Am I praying wrong?

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My wife is being mean to me. No matter how many nine day novenas, nine hour novenas, rosaries etc. She is still being mean to me. Blessed salt and holy water have also been used and I of course have been impecable walking on my tightrope.

The devil must be having a great time at my expense.
 
Your wife is being mean to you. Here are some considerations, not for you to reply publically.
  1. Are you being overly sensitive? I knew a husband who would think his wife was disrespectful if she agreed with him, like if he said, the weather’s getting cold, and she said, Yes, and it looks like it might rain. Consider whether she is being objectively mean, or if you are just taking what she says in the wrong way. (Not saying that you are…)
  2. Does she have a reason for being angry with you? Or does she think she has a reason to be angry with you? (Examples of the first: you sit around and drink beer while she does all the work inside and outside of the house; of the second: when you two married, you were in the Navy and had to leave for long periods of time, and you leave for long periods of time.)
  3. Is she menopausal or have any other physical situation which might cause problems?
  4. Was she mean to others when you met?
  5. What does she complain about wrt you? (you’re retired and she says you are always underfoot; you work and she says you don’t pay enough attention to her; etc.)
  6. Do you know about the 5 love languages: talk, touch, gifts, service, and affirmation (http://www.5lovelanguages.com). She may feel unloved because you don’t show your love for her in a way that she “sees” it.
There are a lot of other ways to look at this, but if this is a big long-standing problem, marital counseling or at least counseling for you might be necessary. It may be that she is simply like that, in which case it might be good for you to develop friendships or activities of your own. What does your priest say about this? (again, for your consideration!)
 
Any prayers that we pray are used by God. Suppose I am praying for someone in Purgatory but they are already in Heaven? God will use those prayers for some other Poor Soul. God is very efficient 🙂
 
I thought I had faith. I don’t even know what it is anymore. I feel like giving up but don’t want to be without God. Darkness has enveloped me and I don’t see an end to this misery.
 
Nelka your unhappiness is so deep and pervasive that you need help as well as prayer. I seldom suggest counseling, but you really do need professional guidance I think.
Would you consider checking whether or not your parish or diocese has counseling services?
If not, other avenues, but you really need some intervention, I think.
Ideally both you and your wife, but certainly you.
Caring wishes and prayers.
 
You mention Augustine in your opening post, so perhaps this passage in book 5, Ch. 8 of St. Augustine’s Confessions, may be of help to you. In it, Augustine tells of the time he left for Rome. His mother begged him not to go and prayed constantly, but Augustine deceived her and left anyways:
"She would not return home without me, but I managed with some difficulty to persuade her to spend the night in a place near the ship where there was an oratory in memory of St. Cyprian. That night I stole away without her: she remained praying and weeping. And what was she praying for, O my God, with all those tears but that you should not allow me to sail! But You saw deeper and granted the essential of her prayer: You did not do what she was at that moment asking, that You might do the thing she was always asking.

The wind blew and filled our sails and the shore dropped from our sight. And the next morning she was frantic with grief and filled Your ears with her moaning and complaints because you seemed to treat her tears so lightly, when in fact You were using my own desires to snatch me away for the healing of those desires, and were justly punishing her own too earthly affection for me with the scourge of grief. For she loved to have me with her, as is the way of mothers, but far more than most mothers; and she did not realise what joys you would bring her from my going away. She did not realise it, and so she wept and lamented, and by the torments she suffered showed the heritage of Eve in her, seeking with sorrow what in sorrow she had brought forth. But when she had poured out all her accusation at my cruel deception, she turned once more to prayer to You for me. She went home and I to Rome."
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Throughout her life, St. Monica prayed endlessly for God to bring her son, St. Augustine, to the Catholic faith. When her son was leaving for Rome, she wept and prayed to God not to let him leave, but it appeared that God ignored her prayers, as Augustine sailed for Rome anyways.

However, Augustine reveals that he now sees that, while God did not grant her what she was asking in the moment, He did so only to allow a greater good to come of it; to better bring about what Monica had prayed for for Augustine’s entire life.

After sailing to Rome, Augustine eventually caught the eye of a Roman official who recommended him for the position of public orator for the city of Milan. In Milan, a combination of his studies, his mother’s devotion, the urging of his friend Simplicianus, and the influence of Bishop Ambrose led Augustine to embrace Catholicism. After his conversion, St. Augustine went on to become a priest, the Bishop of Hippo, one of the most important Church Fathers, and a saint that has been an inspiration to Christianity for centuries.

So, while it may sometimes seem that God is ignoring our prayers or that they aren’t working in the moment, always remember that He does so only to bring about a greater good and a greater manifestation of His will in our lives and the lives of others.
 
There are many sufferings people endure in this life, and to what purpose? Why might someone be crippled from birth and forced to suffer?
John 9:1-3
1 As he passed by, he saw a man blind from his birth.
2 And his disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?”
3 Jesus answered, "It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be made manifest in him.
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It is through our suffering and the suffering of others that we can both encounter Christ in the world, and represent Christ to the rest of the world. When we see an injustice taking place, we can be moved to action. When we see suffering, we can be moved to compassion. When we see grief and loss, we can be moved to prayer and consolation.

As someone posted earlier, Fr. Mike Schmitz explains a great way to offer our lives as a sacrifice and to remain constantly open to learning and cooperating with His will. It’s important to remember that God cannot act against His will, so our prayers must be directed at uniting our desires with His will, and for the grace to accept His will when it seems to counter our own desires.

We cannot always clearly see or understand our suffering and unanswered prayers in this life. It can make us feel like we are praying wrong, or that we have been abandoned. We must persevere through these times of “dark nights of the senses” and “dark nights of the soul” where consolation is distant or seems non existent and hope appears to be lost.

When we do, His grace will flood in like a rising tide, lift us up, and draw us to Him.
 
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