Am I out of line?

[masondoggy]

If your dad has so much expendable income to just throw away, tell him that you’d be glad to make a trip to MD with your child for a few days if he will pay all expenses plus time lost for work.

Good idea.

 

[masondoggy]

My husband’s parents put him on a plane **by himself **when he was 18 months old for an hour-long flight to his grandparents. Apparently this was common practice for them.

I could not imagine doing that with a child. Stick to your guns. As the parent you have the final say.

18 months old?!

I didn’t even think airlines would allow that so young!

 

[ReginaNova]

I think it is a control issue. Your dad is telling you that he is so successful in life that he knows best and he is used to getting his way–being deferred to. We had similar issues with my parents, and still do to a lesser extent now that the kids are teens. They still try (to take the kids away on trips) and I still politely decline. Your instincts are good. But you already knew that!

 

[cheeto1]

I am very suspicious of your dad even if you are not.
You are his own daughter, why would he not also want to
see you on this trip? If it was my dad, he’d want to see
me too. If I didn’t want to be separated from my baby,
that’d be enough for him, he wouldn’t Want to do that to me!

You are not overprotective, your dad is Underprotective.

And your mom and older brother! Don’t you have anyone to take care of you in your family? Isn’t there anyone looking out for your best interests? Never mind, you’re God’s girl, He’s
taking care of you Himself. And you are taking care of your
child. You are the sensible one here. Now don’t lose your
mind under the stress of them and throw your parenting job
out the window. Keep focused, you are in God’s hands,
and you’re doing just fine.

 

[gmarie21]

I think it is a control issue. Your dad is telling you that he is so successful in life that he knows best and he is used to getting his way–being deferred to. We had similar issues with my parents, and still do to a lesser extent now that the kids are teens. They still try (to take the kids away on trips) and I still politely decline. Your instincts are good. But you already knew that!

Oh I know it’s a control issue for him. I’m probably the only child of his that he can’t stay mad at but who also doesn’t get excited about all the fancies either. My brother in a heart beat will go travel with my dad as well as my younger sister and brother (even though they don’t have much of a choice) as well as my stepmom. I’m a home body. I like vacations, but with my dad they are at his pace and there is no room for delays. Visiting him is torture for me b/c their house has so many allergens (I have severe allergies) and well, my daughter reacted with her asthma the last time we were there, but my dad believed I was full of it and just making it up. He still doesn’t acknowledge the fact that I have allergies. It’s always about him and what he wants. I want him to have a relationship with my daughter, but whenever I’m there, he seems to find perfect ways to insult my parenting, yet my older brother is never insulted about his parenting. I don’t trust my dad’s judgement for various reasons (when my daughter was 8 months old he tried feeding her and uncooked carrot, the last visit when I asked numerous times to make sure his house was animal hair free, it wasn’t, he thinks its okay for an older toddler to not have a car seat - I don’t think he knows how to install one) but I know he loves her in the way he knows best, it just isn’t safe enough for my daughter (and I am not one of those obsessively overly cautious parents).

 

[ReginaNova]

Oh I know it’s a control issue for him. I’m probably the only child of his that he can’t stay mad at but who also doesn’t get excited about all the fancies either. My brother in a heart beat will go travel with my dad as well as my younger sister and brother (even though they don’t have much of a choice) as well as my stepmom. I’m a home body. I like vacations, but with my dad they are at his pace and there is no room for delays. Visiting him is torture for me b/c their house has so many allergens (I have severe allergies) and well, my daughter reacted with her asthma the last time we were there, but my dad believed I was full of it and just making it up. He still doesn’t acknowledge the fact that I have allergies. It’s always about him and what he wants. I want him to have a relationship with my daughter, but whenever I’m there, he seems to find perfect ways to insult my parenting, yet my older brother is never insulted about his parenting. I don’t trust my dad’s judgement for various reasons (when my daughter was 8 months old he tried feeding her and uncooked carrot, the last visit when I asked numerous times to make sure his house was animal hair free, it wasn’t, he thinks its okay for an older toddler to not have a car seat - I don’t think he knows how to install one) but I know he loves her in the way he knows best, it just isn’t safe enough for my daughter (and I am not one of those obsessively overly cautious parents).

gmarie–That’s just about what I could have guessed. Your dad is used to having his own way at work and with his family. He does not view or treat his adult children as independent adults. All you can do is remain polite, loving, but firm–which it sounds like you do.

When my brothers and sisters were young adults in our 20s and early 30s, several continued to defer to my parents as your brother does. But as we moved into our 40s, most of that has stopped and we all now assert ourselves. And thankfully, our parents have adjusted and have lowered their expectations that we should jump when they say to.