AM I just "blocked" from confirmation?

[tijeras]

Well glad I could help, but I can’t take credit for anything the Holy Spirit does. I’m just a poor lame-o like the rest of the Catholics you’ve met : ).

I love that Groucho Marx quote, haha! My dad says that.

The thing with belonging to a group that would actually have us as members is that the club is full of people as sinful and ridiculous as we are ; ). Or shy. Many people are just very shy, even as adults, I’ve found. Forgive them, they have no idea what they’re doing. You just remember this and when it’s your turn to reach out to people, you’ll do it.

Something else I’ve found is that when you go to your average parish on your average Sunday, you’re running into a lot of what I call “hereditary Catholics”. They’re Catholic because they come from a Catholic family, but they may or may not have much deep, well researched faith. Then there are some converts or reverts - people who’ve had a conversion experience like Jesus tells Nicodemus about in John 4: “born again”. They’re hungry for the faith and tend to research things, take it very seriously. It’s sort of like citizenship: people who want to become citizens of the U.S. have to take a test, have to actually learn about our history, have come to some sort of desire to make the effort to become a citizen. People born here just take it for granted and probably don’t know nearly as much about their country as those who studied for the naturalization test. So don’t be surprised at the ignorance of the average Catholic. Just be glad they’re there and hopefully something will happen for them someday.

You say there’s a “language/cultural barrier?” Can you elaborate on that? Our parish has people from like 70 different countries and it’s in the middle of a large city in SoCal, so there are plenty of tatted up, goatee’d, or earring’d people (my husband has a goatee and an earring, and he’s super-Catholic Man). When we first moved here, we went to a parish where the poor priest is so burned out it’s just depressing and that’s reflected in the congregation. Thank God one day we missed Mass there and didn’t want to wait until later to go, so we looked around and found a Mass at the parish we go to now. We love it and decided to send our kids to school there. My point is, it’s okay to look around for a parish that fits you better if it’s really so bad. Not that any parish is perfect, and sometimes, if you want to see something done at your parish, you are the one whom God is asking to do it. Our parish started up periodic hospitality meet and greet sessions after Mass (more intentional than just coffee and donuts) because one young couple without any kids spoke up about having a hard time meeting people.

DO NOT force your daughter, or your wife. Do not nag, do not hound, do not guilt trip, don’t even try to debate anything with them, because it’s probably going to do more harm than good. It sounds like enough damage has been done that they’re going to need re-convincing. They need to find what you’ve found and WANT to do it on their own. There’s a psychologist named Dr. Ray Guarendi who has a show on our Catholic radio station and his advice to people in your situation (wanting their family to come along with them, meeting resistance) is this: they need to see in you the positive changes that your faith is making and want that for themselves. If your new faith makes you a nagging, guilt-tripping, cajoling, judgemental person who constantly harps on “the faith” and does things like spending more time praying and going to Mass than spending quality time with your family (or lassos them with the Rosary and drags them to Mass or youth group), you are going to lose them and they won’t ever want to have a faith that’s making you that way. BUT, if they see that your faith is causing you to become a kinder, gentler, more joyful, more forgiving, more patient, wiser, stronger, more loving (fruits and gifts of Holy Spirit, right?) kind of husband and dad, they might just want some of that Catholicism business in their own lives. There’s a great book called “The Case for Christ” by a former atheist crime reporter named Lee Strobel. His wife became a Christian and he decided to put the claims of Christianity to the same types of tests used in court. This led him to Christ. His little daughter noticed the changes in him and told her mommy “I want God to do for me what He did for Daddy.” Bada-boom, that’s what you want.

Jesus never forced anyone. He stands at the door and knocks. The Church never forced anyone (some will cite the Inquisition, but that was really more about politics and economics than heresy. Those offices weren’t generally under papal control, and at least in Portugal, once a dictatorship was established, they switched right over to prosecuting treason instead of heresy because that was really their function all along). The most powerful invitation is the witness of the faithful, right? Some people get knocked over by Christ directly, like Paul, but most are evangelized by being inspired by others. Even if you are knocked over like Paul, it’s usually the example of others that continues to inspire you and encourage you that yes, this is the way to go, I want to be like those saints and they are like that because they are following Christ in the teachings of His Church.

So I would advise against telling your daughter she’s going whether she likes it or not. Just be holy and show her the love. At most, explain to her what you’ve found in the Church, why it means so much to you. She’s getting to the age when you’re probably going to start telling her a little more about your life experiences and why you’ve come to the conclusions you have about life and God and everything. So I would recommend going about it in the most gentle, personal, gradual, heart-to-heart way you can with your daughter.

 

[808Catholic]

Gorgias, Nodito, 808. PaulfromIowa…thank you all. I wish I knew any of you. Frankly, if I can’t get anyone to listen, here, where I am, soon. I live in a non-Catholic vortex with no hope, and the only sweet, loving, interested Catholic I’ve met led a Divine Mercy chaplet at a Newman Center, and left shortly thereafter to go to another city. I am on my last gallon of gas here. It’s too much. Seriously. I just want to serve the Lord and be in communion with His Church. How complicated does that have to be?

Sometimes we have to adjust our passion with the realization that God moves at His Pace not ours. I like to think of our spiritual passion like a fire. Uncontrolled like a forest fire, the flames destroy everything in its path. Controlled like a forge, we can make incredibly strong swords or knives. That’s why patience is a virtue. I pray God grants you continued patience and shares His Plan for you so you can persevere on your faith journey more confident in God’s Wisdom.

BTW, I saw your other post about your shaven head, beard, etc. John the Baptist was also known to look a bit wild and he was Christ’s standard bearer! Please don’t think your appearance has anything to do with your communion with the Catholic Church. God loves us all no matter what we look like.

God Bless you.

 

[ccmcmg]

I honestly think that getting to know people isn’t going to work at coffee and donuts after Mass. Most people won’t approach a stranger to introduce themselves. We should, but it seems rare to me that it happens. People hang out with people they already know.

I think a better way to build relationships is to be involved in some kind of project together. If you’re making sandwiches to feed the homeless, there’s time to chat while you’re making the sandwiches. If you’re assembling booths for the parish festival, you can talk in between asking for a hammer or offering to help hold something in place.

I’m trying that, to get to know people and get involved. I’ve volunteered for things, and never been called. I think that when it comes to the list of people who have volunteered, the head of that tends towards people that they already know who have volunteered.

We’ve went to coffee and doughnuts after Mass, and even introduced ourselves to strangers, but get put off, usually. We blend in with the demographic of the parish, so it isn’t that we look or act differently. We are even involved inn various ministries (usher, lector), but are still having a hard time ‘breaking in’. Hopefully, we will be able to participate in ‘Christ Renews Our Parish’ this fall. I know that some people make good friendships there.

 

[Noli_novitius]

Thanks again, all of you, and the new people who’ve commented as well. Tijeras, the reason our daughter doesn’t go is because I won’t force her. I ask, she says no. I give her a kiss on the forehead and off I go. Mom can’t physically go, so there’s not much to say but “See you in a little while, hon.” The do see a change, I’ve grown. I leave it at that, my own prayers, saying Grace at meals, and Ray G, and everyone else playing on IH Radio all day in the garage while I work on the hot rods. I have shared those AHA moments like last night after the 4 cups video with my wife, and that’s always been a good thing. She just wants to know her Protestant Daddy made it to heaven, I think.

I have worked in the parish food kitchen, and loved it. Didn’t have a moment to talk other than while cutting veggies or washing dishes, but that’s a little limited, there are a few hundred people to feed at a time. You don’t want to add a slice of finger to the mix or blood to the dishwater!

I mentioned in another post that I’m hoping to land a job working at a parish related food bank, and my 2nd interview is tomorrow morning. That would I think, offer some more opportunities in day to day life, let alone that I’ll be doing on the ground missionary-ish work. There are lots of opportunities to do volunteer work in our city, but being out of the state for work 6 months, and afterward nursing my wife back to reasonable health for the last year and a half (she’s much better) didn’t help. I’d have done more if I could have, and will now, especially with all of your encouragements.

As to the demographics well, we live in the Southwest, and the parish is mostly Hispanic, and we’re not. I’d say it’s likely more about lifelong Catholics being the norm and most of the population of the Church, and they’re not really set up for firebrand converts who actually want to talk about serious stuff. LOL. Not that I have any difficulty with culture/ethnicity, I don’t. I even speak poquito espanol, but I think honestly that as an old established parish, it’s a lot of people who grew up Catholic and never really knew anything else that’s a bigger thing than the cultural “differences”. I’ve stopped in to pray the rosary a couple of times, and had to do the whole thing in Spanish because that’s all anyone was speaking. Far be it from me to insist on doing it in English! That was fun, actually…

We did try the “suburban” parish…and it was well, “suburban”. I’m not sure how to characterize that except to say that other than the Mass being the Mass, it felt sort of well, Protestant(?) All SUVs and fish bumper stickers, I guess, Not just shy, more like aloof, country clubbing, or just in a rush to get home. It’s ok. I’m sure time would work all those issues out in either parish, and will be a function of ME making the efforts, not them.

I really am shocked at all the responses, I kind of expected this to sink to the bottom of the stack and not really get seen at all, and I’m a little embarrassed to have spoken so plainly, but I guess it’s all a good thing, and I wouldn’t know how to speak any other way. Maybe there are others feeling what I have been and it will do them some good to see they aren’t alone, either. Thanks.

 

[Gorgias]

So, baptized non Catholic in 1972, and have an affidavit that it was Trinitarian.

Sorry if I’m beating a dead horse, but… in what denomination were you baptized?

Neither my wife nor I were ever Catholic…and still aren’t. She was baptized, I think in a Methodist Church. She was married to a Catholic, but he never told her he was a baptized Catholic until she asked him when we started the process.

OK, so… it seems reasonable to suggest that your wife’s case will be a simple documentary one: her first husband was Catholic, but he didn’t follow the required form, so therefore, the marriage wasn’t valid.

So, what you’re saying then is, I’m, we’re prohibited until our marriage is regularized, and so is my wife. Awesome. Love the legal administration part of this. Not…

Here’s the thing, though: it’s not about ‘administrivia’ or ‘legalism’. Instead, it has everything to do with the sacraments. If you were to enter into full communion with the Church, receiving confirmation and the Eucharist, you would – naturally! – expect and want to receive the sacraments on a regular basis. However… is that a reasonable expectation? Here’s where the question of your marital situation comes into play…

A person who is in an invalid marriage is in a state of sin; not because of the one-time event of the wedding, but because of the ongoing state of marital conjugal relations. blush:Umm… I don’t have to be more explicit than that, do I? ) In other words, in the same way that physical relations are sinful for those who are single, they are likewise sinful for those who aren’t validly married. But, wouldn’t it be possible for you to go to confession, and be forgiven, and then receive communion? Well… confession requires contrition. If someone came to you and said, “please forgive me for my sin… which, by the way, I plan on committing again tonight”… would you say that this person is contrite? In the same way, a priest who would hear your confession (“Father, I’m sorry, but I’m committing adultery because I’m not married validly in the eyes of the Church… and I plan to continue to commit adultery on a regular basis”) would find it difficult, I hope, to absolve you.

So, what does it mean that entry into the Church isn’t being proffered to you at this point? Not a desire to meet an administrative mandate, or even an example of acting coldly toward you. Rather, since you wouldn’t be able to receive the sacraments while in a state of sin, it’s (odd as it may sound!) being done out of a sense of charity. You’re unable to receive the sacraments until such a time that your marital situation is resolved; and therefore, the sacraments aren’t being offered to you now. If you were to attempt to receive the sacraments in this state, it would be sacrilegious. It sounds harsh, I know, but does that make sense?

 

[Noli_novitius]

Thanks for your interest in the detail of this whole thing. It is actually pretty detailed at the level you’re talking about. You’ll see what I mean, even if at risk of saying more than is probably necessary.

So… I was baptized, in a river, by the leader/pastor/oldest and smartest hippie among us, as a member of a non-denominational Apostolic (and Trinitarian) commune (a Jesus People’s Army affiliate). I furnished the parish with his affidavit about the baptism.

My wife was also married a second time, (this being the third! and last, for both of us) and that’s not too much at issue, and we understand how to proceed on that, and can communicate with the necessary parties involved. No problem.

On the other, my complaint about the admisitrivia, I completely get it, and understand the reasoning, and the sacramental necessities. I’m just so in love with the Lord I can hardly stand to go to Mass anymore, and unable to confess and be absolved for far too long a list of sins I carry still, although having done the evangelical/protestant style confession and since then ongoingly, the examinations of conscience and recitation of the act of attrition…aside from my goofy marriage history, which I can’t do a thing about at this moment. I think you may understand the desire.

Now, here’s where it gets kind of weird, well, at least personal, and if it didn’t seem like it was maybe important to consider, I would not say anything about it, and never have. So, I’ve probably mentioned in all the volumes of verbiage I’ve written here that my wife is disabled. Obviously, we have had relations in the past, since we have a daughter. Because of her disability, and after a lot of growing up on my part, resolving my emotional issues, and realizing and beginning to take advantage of the spiritual opportunity it presents, we are now entirely chaste, and I am a celibate, and likely, irrevocably so, as long as we both live.

We live together as father and mother of our daughter of course, but also, in reality, as brother and sister in every respect. (save the occasional chaste kiss and nice hugs.) It is good that we both married our very best friend ever in our lives, and I will always love her regardless. It’s not easy sometimes of course, and I am challenged, but with God’s Grace, I’m 100% successful at doing that, and not going outside the marriage, ever. Never did before, for that matter.

So, other than occasionally looking perhaps a little too long at a nice looking woman, I’m actually, NOT living in a state of sin, except that I am still married, at least in a civil sense, but the sacramental sense ended as long as a year and a half ago, and really, it won’t come back. Ever. (all the wishing in the world would be stupid on my part, so it’s just gone, and I’ve come to terms with that.) I hadn’t even thought about that being of any consequence before you mentioned it the way you did, and it may make no actual difference anyway. Still. if it did…well, that would be a pretty decent benefit from having to grow so much so fast, wouldn’t it? I’m in my late 50s, and she is 50, by the way. Don’t know if any of that has any bearing, but…well…it’s out there now. LOL

 

[Noli_novitius]

One other random thought my wife and talked about is the possibility of a more focused vocation or role in the Church at some point. (I’m finishing my Bachelor’s degree in business management that I don’t really need any more) and am talking only theology courses at a Christian university until mid 2015, when I’ll finally graduate.

I have no clue what would be or if anything more involved would even be possible, but given my increasing spiritual focus and religious/educational directions in life, we wondered together (and I alone in prayer and just walking around thinking) what might be possible to give more to the Lord than just showing up, being interested, etc…

I don’t know what, how, or whether anything like that could happen, but I do know it’s been on my mind, and a certain part of me feels drawn to a deeper commitment in some way. My current desire to have my work be related to my faith (working at a food bank) is an outgrowth of that desire, and for now, it’s probably enough…but who knows. I just thought I’d say something about it because it’s been on my heart and mind.

meh. who knows.

 

[Noli_novitius]

Apparently, the word is not “celibate”, but “abstinent”, or “continent”. Good to know the “correct” term. Holy Moly this can get linguistically complicated. lol

 

[Joe_5859]

Now, here’s where it gets kind of weird, well, at least personal, and if it didn’t seem like it was maybe important to consider, I would not say anything about it, and never have. So, I’ve probably mentioned in all the volumes of verbiage I’ve written here that my wife is disabled. Obviously, we have had relations in the past, since we have a daughter. Because of her disability, and after a lot of growing up on my part, resolving my emotional issues, and realizing and beginning to take advantage of the spiritual opportunity it presents, we are now entirely chaste, and I am a celibate, and likely, irrevocably so, as long as we both live.

That does change things. If you were already Catholic, you could go to Confession and receive the sacraments so long as you and your present wife were practicing continence while everything was sorted out. Definitely bring this up with your pastor and see what can be done in your situation.

 

[Joe_5859]

I can really sense a great deal of zeal and love for the Lord from your posts, Noli. I think what you are experiencing at the parish level is not uncommon. Some parishes are so accustomed to the status quo that they simply don’t know what to do with people like you who are seeking to go deeper in their relationship with the Lord. That’s why our recent popes have spoken so much about this “New Evangelization.” The target of this new evangelization is really those who are already Catholic who don’t have a living relationship with Christ. There are a lot of people “in the pews” who need to be evangelized and encounter Christ. Be patient with them. They need to meet people like you in order to realize that there is more to the Catholic faith than going through the motions.

 

[Gorgias]

That does change things. If you were already Catholic, you could go to Confession and receive the sacraments so long as you and your present wife were practicing continence while everything was sorted out. Definitely bring this up with your pastor and see what can be done in your situation.

This is precisely the reason I asked the question, but it’s necessary to temper Joe’s enthusiasm somewhat. This “brother & sister” pastoral solution is a possibility, but isn’t something that is part of canon law or the catechism. Rather, it is a pastoral solution that your pastor may allow, at his discretion. (Give it enough time, and you may see what I mean: some folks, even on this forum, really bristle when they’re told that this isn’t a ‘right’ they have, but rather, a discretionary decision of a pastor. )

So, perhaps you might bring it up with your pastor, in the context of a larger discussion of your situation. Some pastors allow this arrangement in their parish, others take it in a case by case basis, and still others do not allow it. It’s completely up to them.

Good luck, and know that we’ll be praying for ya’ll!

 

[Joe_5859]

This is precisely the reason I asked the question, but it’s necessary to temper Joe’s enthusiasm somewhat. This “brother & sister” pastoral solution is a possibility, but isn’t something that is part of canon law or the catechism. Rather, it is a pastoral solution that your pastor may allow, at his discretion. (Give it enough time, and you may see what I mean: some folks, even on this forum, really bristle when they’re told that this isn’t a ‘right’ they have, but rather, a discretionary decision of a pastor. )

So, perhaps you might bring it up with your pastor, in the context of a larger discussion of your situation. Some pastors allow this arrangement in their parish, others take it in a case by case basis, and still others do not allow it. It’s completely up to them.

Good luck, and know that we’ll be praying for ya’ll!

Thank you for tempering my enthusiasm. You are correct. The OP needs to discuss the matter with his pastor.

 

[Noli_novitius]

Of course. I will be taking all of it up with him to see where we can go from here, next steps, etc… Things have changed somewhat, but I do understand it’s not a “right” I have as much as it would be a kind act, if indeed it were possible.

Well, I am certainly satisfied, heartened, re-dedicated, and feeling very blessed by the responses and caring shown here. I apologize for veering off the rails a moment there. I’ve looked into Josephine marriages, and that sort of thing elsewhere on the forum, so I will at least have a sense of things when I have that meeting. I have a lot more confidence that all of the things I was concerned about will work out just fine.

At this point, Thank you, sincerely for all your kindnesses and help.All of you, be blessed. I look forward to telling of all the good things and blessing that I am anticipating out of making re-doubled efforts.

(PS: I had my second interview with the food bank this morning, and I don’t think I could have done a better job of it, or that it could have gone much better. It’s pretty competitive, so now it is only left to wait and see what God has planned for us.)

 

[Contarini]

Thanks for your interest in the detail of this whole thing. It is actually pretty detailed at the level you’re talking about. You’ll see what I mean, even if at risk of saying more than is probably necessary.

So… I was baptized, in a river, by the leader/pastor/oldest and smartest hippie among us, as a member of a non-denominational Apostolic (and Trinitarian) commune (a Jesus People’s Army affiliate). I furnished the parish with his affidavit about the baptism.

My wife was also married a second time, (this being the third! and last, for both of us) and that’s not too much at issue, and we understand how to proceed on that, and can communicate with the necessary parties involved. No problem.

On the other, my complaint about the admisitrivia, I completely get it, and understand the reasoning, and the sacramental necessities. I’m just so in love with the Lord I can hardly stand to go to Mass anymore, and unable to confess and be absolved for far too long a list of sins I carry still, although having done the evangelical/protestant style confession and since then ongoingly, the examinations of conscience and recitation of the act of attrition…aside from my goofy marriage history, which I can’t do a thing about at this moment. I think you may understand the desire.

Now, here’s where it gets kind of weird, well, at least personal, and if it didn’t seem like it was maybe important to consider, I would not say anything about it, and never have. So, I’ve probably mentioned in all the volumes of verbiage I’ve written here that my wife is disabled. Obviously, we have had relations in the past, since we have a daughter. Because of her disability, and after a lot of growing up on my part, resolving my emotional issues, and realizing and beginning to take advantage of the spiritual opportunity it presents, we are now entirely chaste, and I am a celibate, and likely, irrevocably so, as long as we both live.

We live together as father and mother of our daughter of course, but also, in reality, as brother and sister in every respect. (save the occasional chaste kiss and nice hugs.) It is good that we both married our very best friend ever in our lives, and I will always love her regardless. It’s not easy sometimes of course, and I am challenged, but with God’s Grace, I’m 100% successful at doing that, and not going outside the marriage, ever. Never did before, for that matter.

So, other than occasionally looking perhaps a little too long at a nice looking woman, I’m actually, NOT living in a state of sin, except that I am still married, at least in a civil sense, but the sacramental sense ended as long as a year and a half ago, and really, it won’t come back. Ever. (all the wishing in the world would be stupid on my part, so it’s just gone, and I’ve come to terms with that.) I hadn’t even thought about that being of any consequence before you mentioned it the way you did, and it may make no actual difference anyway. Still. if it did…well, that would be a pretty decent benefit from having to grow so much so fast, wouldn’t it? I’m in my late 50s, and she is 50, by the way. Don’t know if any of that has any bearing, but…well…it’s out there now. LOL

I believe that if you are living as “brother and sister” there shouldn’t be any problem with your receiving Communion. Many parishes don’t get this across very clearly–they assume that all divorced and remarried people are having sex and they are squeamish about suggesting that people might do otherwise. Hence, in my experience as a multiple RCIA attender and as someone who has talked to a lot of disgruntled and former Catholics, it seems to me that people get the impression that divorced people are excluded from communion because they are “broken” or “unworthy” and there is nothing they can do about it except get an annulment.

 

[Vico]

That does change things. If you were already Catholic, you could go to Confession and receive the sacraments so long as you and your present wife were practicing continence while everything was sorted out. Definitely bring this up with your pastor and see what can be done in your situation.

On that topic, from St. Pope John Paul II, “familiaris consortio” (1981):c) Catholics in Civil Marriages

1. … The aim of pastoral action will be to make these people understand the need for consistency between their choice of life and the faith that they profess, and to try to do everything possible to induce them to regularize their situation in the light of Christian principle. While treating them with great charity and bringing them into the life of the respective communities, the pastors of the Church will regrettably not be able to admit them to the sacraments
   …
   e) Divorced Persons Who Have Remarried
2. …
   However, the Church reaffirms her practice, which is based upon Sacred Scripture, of not admitting to Eucharistic Communion divorced persons who have remarried. They are unable to be admitted thereto from the fact that their state and condition of life objectively contradict that union of love between Christ and the Church which is signified and effected by the Eucharist. Besides this, there is another special pastoral reason: if these people were admitted to the Eucharist, the faithful would be led into error and confusion regarding the Church’s teaching about the indissolubility of marriage.

Reconciliation in the sacrament of Penance which would open the way to the Eucharist, can only be granted to those who, repenting of having broken the sign of the Covenant and of fidelity to Christ, are sincerely ready to undertake a way of life that is no longer in contradiction to the indissolubility of marriage. This means, in practice, that when, for serious reasons, such as for example the children’s upbringing, a man and a woman cannot satisfy the obligation to separate, they “take on themselves the duty to live in complete continence, that is, by abstinence from the acts proper to married couples.”(180)

vatican.va/holy_father/john_paul_ii/apost_exhortations/documents/hf_jp-ii_exh_19811122_familiaris-consortio_en.html

 

[Gorgias]

I believe that if you are living as “brother and sister” there shouldn’t be any problem with your receiving Communion.

However, this isn’t a decision that a couple is permitted to make unilaterally and without the (name removed by moderator)ut of their pastor. It is up to their pastor to decide whether this pastoral solution is applicable and permissible in their particular case.

Many parishes don’t get this across very clearly–they assume that all divorced and remarried people are having sex and they are squeamish about suggesting that people might do otherwise.

Umm… so when you see a married couple who lives together, your presumption is that they aren’t sharing a marital bed?

Hence, in my experience as a multiple RCIA attender and as someone who has talked to a lot of disgruntled and former Catholics, it seems to me that people get the impression that divorced people are excluded from communion because they are “broken” or “unworthy” and there is nothing they can do about it except get an annulment.

Well, then, that means that we need to do a better job of catechesis, not that the teaching of the Church is wrong, eh? Divorced & remarried folks aren’t outside the sacraments because they’re ‘broken’ or ‘unworthy’, but because they’re in an objective state of mortal sin which, in most cases, they are unable (or unwilling?) to step away from. To wit: if you asked a married-in-the-Church-and-divorced-and-remarried person, “would you give up marital relations with your current spouse if it meant you could return to the sacraments?”, what do you think, by and large, the response would be?