Am I going to hell for masturbating?

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You have already experienced that feelings of shame and being dirty and sinful that masturbation brings. Why do you want to continue to feel that way? The answer is YOU DON"T!! You have taken a great 1st step. You have said you want to stop. Now, you just have to make up your mind to do so. The Catholic teaching on masturbation says that masturbation denies every aspect of that promise of sex — of that promise of your vows!

Masturbation is:

Focused on yourself
A withholding from your spouse
A statement that sex is only about pleasure — your own pleasure
Inherently sterile
Often accompanied by “adultery in your heart” through pornography and fantasy

Sex is the ultimate gift husbands and wives can give: a total gift of self, body and soul. Sex is how you fulfill your wedding vows to love totally, freely, and completely. As long as you both shall live.

When you feel the urge to masturbate, get up and go someplace. If your parents are home, go and sit in the same room with them. See if Mom needs help with dinner or laundry. If you are home alone, go outside and take a walk. Get yourself into a situation where you do not have the privacy needed to masturbate.

Pray!! Attend mass regularly. Try to find time to attend adoration…adoration is a powerful experience.
 
I’m beginning to think that people aren’t reading her post all the way through and just get on their “masturbation is wrong” soapbox. At least, I hope they’re not reading it all the way through - if they did but still think masturbation is the biggest issue for this young lady, I am concerned.

She needs to sort the depression out first. Yes the masturbation is making her feel worse afterwards, but telling her you need to “treat” that first is like walking up to someone who’s having a heart attack but advising them to quit smoking.

To the OP - go to your doctor, or a depression/survivors of sexual abuse charity. If you’re in school/college speak to a trusted lecturer/teacher, or even a friend. Ignore the posters who are focused on masturbation, because they are not looking a the full, present picture and I suspect don’t really have your true, long-term interests at heart.
 
LemonAndLime said:
I’m beginning to think that people aren’t reading her post all the way through and just get on their “masturbation is wrong” soapbox. At least, I hope they’re not reading it all the way through - if they did but still think masturbation is the biggest issue for this young lady, I am concerned.

She needs to sort the depression out first. Yes the masturbation is making her feel worse afterwards, but telling her you need to “treat” that first is like walking up to someone who’s having a heart attack but advising them to quit smoking.

To the OP - go to your doctor, or a depression/survivors of sexual abuse charity. If you’re in school/college speak to a trusted lecturer/teacher, or even a friend. Ignore the posters who are focused on masturbation, because they are not looking a the full, present picture and I suspect don’t really have your true, long-term interests at heart.
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Absolutely…
 
LemonAndLime said:
To the OP - go to your doctor, or a depression/survivors of sexual abuse charity. If you’re in school/college speak to a trusted lecturer/teacher, or even a friend. Ignore the posters who are focused on masturbation, because they are not looking a the full, present picture and I suspect don’t really have your true, long-term interests at heart.
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At last!!! Someone talking sense. I read this thread with unfolding terror as people lectured the OP on the sin of masturbation and how to stop, while seeming to miss the depression, zero self worth and self esteem, sexual abuse and self harming!!! With the greatest of respect, masturbation is the least of the OP’s issues at this point in time.
OP I cant add to the above - you need to see your doctor, speak to a counseller, get your depression sorted out and deal with the abuse issue. This will be at the root of your problems and you will need protracted professional help.
Stop worrying about masturbation for now. I respect for catholics and others its an issue, but its a complete nonissue with what you are going through right now, so get your priorities right.

Sarah x 🙂
 
atheistgirl said:
At last!!! Someone talking sense. I read this thread with unfolding terror as people lectured the OP on the sin of masturbation and how to stop, while seeming to miss the depression, zero self worth and self esteem, sexual abuse and self harming!!! With the greatest of respect, masturbation is the least of the OP’s issues at this point in time.
OP I cant add to the above - you need to see your doctor, speak to a counseller, get your depression sorted out and deal with the abuse issue. This will be at the root of your problems and you will need protracted professional help.
Stop worrying about masturbation for now. I respect for catholics and others its an issue, but its a complete nonissue with what you are going through right now, so get your priorities right.

Sarah x 🙂
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Should she speak with a counselor? Probably. However, one’s eternal salvation is the top priority in this life.
 
white_sheep said:
Should she speak with a counselor? Probably. However, one’s eternal salvation is the top priority in this life.
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But you do not see that she may not be culpable in her frame of mind? Are we SO incredibly blind here that we do not even know that the Catechism says about this sin in paragraph 2352? She is suicidal and holds knives to her throat.

I CANNOT believe that so many here are so focused on the word “MASTURBATION” that they cannot even align themselves with Church teachings:

To form an equitable judgment about the subjects’ moral responsibility and to guide pastoral action, one must take into account the affective immaturity, force of acquired habit, conditions of anxiety or other psychological or social factors that lessen, if not even reduce to a minimum, moral culpability. CCC 2352 b

My goodness, let’s be pastoral about this and quit being so hung up on a term. Yes, I follow Church teachings to the letter and that is exactly why I find some of the posts here very critical and judgmental. I’m sorry for the rant but, my goodness, let’s open our eyes… teachccd
 
white_sheep said:
Should she speak with a counselor? Probably. However, one’s eternal salvation is the top priority in this life.
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I would like to strongly advise you to read what the above poster said, in the nicest possible way.
 
teachccd said:
But you do not see that she may not be culpable in her frame of mind? Are we SO incredibly blind here that we do not even know that the Catechism says about this sin in paragraph 2352? She is suicidal and holds knives to her throat.

I CANNOT believe that so many here are so focused on the word “MASTURBATION” that they cannot even align themselves with Church teachings:

To form an equitable judgment about the subjects’ moral responsibility and to guide pastoral action, one must take into account the affective immaturity, force of acquired habit, conditions of anxiety or other psychological or social factors that lessen, if not even reduce to a minimum, moral culpability. CCC 2352 b

My goodness, let’s be pastoral about this and quit being so hung up on a term. Yes, I follow Church teachings to the letter and that is exactly why I find some of the posts here very critical and judgmental. I’m sorry for the rant but, my goodness, let’s open our eyes… teachccd
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Are you saying that if one determines that their culpability may be compromised that they no longer need to struggle against their sins? Because that is sure how you are coming across.

Masturbation does not heal anyone of their problems. When someone is having a problem of this kind they need all the help they can get. Relying exclusively on a counselor or psychiatrist is pointless. To heal one’s spirit is needed. Go to confession, pray, work with a priest, go to a counselor as well. Overcoming sin and conforming oneself as much as possible to God’s will does as much good as anything. When you have something like this happen to you, you must learn to deal with it. Counselors can help, but I put my faith in God.

The purpose of life is to know, love, and serve the Lord our God. Do that and you’ll find that many of your other problems become much more bearable.
 
LemonAndLime said:
I would like to strongly advise you to read what the above poster said, in the nicest possible way.
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Maybe you can explain it to me, I don’t seem to get much meaning out of it. Did I deny the concept of mitigated culpability, which I am well aware of? In no way. So why does this poster trot it out as if they have found the Holy Grail? Is knowledge of the possibility or likelihood of mitigated culpability somehow going to help her? In what way?

It seems to me like there are some here who seem to think that the best way to deal with overcoming an abuse like this is to tell someone it is ok to masturbate. I’m sorry, but I just can’t go along with that nonsense. Further damage to oneself does not aid in the healing process.
 
It may be worth noting that since starting the op’s depression has worsened to the point she feels she is nothing but trash.
So now is her mb the root of her depression? No but it seems to be contributing greatly to her diminishing view of herself worth. She is caught in the vicious circle, which can not spiral up but only down. She needs to be patient with herself in this regard, try try try and if still failing try try and try. That she has a grip on that which she does can be a mortal sin should also extend to her having a grip on the fact that suicide is also a sin.
 
white_sheep said:
Are you saying that if one determines that their culpability may be compromised that they no longer need to struggle against their sins? Because that is sure how you are coming across.

Masturbation does not heal anyone of their problems. When someone is having a problem of this kind they need all the help they can get. Relying exclusively on a counselor or psychiatrist is pointless. To heal one’s spirit is needed. Go to confession, pray, work with a priest, go to a counselor as well. Overcoming sin and conforming oneself as much as possible to God’s will does as much good as anything. When you have something like this happen to you, you must learn to deal with it. Counselors can help, but I put my faith in God.

The purpose of life is to know, love, and serve the Lord our God. Do that and you’ll find that many of your other problems become much more bearable.
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Refer back to post numer 26… that is what I am saying… teachccd
 
white_sheep said:
Maybe you can explain it to me, I don’t seem to get much meaning out of it. Did I deny the concept of mitigated culpability, which I am well aware of? In no way. So why does this poster trot it out as if they have found the Holy Grail? Is knowledge of the possibility or likelihood of mitigated culpability somehow going to help her? In what way?

It seems to me like there are some here who seem to think that the best way to deal with overcoming an abuse like this is to tell someone it is ok to masturbate. I’m sorry, but I just can’t go along with that nonsense. Further damage to oneself does not aid in the healing process.
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That is not what I said contrary to what you might think. You are being very hostile and I have no intention of adding fuel to the fire. I never condoned masturbation. I am only prioritizing and acknowledging how the Church sees someone in her situation. I will not take your opinion from you but I hardly would call my (name removed by moderator)ut nonsense. God bless… teachccd
 
white_sheep said:
Maybe you can explain it to me, I don’t seem to get much meaning out of it. Did I deny the concept of mitigated culpability, which I am well aware of? In no way. So why does this poster trot it out as if they have found the Holy Grail? Is knowledge of the possibility or likelihood of mitigated culpability somehow going to help her? In what way?

It seems to me like there are some here who seem to think that the best way to deal with overcoming an abuse like this is to tell someone it is ok to masturbate. I’m sorry, but I just can’t go along with that nonsense. Further damage to oneself does not aid in the healing process.
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Did I tell her it was okay to masturbate? I have expressed no opinion on the matter and neither have the other people who have expressed my viewpoint.

So let me get this right, if someone tells you that are on the verge of suicide because of sexual abuse and are self-harming - you think the best approach is to emphasis how much SHE is sinning by masturbating, and THEN focus on her long-standing mental health issues?

I repeat my previous example - if someone is having a heart attack/suicidal feelings (i.e. on the verge of death!) would you teach them about how smoking/masterbating is and that they should stop?

The quote from the Catechism shows that in times of crisis such as this, it is unwise to have your opinion/advice.
 
LemonAndLime said:
Did I tell her it was okay to masturbate? I have expressed no opinion on the matter and neither have the other people who have expressed my viewpoint.

So let me get this right, if someone tells you that are on the verge of suicide because of sexual abuse and are self-harming - you think the best approach is to emphasis how much SHE is sinning by masturbating, and THEN focus on her long-standing mental health issues?

I repeat my previous example - if someone is having a heart attack/suicidal feelings (i.e. on the verge of death!) would you teach them about how smoking/masterbating is and that they should stop?

The quote from the Catechism shows that in times of crisis such as this, it is unwise to have your opinion/advice.
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I think it is obvious that I am having trouble getting my point across, and either that is mutual or I am also having trouble understanding what some of these other points are. I don’t think adding dilemmas and what ifs will be productive so I’m not going to respond to the heart attack question.

The only thing I want to say is that I don’t recommend ignoring anything. Maybe there is some prioritizing to be done, I don’t know, but it is always good to treat all the problems.

It seems like one of us will say one thing and the next person says something different, they don’t have to be necessarily contradictory, nor does every post need to contain a dozen disclaimers or be all inclusive.
 
white_sheep said:
Maybe there is some prioritizing to be done, I don’t know, but it is always good to treat all the problems.
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By definition, to prioritize is not to delete an item. Now a girl puts a knife to her throat, has been beaten by her father (from another thread), has been sexually abused by her brother and now beats herself up because of a sexual disorder. Are we not to see the big picture here and realize that compartmentalizing the act of masturbation so as to add to her distress is not pastoral?

I’ve said all that I can say. I know what you are trying to convey since I am not “trotting out with the Holy Grail” but only seeing the heart of a young girl who is crying out in pain. I’m so sorry for not telling her that she (who thinks herself as trash) is making things worse by committing this act. (which she already acknowledges as being extremely sinful) Please accept my apologies… I am done here. I’ve said all that I can say…

To the OP, you are in my prayers and things will get better. God loves you unconditionally and He will see you through this… God bless you…teachccd
 
MyLoveWaits,

You are probably one of the strongest people I’ve ever heard of. If I went through all the obstacles you went throught, I would be in a worse situation than you.
Don’t call yourself trash. You aren’t trash. Jesus died FOR you. If he had to go through his whole crucifixion again he would do it all over again just for you. That is how much Jesus loves you. Go recieve the Sacrament of Reconciliation. If you are truly sorry for masturbating and intend to try to not to do it again, your sins will be absolved. Sins that are absolved are sins that never happened in god’s eyes. Also, being sexual abused by your brother was not your fault. It was his. Although it may be hard, forgive him. Talk to somebody you can trust.
 
Suggested plan:
  1. Get professional help **today! **Sources of free or lowcost help include: suicide prevention helplines; local community mental health centers; college / high school counselors; church youth leaders and pastors’; sexual assault treatment centers. All of these can usually be found in your local phone book or “googled” on line.
  2. Speak with a priest in confession at the** next availalbe opportunity**. When does your parish offer confession? Or, make an appointment with a particular priest you feel comfortable with even if it is not your own parish. Tell him everything you said in your original post. The priest will be able to help you.
  3. Follow through with what the mental health professionals tell you to do. Follow through with what the priest tells you to do.
Pray daily, and know that many others are praying for you too!

👍
 
STOP!!!

The church, as bride of Jesus Christ, wants the best for you.
It wants you to be loved and to LOVE
It does NOT want to torment you with punishment.

We are all flawed and impure in some form or other, but the important thing is that we try to love God and love our neighbor. Life sometimes seems like a trial, but remember that as Christ resurrected after the cross, and as the dawn follows the night, then good things always arise out of the darkest nightmare for those that wait. That’s not human science, but rather our religious belief that has been proven true time and time again. So have hope!

The old scholastic s rightly saw masturbation as something bad on a personal level, which they called “sin”. Why do you think that is? Well its because it is merely an illusion leading us away from reality. Like a drug or like comfort eating, it is allowing you to ESCAPE, but it is false because you are always back to where you started at the beginning. The ultimate illusion of Escape is suicide though. That is why it is considered a far greater sin than masturbation.

But why always focus on the negative? If you focus on the positive, which is God’s eternal Love, the negative will eventually fall away. I ask you now - NEVER doubt the healing power of God’s Love and therefore dont commit two great sins trying to avoid minor one!

Never hate yourself. You are not Trash. That is not the Christian view. The Christian view is that you are a temple to the Holy Spirit. The christian view is pro-life, warts and all! Pro-life till the end!

Be fair with yourself and God.
If you do something that is perhaps selfish, then also spend some time glorifying God just to give balance to your life.
As Jesus said your father in heaven is always glad to see us return to Him, even if it is a daily event.

More I cannot say. You are in my prayers!
 
Nobody here can tell who is going to hell and who wont,but it is a mortal sin,that is for sure. You need to stop,and I have the tool for it. A former member on this forum gave me once this advice,“when ever you feel like doing something wrong or sinfully,pick up your Rosary and keep it in your hand.” And it do help. I wish I could say more,but I don’t have the wisdom for that. You also need to see a priest,and don’t be afraid,he will not accuse nor judge you. God bless.
 
MyLoveWaits:

Let’s cut through all the Bull-Hockey here and try to think with our heads and not with our hearts.

Yes, masturbation is a sin but given your overall mental state, prior sexual abuse, and battle with depression and self-esteem issues, that sin may be somewhat mitigated. In your case, I think the masturbation is more of a symptom of the problem rather than the problem itself. Either way, that is a discussion for you and your priest; not an online forum.

Get to a counselor today. Preferably a Catholic one. This person should be a licensed psychologist or psychiatrist and not someone who is only versed in theological counseling. You are battling a mental illness and theological counselors are not trained in such matters, and they certainly not prescribe antidepressant medicines which you may need.

If he/she tries to tell you that masturbation is OK or normal, get up and walk out, and find another counselor. Once you get to the root of your psychological issues the masturbation problem may take care of itself.

In the mean time, do everything you can to avoid the masturbation. If you succumb in a moment of weakness, then go to confession. Don’t look back on it; what’s done is done. Just move on and try to do better next time.

Good luck, and God Bless You. Keep us posted of how things are going. 🙂
 
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