. You do not need to feel as though you are obligated to let him be unkind toward you or belittle you in order to be a good friend.

 

[Waiting]

My best friend has described himself as both an atheist and an anti-theist. He hates practically all religion with a passion and has been insulting to my faith on a number of occasions, although I’ve put up with it. I have tried to help him find God but to no avail. I feel he is shut off to the whole concept of religion itself and any attempts have been met with practical pure anger from him.

So recently I gave up. Not on everyone, just on him. I still pray for him of course but so far nothing has happened. I pray that he will find God, but I am not hopeful.

My friend has good morals. He is a good person, he has not problems as far as I’m aware. But he hates religion and I think he fails to even consider the possibility of God existing. When I tell him that there is no proof against God he dismisses this as a pathetic argument.

At this stage I am not hoping for a full transformation where he will meet me on Monday and will be singing praise to God. At this stage I am simply hoping that he will accept the possibility of God-that would be a start.

It’s true that you cannot convert your friend. God will take care of that. However, if you can get your friend to join you at Church for Mass or adoration, possibly the close proximity to God will have an effect on your friend. It’s happened before. He’ll balk at the suggestion that he join you in Church. Perhaps you can then ask him what he’s afraid of. Good luck and God bless.

 

[TheKingdomOfGod]

My husband of over 40 years is like your friend. He thinks that there might be a God but he hates all organized religion and don’t get him started on the Bible. For the 44 years I have known him I have not seen much change but I am not discouraged as I know God will take care of this in His own way and His on time. My job is to keep praying and be patient. There are many stories of people who had to deal with these types of problems and eventually God won the others over. Pray!

I will continue to pray, thank you.

 

[TheKingdomOfGod]

I think people get too bound up in the idea of being the proximal cause of other people’s salvation. God saves souls on His own time, in His own way. I sometimes wonder if our stubborn insistence on saving X person actually offends God.

Bear in mind, when Christ commanded the apostles to go forth and evangelize, he specifically instructed them not to waste their time. If they came to a city that would not hear their message, they were to shake the dust from the feet as a testimony against them and then move on. If your friend refuses to hear the good news, there’s really nothing else you can do for him except pray. And keep witnessing indirectly through your life. And move on.

That’s an interesting post, thanks for sharing it. Obviously I will continue to pray but this has given me some things to think about.

 

[TheKingdomOfGod]

I never even suggested destroying a friendship. It is sometimes necessary to change the scope of one, however. For example, if he’s fine at sporting matches but launches into these diatribes frequently at dinner parties, then it might be necessary to limit meals with him while continuing to enjoy the games together.

There are many reasons someone would change the nature of a friendship: marriage, children, moving to a new neighborhood, etc. The fact your friend is discourteous at times is no less legitimate than the others.

I don’t want to change the nature of our friendship but thanks for your advice.

 

[TheKingdomOfGod]

It is reasonable and important for people in a friendship to draw boundaries. If you draw boundaries and your friend continues to violate them then it is he who is destroying the friendship and not you. He is also violating your trust and disrespecting you which call to question whether or not it is a true friendship in the first place. However, it is highly likely that if you tell your friend that his disrespect toward your faith offends you, then he will respect that boundary and you can continue your friendship based on your mutual beliefs, passions, and experiences. There’s no reason that I can see that such a friendship might be possible. You do not need to feel as though you are obligated to let him be unkind toward you or belittle you in order to be a good friend.

Of course we have boundaries, like any friendship. All friendships suffer moments where one person feels annoyed/insulted, even angry sometimes however.

 

[Jade17]

**I think people get too bound up in the idea of being the proximal cause of other people’s salvation. **God saves souls on His own time, in His own way. I sometimes wonder if our stubborn insistence on saving X person actually offends God.

Bear in mind, when Christ commanded the apostles to go forth and evangelize, he specifically instructed them not to waste their time. If they came to a city that would not hear their message, they were to shake the dust from the feet as a testimony against them and then move on. If your friend refuses to hear the good news, there’s really nothing else you can do for him except pray. And keep witnessing indirectly through your life. And move on.

I can’t like this statement enough. I am an atheist, although I am not as appalled by religion as your friend seems to be. I have heard many speeches from people who are concerned for my “salvation”, and to me, religion is rarely less attractive than when someone is trying to “save my soul.” It usually ends up being a bit insulting for both parties involved, because they are telling me (indirectly) that I don’t know what’s good for me, or what I believe in; that I “don’t understand” and that they are “right” and I am “wrong”. It’s usually a much kinder conversation than that, but that is (more or less) what it boils down to. On the flip side, atheists can project themselves in exactly the same way! That’s why these type of conversations rarely end well.

So, here’s my advice to you: don’t stop talking about your religion around him, and don’t stop listening to his opinions either, but there should be no attempts to convert one another. That way, when/if the day comes where he has questions about your beliefs/the beliefs of your church, he won’t hesitate to come ask you. When people try to convert me, they scare me away from coming to talk to them. When people live by example and make their beliefs their lifestyle, I’m more likely to come to them with questions. They have always lead to great discussions, and even a trip to church or two (gasp!). No, these trips have not changed my beliefs, but I learned more about what makes my friend or family member who they are.