Am I in a state of mortal sin?

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ok, this is really hard for me, since i have kept it a secret from almost everybody until now, but i need some opinions. when i was 18 I was farther from the church than any other point in my life, and i lost my virginity to my girlfriend at the time. we broke up after 1 year together, and at the end of it we were fighting. shortly after we broke up she told me she was pregnant, and i wanted nothing more than to NOT have a child. i pushed adoption hard, because i am very against abortion.
I have never found out for sure whether the child was mine or not, but i know she was sexually active after we broke up.
I spoke with her once shortly a while back and she is getting married and having another child, but i was so scared i didn’t ask if the one she already had was mine. i am terrified.
i am now 21, and i am wondering what to do. if I must i will do anything i can for the child if it is mine, but I don’t want it to grow up separated between parents, so i have no idea what to do. the thing that really worries me is that i wonder if this somehow puts me in some kind of permanent state of mortal sin. i go to confession every weekend out of habit, and pray a rosary [almost] daily. i want nothing more than to please God and earn His grace so that i can spend eternity with Him in heaven.
please anybody, is it possible to be in a permanent state of mortal sin?

-Cory
 
GamerForGod said:
please anybody, is it possible to be in a permanent state of mortal sin?
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No. If she wanted/needed support with the child she could have approached you or brought you through the court system to acquire child support. It sounds to me like even she doubts the paternity of the child or she probably would have.

If it really tears up your conscience then ask her if she was ever able to determine paternity and if you can help by providing some support of some kind if the child is yours.

Your sin was premarital sex. You did not procure an abortion, you did not deny her support that she asked for. It was an act in the past that you have confessed and been absolved of. Follow your conscience and if she asks for support and proves the child to be yours you would be obligated to provide help, but you are not under a state of sin simply because a woman had a child that MIGHT be yours.
 
Thanks promethius, I really appreciate the (name removed by moderator)ut, and it is calming to hear.
i will keep you in my prayers.

-Cory
 
Since you go to confession on a regular basis, talk to the priest about this. If nothing else, it will make you feel better.

In your place, I would want to know if that was my kid. He was born a couple years ago, and you could still be his daddy if it turns out you’re his father. You might be missing out on being part of your son’s life which would be sad for both of you.

Assuming the mother is unsure of paternity because she didn’t ask for support is a little presumptive. Her motivation may be something else entirely, including being stubborn and not wanting to deal with the guy she broke up with. My son was in a similar situation a few years ago (the kid is 9 1/2 now) and the girl was so mad at him that she didn’t want any support or even to talk to me. Her father hung up on me when I tried to offer some help with medical costs. It took 10 months to get her to agree to a paternity test because her mother and grandmother convinced her I would try to take away her baby. So the mother may be getting some bad advice.
 
GamerForGod said:
i want nothing more than to please God and earn His grace so that i can spend eternity with Him in heaven.
please anybody, is it possible to be in a permanent state of mortal sin?

-Cory
Click to expand...
The good news is that the grace of God is a free gift. No one can earn grace as it is by the grace of God that we exist. Seek forgiveness and that will please God. It is possible to be in a permanent state of mortal sin if one never seeks forgiveness. It seems to me that your problem is scrupulosity whereby you can never feel forgiven. Please listen to your confessor and follow his advise to the letter. Satan has an excellent way of keeping us in this state so as to give up thinking that God even cares about us. If we stay in this thought then satan wins his catch. Jesus loves you in all of your failures and weaknesses. He died for you so that you can receive forgiveness by the shedding of His blood. Embrace the good news and know the love of God…teachccd 🙂
 
GamerForGod said:
ok, this is really hard for me, since i have kept it a secret from almost everybody until now, but i need some opinions. when i was 18 I was farther from the church than any other point in my life, and i lost my virginity to my girlfriend at the time. we broke up after 1 year together, and at the end of it we were fighting. shortly after we broke up she told me she was pregnant, and i wanted nothing more than to NOT have a child. i pushed adoption hard, because i am very against abortion.
I have never found out for sure whether the child was mine or not, but i know she was sexually active after we broke up.
I spoke with her once shortly a while back and she is getting married and having another child, but i was so scared i didn’t ask if the one she already had was mine. i am terrified.
i am now 21, and i am wondering what to do. if I must i will do anything i can for the child if it is mine, but I don’t want it to grow up separated between parents, so i have no idea what to do. the thing that really worries me is that i wonder if this somehow puts me in some kind of permanent state of mortal sin. i go to confession every weekend out of habit, and pray a rosary [almost] daily. i want nothing more than to please God and earn His grace so that i can spend eternity with Him in heaven.
please anybody, is it possible to be in a permanent state of mortal sin?

-Cory
Click to expand...
Dear Cory.
Wow that’s a tough spot.
What I notice is this. You say: “I wanted nothing more than to NOT have a child. I pushed adoption hard, because I am very against abortion”.
That attitude in you must have shown pretty clearly when the girl told you she was with child. In other words she immediately realised she was alone and you were not gonna offer any emotional support which is what she would need at the time.
Its not certian whether you are the dad, but its very likely. That means you are 3 years late and have been running from that reality. If you are a father then you are that 100 percent and you gotta face that. If thats the case then you are certainly not the first person in the world this happend to.
You have a moral obligation to find out if this kid is yours or not. If it is, its yours and also your responsibility. The Bible stresses greatly that taking care of the orphan is a Christian duty.
I think the first thing you should do is talk to your parents about this. Seems you could use their help and support hugely at this time.
Now is the time to do the right thing.

Peace.
Grace
 
GamerForGod said:
…i lost my virginity to my girlfriend at the time.
… the thing that really worries me is that i wonder if this somehow puts me in some kind of permanent state of mortal sin. i go to confession every weekend out of habit, and pray a rosary [almost] daily. i want nothing more than to please God and earn His grace so that i can spend eternity with Him in heaven.
please anybody, is it possible to be in a permanent state of mortal sin?

-Cory
Click to expand...
The truth is that only you know if a sin you commited is mortal. All we can tell you here is if a sin is grave matter. In order for the sin to be mortal, you also had to know it was a sin to act in that manner and you had to act it out with free will (no gun to your head, not secretly drugged, etc).

So, if you confessed the pre-marital sex (and number of times to the best of your recollection), and you withheld no other mortal sin in confession, then you are no longer in a state of mortal sin. To the best of my knowledge, the pre-marital sexual act is the only sin involved here. The resulting pregnancy is a gift from God, regardless of the lack of marital union between you and the mother!

God Bless You Cory. I’m praying for you.
 
promethius said:
It sounds to me like even she doubts the paternity of the child or she probably would have.
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Or she didn’t want to deal with custody issues, especially with someone who didn’t want to be a father. Anyone who has been through, or even experienced second hand, an acrimonious custody battle would understand. It surprises me how nasty men can be over custody when they never wanted the child in the first place.
 
Many years ago my brother was in the “Same Boat” sort of, your in, (so to speak).

He had been going with a girl, they broke up, he then went and enlisted in the Marines. I have no idea of why they broke up, I was just 14 then.

Anyway long story short, years later he finds out she had a daughter, he did the “math” and figured out there was a possiblity since they broke up and he left for the Marines he had no idea if the little girl was his or not.

But once he found out this lady had a child, (she had never told him, since she lived on the other side of the state, we didn’t even know about it. ) he then went to her and asked if he was the Father. She said she thought so…but wasn’t sure. My brother then asked for a paternaity test to be done.

Happily we found out the daughter was his. He then set up paying child support and started seeing the daughter he never knew about. The young lady (at the time) then found someone esle and got married. My niece grew up with two dads. Her step-father and my brother. Both whomed loved her very much. My niece ended up being a blessing to two men and three familes. (her mother’s too).

My advice: Step up and ask for a Paternaity test. A man can do this if he expect he is the Father of a child. Then if the child is yours…step up to the plate, pay child support, and by all means get to know your child.

True back then you didn’t want a child, but you have matured now, you need to confess this to the Mother, you can word it anyway you want to her…sometimes in life we can all make mistakes…but mistakes can be mended. Of course none of us can “take back” our mistakes, but we can learn by them and go forward.

As far as are you living in a Mortal Sin? If you have went to confession and confessed your sin of having sex out of marriage and the fact you may have (you don’t know yet) up and left your child, yes you can be forgiven of both.

Good luck and our prayers are with you…
 
GamerForGod said:
ok, this is really hard for me, since i have kept it a secret from almost everybody until now, but i need some opinions. when i was 18 I was farther from the church than any other point in my life, and i lost my virginity to my girlfriend at the time. we broke up after 1 year together, and at the end of it we were fighting. shortly after we broke up she told me she was pregnant, and i wanted nothing more than to NOT have a child. i pushed adoption hard, because i am very against abortion.
I have never found out for sure whether the child was mine or not, but i know she was sexually active after we broke up.
I spoke with her once shortly a while back and she is getting married and having another child, but i was so scared i didn’t ask if the one she already had was mine. i am terrified.
i am now 21, and i am wondering what to do. if I must i will do anything i can for the child if it is mine, but I don’t want it to grow up separated between parents, so i have no idea what to do. the thing that really worries me is that i wonder if this somehow puts me in some kind of permanent state of mortal sin. i go to confession every weekend out of habit, and pray a rosary [almost] daily. i want nothing more than to please God and earn His grace so that i can spend eternity with Him in heaven.
please anybody, is it possible to be in a permanent state of mortal sin?

-Cory
Click to expand...
Why would you be in a “permanent state of mortal sin” if you confessed the sin of fornication in confession. Once you confess the sin, you are no longer in a state of mortal sin…the mortal sin is removed permanently. Be at peace!🙂
 
thanks everybody for your support and advice.
looks like i am going to figure out how to get in contact with her.
wish me luck

-Cory
 
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