Am I going to Hell for not being ashamed of my feelings?

  • Thread starter Thread starter SandyLaura32
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
S

SandyLaura32

Guest
I’m 23, going to med school soon and pretty happy with my life. I was raised in a strictly Catholic household and have always respected God and he will always have a place in my heart.
However, I’m back with my parents for a while and they won’t stop talking about my teenage years. They found out I lost my virginity at 16 and that I had experimented with girls as well. Then, I told them I don’t care and that I was not ashamed. I was 16, not 3 and it was with somebody I trusted and it went well all things considered.
My Dad told me that if I don’t repent and show shame for my past then I won’t be a child of God and will end up in Hell. We don’t speak much as if this week. Am I going to Hell?
 
If you’ve confessed your sins then you’ve received absolution, and your emotions are your own affair. Your Dad doesn’t get to make that call.

So no, you’re not in danger of damnation just because you don’t agree with your father about how you ought to feel.
 
You’ll go to Hell only if you continue to live in sin. In 1 Corinthians 6, the apostle Paul said that men who practice homosexuality will not inherit the Kingdom of God. Though he didn’t mention lesbianism in that passage, I think it’s fair to categorize lesbians as those who will not inherit the Kingdom of God. It’s just as bad if a woman does that sin; God is against all homosexual acts, regardless of the gender that someone is.

First of all, you have to agree with God – you have to believe that what you did was wrong. If you are under the impression that what you did in your teenage years was permissible, you may in fact be on your way to Hell. You have to turn from your sin. What you did was sin against a holy God.

You’re not hopeless, though. God is more than willing to have you back. I don’t believe that it’s a coincidence that you showed up here on CAF. God is reaching out to you, but you have to turn away from your sin. You don’t have to clean up your life and then get saved. God knows that you can’t overcome sin on your own power. You just need to turn from it. As I said earlier, you have to agree that those activities that you did as a teenager were wrong.

Repent and believe the Gospel.
 
Last edited:
It can be hard with parents and close family; we all know how to push each other’s buttons.

I’d try to set aside (though easier said than done) the feelings of irritation you may feel with your Dad over his approach with you about this. While he may be approaching you in a less than wise way over this, your question here was about your relationship with your other (and first) father: God. So I’ll try to respond on that topic.

Bottom line, God loves you unconditionally. He loves you exactly as you are… and too much to leave you that way. God is not the accuser; the devil (enemy) is. The enemy lies when he tells you there are no boundaries… then after you cross them, he tells you that you can never be forgiven, and should despair. God, on the other hand, tells you truthfully what the boundaries are: and after you violate them, He tells you that He still loves you, He forgives you, have Hope in Him and please come home to where He can take care of you as your good shepherd.

Repentance (turning around) is an important step, and part of being forgiven and received home by the God who loves us. It doesn’t require us to live in a constant state of self disgust (that’s actually unhealthy!)… but it does require us to learn to agree with God, to trust Him about what’s good even if we can’t always see clearly from our limited vantage point why He’s right about what’s good.

I would suggest you see a trusted priest for Confession, if you feel able. Or at least a chat, even if you don’t yet believe you should have to ‘confess’ for something you say you “don’t care” about. you are worth it, God wants to talk with you. God wants good things for you, not bad things. And He knows better than you do (better than I do; better than we all do!) what’s good for you (what’s good for me; what’s good for all of us). 🙂 Praise God!
 
PS one thought about what you mentioned (which is a good start!) about God having “a place in your heart”. God is the good Father; the creator of the universe; the Way, the Truth, and the Life; perfection itself, and perfect Trinitarian love. We can trust Him with our WHOLE hearts. And indeed, our whole heart is what He asks of us. Our whole house: not just one room of it.

CS Lewis has a great little quote:
“Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.”
Click to expand...
It’s been my experience that trusting God is an adventure: it’s scary, and He always takes me further than my comfort zone, and to places where I wouldn’t go myself. But He is trustworthy. He has carried me through and grown me in ways I can’t adequately explain, and I have a peace and happiness now that I never had before.

My suggestion, sincerely, is to spend some time in prayer with God; tell Him the truth about whatever’s going on for you (He can take it); also be willing to really listen, and let Him in, and trust Him to rebuild your little house into a palace. A temple that radiates His own glory, for eternity.
 
Last edited:
I believe God wouldn’t judge me for loving who I love. He wants me to be happy as well as his other children - I do like girls and boys, I have never dated a girl but I have kissed them. I have dated a couple boys as well. I truly don’t think God would be so cruel as to give humans free will to love and then take that away. I don’t do anything else sinful, I am becoming a doctor, and I abstain from drugs/alcohol. In my eyes, He is not mean enough to judge me and send me down.
 
I haven’t confessed - I didn’t go to church often as a child due to anxiety about being around a lot of people. I don’t go these days or last year as I have been mainly studying.
 
Thank you so much! I haven’t confessed but I’ll look into it once Corona has calmed down. I honestly just accept it as a part of my life that could’ve gone a lot worse and forgot about it. Just like any other aspect of childhood. I still date women but mainly men.
Hopefully I can confess soon! Have a good day.
 
Haha thank you! I’ve gotten some homophobic comments so it’s nice to hear somebody who doesn’t care about sexuality and just wants the best for me and God. I will look into confessing. Thank you!
 
SandyLaura32 said:
I believe God wouldn’t judge me for loving who I love. He wants me to be happy as well as his other children - I do like girls and boys, I have never dated a girl but I have kissed them. I have dated a couple boys as well. I truly don’t think God would be so cruel as to give humans free will to love and then take that away. I don’t do anything else sinful, I am becoming a doctor, and I abstain from drugs/alcohol. In my eyes, He is not mean enough to judge me and send me down.
Click to expand...
It only matters what God thinks, not what we think. The Bible tells us that they will not inherit the Kingdom Of God. I know that that may sound harsh, but that is the witness of Scripture. Sin is a big issue. So big, in fact, that Jesus died for ours. Homosexuality and bisexuality are totally contrary to God’s design and they are never in the best interest of an individual or society, according to the scriptures.

I say this out of concern for your own well-being. I’m not here to set forth my own morality or philosophical considerations. We have to be in line with what God says.
 
I understand and appreciate your words! But God isn’t mean like that - if I thought homosexuality was a sin then I wouldn’t be able to wear mixed fabric shirts since that’s a sin as well.
I mean, truly - us Catholics have an unfair reputation of not allowing individuals to love who they want to love. God is a kind soul - he doesn’t send people to hell just for loving a person of the same gender.
 
Based on your profile you are Catholic. It is not enough just to repent, you have to go to Confession and repent.
SandyLaura32 said:
I believe God wouldn’t judge me for loving who I love. He wants me to be happy as well as his other children - I do like girls and boys, I have never dated a girl but I have kissed them. I have dated a couple boys as well. I truly don’t think God would be so cruel as to give humans free will to love and then take that away. I don’t do anything else sinful, I am becoming a doctor, and I abstain from drugs/alcohol. In my eyes, He is not mean enough to judge me and send me down.
Click to expand...
Based on this you should get some proper catechesis.

First, God loves you no matter what. He is mercyful but He is also a Judge. That is something people forget.
Being bisexual/homosexual isn’t sin in itself but it is sin to practice it.
I am sorry to disappoint but some things you believe aren’t true.
God gave you free will to chose sin or not to chose.
Sexuality isn’t something that is sinful in itself,sexuality is good. God created it but it is sin to act in the way that is opposite of purpose that He gave to sexuality.
SandyLaura32 said:
In my eyes, He is not mean enough to judge me and send me down.
Click to expand...
God isn’t mean at all and He doesn’t send anyone to Hell. People chose Hell by their actions.

I recommend you to find a priest for talk or attend RCIA.
In meantime read, please Catechism of Catholic Church on human sexuality and sins against 6th commandment
 
Last edited:
The Sacrament of Reconciliation is only valid when received with a penitent heart (aka sorry for your sins).
 
SandyLaura32 said:
I mean, truly - us Catholics have an unfair reputation of not allowing individuals to love who they want to love. God is a kind soul - he doesn’t send people to hell just for loving a person of the same gender.
Click to expand...
You can love whomever you want, but what does love mean? Using someone else’s body for pleasure? It is not the pleasure we might share with another that shows our love but what we sacrifice for their good.

The pleasure of the sexual act is a gift from God which He gives to those who have committed themselves to each other and to any children created within that embrace.

Imagine if a 16-year-old teen’s parents gave her a car and said we will pay for everything but you have to drive your brother back and forth to his oncologist’s appointments because we have to work. Right now, we don’t want you to use the car except for the appointments, but 6 months or a year from now, we will let you use it for other things.

And then she took off with the car and never took her brother to his appointments–would that not be wrong?
 
Repentance is not a feeling, it’s a decision to reject one path and chose another.
 
How would you know how God is? God doesn’t believe in conversion therapy. I will continue to date girls if I please - this wasn’t even the question. Please don’t give Catholicism any more of a bad name than it already has. We are a religion of love, not the kind where we shame people for practicing love. “I’m sorry, but your thoughts about God are simply not true” who are you to tell me about that? God said to love one another, not tell them it’s sinful to be themselves. Even if I married a woman, i know god is kind and not somebody I should be scared of. We already have a bad rep, don’t spread misinformation.
 
Luckily for you I had bought my own car when I was 16 because I was responsible :). I’m not sure what love is, and frankly if I had the answer to questions like that then I wouldn’t be spending my time on the internet. But two individuals of the same sex can be in love and God would not condemn them for it. Why? Because God is kind. He wants us to love one another. God is not cruel and he’s not homophobic.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top