Am I [I]really[/I] being judgemental?

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AmyS

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A friend of mine decided to confided in me Tuesday that he has been cheating on his wife for the last 7 months. I mentioned to a friend of mine the situation, and my position on it all, and she told me not to be judgemental. My thing is this man has two children at home (9 and 10) and a wife of 16 years. He has known this women for 9 months. I told him that he has no right to be selfish when he has kids at home. They need him. This mistress lost her husband to a car accident two years ago, and told my friend she choose him to be with because she knew he was safe. She knew very well that he was married with kids. Yes, he made the choice to sleep with her… But, when does it become okay to do what she did? Why am I judgemental because I tell him the truth that he needs to break it off. There is so much more with the situation. I am just curious all of your opinions on what casting judgement really is. I have been here for him, although I don’t know how much longer I can be his sounding board. I don’t call him names or put him down, I tell him his children need him and this women does. He thinks that I should tell him that he needs to do what makes him happy. I told him he can do that when his kids are 18. Is this judgement?
 
Telling the man he is in the wrong and ought to leave this woman alone is absolutely the right thing for you to do. One of the Spiritual Acts of Mercy is to correct the sinner in his sin. He needs to know from a friend like you that he is indeed doing wrong and that he ought to go to confession and never see this other woman again. He does not have to tell his wife about it, though, because his sin is between him and God and his confessor. He confided in you because you are a good friend and knew you would tell him the truth. I will remember him and his family in our Evening Prayers this evening. You did good!
 
You did the right thing. You are not being judgmental. We are to be judgmental when it means calling sin a sin. We are not to make judgments about who is in heaven and hell. That is what Jesus meant when he said, “judge not.”

Inform your friend that if he does not end this relationship and consult his priest you will end your friendship with him. We are not to have relations with those who claim to be of the faith but who live in persistant unrepentant sin. The apostle says not to even welcome such a person in your home.

God bless
 
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byzmelkite:
You did the right thing. You are not being judgmental. We are to be judgmental when it means calling sin a sin. We are not to make judgments about who is in heaven and hell. That is what Jesus meant when he said, “judge not.”

Inform your friend that if he does not end this relationship and consult his priest you will end your friendship with him. We are not to have relations with those who claim to be of the faith but who live in persistant unrepentant sin. The apostle says not to even welcome such a person in your home.

God bless
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I am going to tell him that. This has taken quite a toll on me. Not that it is all about me, but, the whole thing is making me feel a range of emotions from sadness to anger. It literally makes me sick to my stomach. All in all I know he knows how I feel about it because we have talked to him for hours about it all. And, I told him that I don’t hate him… I just can’t appease him and agree with him. I don’t care how miserable he is in his marriage… The thing is he doesn’t have any issues that other people don’t have. I told him that he made a decision to love his wife for the rest of his life for better or worse… that no matter what relationship he decides he wants to stay in, he is going to have up and downs. And, I asked him if it was all worth losing his children’s respect for. He had to think about it a bit because he is “in love.” Give me a break. I am thinking that I do need to step back away from our friendship. Especially if he doesn’t do the right thing.

He tried to break it off with this women yesterday, and she told him that it is not an option anymore. They are too far along now. Yes I feel dislike towards her. But, trying to look at the whole picture, I told him that he isn’t doing her any good either. She actually had got his fathers phone number off of his cell phone to talk to him about how worried she is about my friend. I am affraid she is going to start calling me too. She is pretty jealous of our friendship. Funny thing is I could take it or leave it right now.
 
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Della:
Telling the man he is in the wrong and ought to leave this woman alone is absolutely the right thing for you to do. One of the Spiritual Acts of Mercy is to correct the sinner in his sin. He needs to know from a friend like you that he is indeed doing wrong and that he ought to go to confession and never see this other woman again. He does not have to tell his wife about it, though, because his sin is between him and God and his confessor. He confided in you because you are a good friend and knew you would tell him the truth. I will remember him and his family in our Evening Prayers this evening. You did good!
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Thank you so much… I guess I just need reassurance, especially on the judgement part. I think he came to me because he knows I won’t say what he wants to hear, I will say what he needs to hear.
 
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AmyS:
Thank you so much… I guess I just need reassurance, especially on the judgement part. I think he came to me because he knows I won’t say what he wants to hear, I will say what he needs to hear.
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You did good AMY:) I would add this though he made a commitment to God and his wife and he has no right to break the vow.The children are very important as well,but regardless of how “happy” he says he is it is 100% wrong.Anyone can make an excuse to do wrong and they can even have valid gripes but it will never justify it.
 
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Lisa4Catholics:
You did good AMY:) I would add this though he made a commitment to God and his wife and he has no right to break the vow.The children are very important as well,but regardless of how “happy” he says he is it is 100% wrong.Anyone can make an excuse to do wrong and they can even have valid gripes but it will never justify it.
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You are so right Lisa… I think that there are somethings I have missed telling him because this whole “judgemental” thing has been hanging over my head. It is just amazing to me how far some people will go to justify his actions. It is so disappointing.
 
Go Amy, sometimes the greatest blessings in our lives are the people who are not afraid to speak frankly and hold us to a higher standard. You are doing this man and all the people involved a big favor.

Speaking the truth in love is very different from making a “snap” or self righteous judgement. You are using discernment and love. I hope all of us are lucky enough to have a friend who will hold us accountable for our actions.

blessings,

cheddar
 
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AmyS:
He tried to break it off with this women yesterday, and she told him that it is not an option anymore.
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She chose him because he was “safe?” :ehh:

HE should have checked to see if SHE was “safe!” She sounds like a real (Fatal Attraction type) scream.

This is headed toward a really bad place really fast, isn’t it? I’ll bet you that this woman will be making a call to the wife, shortly. Or at least as soon as he makes the next noise about breaking it off.

😦
 
No you are not being judgemental. Are you friends with his wife?? Tell him YOU will tell HER. This is a messy situation and YOU are being taken advantage of!
~ Kathy ~
 
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