Am I in the wrong?

[realtiger]

My mom has been going to daily mass which was a really good thing. However on Monday I told her that it is good that if one goes to mass one should also go to confession more too. I was really talking about myself because I felt dirty when I received communion. They were venial sins but I still felt it is good for us to go to confession more often if we receive Him every day. My mom didn’t like it. She told me she did not want to go to daily mass anymore because she says if you do it’s bad if you don’t it’s bad now. I think she took it personal but I was really talking more in general. I was more speaking about myself because I felt I should go to confession because I have sinned but she took it as if I was talking about her. Was what I did bad?

 

[paperwight66]

Well, it was certainly unfortunate that you didn’t make it clear at the time that you were not having a go at her personally.

You do know that it is not necessary to confess venial sins in Confession, and that they are forgiven in a sincere Holy Communion, don’ t you?

 

[pensmama87]

My mom has been going to daily mass which was a really good thing. However on Monday I told her that it is good that if one goes to mass one should also go to confession more too. I was really talking about myself because I felt dirty when I received communion. They were venial sins but I still felt it is good for us to go to confession more often if we receive Him every day. My mom didn’t like it. She told me she did not want to go to daily mass anymore because she says if you do it’s bad if you don’t it’s bad now. I think she took it personal but I was really talking more in general. I was more speaking about myself because I felt I should go to confession because I have sinned but she took it as if I was talking about her. Was what I did bad?

You could clarify that you were speaking about yourself, and apologize for any misunderstanding and if your mother interpreted your words as judgment.

Confession is not required for venial sins, and absolution for venial sins actually happens during the Mass. One can also attend Mass without receiving communion - and it’s STILL good for them to be there!

You should not “feel dirty” about receiving communion if you are in a state of grace (which you are if you have no mortal sins on your soul). It’s not a prize that is handed out for good behavior. None of us are perfect.

 

[Mary_Estelle]

Kind of sounds like you were referring to her. Apologies are in order. Peace.

 

[geekborj]

My mom has been going to daily mass which was a really good thing. However on Monday I told her that it is good that if one goes to mass one should also go to confession more too. I was really talking about myself because I felt dirty when I received communion. They were venial sins but I still felt it is good for us to go to confession more often if we receive Him every day. My mom didn’t like it. She told me she did not want to go to daily mass anymore because she says if you do it’s bad if you don’t it’s bad now. I think she took it personal but I was really talking more in general. I was more speaking about myself because I felt I should go to confession because I have sinned but she took it as if I was talking about her. Was what I did bad?

Im sure you can take it up again in the next conversation with your Mom. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Confession is good made regularly (e.g. weekly) so that we get to easily sweep those little dirty venial sins that may lead to heaps of them leading us to mortal sins. Moreover, it gives us a means to go up the ladder of holiness faster than we thought, eventually overcoming those pesky usual mortal sins roaming around our life.

However, it is always a call and it must be the Holy Spirit that moves us when we talk. If we see that a damage is done (as you think what happened with your Mom), then reparation is in order. But in the end, we must rely on the Holly Spirit to move people, not us. We are only instruments of grace, never the grace itself.

Perhaps your Mom is allowed by God to hear such comments, and it was willed that you say it to her for both of your development and progress in the Faith?

Believe in the Providence that it always takes into consideration our weaknesses and eccentricities.

 

[bjvisperas]

you were right. However, you should also apologize and clarify what you mean. She may have misunderstood what you have said. It is always better to clarify things in order to be clear of what you mean.

In terms of confession and Holy Eucharist. What you said is true. The Church encourages us all to confess regularly whenever we have committed sins. It is true that in order for us to worthily accept Him in Holy Communion we must confess our sins first.

Yet, there is one thing I want you to remember. Conversion. No matter how many times you sin if you do not convert from it then it will just be a routine. Conversion is needed not to commit the same mistake again.

 

[underacloud]

Frequent mass, frequent reception of the Eucharist, and frequent confession are all excellent things. But one does not need to confess more frequently simply because one attends mass more frequently; unless there is mortal sin to confess.

In fact, one could easily make the exact opposite argument - that one who attends mass regularly is being constantly forgiven of venial sins and is partaking in increased graces, and thus has less need of direct confession. I wouldn’t go so far as to say this is true or good, but it seems at least as valid to argue as what you have suggested.

Anyway, your mum clearly took what you said personally and as judgmental on your part. It is very hard to encourage others to go to confession without sounding judgmental. Don’t make a big deal out of it, but I do suggest you apologise for any misunderstanding.

 

[EasterJoy]

OP, you are mistaken. Read the Compendium of the Catechism of the Catholic Church:
(The numbers refer to sections in the Catechism which give more detailed answers):

Underline is mine, of course.

*292. What are the fruits of Holy Communion?

1391-1397
1416

Holy Communion increases our union with Christ and with his Church. It preserves and renews the life of grace received at Baptism and Confirmation and makes us grow in love for our neighbor. It strengthens us in charity, wipes away venial sins and preserves us from mortal sin in the future.*

The fact that Holy Communion wipes away venial sins of course brings up an obvious question:

*306. Why can venial sins also be the object of sacramental confession?

1458

The confession of venial sins is strongly recommended by the Church, even if this is not strictly necessary, because it helps us to form a correct conscience and to fight against evil tendencies. It allows us to be healed by Christ and to progress in the life of the Spirit.*

In other words, the Church does not teach that someone who receives Holy Communion at daily Mass ought to go to confession more often than Catholics who only go to Mass and receive Holy Communion on Sundays. Nowhere is the recommended frequency of sacramental confession linked to the frequency of Mass attendance.

A Catholic aware of having committed a mortal sin is not properly disposed to receive Holy Communion and should normally refrain from receiving until he or she is able to be absolved by sacramental confession. A Catholic who is only aware of having committed venial sins ought to pray the entire Mass reverently, including the Penitential Rite, so as to receive Holy Communion in the manner the Church has proscribed. It is not necessary to confess sins before every reception of Holy Communion. (There are even confessors who will not permit such frequent confession of venial sins by a typical penitent, lest the penitent become scrupulous or begin to take the sacrament for granted in some way.)

Go ahead. Go find your mom and tell her that you were mistaken about what the Church teaches, and she was right. She ought to ask her confessor how frequently he thinks she ought to go to confession, and you ought to refrain from giving unsolicited spiritual direction to someone who is not in need of admonishment (and admonishment from you) about something that is not sinful.

To soften that–find someone to be your spiritual friend, to talk about these things. Better yet, get a spiritual director. Your desire to consider these things seriously and out loud is an excellent impulse. It’s just that you and your mom probably aren’t a particularly good fit for that. (Not unusual; don’t worry about it…)

 

[GLam8833]

You are just a tad scrupulous, don’t worry about
it, your mom will keep going to mass IF she had
a genuine desire to do so and not just to please
you. In telling her to go to confession
it is Okay, BELIEVE that you have counselled
her out of love and not selfishly! (Prov. 16:1)
About taking communion when you feel guilty,
you should ALWAYS respect the Lord’s body
and blood, and recognize that b/c Christ died,
WE ALL DIED, and we live FOR HIM who
died and rose again on our behalf!!! See
1 Cor. 5:14-15, I’ll pray for yous.

 

[Anglewannabe]

However on Monday I told her that it is good that if one goes to mass one should also go to confession more too.

If that is how you worded it, then yes, it does come across as a critique of your mom. If you really were talking about yourself, then you should have said ‘I am think that is I go to mass more often then I should go to confession more often’

However, for your mom to actually stop going to mass over it…I think there is a bigger issue here