Am I morally free to date?

[MilesVitae]

I have been a non-practicing Catholic for some time, and am now looking to return to living the faith. However, I am currently in a state of doubt about the faith and am considering Eastern Orthodoxy (my question, however, does not have to do with that problem per se).

My question is this. A friend and I have been considering the possibility of dating. I am wondering whether this would be right, for two reasons.

A) There is the possibility that I will leave the Church. If I were to do so, there would be no prospect of marriage between us, as I would no longer be free to marry in the Church (being in a state of excommunication due to heresy and schism). This is not the case at the moment, but it might become so (in which case, we would break it off). In light of this, I am wondering if it would be wrong for us to date/court/consider the possibilities of the future.

B) I am also unsure of my present status in the Church. Since I am in a continued state of doubt about matters of faith (according to the Catholic Church), I am not sure if I am considered free to marry in the Church (and thus free to date), or if I am in a state of excommunication (I have been told no, because my doubt is not obstinate, but I am not sure I understand or if that is correct).

 

[Christy_Beth]

My first thought is to say, talk with a priest. If you aren’t in a state of excommunication, then there is no reason to worry. If you are, make sure that you understand the why and all that. And, also, see about ways to correct anything that’s coming between you and the Church. If it’s just a matter of having a lot of doubts, seek good Christian counseling. Also, see about starting RCIA classes. That might help you get connected to some good people who can steer you in the right direction. Beyond that, I can’t think of much else to do. Once you see your position, you should be the best one to decide if pursuing a relationship is what’s right for you at the moment.

 

[thistle]

I have been a non-practicing Catholic for some time, and am now looking to return to living the faith. However, I am currently in a state of doubt about the faith and am considering Eastern Orthodoxy (my question, however, does not have to do with that problem per se).

My question is this. A friend and I have been considering the possibility of dating. I am wondering whether this would be right, for two reasons.

A) There is the possibility that I will leave the Church. If I were to do so, there would be no prospect of marriage between us, as I would no longer be free to marry in the Church (being in a state of excommunication due to heresy and schism). This is not the case at the moment, but it might become so (in which case, we would break it off). In light of this, I am wondering if it would be wrong for us to date/court/consider the possibilities of the future.

B) I am also unsure of my present status in the Church. Since I am in a continued state of doubt about matters of faith (according to the Catholic Church), I am not sure if I am considered free to marry in the Church (and thus free to date), or if I am in a state of excommunication (I have been told no, because my doubt is not obstinate, but I am not sure I understand or if that is correct).

This is something you really ought to talk to a priest about.

 

[1ke]

A) There is the possibility that I will leave the Church. If I were to do so, there would be no prospect of marriage between us, as I would no longer be free to marry in the Church (being in a state of excommunication due to heresy and schism). This is not the case at the moment, but it might become so (in which case, we would break it off). In light of this, I am wondering if it would be wrong for us to date/court/consider the possibilities of the future.

This is really a question you do not kknow the answer to?

B) I am also unsure of my present status in the Church. Since I am in a continued state of doubt about matters of faith (according to the Catholic Church), I am not sure if I am considered free to marry in the Church (and thus free to date), or if I am in a state of excommunication (I have been told no, because my doubt is not obstinate, but I am not sure I understand or if that is correct).

You are not in a state of excommunication.

You need to talk to your priest about your doubts and issues. Dating is the least of your worries at this point.

 

[Newbie2]

I agree.

You need to get your “religious” house in order before you consider seriously dating someone.

That being said, “dating” needs to be defined a little more precisely. If by dating, you mean getting to know this person better, while being free to date others, it’s not really a problem; perhaps “non-serious” dating might be appropriate.

Non-serious dating is fine, if you look at is like going to a cafeteria:

First time in the cafeteria, there are many choices and you don’t really know what suits your tastes. The more often you go to the cafeteria and try something different, after a while you know what what suites you tastes and what you like.

This analogy is from Dr. Kotter, formerly (I think) of Oakland Community College in Southeast Michigan, and is known as “Kotter’s cafeteria theory of dating”.

If you mean seriously dating…different story altogether.