Am I really married?

[Just_Lurking]

I live in the real world and I do the best I can practicing real Catholicism, thanks. But, may I suggest that, if you are a Catholic, you refer to an actual Catholic guide yourself, the Catechism of the Catholic Church, instead of the book you suggested?

I’m not Catholic, but I’m married to one. I was just trying to provide a reference to what actual Catholic priests in the real world think and do, since you professed ignorance of that in post #17.

 

[SwizzleStick]

I’m not Catholic, but I’m married to one. I was just trying to provide a reference to what actual Catholic priests in the real world think and do, since you professed ignorance of that in post #17.

I did indicate that I had no way of knowing what the majority of Catholic priests think. In truth, neither do you. However, as a Catholic, I would hope the majority of Catholic priests are good and holy men who do adhere to the actual teachings of the Catholic Church.

 

[Just_Lurking]

I’m curious why you even mentioned an annulment? Perhaps I misunderstand, but I think the OP just wants to know if the Catholic Church recognizes his/her civil marriage. An annulment is a formal declaration by the Church after investigation that a marriage never occurred. It doesn’t appear that that is what the OP wants.

My mistake. I was thinking of situations where it would take a while to get the marriage convalidated, which would make abstaining from relations prohibitively difficult. If the marriage can be convalidated right away, it isn’t really much of an issue.

 

[Just_Lurking]

I did indicate that I had no way of knowing what the majority of Catholic priests think. In truth, neither do you. However, as a Catholic, I would hope the majority of Catholic priests are good and holy men who do adhere to the actual teachings of the Catholic Church.

As an academic, I not only hope but reasonably expect that the people who study what actual Catholic priests do and say are competent in their survey techniques.

 

[SwizzleStick]

My mistake. I was thinking of situations where it would take a while to get the marriage convalidated, which would make abstaining from relations prohibitively difficult. If the marriage can be convalidated right away, it isn’t really much of an issue.

I understand. No worries.

By the way, from what I have been able to determine not having read either, both “Catholicism for Dummies” and the “Complete Idiot’s Guide to the Catholic Catechism” have imprimaturs. They may be good reference tools for you if you are interested in such since you are married to a Catholic but may not want to tackle the actual Catechism. With that being said, I still recommend the Catechism of the Catholic Church as the best reference.

 

[SwizzleStick]

As an academic, I not only hope but reasonably expect that the people who study what actual Catholic priests do and say are competent in their survey techniques.

I can only say what my personal experience has been. I come from a very large, very Catholic family and have always lived in a Catholic community. Throughout my life, the priests at my parishes and my Catholic relatives’ parishes have adhered to the teachings of the Church in regard to many, many, many weddings. Beyond that, I have only hope and belief that being a Catholic priest means that one adheres to the teachings of the Catholic Church.

 

[kage_ar]

If you want to find out more about how Catholicism is actually practiced in the real world, I recommend that you read the Complete Idiot’s Guide to Understanding Catholicism. It is very informative in this regard.

Sadly, this book is known to present what is called “Cafeteria Catholicism”. It is not true to the teaching of the Church. This book should be thrown in the shredder, not read!

A book that does teach the full truth is “Catholicism for Dummies”.

 

[Just_Lurking]

Sadly, this book is known to present what is called “Cafeteria Catholicism”. It is not true to the teaching of the Church. This book should be thrown in the shredder, not read!

The Complete Idiots Guide presents both the official Catholic Church teaching and also what real world Catholics do. These aren’t always the same thing, as the OP has found out by talking to two different priests.

 

[Dorothy]

If you want to find out more about how Catholicism is actually practiced in the real world, I recommend that you read the Complete Idiot’s Guide to Understanding Catholicism. It is very informative in this regard.

For your information…“Catholicism for Dummies” is the authentic book about Catholic matters. The book you mention is well-known for not presenting Catholic truth. Sad that there are such things…but it is true. Just as the priests who don’t fully inform those who come to them for guidance.

 

[kage_ar]

The Complete Idiots Guide presents both the official Catholic Church teaching and also what real world Catholics do. These aren’t always the same thing, as the OP has found out by talking to two different priests.

There are people who claim the name Catholic who reject the teachings of the Church. That does not mean we look to them in order to learn the real teachings.

Let’s say I have an accounting teacher who teaches me that I do not have to balance in a ledger. They teach me that any error of 10% or less is a-okay.

I go to get a job as a bookeeper in the “real world”, after a few days of unbalanced books, my boss is going to discipline me.

I go into her office and my defense is “but my accounting teacher, Mrs. Blowfish, told me that errors of 10% or below don’t count.”

A good boss will show me the error of what I have been taught and teach me the correct way to do my journal entries. Should I persist in my error, the boss will have no choice but to fire me.

Learning error from one or a dozen bad teachers does not negate Truth.

In MY real world, Priests follow Holy Mother Church and teach the fullness of Truth. We, the sheep, do our best every day to learn more, to pray better and to grow in holiness. A few disobedient sheep will either be corrected and begin to follow or end up culled from the flock.

 

[puzzleannie]

Does the church recognize my marriage?

Me: Baptized in a Catholic church as a baby. Went to Catholic school until the 3rd grade where I made my first holy communion. Went to an alternative Catholic high school for 2 years.

Spouse: Wasn’t baptized and was an atheist at the time of marriage.

We got married by a justice of the peace.

probably not, but you need to see your priest to discuss your own situation, answers here are general, not specific.

You are a baptized Catholic so you are bound by Catholic canon law on marriage. So your marriage is invalid due to lack of form (not witnessed by a priest, no dispensation to marry a non-Catholic). Assuming you were both otherwise free to marry (nor previous bond or any circumstance that would make consent impossible) this is easily remedied by convalidation. After appropriate preparation (including dispensation) and pastoral counselling the priest validates your marriage and you are now married with proper form. A priest will not convalidate a marriage that is troubled or is breaking down.

 

[SwizzleStick]

…By the way, from what I have been able to determine not having read either, both “Catholicism for Dummies” and the “Complete Idiot’s Guide to the Catholic Catechism” have imprimaturs. They may be good reference tools for you if you are interested in such since you are married to a Catholic but may not want to tackle the actual Catechism. With that being said, I still recommend the Catechism of the Catholic Church as the best reference.

Just to clarify and make sure it is understood, the book “The Complete Idiot’s Guide to the Catholic Catechism” is an entirely different book than “The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Understanding Catholicism.” The first is a good reference for anyone wanting to learn about Catholicism and the teachings of the Church. The second is not a good reference.

 

[EasterJoy]

The OP is “really married” in the sense that the Catholic Church will not make an investigation of nullity for a marriage that has not been dissolved in the eyes of civil authorities, whether that dissolution takes place via civil annulment or civil divorce. In other words, as far as the Church is concerned the OP is not free to marry (anyone other than the person they’ve contracted a civil marriage with) because the OP is in an existing marital contract that is recognized by civil authorities. That’s a sort of “real,” I suppose.

The OP, being Catholic, is required to follow Church laws with regards to marriage. Therefore, the putative marriage is in need of convalidation to meet the objective standards of validity. In that sense, the process of becoming “really married” isn’t finished for this couple yet, let’s say that. The OP needs to see his/her pastor to see what it will take to accomplish that. In that sense, the couple is not really married yet, no.

Therefore, with regards to marriage, the OP is in a sort of a limbo between that is neither free to marry anyone else that is free to marry in the Catholic Church nor validly married in the objective sense. The OP has started the process required to get married, has given up the freedom to marry anyone else in the course of that process, but has gotten the cart before the horse and done things in the wrong order.

 

[puzzleannie]

The
Therefore, with regards to marriage, the OP is in a sort of a limbo between that is neither free to marry anyone else that is free to marry in the Catholic Church nor validly married in the objective sense. The OP has started the process required to get married, has given up the freedom to marry anyone else in the course of that process, but has gotten the cart before the horse and done things in the wrong order.

OP has not stated she is divorced or contemplating divorce so these comments are not relevant

 

[Peanutty]

I am disappointed that the 2 priests from 2 different churches that my husband talked to didn’t tell him the whole story. Anyhow we will be taking care of this matter. Can anyone recommend books on marriage to me? I’m not too picky as long as they are faithful Catholic books. It seems now that I am back in the Church I have a lot of catching up to do. Thanks for everyone’s advice. We honestly didn’t know how serious our situation is.

 

[kage_ar]

I am disappointed that the 2 priests from 2 different churches that my husband talked to didn’t tell him the whole story. Anyhow we will be taking care of this matter. Can anyone recommend books on marriage to me? I’m not too picky as long as they are faithful Catholic books. It seems now that I am back in the Church I have a lot of catching up to do. Thanks for everyone’s advice. We honestly didn’t know how serious our situation is.

Ed Peter’s book on Annulments - Amazon will have it.

Also, if you to up to the “shop” tab at the top of this page and type in “annulment” you will find Jimmy Akin’s book.

 

[EasterJoy]

OP has not stated she is divorced or contemplating divorce so these comments are not relevant

My point is that the Church does not consider civil marriage utterly irrelevant. Under normal conditions, it is a necessary part of contracting a valid marriage. Therefore, we wouldn’t say that the OP and her husband will be “getting married” when they make their civil marriage valid in the eyes of the Church, but rather that their civil marriage will be convalidated.

 

[Phemie]

My point is that the Church does not consider civil marriage utterly irrelevant. Under normal conditions, it is a necessary part of contracting a valid marriage. Therefore, we wouldn’t say that the OP and her husband will be “getting married” when they make their civil marriage valid in the eyes of the Church, but rather that their civil marriage will be convalidated.

But that is precisely what they would be doing, getting married. The church does not consider them married until they exchange vows again. Their valid marriage begins at that point.

 

[Peanutty]

My point is that the Church does not consider civil marriage utterly irrelevant. Under normal conditions, it is a necessary part of contracting a valid marriage. Therefore, we wouldn’t say that the OP and her husband will be “getting married” when they make their civil marriage valid in the eyes of the Church, but rather that their civil marriage will be convalidated.

That’s how we understood it from the advice that 2 priests gave us.

Does anyone know of any references to the no sex thing until we have out marriage convalidated? My husband refuses to believe this. In part because the 2 very good and traditional priests didn’t mention it and in part because we cannot find literature that supports this for people in out situation.

 

[agapewolf]

That’s how we understood it from the advice that 2 priests gave us.

Does anyone know of any references to the no sex thing until we have out marriage convalidated? My husband refuses to believe this. In part because the 2 very good and traditional priests didn’t mention it and in part because we cannot find literature that supports this for people in out situation.

In the bible. Fornication is wrong.