Am I going to hell because I masturbate?

[catholicgirl_k]

Thanks for all the answers. I guess I’m just consigned to a life of rigorous rule following. At least that’s what it feels like. And what if I never get married? May as well go off and join a convent I guess.

All of you married people are lucky. You have a loving spouse. You don’t have deal with any of this ****.

Also, please help me understand this. I don’t go to confession, because I am very, very, very, very uncomfortable with telling my deepest darkest secrets to a man. I feel comfortable with God, not with priests.

You tell me not to be stressed, yet look at all I have to worry about ever single day for the rest of my life! I have to make sure I don’t think sexual thoughts, I can’t express sexual feelings, I can’t watch any movies with even the littlest kiss in them, I can’t listen to any modern day music, I can’t date guys that aren’t Catholic, I have to run off to confession ever time I make one tiny wrong move, I have to shun people who aren’t of my faith, because they’re sinners, etc.

Wow, I feel so great about being a Catholic now.

 

[PaulinVA]

All of you married people are lucky. You have a loving spouse. You don’t have deal with any of this ****.

You obviously haven’t been reading any of the hundreds of threads about NFP or living chastely in marriage! Having a spouse gives you a helpmate, and a mate, but our struggle with sin continues.

Also, please help me understand this. I don’t go to confession, because I am very, very, very, very uncomfortable with telling my deepest darkest secrets to a man. I feel comfortable with God, not with priests.

Go behind the screen. They don’t know or care who you are. Go to a different parish if you want. I doubt that you will shock the priest - I’m sure he’s heard it all before. And, quite frankly, most priests I know think it is AWESOME when someone who has been staying away from confession has the courage to finally participate in the Sacrament of Reconciliation. They try to make it something you would want to do again.

You tell me not to be stressed, yet look at all I have to worry about ever single day for the rest of my life! I have to make sure I don’t think sexual thoughts, I can’t express sexual feelings, I can’t watch any movies with even the littlest kiss in them, I can’t listen to any modern day music, I can’t date guys that aren’t Catholic, I have to run off to confession ever time I make one tiny wrong move, I have to shun people who aren’t of my faith, because they’re sinners, etc.

Wow, I feel so great about being a Catholic now.

I wish I could tell you how to live with joy, because Jesus Christ died on the cross for the very sins you are worrying about. They have been paid for. God loved you so much that he sent his Son into the world.

I don’t know the answer to your overall question about being Catholic. It’s part of forming an adult faith instead of a childish faith. Sometimes it seems like a lot of rules, instead of the freedom to love as God loves.

 

[Genesis315]

First, you say you would die for the Catholic faith and yet you can’t even stop masturbating for it–if you can die for it, you can abstain from masturbation.

Second, such a feeling is not any more natural than the temptation to steal just because we’re hungry. It’s a disordered tendency. Look at it from the perspective of reason–those body parts are designed for procreation–masturbation is a misuse of them.

Since masturbation is gravely contrary to the natural law, if one obstinately persists until death without seeking and accepting God’s forgiveness for committing it, it will lead to damnation.

Everyone struggles somewhat with things like this. If you fall, get back up, receive the sacrament of reconciliation, and keep persevering. We are called to present our bodies as spotless sacrifices to the Lord whether that require us to be martyrs or simply to be continent.

No one said it would be easy–Christ says we must pick up our Cross and follow Him. We have faith that the trials and tribulations of this life will pay off in the next, like the sufferings of Good Friday led to the glory of the resurrection on Easter.

Oh, and you should not shun anyone, but seek to spread that transfiguring love to all people. Servile fear of punishment may be the first thing that gets us to reform our behavior, but ultimately our actions must proceed from love–that is our goal–all things for love of God, love of neighbor, and even authentic love of self (as opposed to selfish love).

 

[Bruised_Reed]

Thanks for all the answers. I guess I’m just consigned to a life of rigorous rule following. At least that’s what it feels like. And what if I never get married? May as well go off and join a convent I guess.

I feel that you need to take a breath here and change the way you are approaching this.
Maybe I need to explain it a different way but the “dos” above? I wasn’t talking about rules. I was talking about doing the stuff we do day-in and day out; our state in life. People who are married aren’t having sex all day (and I know you know that, I’m just sayin’) but are going to work, taking care of their home, are involved in the community and church, if they have children they are taking care of them. Not to mention the thousands of hobbies we pursue everyday. Do these. Enjoy your intellectual or creative pursuits.

All of you married people are lucky. You have a loving spouse. You don’t have deal with any of this ****.

Hmm. I think as you meet more people you will find that marrieds don’t always have it made; they don’t all have loving spouses. And the ones that do still have serious conflicts that create dissention. I suppose the singles on here can identify with your struggle better but that doesn’t mean that married people don’t have the temptations to masturbate, look at porn or have an affair.

Also, please help me understand this. I don’t go to confession, because I am very, very, very, very uncomfortable with telling my deepest darkest secrets to a man. I feel comfortable with God, not with priests.

Go behind the screen and know you are talking to God. You are telling the one person on earth (the priest) who can never tell anyone what you confess on pain of excommunication. Friends don’t have that kind of motivation and certain professionals have to disclose information even if given in confidence.

You tell me not to be stressed, yet look at all I have to worry about ever single day for the rest of my life! I have to make sure I don’t think sexual thoughts,

Instead of trying not to think of the pink elephant in the room think about something else; do something else.

I can’t express sexual feelings, I can’t watch any movies with even the littlest kiss in them, I can’t listen to any modern day music,

This will be good practice for when you are married and your coworker, neighbor, UPS guy is ever-so-dreamy and hubby apparantly can’t be torn away form work, his buddies or his car or whatever.

I can’t date guys that aren’t Catholic,

No, I can’t recommend that.

I have to run off to confession ever time I make one tiny wrong move,

Mortal sin yes, venial sin, no.

I have to shun people who aren’t of my faith, because they’re sinners, etc.

I admit I"m a little exasperated by this. Most of my friends are not Catholic and we are all sinners. No you don’t have to shun people because they aren’t Catholic or sin. No one would have any friends then.

Wow, I feel so great about being a Catholic now.

You are young and this is overwhelming right now. But if you keep the focus on what you can’t do you will be miserable.

 

[Genesis315]

In regards to confession, it is a sacrament of love and mercy, not of judgment. We can’t demand forgiveness on our own terms, but rather we humbly seek it as God as decided to freely give it to us. Confessing our sins to another gives us the opportunity to truly humble ourselves, to demonstrate that our contrition and love for God is greater than human respect and opinions of us (even though priests will appreciate your courage, not think you are a bad person), and to give us a tangible incentive not to sin again. Have faith in God’s love for you and do as He asks of us–it is for our ultimate good

 

[Elizabeth502]

cg_k,

You feel these things partly because of your age (the rest of us were 18, too, so we remember) and partly because your urges have the upper hand at the moment. That is also typical of your age. But you are wrong if you think that sexual temptations don’t beset everybody, at all ages, and in all states (married, single, celibate). When we are in a state of sin we see no way out of the dilemma: We are not prepared to consider denial of our urges as an option, partly because, without the sanctifying graces which the sacraments bring, being triumphant over our urges does not seem possible; in fact it isn’t generally possible. Self-control needs the assistance of grace & prayer.

As a young man, St. Augustine was a sexual sinner major and saw No Way Out of his urges (until his conversion). Many of the great saints battled against sexual sins.

We will pray for you that you have the courage & interest in making a good confession. You can remain anonymous. You can tell the priest you’re scared & it’s been a long time. You can tell him you need help when you’re in there. (I did that recently.) It is doubtful that he will either be shocked or angry; he’s heard much worse. Priests are trained to behave in a Christ-like manner; only ones with real psychological problems use the confessional to vent their anger at whatever personal problems or frustrations they have.

Mostly, priests who can hear the fear & sorrow in a penitent are humbled by the experience; they feel grateful to be an instrument of God’s redemptive mercy. My most memorable confession was one several years ago, when the first thing the priest did was compliment me on my honesty; that was very, very healing because I had been so terrified & ashamed to say that particular sin.

I PM’ed you and will pray for you. We’re behind you here, not against you.
Peace,
E.

 

[TLM08]

If premarital sex and masturbation are not allowed how do Catholic men keep healthy emotionally and physically prior to marriage? During puberty and afterwards semen production naturally builds up. There is pressure to release to remain healthy. What do Catholic men actually do to release semen without sinning? I am confused.

It’s my understanding that semen production will adjust to the demands placed on the reproduction system.

Increased activity will cause more and more to be produced. This makes backing off from habitual masturbation a more effective method of quitting than cold turkey for a lot of men. The goal of course is to live in purity. The body will adjust on it’s own. But you gotta guard your eyes like a mother hawk!

G-Rated living will help lower semen production as well because your system isn’t in constant overdrive from the onslaught of visual and audible stimulation that our highly masturbatory culture imposes on us.

Increase your prayer and make it a daily priority. Frequent confession is needed too. Pray for God to send you a good catholic girl, and pray for her purity! God knows your struggle.

 

[Et_Cetera]

I love this quote.

“Achievement of your happiness is the only moral purpose of your life, and that happiness … is the proof of your moral integrity, since it is the proof and the result of your loyalty to the achievement of your values.” -Ayn Rand

so that’s right. it IS about me. obviously I care about other people, too, because doing nice things for other people is something that makes me happy, but I find nothing wrong with placing myself first.

nobody’s saying I don’t love others or come to their aide… masturbating isn’t infringing upon anyone else’s rights, is it?

I was just released from suspension status, so I have to be careful. But I want to respectfully agree with Addie on many of her points. I, too, do not want children, and I see masturbation as a natural, and even beneficial, practice. I don’t think I’m selfish because of those reasons either. I have many people that I love, and I often do nice things for others, but I realize the need to keep myself happy so that I can function productively in life.

 

[FM927]

This post is for LILYM.

I read in your profile that you like YOGA! Isn’t that also an
activity prohibited by the Catholic Church?

Many people that post, preach" Do as I say, don’t do as I do"
I am sure that they probably are not even aware of it.

Remember, what we write here is what we want others to know.
No one knows for sure what goes on in that person’s life away from this forum.

There are many things that I may do, that in my heart are NOT against GOD. For example:

Reading the horoscope: It is just for fun, like reading a fortune cookie.

Liking the #13, it’s like a good luck number for Italians

Wearing the little horn on a chain, also for good luck . In Italy it is given to a child at the Christening.

I actually have to thank this board for enlightening me so much
on Catholic Beliefs and practices that I was not even aware of and as a result I have changed so many things in my life.

But I still believe that:
If we do things that hurt others or ourselves, then YES it is a sin, but if it does NOT hurt anyone why it should be considered a sin?

 

[Et_Cetera]

I was just released from suspension status, so I have to be careful. But I want to respectfully agree with Addie on many of her points. I, too, do not want children, and I see masturbation as a natural, and even beneficial, practice. I don’t think I’m selfish because of those reasons either. I have many people that I love, and I often do nice things for others, but I realize the need to keep myself happy so that I can function productively in life.

Sorry, that should read Andie.

 

[Kolbelover]

Thanks for all the answers. I guess I’m just consigned to a life of rigorous rule following. At least that’s what it feels like.

my dear, dear sister… do not despair!

I KNOW what this struggle feels like…indeed, I struggled with it for over 35 years. You CAN be free… Christ is our freedom and our hope. In a particular way, your struggle is a manifestation of your searching for Him. I know that may sound crazy if not downright creepy…but i concur with the previous poster’s suggestion that you check out Christopher West and his presentation of John Paul II’s Theology of the Body…

here’s the thing though: Doing whatever we feel like doing is NOT freedom…it is a twisting of our God-given freedom. Put another way, is the alcoholic who drinks whatever he wants whenever he wants free?? No, he is a slave (I know, I have been THERE too!!)…and slavery of any sort is precisely what the enemy wants…he prowls about the world seeking the ruin of souls…believe that! And yes, he can take something as beautiful, mysterious and pleasurable as our sexuality and twist it into something ugly, damaging and perhaps ulitmately, damning. We see this too with eating disorders… what is more natural than the urge to eat? Yet is the person who suffers with this problem free?

Know too, dear one that indulging in masturbation, is by definition UNchaste… you can most definitely be a virgin (technically) and live an unchaste life…please don’t confuse the two,…I did for many years, and it nearly ruined me. I would add too that your ability to resist “urges” of a sexual nature will be chipped away over time the more you indulge in this activity. and you may find yourself one day unable to recognize who you are and how you became that way… in THIS sort of despair, many people end up blaming God, and satan’s victory over them is complete

I know this is a lot to stomach… just know this more thananything else: you are NOT alone.

Ask the Holy Spirit to come into your heart that you may be willing to receive God’s Grace…the Grace that flows from the confessional…NOT from the priest, but from Christ Himself

my prayers go with you… know you are loved, that you are beautiful…that woman is God’s Masterpiece…that you are worthy of so much more than you are currently settling for

k~

 

[LilyM]

This post is for LILYM.

I read in your profile that you like YOGA! Isn’t that also an
activity prohibited by the Catholic Church?

Many people that post, preach" Do as I say, don’t do as I do"
I am sure that they probably are not even aware of it.

Remember, what we write here is what we want others to know.
No one knows for sure what goes on in that person’s life away from this forum.

There are many things that I may do, that in my heart are NOT against GOD. For example:

Reading the horoscope: It is just for fun, like reading a fortune cookie.

Liking the #13, it’s like a good luck number for Italians

Wearing the little horn on a chain, also for good luck . In Italy it is given to a child at the Christening.

I actually have to thank this board for enlightening me so much
on Catholic Beliefs and practices that I was not even aware of and as a result I have changed so many things in my life.

But I still believe that:
If we do things that hurt others or ourselves, then YES it is a sin, but if it does NOT hurt anyone why it should be considered a sin?

Yoga as a philosophical or religious practice is indeed prohibited. Yoga as pure exercise devoid of, say, non-Christian meditation or chanting or similar, is fine - there was a recent response by Fr Vincent Serpa in AAA that confirmed this.

I ‘do’ yoga as others ‘do’ pilates, running, boxing or dancing.

 

[Mystic_Warrior]

Thanks for all the answers. I guess I’m just consigned to a life of rigorous rule following. At least that’s what it feels like. And what if I never get married? May as well go off and join a convent I guess.

We are surrounded every day by rules. There are stop signs without which there would be many, many accidents, same with traffic lights. There are rules against committing crimes. There are rules in school, work and in every walk of life. Get used to it. Rules are not the problem. Humility and obedience are the problem.

All of you married people are lucky. You have a loving spouse. You don’t have deal with any of this ****.

Sorry, I had to chuckle at this. I’m not making light of your situation, but I’ve been married since I was 22 - that was 13 years ago. Now, you may think that marriage is great - you get to have sex all you want to! That’s not realistic.

You don’t marry just to have sex and you don’t get nearly as much as you’d like. Truth is that you don’t like the person sometimes and may go a while without having relations. Trust me, marriage doesn’t solve problems. It just brings more

Also, please help me understand this. I don’t go to confession, because I am very, very, very, very uncomfortable with telling my deepest darkest secrets to a man. I feel comfortable with God, not with priests.

I can understand this, but he can’t see you and doesn’t know you anyway. It’s about like this: sharing your sins with strangers on an internet forum.

You tell me not to be stressed, yet look at all I have to worry about ever single day for the rest of my life! I have to make sure I don’t think sexual thoughts, I can’t express sexual feelings, I can’t watch any movies with even the littlest kiss in them, I can’t listen to any modern day music, I can’t date guys that aren’t Catholic, I have to run off to confession ever time I make one tiny wrong move, I have to shun people who aren’t of my faith, because they’re sinners, etc.

You have to worry about this every single day of your life? I don’t see how. Thoughts are hard to control. You won’t control all of them. No one expects that. The phrase “express sexual feelings” is really a politicaly correct term that has no basis in fact. It’s not sexual feelings that is masturbation. Feelings don’t physically do…you know.

Okay, I imagine you’re just hyperventilating a bit here. You can’t watch movies with kisses in them? No one says that. Not listen to modern music? No one says that. Date guys that aren’t Catholic? No one says that. Run to confession? Most Catholics I know do it once a month on Saturdays. That’s not a lot. Unless you plan on masturbating every day.

Shun people who aren’t of your faith? Dear girl, I don’t know where this is all coming from, except just getting in a tizzy when you don’t need to. We’re all sinners. We are called to live a holy life. We will mess up - all of us. The important this is to recognize when we’re wrong and change it.

The call to never marry is a difficult one and most people do not have that calling. Why do you think you’ll never marry?

Wow, I feel so great about being a Catholic now.

Don’t you think all religions have rules? Do you think Jesus just loved everybody and told people to do what they want? No. He called people to repentance and obedience of God’s laws.

Peace…

MW

 

[FM927]

Yoga as a philosophical or religious practice is indeed prohibited. Yoga as pure exercise devoid of, say, non-Christian meditation or chanting or similar, is fine - there was a recent response by Fr Vincent Serpa in AAA that confirmed this.

I ‘do’ yoga as others ‘do’ pilates, running, boxing or dancing.

Thank you for proving my point!

That was exactly what I was trying to say. That if something is done just at face value, without any connotation to GOD then it should not be considered a sin.

 

[LilyM]

Thank you for proving my point!

That was exactly what I was trying to say. That if something is done just at face value, without any connotation to GOD then it should not be considered a sin.

It’s nothing to do with face value, it’s to do with my intent while I do it. Exercise of itself is morally perfectly neutral, doing yoga with the intent to exercise is morally neutral. Doing yoga with the intent of worshipping Hindu deities or manipulating spiritual energies or the like, which for some people acccompanies it, isn’t morally neutral.

Now masturbation ISN’T morally neutral in the same way as exercise is, any more than adultery or murder is morally neutral. It’s actually called, in the catechism, INTRINSICALLY gravely disordered. Like adultery or child abuse. In other words there’s really no INTENT or lack of that can justify it.

If you kill someone without just cause (without self-defence or whatever) you offend God and it’s a sin, regardless of whether you deliberately intended to offend Him or just intended to kill the person without actually thinking about God at all, right? Same with adultery - it’s a sin whether or not your INTENT was to offend God. Same with masturbation.

 

[RichT]

Thank you for proving my point!

That was exactly what I was trying to say. That if something is done just at face value, without any connotation to GOD then it should not be considered a sin.

So, are you comparing Yoga to Masturbation?

 

[ChristIsLord]

Yes if you understand the act to be sinful and of grave matter and do it anyway without confessing in time before your die, you’ll be getting the hot foot according to Catholic teaching.

 

[LilyM]

Yes if you understand the act to be sinful and of grave matter and do it anyway without confessing in time before your die, you’ll be getting the hot foot according to Catholic teaching.

Wrong. If you do it anyway and don’t REPENT and beg God’s forgiveness before you die …

now it’s true that repentance means confession for those who are able to go. But for non-Catholics, children, or anyone who can’t make it to confession for whatever valid reason, it just means perfect contrition (motivated by love of God rather than fear of hell).

 

[ChristIsLord]

Wrong. If you do it anyway and don’t REPENT and beg God’s forgiveness before you die …

now it’s true that repentance means confession for those who are able to go. But for non-Catholics, children, or anyone who can’t make it to confession for whatever valid reason, it just means perfect contrition (motivated by love of God rather than fear of hell).

It’s not wrong, it’s perfetly orthodox teaching. Most people are incapable of a “perfect act of contrition” which is why confession is so necessary. You can confess it because you fear the pains of hell rather than being truly sorry you did it, which is what drives many to confession.

It’s a tough rule but if the boy realizes it to be a mortal sin like the Church teaches then he shouldn’t be coddled, all men struggle greatly with this issue and more than just him will be getting the hot foot because of it, including myself according to Catholic teaching.

 

[LilyM]

It’s not wrong, it’s perfetly orthodox teaching. Most people are incapable of a “perfect act of contrition” which is why confession is so necessary. You can confess it because you fear the pains of hell rather than being truly sorry you did it, which is what drives many to confession.

It’s a tough rule but if the boy realizes it to be a mortal sin like the Church teaches then he shouldn’t be coddled, all men struggle greatly with this issue and more than just him will be getting the hot foot because of it, including myself according to Catholic teaching.

Rubbish. You telling me most Catholics - at least the practicing ones - don’t love God more than they fear Him? Very few people keep their faith long with a primarily fearful attitude, really.

Bishop Fulton Sheen said, on the strength of his many decades of experience as a confessor, that perfect contrition was more common in his experience than imperfect. He was one perceptive cookie, so I’d take his word for it absent any similarly weighty evidence to the contrary.

See if one is MAINLY motivated by fear of hell that is imperfect contrition, but most people who confess actually do so mostly because they DO love God and actually are sorry for their sins out of that love, not out of fear or anything else. So those majority would have that same love of God, and hence perfect contrition, outside the confessional too.