Am I justified to feel this neglected?

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My husband has always had this side to him but. Now it’s very tough because the circumstances are extreme. It’s not just about hurting my feelings… It’s about the future or lack there of…

We have gone to dinner for a “date night” but it wasn’t all that enjoyable. I am realizing he just doesn’t like to smile or laugh. He’s a sarcastic cynic by nature. I had a girlfriend who heard my problems recently and she told me she just didn’t understand how I’ve survived this long.

My husband has improved but he has elements of emotional abuse. For example he recently texted me at work to say “you left the dog in the wrong room, left a light on and the heat wasn’t set to what I instructed”.

A year ago he woke me up in the middle of the night because he saw my son spilled something on the kitchen floor and wanted me to clean it better.

Now, tonight… Like most nights… He’s ironing our son’s clothes for school and his for work. He likes doing that kind of stuff…
 
Sorry, there were several new posts from the time I started my “reply” until I got it posted. (was taking care of a little one who is up late, due to a late nap.)

If he’s working full-time, too, perhaps he is pre-occupied by his work and being there for your son. Maybe that’s the best he’s got right now. He’s in a new home/new situation/trying to make new friends, too.

As far as not driving you to the airport, because of the soccer game. I laugh because that sounds like my husband. (He makes it sound like I expect him to be in two places at once, when he would have plenty of time to get from one place to another. And he won’t take all five of our children anywhere by himself. Despite the fact that I do it quite often. He says, “Well I’m just not as good at that as you are.”) Just speculating that your husband does things in a different way than you do and it’s not easy to accept when you want it to be the way you hope it would be.

Blessings to you!
RC 🙂
 
No … No depression. However I recently tried to get him involved in my self motivation work and he told me he didn’t want to get to tap further into his emotions because he was scared of who he really is/was…

That makes it near impossible to change/fix problems.
 
Is there abuse in the past? For either of you?

Another thought. . .
If you can find a little time just to dream together. . . What ARE your hopes for the future? What would you do in 10 years, if you could do anything? What are things that you really want to do (that are more realistic)? Maybe getting a little dangerous. . .Name one thing could I do to help you be happier.

Lifting you up in prayer!
RC 🙂
 
cliore22 said:
No … No depression. However I recently tried to get him involved in my self motivation work and he told me he didn’t want to get to tap further into his emotions because he was scared of who he really is/was…

That makes it near impossible to change/fix problems.
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I’m not a doctor, but it seems like symptoms of someone who could have depression. Sometimes it manifests as an unwillingness to help out. They get little joy out of those closest to them. They may seem distant…
 
So cliore22, you are married to a man who is not great at communication and supporting you. Unless there’s a lot more to this story, that just sounds like how a lot of men are…along the lines of men are from mars etc.

I’m not sure whether your marriage has particular issues or just typical issues. Perhaps it’s a fairly typical marriage but you expected more. Perhaps your expectations need to be reconsidered. Or perhaps your husband needs deeper help, but it doesn’t sound likely that he would accept it anyway.

Your question was whether you’re justified to feel this neglected. It’s hard for any of us to say either way. But I think it’s fair to say that we all feel neglected by our spouses/families at times and there’s nothing wrong with that within reason.

One issue that seems not to have been picked up on yet is that you earn substantially more than him. For many men, this can be a problem. It can be emasculating for them. Just keep this in mind as it may be a part of the puzzle.
 
I think you really need to pray and reflect on this and quite possibly detox. It works if you do it right; green coffee extract is the way to go if you do, unless you’re allergic to caffeine. It’s great for mental clarity and will heighten all your senses. I know all this stuff firsthand, but you can always do some research if you have any reason to doubt me (and you don’t even know me so I would of course, not take that personally.)

Kelp is also great, especially if you take it with folic acid (you can’t taste it if you take it in capsule form.) This has nothing to do with detoxing, I don’t think, but it does contain a good amount of the **essential nutrient **iodine.

Above all though, pray to God for Wisdom, Understanding and Charity. Pray to Him for the right words to say to your husband and child. Keep your mind and heart focused on Him and know that He always does what’s best for you and your family.
 
He has returned to individual therapy but I’m not allowed to discuss it with him. He does make me coffee in the am now and leave me love notes … But it just seems fake and contrived. I have said thank you every time and praised him but I have nicely tpld him that the big picture is far more important (job loss/support) than making coffee.

He also has encouraged me to go to lunch or drinks with high profile business men who have hit on me… Saying that I need to network better. When I told him I don’t think these guys are just wanting “network” he rolls his eyes and tells me I’m crazy.
 
I’m sure my wife feels neglected, she has expressed it many times.

Through my personal experices one can only change them self and be happy with who they are and the joy in you will radiate and may change the people around you. She has changed so much.

When she was really not in a good place I went to daily mass, prayed the rosary daily, and it changed me and her
 
I woke up this morning praying for both Cliore and Adamski and families!
🙂
 
Thank you for the prayers!

I thought this am would be better but my husband forgot to put our son’s lunch in his backpack and called me on my way to work to say I needed to go give him his lunch. I was late for work 2 days in a row and he just said he couldn’t turn around…

So… I did it. Don’t want our son to suffer.
 
cliore22 said:
He has returned to individual therapy but I’m not allowed to discuss it with him. He does make me coffee in the am now and leave me love notes … But it just seems fake and contrived. I have said thank you every time and praised him but I have nicely tpld him that the big picture is far more important (job loss/support) than making coffee.

He also has encouraged me to go to lunch or drinks with high profile business men who have hit on me… Saying that I need to network better. When I told him I don’t think these guys are just wanting “network” he rolls his eyes and tells me I’m crazy.
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You sound unreasonable to me after reading through the posts. He works, he makes you coffee, he is a good huband…what’s the problem?

I don’t see one personally.

I think that spark is gone and you are both in a marriage rut. This is normal in marriage. I think you’re being too hard on him b/c life is not going well right now and you guys have no support.
 
cliore22 said:
He has returned to individual therapy but I’m not allowed to discuss it with him. He does make me coffee in the am now and leave me love notes … But it just seems fake and contrived. I have said thank you every time and praised him but I have nicely tpld him that the big picture is far more important (job loss/support) than making coffee.

He also has encouraged me to go to lunch or drinks with high profile business men who have hit on me… Saying that I need to network better. When I told him I don’t think these guys are just wanting “network” he rolls his eyes and tells me I’m crazy.
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Isn’t it good that he trusts you? Maybe he honestly believes that you can handle yourself and that he has faith in you?
 
cliore22 said:
Thank you for the prayers!

I thought this am would be better but my husband forgot to put our son’s lunch in his backpack and called me on my way to work to say I needed to go give him his lunch. I was late for work 2 days in a row and he just said he couldn’t turn around…

So… I did it. Don’t want our son to suffer.
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But that is a normal issue? My husband has done this to me also. Not a big deal.

I think you both are depressed with life and in a rut. It’s easy to blame the other person when you are not happy.

Life can just be like this some times. You think the problem is him. What I see is life happening to you. You need to get a perspective and see things in a more positive light.
 
The only problem with that is that the OP was the breadwinner, and was already late for work two days in a row. It wouldn’t have been unreasonable for him to turn around. It sounds like there are some issues in the relationship that need to be repaired on both ends. It probably wouldn’t hurt to see a priest and maybe address those before it becomes a deeper problem.
 
Yes I was just told yesterday during my review that my job is threatened. So I have to do everything possible to hang on… I feel like he doesn’t care that my emotions are destroyed right now for various reasons.
 
Evania said:
The only problem with that is that the OP was the breadwinner, and was already late for work two days in a row. It wouldn’t have been unreasonable for him to turn around. It sounds like there are some issues in the relationship that need to be repaired on both ends. It probably wouldn’t hurt to see a priest and maybe address those before it becomes a deeper problem.
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but maybe he was farther away than her and she was closer? maybe he had an important meeting? maybe he had to be on location somewhere?

maybe he was late for work earlier that week b/c his son was sick?

who knows?
 
cliore22 said:
Yes I was just told yesterday during my review that my job is threatened. So I have to do everything possible to hang on… I feel like he doesn’t care that my emotions are destroyed right now for various reasons.
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Hang in there! This is a tough year and your husband is a good husband from what I can see. Some men are just not good communicators or good at showing emotion. He is probably also worried and does’t want to pester you about such negative circumstances.

I honestly think your husband isn’t such a bad guy. He’s definitely not perfect and could use some better communication skills, but he sounds like a good husband.

Life can be such a letdown sometimes. Hang in there! I will pray for you guys.
 
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