Am I paranoid about the guns in my sister's house?

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TigerKitty

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So I don’t know how to really talk to her about this, and I’m just wondering if I’m being too paranoid about it. I’ve been getting more ansy about this since the news stories in the last few months.

I’m very much pro-gun ownership, make that pro-RESPONSIBLE-gun ownership. My sister’s house is a mess (think a mild case of hoarding) - the 2 car garage is full of junk - no cars in the garage, and just a tiny path to walk through…the rooms upstairs are full of junk - just tiny paths to walk through, and her 4 year old daughter is still sleeping in toddler bed because there’s no way to get a twin bed into the room (too much junk). There’s junk on the front porch, and back porch, and all over the back yard. Point being that it seems to me like nothing is in its proper place.

Her husband is a hunter and gun enthusiast, and while I’d like to believe that he’s got all his guns under lock and key, I seriously doubt it. I know he has a really nice gun safe, but I have no idea where it is in the house, or even if it’s not blocked from use by all the clutter. They have a 9 yr old son who has severe temper tantrums, and I’m getting really worried about being in that house with my little girl. My sister gets mad at me rather easily and has hung up the phone on me more times than I can count - so I’m afraid to even ask if her husband has all his guns locked up.

Am I being overly paranoid about this? I’m constantly terrified when I’m at that house anymore, and I try to limit my visits ONLY to birthdays/Christmas/Easter. What should I do? How could I tactfully breach the subject?
 
It sounds like there are enough reasons other than the guns to not let your kids over there…
 
I think its time to quietly tell your sister that you are no longer comfortable in her home. Tell her she is welcome to celebrate family holidays at your place.

If you are really afraid of her temper, do it on the phone. I’d say it gently and close the conversation. If she demands on knowing why, tell her its for a variety of reasons - that would be the truth, right? Clutter, dirt, people with tempers, piles of stuff ready to fall down on someone, probably pests, unsanitary, and a gun collection that may be unlocked. I’m sure she knows exactly why someone would be uncomfortable in her home so no need to drive the point home and make it worse.

This house does not sound safe with or without guns, period.

And no, you are not paranoid. I’m not a fastidious housekeeper and my husband has hoarding tendencies we have to continually work through as a result. But when it comes to tiny paths, it is no longer the beginning of a hoarding issue. Trust me – tiny paths means hoarding and it is dangerous.

Hoarding is a mental illness and that will fuel tempers. Touch a hoarders emotional “buttons” and there will be a flare-up. You don’t want your children exposed to that, believe me.
 
sojo said:
I think its time to quietly tell your sister that you are no longer comfortable in her home. Tell her she is welcome to celebrate family holidays at your place.

If you are really afraid of her temper, do it on the phone. I’d say it gently and close the conversation. If she demands on knowing why, tell her its for a variety of reasons - that would be the truth, right? Clutter, dirt, people with tempers, piles of stuff ready to fall down on someone, probably pests, unsanitary, and a gun collection that may be unlocked. I’m sure she knows exactly why someone would be uncomfortable in her home so no need to drive the point home and make it worse.

This house does not sound safe with or without guns, period.

And no, you are not paranoid. I’m not a fastidious housekeeper and my husband has hoarding tendencies we have to continually work through as a result. **But when it comes to tiny paths, it is no longer the beginning of a hoarding issue. Trust me – tiny paths means hoarding and it is dangerous. **

Hoarding is a mental illness and that will fuel tempers. Touch a hoarder’s emotional “buttons” and there will be a flare-up. You don’t want your children exposed to that, believe me.
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This. Pretty much all of this. Gun safety is critical, and hoarders are not known for being safe in any case. Do not go there any more.
 
I know a lot of people are going to hate this suggestion, but you may want to think seriously about Child Protective Services soon. .

For your sister’s kids’ sake, you should continue to visit periodically without your child to make sure that her kids are OK. If there should ever come a point where she no longer allows you into her home, it’s probably time to make the phone call. It may be time already.

You’ve probably seen the hoarder TV shows. It’s a terrible life for a child to grow up in an indoor landfill.
 
Xantippe said:
I know a lot of people are going to hate this suggestion, but you may want to think seriously about Child Protective Services soon. .

For your sister’s kids’ sake, you should continue to visit periodically without your child to make sure that her kids are OK. If there should ever come a point where she no longer allows you into her home, it’s probably time to make the phone call. It may be time already.

You’ve probably seen the hoarder TV shows. It’s a terrible life for a child to grow up in an indoor landfill.
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I agree with this. If things are that bad that the children’s safety is an issue, this should be reported to CPS. It can be done anonymously. I know it is hard to do, as we have actually done it, but the alternative may be unthinkable.
 
What does your sister think about the clutter in the house?
Is she aware of news stories of children who have been hurt by playing with guns?
You want to ensure yours and her childrens safety but you want to make sure you don’t come from a place of fear or aggression or she might get defensive/mad and it’s counterproductive.
 
I would definitely bring it up in a phone call, tell her you were thinking about it and wanted to know if they lock up all their guns always. You can even mention that your daughter can be curious (as all little kids are) and so you want to know if they are locked up. If she won’t answer you directly, or dismisses it because your daughter is little, you can also bring up your concern for your nephew, because you know boys his age can be curious as well.

I do not think you are paranoid, I think you are being very reasonable, and think it would be a loving thing for you to bring it up to your sister even if it makes you uncomfortable to do so.

About the hoarding… I would look up resources on how to help people with this. With all the shows and publicity about it I would think there should be resources you may be able to find by googling the topic.
 
Thanks for the suggestions. I don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea. My sister’s house is not dirty or unsanitary - it’s just that she has so much junk and clutter - toys, clothes, etc. It’s just a ton of “junk”. She knows this and I know she feels bad about it, but she still buys way to much stuff. I just feel so bad for her, but she’s always been this way, even growing up.

Any rate - her and her husband are both highly educated, post-graduate degrees, both work with children on a daily basis, and both love their children very much. But they do not attend church - there’s a huge back story there - unfortunately, one of them (and I won’t say who) is a LSW and does home visits in cases like this. They should know better! I feel sorry for the kids, I really, really do, and I’ve already drawn up a will that if anything happens to me and my husband, my little girl would go to my husband’s brother and his wife - because they are both practicing Catholics and have a decent (uncluttered, non-materialistic) home environment.

My sister lives distant to me and so the distance helps me to limit my visits. She does not come to visit me except for once a year on my little girl’s birthday. Since she lives close to the rest of the family, she feels under no obligation to visit me and my family (since WE are the ones who moved away), and yet I am “summoned” to appear at home for every event…and guilted when I don’t - but that’s a whole other topic.

I know I need to talk with her about many different things, but the topic of safety in the house (and yard) is HUGE. I’m TERRIFIED for her kids, and when I’m there, I don’t let my daughter out of my sight for a second. I sense this hovering over my daughter is a bit “off-putting” to my sister, but I just cannot relax for a moment when I’m there.
 
What’s he husbands view on the gun safety issue and also on the clutter?
Have you tried talking to him about it?
 
TigerKitty said:
Thanks for the suggestions. I don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea. My sister’s house is not dirty or unsanitary - it’s just that she has so much junk and clutter - toys, clothes, etc. It’s just a ton of “junk”. She knows this and I know she feels bad about it, but she still buys way to much stuff. I just feel so bad for her, but she’s always been this way, even growing up.

Any rate - her and her husband are both highly educated, post-graduate degrees, both work with children on a daily basis, and both love their children very much. But they do not attend church - there’s a huge back story there - unfortunately, one of them (and I won’t say who) is a LSW and does home visits in cases like this. They should know better! I feel sorry for the kids, I really, really do, and I’ve already drawn up a will that if anything happens to me and my husband, my little girl would go to my husband’s brother and his wife - because they are both practicing Catholics and have a decent (uncluttered, non-materialistic) home environment.

My sister lives distant to me and so the distance helps me to limit my visits. She does not come to visit me except for once a year on my little girl’s birthday. Since she lives close to the rest of the family, she feels under no obligation to visit me and my family (since WE are the ones who moved away), and yet I am “summoned” to appear at home for every event…and guilted when I don’t - but that’s a whole other topic.

I know I need to talk with her about many different things, but the topic of safety in the house (and yard) is HUGE. I’m TERRIFIED for her kids, and when I’m there, I don’t let my daughter out of my sight for a second. I sense this hovering over my daughter is a bit “off-putting” to my sister, but I just cannot relax for a moment when I’m there.
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Still, you know that accumulating junk like this is hoarding, even if you say the house is clean (which I doubt). It doesn’t matter what advanced degrees she and her husband have - it’s mental illness. It’s not normal to keep accumulating “stuff,” to the extent one may not even know what one has, or why one has it, to the point where “tiny paths” are made to get through the accumulation. I’m glad you don’t live close by, but do keep an eye on your sister’s situation because it seems that hoarding is a one-way progression.
 
I’ve heard that hoarding is actually common in the helping professions. Nurses seem very prominent, for instance.

I also doubt the cleanliness of the house. I’m a messy person (not a hoarder) and if it’s not tidy, it’s very difficult to clean.
 
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If this was one of my Sisters I would be picking up Holy Rosary Cards, Brown and Green Scapulas, Our Lady’s Miraculous Medals, a few Crucifixes and place them in your Nephew and Neice’s bedrooms and in the main living areas of their home (now)! If your Sister rejects these Holy Images; do not visit until she contacts you and relents.

I banned guns in the house and all were locked up (safely and legally). They were required within the work done by my Children’s Father not for sporting entertainment or hunting down innocent creatures.

I would be praying The Holy Rosary twice daily ‘for your relationship with your Sister and for her to open up her Heart and Soul to God with Jesus’ Love and Wisdom flowing through her for Holy Most Loving Discernment throughout her Life and that of her Family now and for Eternity’.
 
I would never call CPS. Period.

I certainly wouldn’t address the guns unless I knew they were unsecured, and then only with the people involved. If the man with the firearms has a safe, he’s probably using it (They are expensive, it would be foolish to buy one and not use it).

Each day more and more of our rights and freedoms are being eroded, in some states, just the accusation of having unsecured firearms may be enough to get this fellow barred from ever obtaining a firearms license. For me, an emergency call it’s just that – for an emergency (yes, a cluttered house is annoying, but probably not an emergency).
 
It’s probably fine. It makes no sense to spend hundreds, possibly thousands, on a safe and not use it. Call and ask if you’re really worried about it.
 
Bill_Martin said:
It’s probably fine. It makes no sense to spend hundreds, possibly thousands, on a safe and not use it. Call and ask if you’re really worried about it.
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Hoarding does not make sense in any way. People will buy things and never use them, leave all the tags on, and pile them in rooms on top of each other until they lose track of them. You are thinking like most of us, like normal people. If the wife and/or the husband are hoarders, they certainly could buy an expensive item and never use it. They could lose the guns inside the house, too.
 
TheRealJuliane said:
Hoarding does not make sense in any way. People will buy things and never use them, leave all the tags on, and pile them in rooms on top of each other until they lose track of them. You are thinking like most of us, like normal people. If the wife and/or the husband are hoarders, they certainly could buy an expensive item and never use it. They could lose the guns inside the house, too.
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I agree, but it sounds like it’s the wife who’s doing the hoarding, not the husband.
 
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