Am I possessed? Or under attack from the devil?

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Hi. I posted something about this before, but I have OCD and would like to be reassured.

I spent several months trying to prove God’s existence, and after that, I became involved in doctrinal pursuits. This also meant I was opened to the world of Fundamentalist Christianity, namely Jesus-is-savior.com and CAnswersTV. One of my best friends is an evangelical and he would ask me: where is purgatory in the bible? Etc. I spoke with him about Marian apparitions and saintly miracles, and he said an honest truth: if its not God it’s probably the devil.
I started to wonder about devilish tricks and I wondered if satan was behind everything ad that Jesus was a trick, and I panicked, becAuse carm said that to do such a thing was blasphemy of the Holy Spirit, unforgivable. I get compulsions to call satan lord and pray to him, in the sense that God would not say yes to me and the devil would. Te more I tried beating this via prayers I learned in Catholicism, I wanted to check with bible Christians to see if it was okay, and I always felt like I was wrong.
Now I was also struggling with my sexuality, while I deep down inside still had feelings for girls, and I had OCD in the sense I was trying to manipulate myself into thinking I was gay, and felt gay. Despite my feelings I never felt any urge to have sex or pleasure myself. But I despaired so much and said you know what? Take it, satan! Give me my heterosexuality back. And what’d ya know? It returned.
But I later wanted to repent. I had no idea where to run. I felt with conviction in my heart in high school that the Catholic Church was the church, ad I sought to prove it right. But Dave Hunt and company caused me to think I was wrong. Despite listening to lectures by Steve Ray, Scott Hahn, jimmy Akin, and Tim Staples, further proving Catholicism, instill felt like I was in a satanic system.
I keep manipulating myself into thinking I’m praying to satan. I’m saying the creed? I’m saying it to satan. Our father? I’m praying with satan! I keep seeing the devil when I pray to God or Jesus.

I watch the miniseries Jesus of Nazareth, when our Lord exorcises a boy in the temple, and when he bellows SATAAAAAN!!! I got excited. I also looked up satanic rituals online and I got a turn on from it, like my heart got excited and was drawn towards it. Also, last winter, when this began, I’d wake up from dreams when I developed erections from religious or satanic symbols.

What do I do? My priest told me to live an active Christian lifestyle by feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, etc. my compulsions still exist and I worry that when I flirt with a girl I am damning myself.
 
Are you getting any professional help for your OCD?

If not, I would suggest you explore doing so.

Sarah x 🙂
 
Yes, I’m medicated. I plan on returning to school after taking a medical leave of absence.
 
JDGaney said:
Yes, I’m medicated. I plan on returning to school after taking a medical leave of absence.
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You’re a teenage boy?

It sounds to me like your OCD is the issue here, not any perceived spiritual warfare that you’re caught up in.

I like the advice of your priest, to keep busy and do practical things like helping out the poor, the hungry and the needy.

But I would focus most of all on getting mentally well.

I hope things work out for you and you’re feeling well again soon.

Sarah x 🙂
 
Have you a regular priest or confessor whom you really talk about things too? This will help you learn to determine what is not etc. Being good can get very confusing sometimes. And sometimes, no matter how hard we try, we get things wrong. We will never be perfect. Whilst that isn’t an excuse to deliberately sin. It does allow us to breath a little. God loves us for who we are and He wants you to love him. Thats all. But we get caught up in being human and God knows that. I think if you had a regular confessor whom you really talked about issues with, in time, you will learn to work out what is being caused by the OCD and what is actually real. The OCD is distressing and you need to be able to share those times with someone who you can feel you trust. Keep busy. That is what I have to do though I don’t have OCD, but leave me alone with my thoughts for 5 minutes and I soon go down hill very quickly and things build up.
Hope you feel reassured that you most certainly aren’t possessed because you are able to share here and if you are possessed you’d be gripped by some kind of silence stopping you from sharing. Please trust your priest and really talk to them:thumbsup:
 
You ask questions like these all the time it seems. You do not have an understanding of what the unforgivable sin is. Ask your priest. As for the rest, it is your OCD, not possession. Medication is not enough, you need therapy as well, from a professional preferably one that specializes in OCD. This is not the place to discuss these things and it wont get you that far. You need to talk with a therapist of some sort on a regular basis.
 
No you’re not possessed. You definitely suffer from ocd because this exact same thing happens to me because I suffer from ocd too. Thoughts enter my head telling me to call Satan lord ( even though in realty i NEVER would) and many other things you described happen. It’s not your fault it’s just ocd. Id highly recommend taking a safe herbal medicine called inositol. It’s just a pill and they sell it at gmc. It works very well. It stops you from having those intrusive annoying thoughts too
 
I would exhort posters to practice patience with those that have OCD. It is indeed a crippling disorder.

My Daughter suffered terribley from it.

However she went to a Stubenville San Diego for college conference and attended the Adoration room along with many others. (Special graces at special places - like Lourdes, I reckon.) She received what I guess I could best describe as the ‘the gift of tears’ (along with many others there) and has since been 98% OCD free. Thank the good Lord for that.

My heart goes out to those that suffer from this malady.
 
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