Am I overreacting and worrying too much

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Carjack1:
Dare I say that I am thinking she is asking to meet you…in this manner…to ‘check out’ her competition? 😊 I know that sounds bizarre, but my female intuition has kicked in this morning. Not that you should be competition–she is married. Your husband is married TO YOU, for pete’s sakes. But, the way this story is going, I wouldn’t be surprised if she just wants validation in her mind or something. I could be WAY OFF. I hope I am. But, there really is no VALID reason to meet you, away from your husband…or hang out with your husband away from you. KWIM?

I’m from NJ…I hear ya about going into strangers’ cars! haha

Don’t you miss the pizza from NY? They have the best!!!:eek: 😃

Ok…back on topic. I just think that your husband should tell this woman–ok, we work together. We can have lunch at work on occasion or whatever, but after hours…we are not hanging out …I’m married, I love my wife…and I’m not into this. I think it’s time for him to say something like this. Just my thoughts for whatever they are worth.

Hugs.
 
whatevergirl said:
Dare I say that I am thinking she is asking to meet you…in this manner…to ‘check out’ her competition? 😊 I know that sounds bizarre, but my female intuition has kicked in this morning. Not that you should be competition–she is married. Your husband is married TO YOU, for pete’s sakes. But, the way this story is going, I wouldn’t be surprised if she just wants validation in her mind or something. I could be WAY OFF. I hope I am. But, there really is no VALID reason to meet you, away from your husband…or hang out with your husband away from you. KWIM?

I’m from NJ…I hear ya about going into strangers’ cars! haha

Don’t you miss the pizza from NY? :yup: :yup: They have the best!!!:eek: 😃

Ok…back on topic. I just think that your husband should tell this woman–ok, we work together. I am going to meet her WITH my husband. She doesn’t need to know he is coming. It will be like SURPRISE!! we are here. Because as far as I am concerned, she doesn’t call the shots. If we do not respect her wishes she will A: get mad and not deal with us(if it is bad intentions or B: Get over it (if it is good intentions) We can have lunch at work on occasion or whatever, but after hours…we are not hanging out …I’m married, I love my wife…and I’m not into this. I think it’s time for him to say something like this. Just my thoughts for whatever they are worth.

Hugs.
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Carjack1:
THIS IS GREAT! GOOD THINKING!👍

But, you still never know…she could lure you both into her car…and take you BOTH down a secluded path.:eek: Ok, so I watch too many Lifetime movies. 😃

I’m joking yet again.

I think you have an excellent idea now. You’re right…she does not call any shots. And if her intentions are pure, she will not react adversely to this.

Good luck!
 
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Carjack1:
I am going to meet her WITH my husband. She doesn’t need to know he is coming. It will be like SURPRISE!! we are here. Because as far as I am concerned, she doesn’t call the shots. If we do not respect her wishes she will A: get mad and not deal with us(if it is bad intentions or B: Get over it (if it is good intentions)
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This is exactly what I was going to suggest. You’re absolutely right, she doesn’t get to call the shots in YOUR marriage. What a bizarre situation.

Do you know any of their other coworkers? I wonder if she’s tried a stunt like this in the past. Some people are just trouble.
 
Carjack1 said:
Good news! My husband calmed down yesterday. The woman called yesterday and asked if she could meet me after church Sunday. She doesn’t want my husband to go. (which I think is weird)🤷 Should I go. She said something to the effect that she can’t hang out with both of us at the same time. Should I go?
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So, she’s willing to share? How nice. Sigh. If she was a friend of both of you prior to marriage, I don’t see a problem. And you wouldn’'t either. So what is it this woman wants to tell you that she doesn’t want your husband to hear? Or see?

There is a social phenom called “mate stealing.” I’m not saying that is what is going on here but it’s not uncommon. I’ve witnessed it and suffered from it. From what I understand, this woman seems to have interest in your husband and she should not. It’s improper IMO. So many will say that this is “old fashioned” because of equality. But guys (generally) don’t steal women’s husbands. It’s not that they can’t be “just friends”. But what purpose is a relationship between her and your husband going to provide YOU? None that I can see. If there is something, then she should be able to explain it with your husband present. I’d bring him along to church. It’s not that she’s poison, necessarily. But your husband should be free from any temptation she may, purposely or not, provide.

Of course you’ll have to be in sync with your husband with this. I hope he’s listening to reason. Dedication to marriage and “playmates” are a dangerous combination. Any relationship that dilutes the intimacy between husband and wife is a strain on a marriage.

We’ve heard it all. “She’s so much easier to talk to than my wife.”
Or, “He’s so much easier to talk to than my Husband/Boyfriend/anyone else I’ve ever met.” That’s intimacy. It should be open and above board if it’s anything at all. You are now one. Anything she needs to say to your husband should be able to be said in front of you.

Good luck!

Edit: I see I continue to take too long to type. Looks like you have a good plan. 👍
 
SeekerJen said:
This is exactly what I was going to suggest. You’re absolutely right, she doesn’t get to call the shots in YOUR marriage. What a bizarre situation.

Do you know any of their other coworkers? I wonder if she’s tried a stunt like this in the past. Some people are just trouble.
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Yeah I do. I am going to speak with a lady there. (I used to work there with him) that I still keep in contact with.
 
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Carjack1:
I don’t want to seem like I am a jealous psycho. I want to meet this woman and feel that I have every right to. If I was hanging out with somebody’s husband I would introduce myself since I don’t have any inappropriate intentions.
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That’s good that he’s not hiding anything from you, at least, involving his contact with her.
I have friends that are males and my husband knows most of them. I would never hang out with them alone, however, due to the fact that I am married. I would feel uncomfortable if my husband hung out with females alone so it’s normal to feel the way you’re feeling.
I would suggest that you have her over for dinner sometime, if she truly is a good friend of your husband’s, and get to know her. If she declines, then there’s something not right there.
 
Awww, I’ll be praying it goes well! Seriously, once you’re married, friends should be mutual, or at least not kept secret.

My mom has a lot of male friends, but she’s always gotten along better with guys (I’m the same way). They’re also my dad’s friends and they all spend time together. My mom would never break her marriage vows and she never gives anyone reason to believe that she is.

I see this problem with friends who have boyfriends, but then go confide stuff in another male friend but not their boyfriends. They tell me that stuff and I’m just like, “Hon, you can’t do that! Why don’t you go to BF with that?” “Because he can’t handle emotions.” “Well, maybe he should get experience because that’s what relationships are about and he’ll have to do it if you two are married. Or maybe he’s not ready to be in a relationship and neither are you.” “K, maybe you’re right…” Ya think? 🤷 Not to be prideful, but seriously, how will it be when they get married?
 
You should invite her husband too. Once together, you should start mentioning about all the text messaging and the proposed home visits to watch movies. Just check out everybody’s reactions it will be interesting!
 
Cristiano said:
You should invite her husband too. Once together, you should start mentioning about all the text messaging and the proposed home visits to watch movies. Just check out everybody’s reactions it will be interesting!
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I would so love to do that. The problem is we only have a cell number for her. we don’t have any other contact number. But she goes to church with her husband I would assume he would be coming too. This just get more puzzling:confused:
 
Carjack1 said:
I would so love to do that. The problem is we only have a cell number for her. we don’t have any other contact number. But she goes to church with her husband I would assume he would be coming too. This just get more puzzling:confused:
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This gets weirder and weirder. I wonder if there really is a husband. If he was so jealous, you wouldn’t think she’d have all of this free time.
 
…beware of secluded paths leading into the woods…

:rotfl:

oh my…is it Friday yet?:ehh:
 
SeekerJen said:
This gets weirder and weirder. I wonder if there really is a husband. If he was so jealous, you wouldn’t think she’d have all of this free time.
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My husband spoke to her husband on the phone though. I was there. That was the part that he said “you are lucky to have her” I don’t think her husband is as jealous as she told my husband. My husband works at home now, so I am extremely happy about that
 
Carjack1 said:
My husband spoke to her husband on the phone though. I was there. That was the part that he said “you are lucky to have her” I don’t think her husband is as jealous as she told my husband. My husband works at home now, so I am extremely happy about that
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Could they have an “open” relationship? :eek:
 
SeekerJen said:
Could they have an “open” relationship? :eek:
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:ehh:

:eek: :eek:

Carjack…this is the most intriguing and puzzling thread to date, that I have read here on CAF. I really hope that she ceases and desists though. I am glad your hubby is working out of the home now, too!
 
SeekerJen said:
Could they have an “open” relationship? :eek:
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Carjack1 said:
:bigyikes: That would never cross my mind because the are coming from church to meet me. OMG that would be horrific. I would say a big NO THANK you.
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The real question is what will your husband say, if this turns out to be the case?

I agree the whole thing is SOOO very wierd. I am starting to think your hubby’s “friend” may have some kind of mental issues.

Good luck with the meeting, anyway. I am sure most of us will be waiting on pins and needles to know how it comes out. :o
 
duskyjewel said:
The real question is what will your husband say, if this turns out to be the case?My husband would think that it is crazy and probably say that is their lifestyle but that there is no way in H-E-(double hockey sticks) that he would ever share me or himself. He heard about a show called Swingtown and said he could never live that lifestyle. He would stay away from them.

I agree the whole thing is SOOO very wierd. I am starting to think your hubby’s “friend” may have some kind of mental issues.

Good luck with the meeting, anyway.Thank You I am sure most of us will be waiting on pins and needles to know how it comes out. :o
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Just a FYI, I am not offended by what you have said about my husband. I know that I don’t sometimes give the best impressions.
 
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