Am I overreacting and worrying too much

[Nordar]

You’re not overreacting…I agree with everyone else. The fact that she didn’t want to come in to meet you, is a crimson flag in my book. She is not good at first meetings…(with other men’s wives?)

That is exactly what I was thinking, Does her aversion to meeting people just pertain to wifes?

 

[Nordar]

Why do you have to meet her by yourself?

Why do you even have to meet her?

You husband should be ending this whole thing (Whatever it is) and you would have absolutely no reason to meet.Seems to me she is exercizing a lot of control over this situation.

She is an intruder in you marriage so I fail to see any reason why you should give her a feeling she is important.

I absolutely have no idea why on earth she wants to meet you, this is not a game far from it.

 

[Carjack1]

Why do you have to meet her by yourself?I agree it is weird

Why do you even have to meet her? Because I want to.

You husband should be ending this whole thing (Whatever it is) and you would have absolutely no reason to meet.Seems to me she is exercizing a lot of control over this situation.I want to meet her because I am curious

She is an intruder in you marriage so I fail to see any reason why you should give her a feeling she is important.I don’t want to call her an intruder yet…

I absolutely have no idea why on earth she wants to meet you, this is not a game far from it.

I don’t think it is a game either. Which is why i want to meet her and let her know that in person, so there are no misunderstandings.

 

[Nordar]

She is an intruder, she is causing problems in your marriage, this should not be an issue you should have to deal with. By being overly friendly with your husband, texting. phoning. hanging out with him. that is an intrusion.

 

[newbetx]

Is it getting warm in here?

We had some swingers at our parish once… what a wreck that turned out to be. Just because they are Catholic doesn’t mean they feel required to live that way…

Good luck!

 

[Sierrah]

:crying:

So. My husband made a new friend at work. Her name is “Belinda”. She is always texting and talking to him He spent all day with her Saturday because I was working.

This is not good

She didn’t want to come in and meet me because she is not good at first meetings and it is nothing personal

This was very personal. If she doesn’t want to meet you she has no business hanging around with your husband. Sounds like she’s after him to me.

Supposedly her husband is the jealous type(which is strange because she has all the time to do this) My husband shows me all of her texts. He doesn’t go and hide from me when he is on the phone with her. (which is a good sign). He mentioned that she is “cute” and slender,

**If my husband described another woman this way I tell him his option real fast (1) End contact or (2) I’m leaving. Sorry but her marriage is her own business not your husbands. Texting and receiving texts all the time from her is inappropriate. He flaunting it big time and I’d ask him what the heck he thinks he’s playing at. **

which in turn made me insecure, because I am overweight. I don’t know. I feel like I am overreacting. I don’t want to seem like I am a jealous psycho.

You don’t sound like a jealous phyco to me. His behavior is more like a highschool boy boasting about his latest conquest. I’d tell him to grow up and tell the woman he’s married.

I want to meet this woman and feel that I have every right to. If I was hanging out with somebody’s husband I would introduce myself since I don’t have any inappropriate intentions.

**I’m sure her intentions are throroughly inappropriate that’s why she didn’t want to meet you. **

 

[surfinpure]

Just finished reading this whole thread. Better than Jerry Springer, I gotta say.

Seriously, Carjack, I very much like your idea of the two of you meeting her together on Sunday. The concept of “Divide and Conquer” has been around since the world began, and this removes her opportunity to do that. Also, because the two of you are “one flesh,” it is imperative that you present a unified front. Of course, this would be so much stronger if your husband actually agreed that her attention is inappropriate.

As a student of human nature, I will say this woman’s behavior is disturbing. If she is so desperate for friends that she will bond with another woman’s husband and then try to bond with that woman for dubious reasons, there is a screw loose somewhere. You don’t need these sorts of people in your life. We all need healthy, balanced, stable relationships. This gal has been nothing but trouble from Day 1. I would talk calmly with your husband about distancing the both of you from her and instead finding some healthy people to create relationships with. A clingy, needy person can suck the life out of a relationship, and this one is especially dangerous because she has the potential for sucking the life right out of your marriage.

So, if there’s any way you can, best for both of you to disengage from her and move on. And if you can get your husband to agree to this with seriousness and commitment, there is no need for the two of you even to meet with her on Sunday.

 

[Carjack1]

Just finished reading this whole thread. Better than Jerry Springer, I gotta say.

Seriously, Carjack, I very much like your idea of the two of you meeting her together on Sunday. The concept of “Divide and Conquer” has been around since the world began, and this removes her opportunity to do that. Also, because the two of you are “one flesh,” it is imperative that you present a unified front. Of course, this would be so much stronger if your husband actually agreed that her attention is inappropriate.

As a student of human nature, I will say this woman’s behavior is disturbing. If she is so desperate for friends that she will bond with another woman’s husband and then try to bond with that woman for dubious reasons, there is a screw loose somewhere. You don’t need these sorts of people in your life. We all need healthy, balanced, stable relationships. This gal has been nothing but trouble from Day 1. I would talk calmly with your husband about distancing the both of you from her and instead finding some healthy people to create relationships with. A clingy, needy person can suck the life out of a relationship, and this one is especially dangerous because she has the potential for sucking the life right out of your marriage.

So, if there’s any way you can, best for both of you to disengage from her and move on. And if you can get your husband to agree to this with seriousness and commitment, there is no need for the two of you even to meet with her on Sunday.

My husband thought that the idea of meeting her alone(me) was weird because I don’t know her and she don’t know me. He said that it is like one of my friends wanting to meet him and he don’t know them. My husband is a loner and doesn’t make friends that easily. He really does not have too many friends. So I am trying to give this woman the benefit of the doubt. Otherwise, it makes him feel like I don’t want him to not have friends and I am trying to be controlling(He is not sociable, so some of the social ettiquettes escape him. An example would be: He once told a woman who had a waddle that her turtleneck was nice because it covered the waddle. The woman got mad and he said what did I say. I then said you could have simply said the turtleneck looks nice)

 

[maria29]

**I’m going to give another perspective from a woman who is married and has mostly male friends. Meeting the wife, girlfriend etc is always a nervous and stressful experience for me because I’m not really good with other women (hence the fact that I have mostly male friends).I personally like getting to know my guy friends girlfriends/wives without them present because I think there is less drama and its easier for me to talk to her.

When I introduce my dh to my male friends theres no drama, no sizing up of anyone, catty words and so on. I wish it would be like that on the flip side of the coin as well.

I realize that every situation is different, but i just wanted to give you another perspective**

 

[Carjack1]

**I’m going to give another perspective from a woman who is married and has mostly male friends. Meeting the wife, girlfriend etc is always a nervous and stressful experience for me because I’m not really good with other women (hence the fact that I have mostly male friends).I personally like getting to know my guy friends girlfriends/wives without them present because I think there is less drama and its easier for me to talk to her.

When I introduce my dh to my male friends theres no drama, no sizing up of anyone, catty words and so on. I wish it would be like that on the flip side of the coin as well.

I realize that every situation is different, but i just wanted to give you another perspective**

Thank you for that perspective. I spoke with the girl on the phone once and she gave me background of marriage and kids and that she goes to a “bible” based church that has no rituals.So I figured if she could speak to me on the phone she could meet me. So when she told me and my husband that it is nothing personal and she is not good at first impressions. I felt that was a red flag. I am all thumbs because this situation has never occured in our almost 5 years together. I met other females that he worked with no problem

 

[MCGar]

You know what? I think it’s completely weird and bogus that she’s putting all these ‘conditions’ on who meets who and who meets when.

She may have all the excuses and reasons in the world but if she wants to have a co-worker friendship with a married man, then she doesn’t get to dictate all the circumstances to get what she wants.

It’s downright WEIRD for her to tell your husband how jealous her husband is…while she wants to go and hang out on a Saturday watching movies with your husband alone.

It’s WEIRD that she doesn’t want to meet you because she’s not good at first impressions.
She doesn’t need to impress anybody, she just needs to be genuine and forthright with you. She needs to take into consideration that her friend has a wife and if she was any sort of real friend she’d meet his wife and not create this obstacle course.
Oh and by the way, she’s already made a bad first impression by being so difficult. So by now all she has to concern herself with is being a good friend and stop her hyjinks.

It’s WIERD that she only wants to see you alone because she can’t see you two at the same time. If she can’t be herself with both of you at the same time, then obviously it’s not appropriate for her to have alone time with either one of you.

And I’m going to say straight out, it doesn’t matter if your husband doesn’t have alot of friends. You don’t twist yourself into knots so he can have a chance at friendship with someone who seems to only be concerned with herself and how she wants everyone to interact. That’s not a friendship…or atleast a healthy friendship !!

Yeah, almost all of us don’t like confronting certain social situations. But if we want to interact with society, then we don’t get to dictate to others to ‘do it our way’. All we can do is interact in a respectful and appropriate manner or move on to a different social situation.

All in all, this lady’s reasons and excuses don’t add up at all.

If this were me Carjack, I would be fed up by now. But also I wouldn’t doubt myself and think I was jealous. I would meet that lady and let her know exactly what I think. She could accept my terms or she can step. I also wouldn’t stand to listen to anymore little ‘quirks’, excuses, explainations, extra hoops to jump through or conditions. It would be time for her to listen to my unbudging conditions on the friendship.

 

[GracedUpon]

My husband spoke to her husband on the phone though. I was there. That was the part that he said “you are lucky to have her” I don’t think her husband is as jealous as she told my husband. My husband works at home now, so I am extremely happy about that

I wonder if her husband is “jealous” because he has adequate reason, since he probably doesn’t appreciate her spending too much time alone with other men, just like you don’t like your husband spending too much time alone with her? Perhaps he is jealous because he is aware of the attention she seeks from other men. If my spouse behaved like that I would be pretty jealous and insecure about our relationship as well.

I suppose I am not being very charitable. It is also possible that she is simply shy and insecure, and doesn’t see anything wrong with just being friends with your husband. However, if this is the case and she has respect for your marriage, then she will back off when you and your husband ask her to.

Good luck with your meeting this weekend! Don’t forget that you will have the benefit of recently receiving the Blessed Sacrament before the meeting, so pray and let Him guide your actions.

 

[JRamosSFO]

This is all BAD!!! I suggest prayer…listen to the Holy Spirit on this one.

 

[surfinpure]

I suppose I am not being very charitable. It is also possible that she is simply shy and insecure, and doesn’t see anything wrong with just being friends with your husband.

Possible … but if this grown and married woman really has no idea that it is absolutely inappropriate to spend a quiet afternoon alone in another married man’s house watchinig movies with him, she’s a few tacos short of a fiesta platter. :whacky: And that’s the charitable view as I see it.

 

[shannyk]

Well, call me a pessimist but honestly, I think this woman is just trying to do what she has to do get what she wants. She wants you to feel comfortable enough with her to let her spend time alone with your DH. This is MHO, I hope I’m wrong. But like I said I have BTDT and I know the type that she seems to be. All I’m sayin is Carjack, don’t be fooled by her wiley ways k?

I think she’s cuckoo for cocoa puffs myself…

 

[Carjack1]

So I told my husband yesterday that I will meet “Belinda” alone on Sunday and that he can hang out with her on Saturday(Unbeknown to him, my two best friends are going to pop up for a surprise visit) My mother too(she is a VERY intimidating and dominant woman. I am her opposite because I am on the passive side. I told him: “Let this be the LAST time you are alone with a non-female relative”. He said ok. I said I trust you, but you have to admit that this woman is a bit weird. He said that is why I want you to go alone on Sunday because I want to know what she has to say without me there. I said me too. I said that I am going to give her a piece of my mind and tell her I do not appreciate these stupid “prerequisites” I like my communication simple. I hope that I could keep my hands to myself. I sometimes have a short fuse:blush: My husband saiid that I was just thinking of her as a friend and not a female(this doesn’t surprise me, he is a politically correct, everything fits in the same box type of guy)

 

[whatevergirl]

So I told my husband yesterday that I will meet “Belinda” alone on Sunday and that he can hang out with her on Saturday(Unbeknown to him, my two best friends are going to pop up for a surprise visit) My mother too(she is a VERY intimidating and dominant woman. I am her opposite because I am on the passive side. I told him: “Let this be the LAST time you are alone with a non-female relative”. He said ok. I said I trust you, but you have to admit that this woman is a bit weird. He said that is why I want you to go alone on Sunday because I want to know what she has to say without me there. I said me too. I said that I am going to give her a piece of my mind and tell her I do not appreciate these stupid “prerequisites” I like my communication simple. I hope that I could keep my hands to myself. I sometimes have a short fuse:blush: My husband saiid that I was just thinking of her as a friend and not a female(this doesn’t surprise me, he is a politically correct, everything fits in the same box type of guy)

Hi Carjack…

It’s ultimately your decision–I personally don’t see why she is coming over at all. I also don’t see the need to follow a request from someone who seems to have ulterior motives with your husband. Place yourself in her shoes. Can you imagine going to these lengths just to be pals with another woman’s husband? Why? lol I mean, I’m sure you’re husband is a doll, but to want to go out of her way to just be pals with your husband…is she that lonely and has no one else to keep her company? See what I’m saying. I can see what maria is saying too, but I think this particular woman has shown signs of wanting something else, other than friendship…unless she really is that lonely, and that is sad in a whole other way.

I actually am starting to feel sorry for her.

Anyways–pray for calmness when meeting her. God bless!

 

[Cristiano]

So I told my husband yesterday that I will meet “Belinda” alone on Sunday and that he can hang out with her on Saturday(Unbeknown to him, my two best friends are going to pop up for a surprise visit) My mother too(she is a VERY intimidating and dominant woman. I am her opposite because I am on the passive side…

I think that this is WRONG!!! You are letting him into a situation where he could be tempted and then you send people to check on him? I thought that as a wife you had the family best interest in mind and not to put you husband on the spot, make him uncomfortable and embarrass him. Men want respect if you send your mother and friends it will make it clear to him and to everybody else that you do not respect him. That might create wounds that will be very difficult to heal. Are you trying to fix your relationship with your husband or are you trying to one-up him?

Both of you appear as quite insecure people and there is nothing wrong or uncommon with it! However, when you are insecure it is easier to feel vulnerable, getting hurt, fighting back and hurt someone else. Your husband is a guy that feels validated by a nut-case with a skirt and you want to feel validated by showing him off. I do not believe that you want to give her the benefit of the doubt because you are not really giving that also to your husband. Just tell him to stop acting like an adolescent and to start acting like a man and a husband. If he does not understand it then take him to the priest and father will explain it to him. Keep family and friends out of this story, they do not belong into your marriage as much as this nut-case does.

 

[kevinsgirl]

So I told my husband yesterday that I will meet “Belinda” alone on Sunday and that he can hang out with her on Saturday(Unbeknown to him, my two best friends are going to pop up for a surprise visit) My mother too(she is a VERY intimidating and dominant woman. I

I said I trust you, but you have to admit that this woman is a bit weird.

I don’t agree with testing your DH like this. :nope:

If I was in your shoes I’d meet her with your DH present or their would be no friendship. This woman is weird. This whole thing is weird.

 

[Carjack1]

I think that this is WRONG!!! You are letting him into a situation where he could be tempted with all due respect, he is letting himself into the situationand then you send people to check on him? I thought that as a wife you had the family best interest in mind and not to put you husband on the spot, make him uncomfortable and embarrass him. Are you suggesting that I don’t have my mother come over with my friends?Men want respect if you send your mother and friends it will make it clear to him and to everybody else that you do not respect him.I do respect him, but I never thought about it from his POV. Thank you for the (name removed by moderator)ut That might create wounds that will be very difficult to heal. Are you trying to fix your relationship with your husband or are you trying to one-up him?I am not competing with him to “one up” him. I am confused about this question.

Both of you appear as quite insecure people and there is nothing wrong or uncommon with it! However, when you are insecure it is easier to feel vulnerable, getting hurt, fighting back and hurt someone else. I am not trying to hurt him Your husband is a guy that feels validated by a nut-case with a skirt and you want to feel validated by showing him offI am not sure what you mean by showing him off?. I do not believe that you want to give her the benefit of the doubt because you are not really giving that also to your husband.I trust my husband. I don’t know her to trust her Just tell him to stop acting like an adolescent and to start acting like a man and a husband. If he does not understand it then take him to the priestHe would never go to a priest for spiritual advice or for anything and father will explain it to him. Keep family and friends out of this story, they do not belong into your marriage as much as this nut-case does.

Ok, you gave something to think about. Thank You.